Help! Need advice on how much to give.

[McQ]

I need some help in figuring out how much to give my nanny for Christmas. I had decided on a week's pay but then I talked with my neighbor. Now I don't know what to do!

Here's the situation... I share a nanny with this neighbor and the nanny charges us a total of $500/week which we split. She said that last year she gave her $600 or $700! That she had heard that it was a week's pay times the number of years employed up to some reasonable amount. This will be her third Christmas having this nanny so goodness knows what she is doing this year.

Am I going to look bad if I only give one weeks pay and my neighbor gives 3 times that? Is she going to understand my neighbor's theory. I don't want to be a cheap skate but I don't want to break the bank either. And I'm not trying to "keep up with the Jones'" but I don't want to look ungrateful to the nanny. I love this nanny and I want to do right by her. But I also don't want to over do it.

And what makes matters worse it that my neighbors are moving and I'm going to be taking on the nanny full time. So what I do this year I would think I would have to do more of next year.

What do you all think I should do? Thanks!

Allison
~ mommy to Declan 3.24.03

[MelissaTC]

Let me preface this by saying that I do not have a nanny. You asked for some thoughts so I am going to share mine. I hope I don't steer you the wrong way...

*I* think a week's pay is a great gift. Holy cow! That is $250. It seems like $600 or $700 is a butt load of money. If you feel in your heart that it is what you want to give and can afford to do so, then you should do it. It seems like you were comfortable in giving $250. I think that is what you should do. But that is just me. I am sure your nanny is going to be grateful to receive your gift. Remember the Mom in "The Nanny Diaries"? She gave her nanny earmuffs.

[sntm]

I think a week's salary is reasonable. Isn't that what a lot of business-type people get for Christmas bonuses? Although, my friends who admittedly overpay their nanny are giving her a months's salary for Christmas. Yowza!

shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03

[picklepeep]

Try giving something which is useful or valuable to your nanny, matches with her own personal tastes, and is an actual *gift*, not just money. How about a gift certificate to a nice spa where she can get a great massage, mud bath, etc? Then spend the amount you can afford but it will still be a nice present. She will appreciate.

[Sarah1]

Allison,

I think a week's pay sounds TOTALLY appropriate. That's what I would give. I can see how your neighbor threw you for a loop there...what I would probably do is give a week's pay plus a little gift of some kind. That shows not only that you want to give her some extra money, but that you were thoughtful enough to pick out something specifically for her (I like the idea of a spa gift certificate, but since I don't know your nanny she might not be into that!)

[cinrein]

I don't have a nanny, but I have always heard that a week's pay is a great gift. I've never heard of multiplying that by the number of years you've used the nanny. Goodness, my fried has had the same babysitter for 8 years!

I like the idea of the 1 week pay plus a smaller more personal gift.

Cindy and Anna 2/11/03

[KMommie]

LOL! I loved The Nanny Diaries! I actually heard it on tape, read by Julia Roberts---I was laughing in the car while stuck in rush hour listening to it. A week's pay is a great gift!! When I read that it was appropriate to give "that" much, I almost choked. I didn't realize how much was considered the "right" amount. We don't give anyone in our own extended family that much in gifts! In fact, DH and I haven't given each other anything really special for Christmas since we got engaged. First, it was to help pay for the wedding, then it was to save to buy our first home...there's always something we seem to need the extra cash for.

My DH sent me an article from CNNMoney online about tipping and gift giving...about all the factors that can go into what's considered appropriate. If you're interested, let me know, I can email it to you---I'm not too sure on how to post it here, since DH emailed the actual story to me, and not a cut and paste web address. You might be able to find it by searching the CNNMoney site, too though.

Jeannie
mommy to Kiki 4/18/03

[jojo2324]

I've always heard that for caretakers, a week's pay is an appropriate amount. But I like the idea of a small gift as well.

And LOL about the Nanny Diaries...Didn't the Mom's other help get crazy jewelry or something like that? Earmuffs...LOL!!! :) When are they going to make that into a movie?!?!

[AngelaS]

Can you really overpay someone to love and nurture and care for your most precious family members?? I don't think so...

I used to be a nanny. I was paid well and for Christmas always got a weeks' pay and about a $50 gift. :)

[McQ]

Thanks all for making me feel better about my decision. I was starting to feel as if I was being stingy when I wanted to be generous but not over the top. My nanny is wonderful and I appreciate the great care she's giving my son. Which is the most important thing in the world.

I was going to give her a personal gift too ~ from Declan. It's been cold here recently and she walks 1/2 mile to our house from the bus stop so I was thinking about cashmere gloves & scarf.

Looks like I'm going to have to get a copy of the Nanny Diaries. Now that's some whacked out stuff.

Allison
~ mommy to Declan 3.24.03

[momma_boo]

Hi Alison,

I just wanted to chime in and share what we are doing...

We take DD to a home-based daycare. All the parents are actually contributing money (whatever amount they are comfortable with) and giving it to her so that she can redo her kitchen. Now, I'm not sure what the organizers are envisioning that she will do and how much they will collect. We pay $200 per week, so we decided to give $300. The extra 100 just b/c we really really love this woman. She's got 4 other people who work there (at various times of the day), so we will be giving money to those as well (probably $50 - $100 depending on how much they work there).

It's a lot of money. More money than we will spend on everyone else combined (DH and I are NOT exchanging gifts). It's a bit daunting, but as DH said, these people take GREAT care of our daughter, so it's our turn to try to show them how much we appreciate them.

I think give whatever amount you are comfortable with and make sure to write in the card how much you appreciate her and the great care she gives your son. Everyone always appreciates a pat on the back for their work!

[sntm]

oh, i agree. just meant that they pay her more than even she asked for.

shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03