RIE Theory of Child Development: Do you use it?

[heva]

A recent thread on independent play led to discussion of Magda Gerber's respect-based theory of caring for infants. Has anyone else read her books or used this approach in raising their baby?

Here is a link to her book, Your Self-Confident Baby: How to encourage your child's natural abilities-from the very start :
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?userid=2Z28OTU4AI&isbn=0471178837&itm=1

[sntm]

hey girl, have the "trees make the best mobiles" book if you want to look at it. we use some of the advice -- a lot of it seems more appropriate for toddlers.

shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03

[heva]

Cool - I have the book I mentioned above, but I'd like to see the one you have, too. My book includes a lot of info on infants and I really like her ideas of "commentating" on what you're doing before and as you do it so as not to startle or disturb your child. It just makes sense that if you prepare them for a diaper change or talk about feeding before you scoop them up into your lap that they are more agreeable. I've seen Nash beam from ear to ear when I say, "It's time to eat" - and as you know, he's only 11 weeks (despite his size!) ;)

[egoldber]

So I've read the Trees Make the Best Mobiles book and really liked it. But I didn't realize it was part of any theory. What I took from it was essentially that you don't need every toy on the planet and often the simplest things are the best things. Give your child opportunities to explore at their own pace and don't try to always "enrich" them.

Since this fit in well with my own personal philsophy on child rearings, I enjioyed it. :)

Can you explain in a nutshell what RIE says?

[mharling]

Beth -
I'm not familiar with RIE, but I just went to check out Trees Make the Best Mobiles on Amazon and it said the following about the authors:

"Both are mothers of young children and long-time students of RIE, a unique method of infant and toddler care."

I would guess that there are some natural correlations between RIE and this book.

Mary & Lane 4/6/03
http://www.shutterfly.com/osnt.jsp?i=67b0de21b356c32425b2 - Halloween Pics!

[egoldber]

Shannon, its been awhile since I read the book, but why do you think its more appropriate for toddlers?

[sntm]

It's been a while since I read it, too, :) but I seem to remember several chapters on things like letting your child have a tantrum now and then to get it out, etc. I'll have to pull it out again.

There is definitely some great advice for babies -- I especially use the commenting on what's going on. The ped's nurse looked at me a little strangely when I faced Jack and told him that he was going to get a shot, and it would hurt for a minute but then it would get better and mama would be there to nurse him afterwards. He made a face but didn't even cry, so who knows? Maybe he understood me. It's a good habit for the future, regardless.

shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03

[egoldber]

Yes, even without reading this book, I always felt it was very important to converse with DD. To me, it comes very naturally. Even as a tiny infant, I always chatted to her in the carseat, when feeding, diaper changing, etc. But I've also always chattered away to my pets too! :)

But yes, stuff about tantrums is probably better suited to older infants (like maybe 9 months and older) and toddlers.

[christic]

I found out about RIE and Your Self-Confident Baby while trying to find something for my daughter to do during tummy-time--she either hated it and would cry, or would fall asleep. Somewhere on the web I found an RIE response to this problem which was that tummy time wasn't really necessary or developmentally appropriate. That babies are most comfortable where they can see the world on their own terms--which in the beginning is laying on their backs. When they learn to roll over they will spend time on their tummies but you shouldn't place a baby in any position that they can't get into themselves. This includes propping them in a sitting position also.

As I understand it, RIE is all about not pushing children into learning activities or developmental milestones, but simply creating a safe, nurturing, and respectful environment, then taking a step back to let them explore and learn at their own pace. (Nearly identical to Satter's approach to feeding I think.) So the general philosophy I like very much and reading the book gave me more confidence in my own parenting style.

However, I can't say that I refer to the book often now that I've read it. And there are quite a few quirky details that I never signed onto--no tummy time being one of them, although I did decide to stop stressing about it. She also says babies shouldn't look at themselves in mirrors until they are congnitively able to recognize themselves--at 18 mos or so! And because Gerber originally developed RIE based on innovations in Hungarian orphanages during WWII, parts of it can feel a bit institutional.

Like so many books/philosophies out there, it's great in moderation!

[heva]

The theory is that children, even infants, have identities and should be given respect from day one. A fundamental thing to RIE is allowing the child to develop motor skills without interference. For example, the author is against sitting your child up, proping them up with pillows, or holding them to stand before they can get there themselves. Her reasoning, which is backed up by her extensive observational research on infants and toddlers, is that children who are allowed to develop at their own pace are more confident and more self-aware of their bodies, resulting in less injury and more self-confidence. Another important aspect is talking to your child, in the form of a running commentary. This not only informs them of what is happening and helps them to understand and build language, but is also a courtesy and promotes safety, as they learn what to expect. A lot of the RIE theory is geared towards encouraging self-soothing and discovery by allowing children to explore and discover on their own. This means not interfering in play, even when the child becomes frustrated or angry, as leaving them to their own devices allows them to develop coping mechanisms and find their own solutions for things. To do this safely requires a lot of observation, but once you learn how your child responds in different situations (knowing their cry for hunger, dirty/wet diaper, pain/danger), you can leave them in a safe environment for longer periods of time.

I'm no expert on RIE - all of this came straight from the book I mentioned above. It's all common sense, but I think the real departure from a lot of parenting books is the idea that crying is a means of communication and does not always signal the need for intervention. It takes some adjustment to learn to listen to your baby's cry before deciding whether or not to intervene, but in the week since I started trying these techniques, I can already tell you that I understand Nash better. It's really something when you slow down enough to LISTEN, rather than just acting to stop the crying.

HTH!

[heva]

I wholeheartedly agree on all points. Perhaps the best part of RIE is the confidence it affords parents :)

[kapow]

One of the mothers in my mom's group is Swiss, and she told us that back home mothers do not prop their children up in sitting positions or use toys that prop them up (e.g. exersaucers, tummy time boppy pillows, etc) and instead let them get to these positions naturally. I thought it was an interesting point of view, and it sounds very much in line with RIE. Not that there is any real difference between her son and the other babies in the group - they're all pretty much at the same point developmentally.

[heva]

Right - I think RIE argues that development is not really speeded by using props, and without them, your child develops not only skills, but confidence in their ability to do them.

[egoldber]

Heather, thanks for explaning. Like I said, this seems to mimic my natural style a great deal. Here's one thing that I find very interesting. My DD wasn't walking at 18 months, so the ped referred me for a developmental assessment. I was reluctant to even go, because my natural style was to just let her develop at her own pace. One thing that all the developmental specialists have said from the get go, is that I needed to "help" her to walk by NOT helping her! Like not rushing in to "rescue her" when she got frustrated, but to let her try and work things out on her own.
And honestly, within a month of me changing MY behavior, she started walking!

Very interesting stuff. I think I'll have to add that to my reading list now!

[lukkykatt]

I had my older son in a daycare facility based on RIE for all of 2 weeks before I became a SAHM. I had never heard it before I visited their place, but I liked the facility, the people, and the approach very much. Although I did not parent totally based on RIE, (I did use a high chair, bouncy seat, swing, etc) I did do alot of the things that naturally seemed to fit with my personality and parenting style.

[sntm]

Sounds interesting. I could see using it to a degree. I think letting babies develop at their own pace is good, but I think you can respect your baby as a person and still support them (physically and emotionally). Jack, having been around older babies a lot in daycare, is desperate to stand. He is certainly not developed enough in terms of strength or balance to do so on his own, but he is very happy when we support him to stand. He may have bonked his head a few times when learning to sit ("less injury")! but he learned to sit faster than I think he would otherwise and sitting makes him happy and lets him explore his world better. And I agree in letting a baby have a moment of frustration when trying to do something like obtaining a toy that is just out of reach, but I wouldn't let it go on more than a moment. I think Jack can play on his own now because he knows that I will be there the moment he wants/needs me. And too much independent play seems even more unhealthy than too little.

digressing somewhat --
IMHO, I think we place too much emphasis on early self-soothing -- it will come in its own appropriate time and a lot of the things we do to babies to "teach" them to self-soothe seem unnecessary and occasionally a little cruel. A baby who can trust his/her parents and caregivers to respond promptly and consistently can be more self-confident because he/she knows someone out there is always supporting him/her. Same for us all. I'm more likely to be a confident independent person if I have friends and loved ones I can depend on. Ironic, huh? <cue "Wind Beneath My Wings">


shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03

[newbelly2002]

That's what I've seen here in Germany as well. It was a little strange at first to my traditional American "make it better, faster..." attitude, but I subscribed nonetheless. Especially once the physical therapist at our playground explained out the reasoning: "the baby does better when he/she can get both into AND out of a position. Otherwise he/she is limited to exporing the world immediately in that position. And h/she must cry to then be released from that position." (I'm paraphrasing terribly).

Dante didn't sit up until 10.5 months. He was already standing and cruising by that point--just not sitting. Then after a friend's birthday party he sat up. He didn't wobble and when he got tired of it he crawled out on his own. No crying, no falling, just a happy baby.

I'm fascinated to learn more about this...
Paula
Mama to Dante, 8/1/02

[picklepeep]

Yes, all of what I have heard so far sounds like great advice. I will definately be getting that book.

Children are much more intelligent that we give them credit for, even as babies. They may not remember their babyhood later, but trust me, it has a large impact on who they grow up to be. I think it is wonderful the more information you give them that helps them place themselves in the world.

When I was a nanny I had HUGE success with children because I never talked down to them. I just talked to them. When I had to punish, I calmly and rationally explained what was happening and as a consequense of what action. For some reason, calm, cold rationing (simplified for the age group) is always more affective than anger in the voice. When my own child is old enough, I will employ the same technique.

[muskiesusan]

I haven't read any books on the subjects, but from what I have read here, it is definately the approach I take. My influence came from my college roomates, one who was Montesourri major and the other a major in Occupational Therapy. They were always talking about how to let a infant develop on their own. I have the house set up in various "stations" of discovery that I move around alot, and have since birth.

In relation to the other post on the subject, this approach didn't/hasn't lead to much independent play in our case. I think this is were personality comes into play. He hates being by himself, even while watching tv. I guess it is similiar to my dogs, one is content to be on her own, while the other is constantly under my feet!!

Susan
Mom to Nicholas 10/01/01
& Baby #2 due 4/23/04!!!!