Do you enjoy being a mom all of the time? LONG!

[joannect]

I have posted in the past how unhappy and fussy (colic?) DS is, and all of you have been kind and supportive- thank you. Everyone keeps on saying that is does get better..... God I hope so.

Josh will be 8 weeks old this Friday and just when we thought he was getting better he's gone from bad to worse. He's always been a high maintenance baby. He will not tolerate being put down for more than 5 min (if I'm lucky), so he's basically held nearly 24 hours a day. I've been sleeping on the couch since he was 2 weeks old so DH could sleep and go to work (I really miss my husband :( ) He of course has his witching hour from about 5-8pm when he cries all the time or is fussing big time. Last week he only has one day that he was fussy and we thought "He's finally turned the corner!" Needless to say we were ecstatic. Now this week he's worse than he was before. Now he's taken to fussing and crying ALL DAY LONG. I could live with the constant holding, but he always seem soooooo miserable and is honestly making me not enjoy motherhood. Please don't take this the wrong way and call CPS. I love my son very much and would NEVER do anything to hurt him. But I am getting tired of this.


We've been to the doctor, tried Zantac doesn't seem to work very well. I do think he has reflux though. He spits up A LOT, doesn't like to lay flat (he only sleeps tummy to tummy with me elevated at 45 degrees) and has other symptoms too. He is breastfeed and is feed on demand. He's gaining great. He was 7lbs 7oz and 19 1/2 inches at birth and now only 7+ weeks later he's 12 lbs and 23 3/4inches! We've tried mylicon, Levsin, removing dairy, caffeine, nuts, eggs, and wheat from my diet (doesn't leave a lot for me to eat) with no change. Doc has run out of interventions and has now labeled him colicky and says he'll grow out of it. I've been to a LC she says I have overactive let down and to try alternate feeding positions- didn't work and made no difference. I've tried The Happiest Baby on the Block book and up until this week the swaddling (bought the miracle blanket) shhhhing, stomach lying, sucking and swinging. Up until last week this usually helped. Now he is completely inconsolable. No temp, he's eating, pooping and peeing fine.

Why is he so miserable? Am I missing anything? What is left to try? I'm not sleeping well so that is probably reducing my patience even more. I'm just going to have to wait it out aren't I? I took 3 months off of work to stay home with him and to enjoy my baby (not so much). He is beautiful and I love him more than anything in the world. I just wish I knew how to make him happy. No one told me being a mom was going to be this challenging. I'm just tired, needed to vent, and to have my own pity party. Thank you for listening.

Joanne
Proud mama to Joshua aka "Mr. Fussy Britches" 01/30/04

[mamahill]

Do I enjoy it ALL of the time? No. There are times like you are describing that I don't enjoy. Sometimes I fondly remember when it was just DH and I. But, and this is a HUGE BUT, there are enough good moments that it far outweighs the crappy times. And I PROMISE you, it gets better. SO much better. So much better, in fact, that you'll begin entertaining thoughts of having another one. I promise. Try to get as much sleep as you can (let EVERYTHING else besides Joshua go) and take comfort in knowing things get better. This is what motherhood is, and sometimes it really bites, but I have found a newfound respect for my mom, moms around me, and myself. And that is priceless.

[jojo2324]

From one Joanne to another (:)), it sounds like you're doing everything you can. Gannon was also a "Mr. Fussy Britches." We couldn't put him down and it was a miracle if I showered regularly. Swaddling was useless because he would bust out of it within seconds. By some huge stroke of luck, he did take a bottle, just in time for me to return to work.

But with all that, it seems to me (from both my experience and from what I've heard here) that there are some babies who simply cry a lot, no matter what you do. And only one or two things will stop them from crying. With Gannon, it was nursing and being held. Non-stop.

Don't think of him as unhappy; he just really knows what he wants to make him happy! :) And I know this is IMPOSSIBLE to fathom right now, but it does end. Gannon is still very demanding of my time, and (I'll be honest with you) his sleep patterns left much to be desired until very recently. (He's almost 21 months.) But every month past the 3-month point does bring positive changes. Hang in there...It really does get better. Never perfect, but better. And soon you won't remember the tough times. And you can always come here during the rough spots and vent...We've all been there to one degree or another. :)

Okay, my other Fussy Britches is crying now. (But, to give you hope, she is the exact opposite of her brother, and sleeps like a dream! So babies like this do exist! Don't lose faith!!)

[daisymommy]

Oh Joanne, I hurt for you, and feel your pain :( You sound EXACTLY like me 18 months ago. I wish I could be there to help you out and give you a break. Please try to find someone who can give you a break even if it's an hour here or there.

I really think he is still suffering from reflux big time. How long did you give the Zantac to work? It can take 2 weeks to see any changes. 10 days minimum. But thats not the only medicine to try for reflux. If your doctor tells you there really isn't anything else, get a referal to see a GI specialist, or another doctor. Zantac is usually the first drug of choice for reflux babies, because it's the mildest and therefor safest. But not all babie respond to it. It may take something more heavy-duty in your son's case. But if reflux isn't treated, he can develop bleeding ulcers in his tummy and espophogus from all the acid!

I don't have any tips as far as your food-intake (but I'll bet Rachel or Tammy will, as they were in your shoes as well with their girls). Joshua was formula fed, and we went through every single formula out there to find one that agreed with him.

I think you are doing everything else you can as far as keeping him upright, swaddling him, the Happiest Baby on the Block book, etc. Those things all took the edge off the problems with Josh, but didn't cure him of the colic.

My favorite baby book writer Dr. Sears says that colic is just a 5 letter word that means the doctors don't know what's wrong with your baby. I had 2 pediatricians tell me Josh was just colicky. So, I told them that colic was just a catch-all phrase for you don't knwo whay my baby is hurting and crying." One of them finally agreed with me, and sent us to the GI specialist. After switching formulas one last time, putting him on Zantac, and getting tips on keeping him upright etc., we finally saw a HUGE improvement about 10 days later. By the time he was 11 or 12 weeks old, he was a happy baby.

Hav eyou read the section in Dr. Sears Baby Book on "The Fussy Baby"? Lots of good ideas there for colicy reflux babies, and breastfeeding moms as well.

I really hope that you are able to find soemthing that works for your son as well. I know how hard this is. But as others have said...this too shall pass :)

[papal]

{{{{{Joanne}}}}}}
I am so sorry Mr. Fussy Brtiches (LOL) is getting you so tired. I just wanted to offer my support. The colic does get better around the 3 month mark so hang in there mama!
It is certainly a very cruel twist of nature (or of this society) that a new mom is left to cope with a newborn baby from the very start. Our bodies are still recovering from child-birth and yet we have no time to ourselves to rest and recover!

Is there any way you can get somebody else to help you out..if only to hold Joshua so you can get some rest? Have you tried a sling/pouch? Or a ride in the car?

I know there will be mamas here who will give you some good advice.... i wish i had some to share.

Those first few weeks were very hard, even though my mom was with me and doing everything around the house. You are certainly not alone in what you are feeling...when the baby cried my skin used to crawl and blood pressure used to go up and i used to get angry! It is the exhaustion talking....not you!
I will be thinking of you! Hang in there!

[kransden]

I understand completely - that was my dd. Unless you have one of those types of babies, I don't think you can truly appreciate how wearing it is to your soul. I feel like I aged 20 years in 6 mos. Nothing I did made her happy, only less unhappy. The only thing that made her a little better is we had the Fisher Price cradle type swing. She could sleep in it. I limited how long she was in it. If I had to do it all over again, I would let her sleep in it as long as she wanted as opposed to taking her out.

Also, I would put her in the bassinet propped up in the boppy. That helped a little.

A change of scene made dd better. Going for a walk, or a jaunt to the grocery store for milk. She likes checking everything out. You can't be out long because of melt down, but I usually could manage 30 minutes.

It does get better. My dd had a marked improvement to her disposition at about 6 mos, when she could sit up. Other changes were at 9 and 12 mos.

pm me if you need to talk.


Karin and Katie 10/24/02

[NancyJ_redo]

Joanne - just wanted to let you know that we had the exact same situation. DS cried nearly all day every day, and into the night, for 3 months straight. People didn't believe how bad it was until they saw it firsthand, and then they were shocked. Our doctor had us do an upper GI test on him that confirmed the reflux - is that a possibility for you? That way you'll know whether Joshua has it or not, and can then proceed accordingly. The Zantac worked for us ('worked' in the sense that it relieved the reflux, but DS still was an extremely fussy baby and cried A LOT), but as someone else mentioned it doesn't work for everyone and there are other meds to try.

The experts do say that colic worsens at the 6-8 week mark, and then generally improves after that. I'd say that was true for us, things really got bad around the 8 week mark (even though I previously thought they couldn't get any worse), and then almost without us realizing it, by the 12th week the colic was gone for the most part.

As for whether I was enjoying being a mom for those first 3 months? Um, I think I'd have to be a masochist to have enjoyed that period. Seriously, who can enjoy having a baby scream all day?? Don't be hard on yourself, it's not an enjoyable situation. I felt like I was going to go crazy some days, and I rushed to our ped's office just to gain some sanity.

Trust me, it gets much much better. By 3-4 months his crying should subside, he will start smiling and interacting with you, and you'll begin to understand the magic of being a mom. I know you probably read and hear about all these moms that are blissful as soon as they leave the hospital, but I would guess those are the moms that don't have a baby upset all day every day. I questioned motherhood many times for the first 3 months, but DS is so much fun to be with now and I love him more than anything.

Hang in there!

[flagger]

Hi Joanne:

Remember your signature. "Proud Mama to Joshua" Being proud doesn't meant you won't have moments of sheer frustration. I will admit something that I have only told a very few. I actually screamed at Cocoa I was so mad three times. It seemed as soon as Ms. Flagger left the house to back to work that the screaming would start. I felt horrible for letting my frustration at the screaming back out at this poor defenseless baby who has nothing but love to give. I really felt I broke that trust. And remember Cocoa never really did suffer from Colic per se.

What worked for me was getting into a routine where I walked at the mall twice a week then up to every weekday. I was taking Cocoa in her Bjorn out by the time she was 8-9 weeks old. She was able to hold up her neck and loved being forward facing. She HATED facing backwards. This breath of fresh air and exercise seemed to help both of us. I even found a few walking partners since it does get boring walking alone. She hardly EVER cried during our walks and frequently in the early months fell asleep.

Also, there were times I had to put her down in her crib and walk out the front door. If I could put her in her crib she was safe, if she was crying she was safe and alive. It allowed me to collect my thoughts and go back in for the next round. Frequently she would be asleep when I walked back in. I was never outside more than five minutes at a time during those times.

If you cannot get any friends to help, give the baby to your DH since he was 1/2 responsible for this bundle of joy and get yourself out of the house even if it is down to the end of the block. Allow yourself to be pampered even if it is a drive ALONE. You do not have to be superwoman, you have to allow your DH to make mistakes as well. One thing he can do that my pedi taught me was to hold Joshua in a football cradle (Not for nursing). You place the baby where his head is resting into the crook of his arm. His hand goes between the legs so the baby sort of looks like he is being carried like a football. Stand with your legs at shoulder length and rock back and forth shifting your weight between your legs. I liked holding Cocoa in my left arm, because I could still control the remote with my right hand.

I firmly believe that a happy mommy makes for a happy baby.

[Imperia]

Joanne,

I am so sorry! YOu sound as though you are doing everything you can.
And I doubt anyone likes being a mother ALL of the time, just like no one loves being married 100% of the time or their job or pretty much anything else.

It might help if you tried a sling if you haven't already, it would at least free up your hands for a bit.

My DD almost the same age as your DS! She's 8 and a half weeks (1/24/04) and while she doesn't have reflux and isn't colicky, she still really needs to be held most of the time (again the sling helped free my hands and she LOVES it). Don't feel bad about not swaddling either. Everyone told me to swaddle and she HATED it pretty much for the time she was 2 weeks old. If I would swaddle her and put her down she would try desperately to free herself, and if she couldn't she would start crying hysterically. She doesn't like sleeping on her back either, only on her side or (like your DS!) her tummy. I only let her sleep on her tummy when I am right there or she is on my chest. At night she sleeps in bed with me sort of propped on her side facing my chest.

I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time and while I cannot offer you any sage advice I thought I would offer my support!

Imperia

[etwahl]

joanne, girl i have been there, and it is horrible. i really do feel for you, because i know how it feels and i know how hard it is. i too wouldn't believe that it would ever get easier. okay, my dd is 12 months old and STILL very "spirited" but the crying did get less and less at 4 months. she's still very needy, likes to be held, likes me to play on the floor with her all the time, doesn't sleep alone (wakes to nurse every 2 hours), only naps 30 minutes twice daily, and is just in general a pretty sensitive kid. but i honestly believe it's her temperament. i believe she is hard-wired a sensitive kid (comes by it honestly, i'm a little spirited myself :) ) we tried zantac, that didn't work. i eliminated every possible food from my diet and that did nothing for the crying.

i do think joshua is lucky to have you as a mom. you sound like you are doing everything to make him as happy and comfortable as he can possibly be. and trust me, that's a big accomplishment for a spirited child like himself. i do think there are some moms out there who COULDN'T handle it...even if you don't think you're doing such a great job, YOU ARE!!!

even at 12 months, lauren is firmly attached to my hip a lot of the time. she's a mommy's girl. she has strict routines. noise machine to sleep (that's a lifesaver) and mommy has to rock her to sleep on my knee...but i do what works. i know she won't always need me rocking her to sleep, but i'll do it until she no longer needs it. she's also a big pacifier girl. she NEEDS that thing.

i just wanted to say you're doing a great job though. for the longest time, i just wanted to "fix" her. i thought there was something wrong. all the other babies i'd see never cried, rarely fussed, were easy, easy going. then there's lauren...and she's just not like other kids. but once i accepted that, i stopped wondering what was wrong with her and started accepting it was just her personality, i was able to relax a little.

if you ever want to talk, please let me know. sometimes it honestly helps to have someone who's been there. it can be hard talking to mommy friends about it, who had easy babies and don't get where you're coming from. it's not their fault, they've just never experienced it, and until you've experienced it, you just don't "get it". so please let me know and i'd be happy to chat with you on the phone!

Tammy,
Mom to Lauren Genevieve
03/12/2003
www.evantammy.com

[jojo2324]

Joanne, something else that popped into my mind: I completely forgot about Flagger's hold method! We used that non-stop with Gannon. Also, I would bring the stroller in, stuff it with a sheepskin, and roll him right next to the dishwasher. Or even leave the vacuum running!

I just have to say that it's threads like this that make me love this community so much!! Everyone rallies around and is here to support you with advice and kind words! :)

[joannect]

I want to thank everyone for their support and kind words. The other Joanne is right, this is a WONDERFUL forum and has saved my sanity several times. We will keep plugging away and do what ever it takes to make Mr. Fussy Britches happy. Thanks again, but I've got to go. You know who is screaming at me :)

Tammy or anyone else feel free to email me at [email protected]
I would love to hear from you, chat, pick your brain or hash over war stories :)

You guys are the best!

Joanne
Proud mama to Joshua aka "Mr. Fussy Britches" 01/30/04

[redhookmom]

Joannne,

You have received some great advice here. Good for you for reaching out. Support is such a blessing.

No I don't enjoy being a Mom all of the time. The lows are really low and the highs are really high!

[JenCA]

I can certainly relate to what you are going through. My daughter had colic and to be totally honest, the first three months of her life were pretty miserable. The times that I was sad, exhausted, stressed, angry, etc. far outweighed the times I was happy, as ashamed as I am to admit it. I so envied those moms who had quiet, happy newborns they could take anywhere. From the moment of birth on, mine screamed 24/7 except for when she was being fed (I nursed her ALL the time, sometimes for as long as 1.5 hours at a time. Even when she wasn't hungry, she just wanted to suck and wouldn't take a pacifier. So, I became her pacifier. This drove me crazy!). I couldn't play with her or really interact with her except to try to calm her down. My house was a wreck, I never got anything done, *I* was a wreck. We tried EVERYTHING, and nothing worked except time. She eventually outgrew the colic, and is now such a smiley, happy kid. Of course, she started mellowing out right around the time I started back to work--ha! Isn't that just the way it goes? ;)

But--as much as she has mellowed (most people can't believe she was ever colicky!), she is still a high maintenance baby. I honestly think that's just her temperment! I do believe that I am more experienced now than I was when DD was a newborn, so I am more easily able to deal with her. Anyway, I just wanted to add my support and let you know that: 1.) the way you are feeling is NORMAL; 2.) it really does get better with time. Please, please feel free to PM me if you want to talk about this further. I can absolutely commiserate! Hang in there, you're doing the best you can.

[mamicka]

I don't have any personal experience with a colicky baby but have heard that chiropractic care can help. You might want to look into it. I can relate to the feelings you're having even though DS wasn't colicky. I know its really hard.

Allison

[jd11365]

You've gotten some fantastic support and advice already, but I would like to share three things...

1. It WILL get better...I promise! You have to wait for the magic 3 month point and life will change...for the better. The Happiest Baby on The Block book says their little digestive systems aren't developed until after they are 3 months old...that there should actually be a 4th trimester of pregnancy to let this develop...which is why many young babies fuss so much.

2. We had lots of success with Gripe Water which you can get at Whole Foods. Do a search for gripe water and you should come up with LOTS of information...especially me shouting its praises. Honestly, I had a bottle in the diaper bag, the house, the car...extras to spare... We called it "Liquid Gold" because it was so precious.

3. Keep sharing here! Venting your frustrations and having your questions answered is necessary and you will get LOTS of wonderful support here. This has got to be the most educated (academically and/or otherwise) and supportive group people you will find in one place. I trust them more than words can say when it comes to baby advice (and diaper bags...lol). I couldn't have made it through those tough times in the beginning (or thereafter for that matter) without these people!

Keep up the great work!

Jamie
Mommy to Kayla
5-1-03

[AJsMom]

Joanne-

I have been there too! DS was colicky for what felt like FOREVER but was maybe 4 months. Very similar- cried during the witching hour at first, then all the time, had to be held or nursed all the time,.... I got crazy and frustrated and thought I would never get through it (or DS for that matter!). We did, though DS is still high maintenance and "spirited" as many have said about their kids, and still seems to need to be held much of the time- at 20 months and 27 lbs!!

DS turned out to have reflux (treated with all meds and never really found one that cured it- he just grew out of it by maybe 10 months) and he was allergic to dairy and soy (he was growing VERY well too). I had to eliminate these from my diet and saw an improvement but he still had the colic. Just know that with food allergies you need to eliminate the possible allergen from your diet for a few weeks before you will really know. It is best to see a GI specialist. DS seemed to grow out of his dairy allergy at around 13-14 months, but soy remained. Now he seems to be reacting to dairy again (major eczema, diaper rash, and crankiness) and has added new foods to his DO NOT GIVE ME list: tomatoes, berries, oranges. Oh well. No one said anything worth doing is easy!

As frustrated as you are, it is totally normal and will get better. I always feel that the joy and love is worth all the suffering- and it is only a few years out of your entire life (pregnancy and 1st year!).

Here's lots of luck, energy and support!

Kristen

[lmintzer]

Oh, Joanne! I get tears in my eyes reading your message, because I was there. And I was exhausted to the point where I couldn't eat and feeling alone and inadequate and even angry and resentful at times (went through the whole list of "why was everyone else's baby doing X and mine Y").

Jack was incredibly colicky and hn and did a lot of what your ds is doing--crying, fussing, and not letting us put him down.

Most of his first year (or at least for 6 months) was merely survival. There wasn't a lot of room for enjoyment.

You have gotten some wonderful, supportive feedback and suggestions here. Some additional things that worked for us included: car rides (somehow he quieted in the car), this droning piece of modern, minimalist music called "Music for 18 Musicians" (actually, a neat piece). Jack fell asleep to that almost every night between 4 and 12 weeks. The sling (a godsend, though I grew to resent it when I had to dance him down for naps at 8 months--I nearly broke my back). The baby swing (it allowed us 15 minutes to shovel down dinner). And the #1 item on our survival list (drum roll please): THE HAIRDRYER! Yep, this little number stopped the worst of the colic attacks, usually when coupled with tight swaddling and a pacifier. Give it a try if you haven't. We even use this for our non-colicky (but still prone to crying) 4 month-old.

Another good resource: Baby Center has a posting board called "Parenting High Needs Children". The women there are incredible and have all been through experiences like ours.

Feel free to PM me any time!

[sirensrise]

hats off to you! between hormones and exaustion and just the shock of how much work it is to care for a baby, the first months is just HARD! the only thing i can say is that IT DOES GET BETTER! this too will pass. for me, it was the adjustment to motherhood that is the hardest. once i got a hold of things, got used to having a baby, hormone got stable, things got better. this is just me. i also was much better when i get to know dd better, was more bond with her. (i was not the one fall in love at first sight. she was lovely and cute and i loved her but the bond took time for me, and yes, that made a difference for me.)

[newbelly2002]

Don't forget the vaccum cleaner! I ran it once for an hour straight (it's no wonder no one in our apartment building spoke to us for the first 6 months but I figured it was better than constant crying!) to get and keep my little monkey to sleep.

Good luck. You're doing great. This too shall pass.

Paula
Mama to Dante, 8/02

[amp]

I know it's frustrating to hear us all say it gets better, and yet it doesn't feel like it's getting any better. I only can tell you that it does. I don't feel like Jake got into a routine or napped really well until he was at least 4 mths old, and maybe even closer to 6 mths old. 6 mths is kind of where I feel like I finally got more used to and comfortable with my roll as mommy. Don't get me wrong, Jake is a HANDFUL! He frustrates me to no end on bad days, but he is so much more independent now than he was as a newborn.

So, trust us, it may not seem like it, but it will get better. Hang in there, mama. You're doing a great job!