Do you have any regrets?

[SeekerMage]

Do you have any regrets as a parent..partner etc?

Its been a very bad week here on this end, I think Im dealing with some post partum depression because a whole mess of things has me blue. :(

I keep thinking about things that make me feel like a horrible mother and partner. I feel like crying, I need a break and there is no one to give me one. Hubby and I fight over stupid things, he wont help out and when he does he makes me feel guilty because he worked all day....gee what did I do sit and eat bon bons and watch tv? Im tired, frustrated and just want to sit and cuddle my baby but I cant because I have a high needs preschooler running around driving my crazy. We have been fighting colds so that hasnt made things any better, Im babysitting again so Im never home, the house is a mess, the laundry is reaching the ceiling both dirty and clean, but hey the dishes are clean right? And of course the one chance we have to go out, we are running late so we miss the movie then get stuck at MIL with Angelas bio mom and her new baby...gee this week is gonna be fun dealing with this new tail spin! Right now I really hate my life. I know there are a lot of people worse off then us, but I keep thinking how different things could have been if only....

Gee this should have been in the bitching post....sorry :(

[ismommy]

Kathryn,
I am sorry you are going through this. I hope your colds get better and you get some baby cuddling time soon.
Helene
mommy to Isabella

[barbarhow]

Kathryn-a big bunch of hugs to you. I totally know how you are feeling. I have no regrets as a parent or in my choice of partner but......there are certainly many days when I long for the old ways. Oh how nice it would be to sleep until 7a. I mean really is that asking for a lot??? My husband does alot to help and is the most wonderful guy but there are days when I think-What am I crazy? I married this guy? What was I thinking. The thoughts do not come from the logical side of my brain. They stem from exhaustion, frustration and the need for a break.
I even find that when my DH spends a whole day with DS he still doesn't get it. He doesn't do laundry, dishes, make dinner or clean the house on those days. They spend the day playing, walking, or heading over to MIL's where she watches the boy for a couple hours while gets a much needed break.
You are not alone. Especially in your description of the laundry pile-I get it washed but rarely get it folded lately. Do you have a friend that you can get together with? Can you have a girls night out? Or get a massage or treat yourself to something wonderful? Not necessarily expensive. Just luxurious. Maybe a bubble bath during one of her naps. And don't forget a good cry always helps. The endorphins that are released during a dry do wonders for making one feel better.
Hang in there.
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03

[houseof3boys]

I just wanted to say that I hope you like your life again soon! It happens to all of us when things just get overwhelming. I hear ya on the laundry thing. I go through phases of the neverending pile of clean laundry on top of the dryer. It gets put away when it gets put away. As far as your house being messy....you'll clean it when you feel like it so don't kill yourself over it. Can DH help you with chores? Of course he can! If he has never done it, now is a great time to start.

You are not a horrible partner or a horrible mother! Everyone needs a break and some time to do something for themselves and it is just your time.

I know you will have a better week. :) Chin up.

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

Our thoughts are with you...our laundry is piled up and I gotta be honest I let it pile!!!! Don't let that get you down. We have a later bedtime and I think that helps us to get the "sleep in" feeling. Also when Steve wakes up in the morning he has some things he does to help me start my day...for instance just feeding the dogs sometimes with a baby in hands seems hard to do (we feed them on the deck so he doesn't get in their bowls) but he has taken on doing this, and preparing bootles for me for the day, he can do it in seconds where it could take me minutes with a baby pulling etc...

If you really think it is Post Partum I think it would be wise to seek out someone to talk to...a professional in the field...you have gone thru a lot this past year, and have been handed a lot on your plate...and are doing a marvelous job...

We are here for you if you need anything!!!
Tons of love your way,

Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

[amp]

Hugs, Kathryn! Please feel free to bitch here or in any forum you need to in order to feel supported!

[egoldber]

Kathryn, I think that what you are feeling is very normal, and your plate is more full and more stressful than most! And I think all new moms reach that "I can't do it any more" feeling at some point, some sooner, some later. If the feelings don't go away or seem to get worse or nothing seems to help, then I would definitely talk to someone about getting help for PPD.

But there are definitely days when I look at my DH and thing "what was I thinking!" even though he's wonderful in many ways. There are days I think I'm the worst mother in the world. There are days when I look at DD and in that very secret place wish for a life pre-baby. But those days are far between and are far outweighed by all the good times.

Hang in there and please feel free to bitch away!

[TaChapm2]

Hang in there! We all have our days when everything seems overwhelming. I think that is just part of being a parent. Hope things start looking up soon!
Tara
Mommy to Jackson (11-10-02)

[Calmegja2]

Truth?

I'm a little suspicious of anyone who says they are blissed out 100% of the time. Life's not like that, and if every single moment was perfect, how would you ever distinguish the moments of unadulterated joy from the rest of it?

Motherhood, wifedom, womanhood....it's all a complicated balancing act. We learn our whole lives, and we find what works at the stage we're in all the time.

This is hard, and it's really hard sometimes, so I say cut yourself a large piece of slack, and realize that how you feel is absolutely normal, and it'll get better. Promise.

[toomanystrollers]

{{{{{{{{Kathryn}}}}}}}}} You're not alone. My sink is full of dishes, there's plenty of dustbunnies rolling by and we won't discuss the laundry LOL

Somedays I feel like I'm the zookeeper :) I'm just looking forward to warmer weather and getting the heck out of the house!!! Somedays I cry and worry that my kids are going to hate me when they get older!!! Somedays I'd like to runaway!!!!!!

The "joys" of motherhood - we'll all survive!!!!

[KGoes]

Staying at home with children is, in my opinion, the equivalent of working all day. I know because I have done both. When I was home on maternity leave, I could not wait for DH to come home so that someone could watch DD while I ran around like a nut trying to get "something" accomplished. That, obviously, was not going to work. I started giving DH 15-20 minutes when he came home to have a snack, change clothes, flip through the mail - whatever - and then I set him up with a bottle of EBM, a toy, something to entertain DD while I did something for me. This does not include laundry/cleaning/straightening - this meant a long, hot shower, a walk around the block, a chapter in a book, a trip to the computer to log in here, etc. Then, I "returned" and we pitched in with the rest of the child-responsibilities until everyone was in bed. The concept that life has changed and child rearing is a partnership endeavor was a new one for DH, and to his credit, he has taken to it - BUT not without some assistance. ;)
And, yes, there are times I fantasize about running away - and then get antsy to get home to check on DD . . . .
I would not give up being a mother for anything, but it's a tough job. And, I know that for us, it has required a complete reexamination of how we run our lives. I'm not saying that you have to give up everything you did pre-child, because we certainly didn't, but I am saying that sometimes you have to alter your approach to getting what you need.
I hope you are feeling better and can enjoy the happy parts of motherhood to your two wonderful girls!!
Kelley
DD born 7/03

[jubilee]

I have been there also, where all the joy seems sucked out of me. I have days were I question my sanity. Hope you find a few moments to yourself, and can find your peace and quiet. My prayers are with you,

[Vajrastorm]

>the house is a mess,
>the laundry is reaching the ceiling both dirty and clean, but
>hey the dishes are clean right?

Then you have one up on me at the moment. Piles of laudry, dirty dishes, trash needs to be taken out, blah blah.

Hang in there. Being a mom is consuming.

[boys2enough]

Hi, just want to give you some {{HUGS}} and let you know that you are not alone. My DH and I fight often, and yes, mostly on stupid things, you know the drill: he comes home from work, wanting to just sit down and read his paper. I on the other hand, wanting to pass the kids to him. He does not help with housework willingly because in his mind, he works all day already, now is his turn to take a rest. (Right, when is my turn? Sorry, you've got to wait until the kids are in bed, but of course, you have to do all sorts of work that you haven't been able to do during the day b/c the kids won't let you). The kicker is, he feels that he is doing a very good job because, compared to his father's generation, he IS doing a lot more!

Sorry that mine turns into a bitching post as well. ;-)

Your baby is still young, right? Is she sleeping through the night? Are you feeling so blue b/c of lack of sleep? Like many, I secretly hope I could sleep and stay in bed like I did NOT have any children. As for the laundry, if you have a few baskets, you could kind of sort them when taking them out of the dryer (e.g. yours, DH's, kids'), and just leave them there. Don't bother folding them. We often get dressed in the laundry room. Now my 6 yo just goes strraight to the dryer for his clothes. lol.

I hope you feel better soon. If not, I hope you will talk to your doctor. You should not deal with your depression on your own for too long.

Take care, Lin

[smomom]

I just saw your post and it broke my heart. I don't have the poetic words that others in our group are blessed with, but do take comfort in knowing that you are not alone - in your sadness, frustration, anger, loneliness, and also your joy.

Hang in there and know that "this too shall pass" - hopefully very soon. In the meantime, if you feel you need a little boost to help you through, please discuss your feelings with your doctor. There's no shame in seeking help.

Sending good thoughts your way......

[lisams]

I really hope things start looking up for you, I'm sure it will take some time, try to hang in there. There are moments where I wish I would have enjoyed my child-less life a little more, and I think that is totally normal.

Lisa