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View Full Version : Just how much harder is it going from 1 child to 2?



JulieL
03-08-2004, 03:53 PM
Several of my girlfriends say having two seems like 4 times as much work as having one. And as I am thinking about having another I am realizing how good I have it with one toddler. I mean I am not strung out all the time, things are good. But in thinking about it being hard with a second is it really only rough for the first year or is it always rough? Just thought I would pull for advice from those who have been there.

toomanystrollers
03-08-2004, 03:55 PM
For me, going from 1 to 2 - was easy :) It's the jump from 2 to 3 that was overwhelming. As DH puts it, "we're outnumbered". LOL

amp
03-08-2004, 03:57 PM
Julie - Very good question! DH and I are in the deciding when to TTC the 2nd one. Although I know I want another one, I get pretty scared because I've heard *SO MANY* mom's, including my own, that the jump from 1 to 2 is soooo huge and overwhelming! Makes me question my own wants!

shishamo
03-08-2004, 04:04 PM
Pam, you are scaring me :)

Honestly, I feel that I'm already outnumbered since my DH isn't around during the day anyway :)

khakismom
03-08-2004, 04:12 PM
For me, it was difficult in the beginning. It was somewhat overwhelming during the first month. I wasn't sure how I was going to handle 2 at once. But once I got used to it, it's become almost second nature and has gotten easier.

Jeanne
03-08-2004, 04:14 PM
It's a big change but hasn't been too rough so far. I've been lucky with my girls as they are both low maintenance. The hardest part for me is not getting all that quite time with the second baby because I have a toddler running around. I haven't had any jealousy issues with my first either so I suppose that makes it easier.
You will do more laundry than you ever thought possible! And I hate laundry! Trying to get out the door is a circus sometimes. Moving from a single stroller to a double is a pain and I prefer to bring only one (or neither) with me if I have to run errands on the weekends. You will not have as much free time as you do with one because inevitably schedules will not always coincide. One will always need something while you are in the middle of something else, etc...
But honestly, it's not too bad. I have a wonderful DH who does absolutley everything so it makes it easier.

bluej
03-08-2004, 04:16 PM
Like Pam, going from 1 to 2 was easy for me. I had a VERY good DD who was fairly independent by the time DS came along. Going from 2 to 3, well, I'm still recovering!

lukkykatt
03-08-2004, 04:20 PM
It is just as rough as it was going from no children to having a baby. There are so many things that you will be more efficient at then you were the first time around, but now you have a baby and a toddler to take care of. So it kind of evens out.

The hardest part for me was being up during the night and then having to get up at 7 am with my older son. But even that you get through - I am definitely guilty of massaging their nap times so that they would overlap, and then I would dive back into bed myself.
I swear, it is the laundry that just about does me in - I have to do a load a day or else I get behind.

When the time is right, just go for it! You will definitely get through and all live to tell the tale!

brubeck
03-08-2004, 08:51 PM
For me it was very hard going to 2, mostly because my oldest didn't understand why she couldn't have the attention she was used to and why I had this baby stuck to my chest for half the day. It helped that I had my parents come out and play with her/take her to the park every day.

Honestly though, the first 2 or 3 months with 2 were not nearly as bad as the first 2 or 3 months with 1. Yes it's more work with 2 but you feel more confident about your ability to parent and most of the things that happen with #2 were already encountered with #1 so it's not as stressful.

By the time 4 months had passed we were into a great daily routine and things were MUCH easier.

mamahill
03-08-2004, 09:53 PM
I'm with you, Julie, and since our "babies" are the same age, I just wanted to chime in (even though I only have 1 right now) that I think there's a big difference between having an infant and a 1-2 year old, and having an infant and a 3-year-old. At least, that's what I'm banking on :). I just see so many of my friends who can't explain things to the 2-year-old. Mostly, though, it's my own patience level (minimal) - I really respect those moms who can have the kids so close together. My mom said she thought going from 2-3 kids was harder, but that it might be because they were 2 years apart, whereas the first 2 were 3 years. Who knows - I'm sure you'll be fabulous. I think everything is trying at first, but then you become a pro:).

So, you wanna be EDD buddies? LOL. I'm talking many moons from now;).

emmaandgeorge
03-08-2004, 11:10 PM
I have found having two to pretty easy. Mostly, you just need to build a new routine, and once that is done, it gets easy. The biggest change is really having less personal time, especially if nap schedules do not coincide. You just need to learn to be a little more flexible. Now that DS is 15 months, we are well into a routine, and I am ready to start thinking about #3. I hear that the third is more difficult (they outnumber you and your hands) but, as time passes, I think you get into that routine 2. Depends on what you are looking for -- if you want easy, stick with 1. If you want your child to have siblings, you need to have more.

ddmarsh
03-09-2004, 12:02 AM
I may be in the minority but don't think it's nearly as tough as learning to be a parent for the first time. Plus when you add children after that first time you have so much more confidence and more of a "map" of where you're going that I IMO really adds so much.

JulieL
03-09-2004, 02:51 PM
Yes, that is what I was thinking too. That 3 year difference won't be as hard as 1 or 2 years. IF we ttc DS will be between 3 and 4 years old when #2 comes. We are thinking, maybe, to start to ttc next december. With DH in med school (and honoring as well! ~ had to boast on my hubby there!:-) It makes the idea of making things more complicated kinda crazy. So we are in limbo. But if we do I would LOVE to be EDD buddies! ;)

mary b
03-09-2004, 03:55 PM
Jeanne, I totally agree with you!!! Having a very helpful DH is key! I found 0 to 1 much more difficult than 1 to 2. Look our kids are almost identical in age.. Is Claire sleeping through the nite? Lindsey isn't yet and I am so ready for her to (but I'm not complaining, she is down to 1 time per nite)!!!

Mary
Mom to Noelle 9/24/01 and Lindsey 9/15/03

Jeanne
03-09-2004, 05:26 PM
Mary,
Wasn't fall the best time to have babies! Just love that time of year. The first one deals you so many learning curves. Once you get to the second, it's a ton easier because you're just so much more confident. Having a DH that is in it with you 100% is key! That and being a heavier sleeper than DH so he gets up more often that I do!

I was very lucky in that both of my girls slept through the night at 7 weeks. I was convinced that they wouldn't because I heard so many people tell me that BF babies never sleep through. Guess I got lucky?! However, we've been dealing with night-time awakenings with Claire for the past 3 weeks and have been putting her in our bed because we're both too tired to stay up. We did this with our first and that led to 6 months of her sleeping with us and then we had to do CIO after everything else failed. Don't want to repeat that but it looks like we're going down the same road lately.
Do you find this age spread difficult?

lmintzer
03-09-2004, 05:59 PM
Haven't read the other responses, but I just wanted to quickly add that I think that child temperament is the key factor in what makes having any number of children hard or eas(ier). If you have a high needs or spirited child or a colicky infant than forget about it--life will be hard whether it's your first, second, or third. Juggling more than one when one of your brood is more challenging is really really hard. Just my two cents.

Best of luck with your decision.