Please ignore. Just edited my post. Thanks!

[snp624]

I posted about this as a response in Jen's (bluej) thread, but I was curious what you think of this.

My DH, Les (Leslie), has been thinking about changing his name to something else for loooooooong time. As you can imagine, he went through so much dealing with it. Both his first name and middle name are of his grand father's names. I can't share the middle name with you, because it's worse than Leslie if you can believe it! (though it's not a girl's name, and I think it sounds nice, but considered as a loser name in US.) So going by his middle name is not an option. (When SIL told her boyfriend, his reaction was, "your parents didn't give you a chance, huh?")

Problem with changing his name is that FIL feels very strongly about this issue, and when DH brings it up, he gets mad, saying, "*I* gave you that name!!" I feel it's not fair, because FIL's name is Rich, and there is no way he can understand what DH feels. FIL is kind of control freak, as DH says. We live 10 minutes away from each other, and I'd say we are pretty close. (call each other all the time, go over to their house couple of times a month...) So, if DH goes ahead and change it, it will be very uncomfortable. Being such a nice, sweet guy, DH doesn't want to do something that makes FIL upset. But I feel like FIL will NEVER be supportive about DH's name change.

I think DH should go ahead and change it. His parents can still call him Les. DH will feel bad either way anyway. Feel guilty if he change without FIL support, and also anger and frustration if he keeps Leslie.

Do you think DH is being disrespectful if he change it, or should he change it, or keep bring it up with FIL before changing? You don't think Leslie is a good name for a guy in his 30's, right? What do you think?

Sorry this post is so long, thank you for reading!

Btw, DH's grand father's name is Les(Leslie) B Moore! What were HIS parents thinking!?

[kristine_elen]

Is his middle name Eugene?
Could he just give himself a good nickname? If he legally changed his name, would his workplace and friends think it's weird if all of a sudden he was like, "Hi, call me Tom!"?
I've known two women who changed their first and last names. I ran into one of them once after not having seen her in probably 10 years. I went to introduce her as Jane Smith (names have been changed to protect the innocent) and she said, "No, it's Kathy Jones now." I thought it was kind of odd, but who am I to judge? I think both the women did the change b/c they had major issues with their families -- one of them involving incest. So that I do understand; she wanted to erase the past in a sense.
As for his parents, I don't think he should worry about that.

[snp624]

Thanks for your reply! His middle name is not Eugene, but something very similar.

DH is actually out of work for a while, so dealing with people at work will actually better if he can get a new job with his "guy" name. I think he is okay with current friends, but doesn't like the reaction from people when they first find out his name is Leslie... (what!? You have to do something about that...! etc)

[papal]

Sumio... your post is very timely!
I just finished reading 'The Namsake' by Jhumpa Lahiri and the protagonist is a boy who grows up hating his name, Gogol, and changes it when he turns 18. From his fictional experience the downsides were that everyone he knew upto high school called him Gogol and as such did not adopt Nikhil. He goes off to college and that is where everyone starts calling him Nikhil. But at home he is always Gogol. I guess you can change a name but you cannot change people from calling you your old name.
I really don't think Leslie is a bad name... but if it bothers him that much (and he has to deal with clients and new people a lot) then changing it might be a good option for him.
As far as being disrespectful.. i don't think so.. though i am sure i would be hurt if Leela decided to change her name after all the thought we put into it! But really, maybe i am alone here but Leslie does not sound like a bad name to me!

[kransden]

Why go through the bother of making a legal name change. Just start calling yourself Scott or Bob etc. and on legal documents just use your legal name. People do this all the time. It is not a big deal at all. That is what my friend Leslie did, he calls himself Jeff. I worked with a guy who renamed himself Austin, not legal, but no one cares and I have no idea what his legal name was. His parents can call him Les and you and everyone else can call him Scott or whatever.

Karin and Katie 10/24/02

[egoldber]

I think this sounds like the best solution. That way you get the benefit of a new name, with none of the hassle of changing it legally (drivers licences, social security, credit cards, property titles, credit history, blah, blah....).

I'm with Rashmi though. I honestly don't think Leslie is a bad name. A little old-fashioned and not terrible common, but its not like his name is Smorgasbord or something. And many older names are now becoming more popular. In the Jewish community, there are now lots of little babies named Max, Ari, Avi, Sadie, Esther, etc. names of a former generation that are now making a resurgence.

Personally, I find it to be an incredibly sad commentary on how rude our society can be in general that ANYONE feels it is remotely appropriate to make personal comments about someone's name!

[rorycam]

Could he just go by Les 100%? I have heard of many men with that name and find it very cool (it makes me think of Les Paul of guitar fame). No need to tell people it is short for Leslie, and if they ask what it is short for, just say "nothing" since it is not their business. Or alternately, go by Lee? That way he would not have to hurt FIL's feelings nor be frustrated by going by Leslie. If he is concerned about people at work seeing it on his W2 or some other personal paper or his driver's license (which I doubt would ever happen), he could shorten it legally to just Les or Lee and never have to tell FIL, as he would still by going by the same name essentially, just a short version.

I personally find it weirder for a man in his 30s to change his first name than I do for it to be Leslie, but that is JMO. I am in my 30s and know men my age with names that we think of as being more girly now, including Kelly, Tracy, Lindsey, and Dana (which don't have the built-in nicknames that Leslie has), so it does not seem weird to me, actually a nice name. I grew up with a boy's name, so I have heard that end of things, too, but of course I can understand how it is tougher for a man. JMO!

Rory

[snp624]

Thanks so much for your responses everyone! It is very interesting to read your opinions!

Rory, I like the idea of DH going by Les 100% too. DH is actually a guitar guy. (He majored in classical guitar, and also play electric. He loves his Les Paul!) Although the thing at office did happen. When he had a check book on his desk, this guy he worked with looked at it, and said, "YOUR NAME IS LESLIE!!??", and laughed. Banks used to let him use Les, but now they are requiring them to use the full name, so Les has to use "Leslie" for all the legal documents. My name is a guy's name in Japan too, so I totally understand what DH feels.

It's great to know lot of you think Leslie is a nice name, I just wish everybody in the society is super nice + supportive like you are!

[Rachels]

Cracking ip about Smorgasbord here. But I agree--
Leslie isn't bad, and Les is totally fine. And shame on anybody who would dare make a nasty comment!

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

[Sarah1]

One of my good friend's DH is named Les. He is a totally cool, good-lookin' guy, and neither she or he have any issues with it at all (from what I know)! I think a name change sounds pretty darn drastic, but I have no idea what the circumstances are, either. But, I don't think there's anything wrong with Les AT ALL!

[McQ]

I just have my initials on my checks so maybe he could do something like that on his paperwork. It's probably less of a hassle than changing it legally.

Allison
~ mommy to Declan 3.24.03

[Marisa6826]

Well, I guess I'm going to be a social outcast in saying that I happen to like the name Leslie. As a matter of fact that happens to be one of my BIL's middle names.

Is your husband THAT obsessed that he feels he needs to change his name at this point in his life?

My mother's given name is Joan, although throughout her entire life she's gone by Joni. I think she slipped and wrote Joni on her driver's license application and now that's her "new" name.

You don't have to legally change a first name, only a last one in most states.

My opinion (and it's just my opinion) is that he should kind of just get over it and stick with Les. There are so many other significant things to obsess about in life and for me this just isn't one of them.

Sorry!

-m

[lukkykatt]

I just finished reading "The Namesake" too, and that is exactly what I was thinking of as I read this. I was also thinking about how it seemed that Gogol became somewhat sorry that he had changed his name once he found out the reason that his father gave it to him. Maybe your husband should read this book before he does anything permanent.

I went to school with a guy named Les (in his case I think it was Lester) and never gave his name a second thought. If I was your husband, I would just go by Les and be done with it. However, he is the one who has to be comfortable with his own name. Now that he is an adult, is it really that bad for him to have this name? I can't believe that adults are making such a to-do over it!

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

I've known to males named Leslie in my life and both were the most excellent of men...I've known three men named "Kim" in my life too...

There is a huge trend for us to name our girls what use to be men's names so I suspect many men will have this problem one day...

I like his name very much...and think "Les" an awesome nickname. I use to recruit and look over resumes all day long so I do see his concern there and I think I would just write Les on the resume if I were him...


Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

[C99]

Um, I don't know that someone with the name "Richard" doesn't understand what it's like to have a crappy name. It does get shortened to "####" a lot, which is hardly a great moniker itself. I don't think Leslie is all that weird of a name, but I'm not the one who has to live with it and who doesn't like it.

My FIL was named after his father, but he reversed his first and middle names when he started working. As a compromise, your husband could maybe change his first name and keep his first and middle names as middle names, but not really use them.

[amp]

I am totally thinking the same as Rory! As I was reading the posts, I was thinking, well, he can use Leslie on legal documents, including work related stuff when he gets another job, but just always introduce himself as Les. When I hear someone introduce themself as Les, I don't even think about whether it's short for something or not. No big deal! And if someone at work introduces him as Leslie, he can immediately let them know that he only goes by Les. Seems like an easy solution to just switch to that permanently in everyday life!

[Jacksonvol]

With tounge planted firmly in cheek I suggest he do what many southern males do, ditch a name altogether and be known as "Bubba" or "Cooter." I have to ask my clients for their legal names and in this area "Lynn" is a common male name. However, some fellows don't feel comfortable with this and opt for a handle they feel is "manlier". So, I would say think outside the box for nicknames like "Spud" (I represented him)or Rooster (works at the courthouse). Or go with that most hallowed southern nickname "Bear".

Seriously, my brother has threatend to change his name for years and I don't think my parents would be terribly upset, but I don't think we would remember to use the new name either. I have an uncle who opted to start using his middle name in his late 30's and no one in the family remembers to use the middle name.

[llcoddington]

Please tell your husband that I like the name Leslie for a guy! However, if he's uncomfortable with his name, go ahead and change it! My SIL's name is Patricia and she grew up being called Patty (which she hated!). So, she announced a few years ago that she is now "Trish." Now, we all call her that. Well, her obnoxious brothers sometimes call her "Trish, the sister formerly known as Patty."

Lana
mommy to Lauren 12/5/03

[snp624]

edited out

[snp624]

Edited to say:
I think I made it sound like my DH is so whiny (he isn't), so I decided to take this post out. I guess I could have put it simpler, that while Leslie is a nice name, DH doesn't enjoy the harrasment and don't like to explain to strangers that he is not a women, and FIL should understand that! (Is there any guy who would like to??) That's all.

Thank you again for those responded!