advice, please! re: leaving baby with monitor

[kristine_elen]

Hi there. Our good friends who live in the apt. directly above us are having a party that my husband and I would like to attend. We've done tests and we can hear Jack on the monitor from up there. If you were us, would you feel OK going to the party and keeping track of him (after he goes to sleep in the crib, of course) on the monitor? We were going to do this once before but I chickened out and didn't feel comfortable doing it. On the other hand, some other friends of ours had dinner at a neighbor's house and kept track of their baby using the monitor. Would I be bad for going to the party, or silly and paranoid if I didn't? (We have not found any babysitters yet, aside from our friends who are having the party.)
Your thoughts?
Thanks!

[McQ]

I'd like to say that I would do it but don't know if I actually would. I'd rationilze it by saying how different is it really being one floor up. We're in a townhouse and there are times when I'm two floors away from him. My worries would just be an intruder. But that's me being paranoid. Sorry I don't think this post helped any.

Allison
~ mommy to Declan 3.24.03

[justlearning]

I also would be worried about an intruder and wouldn't be able to leave him alone. If I were in the same situation and couldn't find a babysitter, I'd probably just take turns with my husband--first he could attend the party for awhile and then me. It definitely wouldn't be as fun as going together but at least I'd feel better about the safety of my son. That's just me, though...

[sntm]

we thought about doing this once, but got concerned about things like intruders, fires, heat conking out, etc. all the things you wouldn't hear over the monitor. plus, at a party, things might get a little loud and you might not be able to hear the monitor really well. again, may be paranoia, but if something did happen you would kill yourself with guilt.

shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03

[kristine_elen]

Yeah, you guys are probably right. That's why I couldn't do it the first time around. Guess we'll party in shifts. Thanks.

[egoldber]

Honestly, I would do it and I wouldn't have a second thought about it.

[heva]

Ditto. I've already gone across the street to the neighbors with our monitor :)

[khakismom]

We've actually done this sans monitor (blush). Last summer right after we moved here, our neighbors 2 doors down were having a cookout, saw us hanging out on our deck having a drink and invited us over. We went, leaving Kathleen sleeping in the crib. We didn't stay super-long, just a few hours, and I checked on her twice. All was well. We knew that she never woke up in the middle of the night, and we were outside so I wasn't worried about any intruders.

I would say go and bring the monitor, and check back every 30 minutes or so if you are worried. :) Have fun!!

ETA: Oh, I totally forgot about our Friday nites in the summer. We live in a cul-de-sac and every Friday, all the neighbors bring their lawn chairs out and we just hang out with all the kids and drink. And after DH and I put the kids to bed, we go right back outside with the monitor to Ellen's room. Of course, we are right in front of our house... :)

[amp]

My DH keeps wanting to do this too. We have friends who are having a New Year's party and another party that just passed. They live 2 doors down and he thinks we should just use the monitor and go. I keep remembering an article I read about a woman and her husband who went next door while their child slept and the house did catch fire. The kids died because they couldn't get to them in time. I can't get it out of my head even though I know the chances of that are slim, and that we should be able to go next door, across the street, etc. I'm still working on this I guess!

[khakismom]

If it were me, I would totally go to the New Year's Party. But I'm sure by my post that by now everyone here thinks I am a bad mommy... and a lush to boot! :)

[egoldber]

Maureen, I envy you your cul de sac parties! My cul de sac has them infrequently (once or twice a year) and we do the same thing! Put DD to bed and go outside to the party! Gotta love 900 mhz monitors. :)

And just FYI, the leading causes of home fires:

smoking
cooking fires
space heaters

[muskiesusan]

I would do it, but would also check frequently. We had some friends who did it with a one year old, and guess what night he decided to climb out of the crib? They found him eating in the kitchen!

Susan
Mom to Nicholas 10/01/01
& Baby #2 due 4/23/04!!!!

[HoneymoonBaby]

Wow! So lucky that he was only eating!

[alleyoop]

I would try it! You never know! You might feel more comfortable about it when you get there. If you don't, it isn't like you have to drive home... I have surprised myself sometimes in situations like this, when I let my gut do the talking at that moment.

As a backup plan, keep a bottle of bubbly in the fridge at home. You wouldn't want to waste the dress and makeup! Chickening out isn't so bad if you can "party" at home! :)

[bethwl]

I would go myself since it's the same as being on the first floor of a two-story home with the baby upstairs. But another suggestion if you still feel weird: would it be possible to carry Jack upstairs (either after he's asleep or before, if you could get him to fall asleep in a different place) and let him sleep in one of the neighbor's bedrooms (lay a blanket or play mat on the floor, use a sleep positioner, not sure how old Jack is)? This might make you feel better, knowing that he is so close by. I guess this only works the party won't be super loud, but I think it would be fine with lower key crowd. Of course, you'd also still have the monitor, but this way, if you heard something you'd get there faster than running downstairs and unlocking your front door. Just a thought.

[jennifer13]

I would totally do it! Why not give it a try and if you can't relax and enjoy yourself then you can go home. And you can check in all the time. Really, the risks of injury are probably higher every time we put our babies in the car. I have not had the opportunity to do something like that, but I have other friends who go to the neighbor's house with baby on monitor. Good luck and HAVE FUN. (We're allowed to do that, right?) :)


Jennifer
Mom to Norah 5/23/03

[toomanystrollers]

Sorry to be a party pooper - but I wouldn't. It would be a great opportunity to break-in a new sitter though :)

[lukkykatt]

I am pretty conservative, and I might do it depending on what type of security your building has (since there is a party are people going to be holding the main door open to let others in, or can that not happen?) and how quickly could you get upstairs if you needed to? If you were worried about intruders you could put a set of bells on the inside doorknob - you would hear that if it jingled depending on where Jack's room is compared to the front door. You and your hubby could take turns going up and checking every so often if that would make you feel better.

If it comes to it, could you bring Jack with you - set up a PNP in one of the bedrooms, or do you think it will get too loud?

I live in a single house and do outside work when the kids are napping,btw. That is pretty much the same thing. I make sure all the doors are locked and take the monitor with me.

[JenaW]

I'd like to think I would do it, but when it came down to it, I am not sure if I would chicken out. I like the idea about bringing Jack with you (if the neighbors don't mind) and letting him sleep in one of their bedrooms. That way he is there (away from any fires, intruders, etc that you wouldn;'t have control over) but you could still be with your DH and enjoy the party.


Jera
Mom to Carter ~ 05.13.03

[Sarah1]

Kristine,

I would TOTALLY do it. He'll be FINE. We live in the top unit of a 3-flat, and we have a roof deck and have gone up there to party MANY TIMES without even bringing up the monitor. We just lock the doors and I go down every half hour or so to check on her.

Worrying about fires, intruders, etc...not that those aren't valid concerns, but consider the fact that your kid is going to be getting in a car and DRIVING one of these days. Now THAT's something to worry about!

[lizamann]

I think I would do it but check on baby at frequent intervals. I don't think I could relax though. Hmmm...

That said, here's a link to a really sad story here in Chicago where the aunt stepped out to go shopping for 15 minutes (which is much more irresponsible than what you suggested, IMO) and there was a fire that killed the 2 boys.

http://www.suntimes.com/output/news/cst-nws-fire19.html

[kristine_elen]

Interesting. You guys have given me a lot to think about. I don't think I can read the Chicago/fire story, though. I still can't get that woman out of my head who forgot her daughter was in the car seat and left her in there all day while she was at work. The little girl died from the heat. It just haunts me. (The woman was sleep deprived b/c her son has developmental problems and had to be put in a group home the night before and it didn't work out very well.... I guess this is off topic.) I just can't handle sad stories about babies.

[jubilee]

I wouldn't leave my baby. In fact I have problems going into the garage while he is sleeping! OK, maybe I am too paranoid, but I err on the side of caution.

[lisams]

I wouldn't do it. I would spend $20 on a sitter for the peace of mind though. Of course I am super paranoid and all of the "what if's" would run through my head :) This reminds me of the Thanksgiving Friends when Emma was napping across the hall!!!

Lisa

[Dcclerk]

We have done it, so obviously I say "go for it", if you can. You can always try it and march right back home if you get too concerned.

I will say, what helped us a lot, is that we have a video monitor, so I could see and hear him. Our neighbors are actually the ones that bought it for us, because they knew that I would feel much better knowing that I could see that my baby was ok. If you can swing for the video, that might help you feel better about it.

[Sarah1]

I just wanted to add one other thing: we get babysitters ALL the time (I have a sitter during the day once a week, and we usually get one every Saturday night and occasionally weeknights if we have some function to go to)--and I would STILL leave him in his room and go upstairs to the party. You'll be ONE FLOOR UP. I just don't see what all this fuss is about, and these stories about fires are doing nothing but making you more paranoid.

[lisams]

No fuss here, just stated what I would do in the situation which is what Kristine was asking. I'm not trying to pursued her either way since we all have different comfort levels. I say do what you're comfortable with :)

Lisa

[kransden]

I would try this first. Put the moniter in ds's room with dh in there making noise, go upstairs see how it sounds, then turn on the TV, radio etc, and see how well you can hear it. Rationally, you are in the same building and I don't see a problem with it, but emotionally I don't know if I could. My suggestion may or may not ease your fears.

Karin and Katie 10/24/02

[Sarah1]

Lisa, you're right, everybody is just stating their opinion, and that's what this is all about, and I'm sorry to shoot down anybody else's way of thinking...I just feel bad that Kristine might be feeling more confused than ever about this now.

I apologize if i came off as a meanie...I just hate to see anybody miss out on a good par-tay :)

[lisams]

Sarah, you didn't sound mean at all to me, please don't feel bad! I just didn't want people thinking I thought it was a bad idea for her to go - I'm just an overly paranoid person who would be worrying the entire time so that's why I personally wouldn't do it!! The more I'm around other parents (including you guys here) the braver I get, and I think that's a good thing :) It's nice to find a good balance!

Lisa

[Melanie]

It's hard for me to imagine, as I don't live in a home like that...but my gut instinct is to say, "never."

There was a story of a woman who walked her son around the corner to school, left two little ones home, house caught fire. I don't need to finish. Anyway, I'm pretty protective about things like that...you just never know and I don't want to wonder "what if...?"

[kapow]

I would do it, since Ian is not able to get out of his crib. I don't think I would with a kid that is mobile. I have a townhouse with four levels, and during the day I'm often a floor or more away from him. You can always go to the party and change your mind at the last minute.

[luvbeinmama]

Oh, on fires... in our apt (pre-baby) our neighbors had a fire on their balcony because the brother put out a cigarette in a potted plant! The potting soil smoldered for a while then the plastic pot went and on from there. It was a good thing I looked to see what the glow was outside when I went to bed that night!

[Sarah1]

I want to know Kristine...did you guys ever make it to the party????