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View Full Version : Inspired by "Birthing Experince Thread", please advice!(rather long)



aliceinwonderland
10-26-2003, 08:02 AM
Thanks ladies, ALL of you for the posts in that thread. As a new mom to be, they were very valuable to me. I even had my DH read it, paying special attention to heva's, rachel's, and other "as little intervention as possible" posts. Now, I am due in April 2004, and if you don't mind, here are some questions:
1. I've always had it in the back of my mind that I want to at least try and go natural, or at least postpone the meds for as long as possible (Assuming everything is going well, of course). But, my DH tells me (and it's true) that my pain endurance is tiny, and I will just disappoint myself. How would you respond to that? I mean, yes, I'm a wuss!
2. I really don't want a midwife. I LOVE and respect my ob-gyn, and he will most likely agree with my birthplan, which will esentially be the quote above (as little intervention as long as baby is healthy and doing well). If it makes a difference, I'll be giving birth at Brigham and Womens hospital in Boston.
3. My only concern with laboring and delivering without pain medication, is that I will be too exhausted to enjoy my fistborn afterwads...You know what I mean, I'll be too tired...
4. My DH and sister will be in the room, and they are the people I love most and who know me best than anyone in the world. (My sister lives with us). Anything I need to prepare them for? If there were one book I had to read regarding this, what would it be according to you?
4. Just for some background, I really do not practice yoga (but will take a prenatal yoga class as soon as I look a little pregnant, lol. I'm a somewhat active person, I walk everywhere, but I definately do not go to the gym every single day.
Sorry this is so long, I am excited and nervous about this new decision!! Any input is very welcome.
Thanks again!!

newbelly2002
10-26-2003, 08:47 AM
In our childbirth classes the instructor did a great exercise where we were each (the partner/DH/Doula) to numerically rate from 1-10 where we stood on the pain/drugs question. #1 was "I'm pregnant! Give me drugs" and 10 was "No drugs at no cost." The numbers in-between were really helpful (and all accompanied by similar over-the-top but funny verbal explanations). By rating myself, I was forced to visualize the "greys." It was also really interesting to see where DH stood. The great thing about it was that we were able to talk in depth about where each of us stood before the "heat of the moment" (and oh what a moment it was!). It also helped us in the delivery room to have something concrete to reference.

I wanted to go completely natural. My mom was one of the first women (she also delivered at Brigham and Women's before it was B&W!) to deliver naturally. Unfortunately, my little guy was sunny-side-up and the contractions started at 3 minutes apart and came hard. After 7 hours with no relief, I was a wreck. I was given a mild narcotic and managed to last a total of 18 hours, of regular doses, with it. I was clear with the nurses (one of whom was also an LC) about my wishes. Everyone supported me fanstastically, and all other avenues were both suggested and explored before medication was even discussed. Needless to say, I really have almost no regrets abut the entire experience.

As to your concern about being too tired, adrenaline is a wonderful thing. The rush that you will feel will supercede your fatigue.If your body is tired, you will be exhausted with or without drugs.

My biggest piece of advice is to be honest with yourself about what you think you can and--most importantly--WANT to handle. And leave yourself some "wiggle room" so that you do not beat yourself up if things don't go the way you initially planned. Motherhood is filled with enough guilt, you don't need to give yourself more on the very first day!

Good luck in the coming months!
Paula
Mama to Dante, 8/1/02

Rachels
10-26-2003, 11:14 AM
I'm in Boston, and wrote my dissertation about childbirth. In that process, I got VERY familiar with the various hospitals and birthing centers, as well as with upwards of 500 national and international studies about childbirth and childbirth practices. (It greatly affected the way I chose to have my baby.) The Brigham has one of the highest intervention rates around. Almost nobody gives birth there without an epidural and an episiotomy. I'm not trying to scare you, but you should know this ahead of time so that you can beef up your supports. The nurses who attend you and most of the doctors (perhaps including any who may be in instead of your primary OB when you go into labor)will all be used to thinking of medication and surgery as routine and usual. If you don't want that-- and I absolutely don't think you have to have it-- you WILL need someone with you who can help be your advocate. A doula is rather essential if you want to have a natural birth in a place that just isn't used to seeing them. There are wonderful doulas in Boston. If you need some recommendations (or just have any other questions about the Boston birthing scene, feel free to PM me! I'd love to support you in having a natural birth if that's what you want.

As for being too tired after labor, I can share my personal experience. I had a natural birth with my daughter, despite 37 hours of pretty hideous back labor. I WAS exhausted, but so was she. We were very well-matched in terms of needing some sleep after the birth, so we cuddled up together and took a nap. Six hours later, I took her home, and we all did just fine. Since I hadn't had any interventions, there was nothing to heal from and no trauma to either of our systems. We slept in our own bed (where no one would interrupt us),and I was up and showered and doing fine the next day. My doula said that mine was one of the toughest labors she had ever seen, and it definitely didn't impair my ability to care for my new baby. I WOULD have been impaired if I had had a lot of interventions or a surgical birth, though.

Since you're going to have some loved ones with you for the birth, ask them to read Birth Partner: Everything You Need to Know to Help a Woman Through Childbirth. It's very practical and concrete and accurate. Also, take a look at Mothering the Mother: How a Doula Can Help You Have a Shorter, Easier Childbirth.

Again, email or PM me if I can answer any questions or be of any support to you!

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

stillplayswithbarbies
10-26-2003, 11:45 AM
1. I am also the biggest pain wuss on earth. But childbirth pain is different. When it is allowed to progress naturally, the body ramps up the endorphins, which is what helps your body to deal with the pain. This is different for each woman, of course. But you can tell your husband that other "pain wusses" have gone through this without drugs. :) Having a baby is not the same kind of pain as a sore throat (which makes me whimper a lot and want to be pampered) or a stubbed toe (which makes me cry). As a pain wuss, I was willing to put up with the pain during labor in order to avoid more pain afterwards. With my first baby, the pain of recovering from the episiotomy was far far worse than anything I experienced during labor, so I knew I did not want an episiotomy the second time. And as Rachel mentioned, I too did not have anything to "recover" from after the birth, since no interventions happened. I felt fine and ready to be up and around.

2. I have found that while ob/gyns agree with a birth plan, they and the nurses laugh about it behind the scenes. When we took our hospital tour, the nurse told us that when they see someone come in with a long birth plan, the longer it is the more likely they will have a c-section. That's sad. Make sure you have a doula and/or someone else who agrees with your plan and can advocate for you. My husband's role was going to be to say "tell me why this is medically necessary and what are the consequences of not doing it?" to anything the doctors or nurses suggested.

3. laboring gently and naturally is sometimes less tiring than laboring hard with artificial interventions. Sometimes it isn't. It is important to eat and drink during labor to keep your strength up. There are classes you can take and books you can read to teach you how to do it, particularly the Bradley Method is all about this. But either way, the birth itself causes a surge of adrenelin and endorphins that give you a burst of energy. Logan was born at 9:38PM and I was awake until 2:00 AM with my husband and other child, and the baby, just enjoying being a family. The baby was asleep.

4. The most helpful book I read was Birthing From Within. And The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth. (I can't pick just one). The first one will give you the confidence to try low intervention and to know that your body is designed to do this. It is also helpful to your husband, it is expected that you will read the book together. If you are not taking Bradley classes, read a book about the Bradley Method. If you are taking Lamaze class, you will have to unlearn some of what you have been taught there.

5. I continued working out throughout my pregnancy, and I am certain that helped contribute to my easy birth. I would think the prenatal yoga would help too, but don't wait until you look pregnant. :)

...Karen
Jacob Nathaniel Feb 91
Logan Elizabeth Mar 03

heva
10-26-2003, 12:37 PM
Oh, I could talk about this forever!! Please do understand that I had a very, very negative view of childbirth before I became pregnant and made a complete 180 on the whole thing because of the people that helped me prepare for being a mommy. Especially my midwife.

Let me emphasize something: I believe the reason that we had such a positive experience was that we did our work all the way through my pregnancy, not just in the delivery room. Through exploring our fears about becoming parents and the process of delivery, DH and I talked more and delved more into our relationship than we ever had before. Our midwife challenged us every time we met with her to figure out what baggage we had. One reason that I advocate midwifery is because no MD is going to spend the time counseling you this way - they just aren't trained to do this. And the baggage is different for everyone - for me, I was afraid of the cascade of interventions and the inevitable c-section even more than the prospect of pain. But, it is pretty much impossible to have a conversation with someone about labor without pain and pain management being brought up. What if you didn't have to manage pain, but could prevent it?

Bear with me for a moment while I get a bit radical on you, but you really should check out hypnobirthing. It sounds weird, touchy-feely and almost nonsensical to imagine RELAXING in labor, but it works. The whole idea is that women, especially in underdeveloped areas of the world, have been delivering without pain meds forever, completely naive to the possibility of a need for pain relief (these are not the women you see screaming in pain on TLC, being coached to "PUSH!!!"). The main difference is that these women do not fear labor, and without fear, they do not experience pain. This was definitely my experience, as the only times I really felt pain were when I was afraid of what was going to happen next (trying to get out of the house after my water broke, when the contractions were coming closer and closer) or feeling alone (before my midwife arrived).

The most incredible things about being able to truly relax completely in labor are that 1) it shortens the time required to reach full dilation/effacement, 2) it actually conserves your energy for the second stage when the baby is delivered (as did yoga during second stage, especially), and 3) the baby is more likely to be relaxed, not stressed. Even after all the preparation we did and all the hype we heard about hypnobirthing babies being healthier/more alert (admittedly, only anecdotal data to support this), it was not until DS was born, eyes open, breathing, but not crying after experiencing no distress throughout 25 minutes of crowning that I was a believer.

I forgot to mention the one other key thing I did to prepare for birth - along the lines of surrounding myself with positive, natural childbirth thoughts - I read Ida May Gaskin's new book "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" in the week before I delivered. It was an inspiration. The first part of the book is just labor stories, and the one that personally spoke to me the most was by two obstetrics residents, who after seeing many, many bad outcomes in their training, elected to eschew their conventional training and go to the Farm to deliver surrounded by midwives. It takes a lot of effort to ignore what you've been taught and courage to boldly reject what your peers, teachers, and superiors tell you is "right." I would wholeheartedly recommend that book not only to you, but to your DH and sister.

So please, email me if you like. I'm not trying to say that this is the only way to have a child, but it was such a fantastic experience that I really want people to know that it is an option, just like an epidural is. But if you want to have a natural delivery, I suggest you face your issues head on, find practioners who are totally on board (not just willing to let you "try", but committed to supporting you through whatever comes, including complications requiring interventions), and accept that whatever happens is going to happen - at least you will be relaxed and able to receive the experience instead of working against it. While we'll never know, I believe that if it had come to c-section, I would have been at peace, because of the preparation we did. Make no mistake: we worked hard. But as crazy as it sounds, I think I worked much harder in the year leading up to deliver than I did in the 12 hours of labor. What an incredible journey! Enjoy it!!

heva
10-26-2003, 12:44 PM
>2. I have found that while ob/gyns agree with a birth plan,
>they and the nurses laugh about it behind the scenes. When
>we took our hospital tour, the nurse told us that when they
>see someone come in with a long birth plan, the longer it is
>the more likely they will have a c-section.

Hear, hear!!! I witnessed this OVER AND OVER as a med student - and it was absolutely true. I was very much against a birth plan going into labor, and immensely relieved that my midwife was, too. You can't plan anything, but you can be ready for anything if you have the support. It was incredible to have DH and my midwife at my side the whole time during my hospital labor, something I've never seen a physician do.

>5. I continued working out throughout my pregnancy, and I am
>certain that helped contribute to my easy birth. I would
>think the prenatal yoga would help too, but don't wait until
>you look pregnant. :)

Agreed -- get in that prenatal yoga class ASAP!! The more time you spend preparing, the better you'll feel.

Rachels
10-26-2003, 01:05 PM
So well said! And the relationship between anxiety and pain perception is well-documented in both medical and psychological literature. So is the relationship between anxiety and laboe progress. If you're threatened or scared, you won't labor effectively. Having support and a buffer to unwanted interventions actually speeds up your labor.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

C99
10-26-2003, 01:14 PM
I can really on comment on #3. And I will say that even if you do it WITH drugs, you'll be tired. You won't be too tired to enjoy the first after-birth moments, but you'll want to sleep as you come down from the adrenaline high.

egoldber
10-26-2003, 02:08 PM
As Rachel suggested, hire a doula! Recent studies show that women with a doula are FAR more likely to deliver without meds and have far lower C-section rates. Even when compared to those with midwives. The difference between midwife births and OB births wasn't anywhere near as striking as those with doula assisted births.

http://www.lamaze.com/pregnancy/birthchoices/articles/0,9474,166305_182693,00.html

HTH,

AngelaS
10-26-2003, 04:49 PM
I went natural with #2 and if I ever have another, I will go naturally again. It was INCREDIBLE!

I was up all night to have Gabrielle, but after having her naturally, I was on such an incredible high... :D

aliceinwonderland
10-26-2003, 06:50 PM
Thanks so much, ladies. I will take some of you on the offer of PM-ing shortly, as soon as I get my thoughts and my literature in order here.

Rachels, it's interesting what you say about B&W hospital. And yet it's a top rated hospital for ob-gyn...I think that ties in with what Heva says about the medical establishment and the traditional view of childbirth. I really do believe my Doctor will at LEAST go along with my plan, and because he seems to be very well respected at B&W(he has a history with them; he's an older guy), I hope they will respect my choices. But i can be very stubborn too, so no problems there.

Thanks again. Lots to think about.
eri

KathyO
10-26-2003, 07:11 PM
As regards your question about whether pain would leave you too tired to enjoy your baby - after having my daughter, I was more exhausted than I've ever been, but that was due to 2 nights with no sleep, not the labour itself, or the pain that went with it. DH still marvels at how quickly I snapped out of the totally-focused-on-having-a-baby mode and was chattering happily to him and my folks (who dropped by an hour later, since they live close to the hospital.) "If I hadn't seen what you'd just been through, I'd have sworn you could have just up and walked home from the hospital!" he says. So don't worry about that part.

Of course, the next morning I woke up in the hospital bed and looked at the bassinette beside me and spent a long moment wondering whether the nurses knew that they had left somebody's baby in my room, and whether I should ring them to tell them so, before it finally dawned on me - "Oh, yeah. I had a baby yesterday. That's MY baby!!!" Takes a while to seem real...

Cheers,

KathyO

egoldber
10-26-2003, 08:12 PM
Honestly, in some cases your doctor is unable to follow your plan if what is in your plan is against hospital policy. Your choice of hospital is at least as important as your choice of OB. For example, if you want intermittent fetal monitoring as opposed to continuous monitoring, it may be up to YOU to demand that. If continuous monitoring is your hospital's policy, then your OB can't really go against it.

And the sad reality is that many hospital policies and standards of care in this country are at least as much about what is easiest and best for the HOSPITAL (and exposes them to the least amount of liability) as they are about what is best for you.

I went into my first child birth experience thinking I was well educated, but I had no idea how much there was to learn that is NOT in the books!

Good luck!

Rachels
10-26-2003, 10:16 PM
It's a GREAT hospital for true obstetrics. Obstetrics is a high-risk surgical specialty. If you're high-risk and in need of those services, you're in good hands. If you're low-risk with a normal birth, their standard policies will be much more interventive than you may hope. Even if your OB is on board with your ideas, he won't be there for the bulk of your labor, and the nurses who are will rarely have seen a natural birth. You need someone with you who can really help you. I am pretty strong-willed, too, and I couldn't do a whole lot of self-advocacy in the heat of my tumultuous labor. It's worth getting VERY familiar with the literature, though. Beth is right. There's a lot that's not in the books-- or at least not in the books on the popular bookshelves. I can point you toward others if you're interested. And Henci Goer is a terrific source for summarizing the medical literature. Beth is also right that most hospital policies where childbirth is concerned are based on litigation, not science. If hospitals followed the recommendations of the medical literature and the Maternal and Child Health chapter of the World Health Organization, there would be NO continuous electronic fetal monitoring, very few episiotomies, very few induced labors, regular food and drink during labor, fewer than one in ten women being subjected to surgical birth, very little pitocin use, very few epidurals, nobody lying on their backs to push, none of that hold-your-breath-and-push-to-the-count-of-ten coaching... the list goes on and on. It was staggering to read those studies. And it greatly influenced both my personal and professional thinking and my choices about my own child's birth.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02