Sad and need some guidance (m/c, infertility mentioned) LONG!

[rrosen]

I am a relatively new poster but, I am hoping some of you experienced moms can help me. I really don't know what direction to go in. Warning there is alot of information here!

I recently (last Thursday) suffered my second miscarriage. My first was last July(2003). I then got pregnant with my dd in December (she was born September 6,2003). We found out that we were pregnant again on New Year's day (suprise). Most people would be freaked by finding out that they were pregnant so soon after giving birth but we were thrilled since it had taken us 4 years to get pregnant the first time.

Anyway, we went for an ultra-sound at 6 weeks but only measured 5.2 (sac no yolk sac) We went back at 8 weeks, measured 6.4, baby had slow heartbeat (100 bpm) and I had a small clot behind placenta. Back again at 9 weeks baby's heart no longer beating. I had a D&C the next day.

Ok, so here are my questions. My infertility was unexplained all of those years blah, blah, blah. Getting pregnant does not seem to be the main problem now since I have been pregnant 3 times in 18 months. Pregnancy with dd was perfect no complications. I have gone through testing for all autoimmune and clotting factors. Tissue has been sent for chromosomal testing. I refuse to believe that all of this is "bad luck" as my ob says. I need to do something pro-active. Please if you have been through anything like this tell me what you did. I can not tolerate that thought that I may ever have to go through this again.

Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you so much!

Rebecca
Mom to Gabrielle (9/6/03)

[barbarhow]

Rebecca-I have no advice for you but just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure that it must be quite heartbreaking for you.
I hope and am pretty certain that several people will have words of wisdom. In the meantime-take good care of yourself. My thoughts are with you.
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03

[MelissaTC]

So sorry for your loss :( I know how difficult it is...

Have you visited a Reproductive Endocrinologist? Perhaps you need your levels tested. I know I took progesterone suppositories to help sustain my pregnancy. I also have a neighbor that suffered from 3 or 4 miscarriages, had exploratory surgery and they said it was all unexplained. She became pregnant with her daughter and used the progesterone suppositories and now has a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old.

Anyway, this is just a suggestion. You probably have already looked at this. Let us know what you find out.

[momathome]

Rebecca-
I am so sorry to hear about your losses. I have also had several miscarriages and have been diagnosed with secondary infertility after having given birth to 2 healthy girls. I know how hard it can be to go through this and I hope your doctor is able to get to the bottom of your fertility issues before too long. Take care of yourself and feel free to pm me if you need to talk.
-Lauren

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

Rebecca,
I don't have much words of wisdon, for I to have gotten pregnant 3 times in less than 18 months with only one baby to show for it. We had a mc and then an ectopic (which scares me to death because that alone increases my chances of another ectopic to 1/10)...

So my main words are you are not alone...
We recently purchased the book "taking charge of your fertility" and have found it to be very imformative. I am actually shocked each month that I am not pregnant since we have been trying now for atleast 6 months...so I know slightly of your frustration, but didn't struggle for 4 years before the pregnancies.

I think being under your MDs care and getting books such as tcoyf is an excellent thing to do...

Many here are in your shoes, and as we know many in our society are to...take care of yourself though, for I can say first hand the emotions that come after a mc...several weeks after...are a very sad place to be...

Keep us posted...
Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

[nathansmom]

I would seek out an RE. Feel free to pm or email me if you want to talk. I went through 5 years of heartbreak before we had Nathan.

[Calmegja2]

I am so sorry for your pain. There are truly no words I can say, other than **hugs** to you.

I have autoimmune issues with my pregnancies, and the clotting of the placenta (subchorionic hematomas) was always a big problem for me. I even got to the point where I felt like I could point them out on the ultrasounds as well as the techs, because trhey were so much a part of my pregnancies.

You've had autoimmune testing, but have you had the panels done right at the time of the loss, and then again?

Sometimes, the numbers can fluctuate (mine are wildly erratic, and the only way to catch them can be repeat testing).

I had to be medicated duting my pregnancies to maintain them. I had to take baby aspirin, and well as injectable heparin, to prevent the clotting, as well as very diligent monitoring.

I highly, highly recommend seeing a RE, and getting an opinion from that angle, if you haven't already done so.

[mamahill]

I just wanted to say how sorry I am for you. I watched a dear friend go through 3 m/c over the space of 3 years, and be told by the doctor that they really didn't worry until the number hit 4. Whaaaa?! Before trying any "outside" help, they decided to take some time off, so to speak, and within 3 months, she was pg again, and carried DS to term with a few issues along the way, but he was born healthy and happy.

I guess what I'm saying is to hang in there. Do what you feel is right. I don't know how old you are, but if you can, give your body some time to build up its iron stores and really focus on you and your baby. I know a lot of women who attribute continued problems with stress (oh the vicious cycle). But go with your gut - if you think getting a second opinion is the way to go, then follow that!

[kransden]

Hugs for you at this sad time.

I know this is going to sound really weird. I have a Catholic friend that has suffered multiple miscarriages, but has 3 healthy girls. The last mc was tested and was a boy with no known defects. With all 3 girls there was no problem what so ever with her pregnancies. She and her doc speculate that her other mcs were boys too. So that might be what is going on with you. There is just so much that isn't known at this time about fertility.

Karin and Katie 10/24/02

[sweetbasil]

Rebecca,
I have no experience at all with what you're going through, but just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are having to deal with. Best wishes for a happy baby year for you!

All the best,

[TaChapm2]

I am so sorry for your loss and that you are having to go through this. Infertility can make you feel so alone but know that you are not. So many of us have gone through the same thing.

I would recommend going to a RE to try and figure out what is going on if you haven't already been to one. Second opinions can really help out in some cases because you have a fresh new opinion on the matter. We traveled 7 hours to find a doctor that helped us and now have DS after 3 yrs of infertility and a MC.

I'll keep you in my thoughts.
Tara
Mommy to Jackson (11-10-02)

[sbjf]

Rebecca, I am so sorry to hear about your losses. Congratulations on the easy pg and birth of your daughter, Gabrielle, I'm sure she is the light of your life.

I don't have a whole lot of advice regarding m/c. I had one m/c this past July, after 2 years of trying to conceive. After the m/c I had to wait one cycle before we could try again so in the meantime I had them do all sorts of tests on dh and I. We did the ones that you mentioned and then we also had genetic testing done. Maybe that is something that you can look into? All of our tests came back normal, so we tried again in August and were amazed that we got pg again that month. So far things seem to be going ok with this pg, it has been smooth. However we did not have an amnio done so we won't know if he is completely healthy until he is born.

The fact that you have had a successful pregnancy and given birth means A LOT to doctors. And if you think about it, they are most likely correct in saying that it's been bad luck. I hope that's the case anyway and I hope that you do get pg again soon with another happy and healthy pregnancy.

If I come across anything related to recurrent m/c in my travels I will let you know.

Wishing you all the best.

[cinrein]

(((Rebecca))))

I'm so sorry for your losses. I've been there myself and have my healthy Anna after 3 years of heartbreak and infertility. Only those of us who have gone through it know how painful it sometimes is to see a pregnant woman in a store and wish so badly that you were that woman. I've also sat through many a baby shower with a fake smile plastered to my face. You'd be surprised how many of us have endured the very same pain--it's just not talked about much. I think the most surprising thing about it is that some days you are fine, just a little sadness deep inside. In a matter of hours you can be in a pit of despair and having a hard time climbing out. The grief comes in waves and even years after the loss (as is my case) a new sadness can bring up my old ones. Again, I'm so sorry and hope you find peace and comfort in the months ahead.

I second the recommendation of seeing an RE. If you are age 35 or over, you should see an RE after 6 mos of ttc with no luck. If you are under 35, they say a year of ttc. I think that your entire history qualifies you to see an RE now, especially since it sounds like you are not happy with your OB's plan for treatment (or lack thereof).

If you ever need to talk about anything, feel free to contact me at cinrein @ yahoo.com (remove spaces). Sometimes it helps immensely just to hear "you are not crazy, I felt exactly the same way". Hugs to you and your family.

Cindy and Anna 2/11/03

[trumansmom]

Grr... I got the same "bad luck" talk after my second miscarriage. Thankfully though, I did manage to get in with an RE. Although I was ovulating, and got pregnant fairly easily, it was assumed that my issue was most likely quality of eggs and late ovulation (and age :) ). I was put on clomid and recieved hcg shots around day 12 or so to induce ovulation. After I ovulated I used progesterone suppositories (so gooey and messy!) twice a day. It took 3 cycles (with a cycle off in between each time due to cysts), but I'm now 31 weeks.

And if you're looking for another place to get some great support, I would highly recommend the ttc and pregnancy board at www.pregnancyloss.info. It's been an amazing place of support and information for me. (And I tell everyone who has ever had a loss about it!)

Sending heaps of baby dust and hugs your way,
Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/29/01 and EDD 4/23/04!

[smilequeen]

I wish I had some advice for you, but all I really have to offer is a hug. I had a miscarriage in October, my first pregnancy, and it just completely shattered my heart, I know how very painful it is. I agree that I would want to see an RE in your position and I would want my doctor to be more proactive. We don't know what happened with our miscarriage because there was no fetal tissue recovered from my d&c, and I know I also didn't know what to think of the "bad luck" explanation...in a way it was comforting that she (my OB) didn't think there was a (possibly recurrent) problem with me, but in a way, it's just not an answer at all and I would have preferred some sort of answer.

I know that there are a lot of great women around here who are extremely thoughtful and helpful as I asked a similar question not too long ago and was touched by the response I got. And I am so sorry you have to go through this.

[pritchettzoo]

I have no advice, but I've suffered a miscarriage and it certainly felt to me like more than "bad luck." I'm sorry you don't feel supported by your OB. I say go with your gut. If you feel something is wrong, keep looking into it. Best wishes for healing and good news in the future.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (9/16/03)

[starrynight]

I'm so sorry for your losses. (hug) I wish you alot of luck when you ttc again. I don't have any experience or advice but wanted to offer you some support.

[llcoddington]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my first two pregnancies (twins and then a girl). I don't like to call them miscarriages because I never actually went through the process of miscarrying. Like you, we found out through ultrasounds that the heartbeats had stopped and then I had D&Cs. With the second, my ob-gyn was wise enough to order genetic testing. When baby came back genetically normal, we went to a reproductive endocrinologist. We had many tests done and I tested positive for antiphospholipid antibodies. So, next pregnancy, I was put on baby aspirin and also progesterone. I would HIGHLY recommend finding a good specialist. My RE was compassionate, understanding, and NEVER gave me the bad luck spill. I felt completely comfortable with my weekly visits to his office because there weren't baby pictures on the walls, no parenting magazines, etc.

Lana
mommy to Lauren 12/5/03

[votre_ami03]

Been there!

My XH & I tried to have a baby for about 8 years b/f I conceived Nolan. I had one chemical pg, multiple HSG's, a laporoscopy & 5 iui's (clomid & Repronex) only to get pregnant again & have an ectopic on my "good side". :( After my last loss, I tried accupuncture a few times & started taking one 81mg of baby aspirin every day. I did not have an easy pregnancy w/Nolan, I had bleeding for the first 3-4 mos, but he is here & is almost 7 mos old. :D

What happened to you is usually called a blighted ovum. Doesn't mean it will happen again. I have known several people that had a few kids, had one b.o. & then went on to have one or more successful preg's. A lot of DR's will not do anything until you have had 3 m/c in a row. Sounds ridiculous to me, I couldn't imagine. You could ask the DR to do some blood work, check your progesterone levels, TSH, FSH levels & clotting factors. Those are some of the biggies. You might ask your DR to put you on progesterone suppositories early in the preg too. In the 1st 12 weeks of preg, it is supported by the progesterone until the placenta is developed.

I apologize if I am rambling or telling you stuff you already know. I have been there & done a lot of research on this. Infertility sucks! :) Feel free to e-mail me if you would like to too.

Here are two sites that I used a lot! The first is a small group of great women & we always welcome newbies. The second is more worldwide, but also helpful.
http://pub65.ezboard.com/frose85504frm7

http://www.fertilitext.org/ubbcgi/Ultimate.cgi?action=intro


Christy, mommy to Nolan 7/22/03