DH just left to Afghanistan for a year

[wendmatt]

I'm so upset and trying to be strong for dd, I don't want her to see me crying (she's napping at the mo). I've tried to tell her daddy has to go to work for a long time but he's just gone off to work for the day as far as she's concerned.
I know I shouldn't complain, it's his job and it's better than Iraq, but I'm still v.distressed.
Also (and I think this is the worst part of how I'm feeling!) DD is not sleeping again. She's been getting up every 2 hrs for about 6 weeks. I'm sure she senses something is wrong, but every 2 hrs seems ridiculous. I know I'm an enabler as I just nurse her back down because I'm too tired to deal with crying. This morning she was fighting going back to sleep (she'll close her eyes and then force them back open) and I was just sobbing and I find I'm getting mad at her.
Sorry to go on, just wanted to vent to someone.

[daisymommy]

Wendy,
I am so sorry. I can only imagine how hard this is for you, and how hard it will be this year. Please know that we are all here for you 24/7 whenever you need us. Do yourself a huge favor and hook up with some other military wives who's husbands are gone, find a playgroup, enlist family for support, etc. You will need help and encouragement. Please don't expect yourself to hold all your feelings in. and to be SuperMom and do everything by yourself. You're only human.

Blessings,

[kfcboston]

OMG, Wendy - I'm so sorry! Hugs to you and your precious DD!!

[redhookmom]

Complain away, I think you have every right. Just because it's his job doesn't make if fun.

My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time. I am sure your daughter senses something big is going on, because something is. Perhaps as you go to each other for comfort she will fall into a new pattern which is easier for you.

[papal]

Oh Wendy.. i am so sorry that your dh has to be away for so long... we are all here to support you if you need us. Here is wishing this year goes by very very quickly for you and he is back in your arms as soon as possible.

[etwahl]

oh no wendy. i'm so sorry to hear this. i'm a military wife also and have dealt with lots of long deployments, and it's horrible. well okay, when it was just me, not so bad, but with dd (who is 13 months old), even one day seems too much lately.

i agree with someone else's suggestion about hooking up with wives whose husbands are also gone. one of the hardest things for me was having a lot of friends whose husbands weren't gone and hating to intrude on family time on the weekends. plus no one else knows what you're going on. you need people in the same situation to lean on.

i feel really bad for you, becuase i know how you're feeling. i actually don't deal well with dh going away at all anymore. it's truly a struggle with me. i get depressed, angry, bitter, etc. and my dd isn't a great sleeper either, and i do get angry sometimes because it seems it will never end.

definitely vent away. if you ever want to email me personally, please do. sometimes it is easier talking to someone who has been there, because they truly do understand.

Tammy,
Mom to Lauren Genevieve
03/12/2003
www.evantammy.com

[kathsmom]

Wendy,

I am so sorry that your DH is going to be away for so long. We will be thinking of you all. Please feel free to vent all you want. We're all here for you. I can totally understand about being upset with your DD's sleeping habits - my DS (who is 18 months old) has started waking up at least once every night and wanting to have snacks and play.

Like the other posters suggested, I think finding a support group of other military wives who are going through the same thing that you are might help.

Take care and big hugs to you and your family.

[COElizabeth]

I'm sorry, Wendy! Feel free to complain anytime. We're always here for support. As for the night waking, I would probably just do whatever is easiest on you both until things settle down. You have enough to think about right now. With luck, maybe she will settle into a new and easier pattern within a few more weeks. In the meantime, do you have anyone to give you some relief so you can nap or just get a break?

Elizabeth, Mom to James, 9-20-02
EDD #2, 10-30-04

[jamsmu]

Oh Wendy, I can't even imagine what you must be going through. I can only "ditto" what the previous posts have said. We're all here for you, please feel free to get out your feelings, sometimes its easiest to do it in writing, here's the place!

We're thinking of you!

[Sarah1]

Just wanted to say my thoughts are with you--what a tough thing to go through. Don't worry about feeling like an enabler. Just do what feels right. I hope things get easier for you!

[JLiebCamm]

You can vent to us any time!

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

Wendy we are here for you while your /our hero goes off to Afganistan. Please know we as a community will be there to help in anyway that we can. I hope you are near base and that you can use some of those resources. My father was in Vietnam my first few years of life and looking back the mommies left behind while hubbys are deployed are every bit as much a hero!!!!

We are here for you girlie...
Thank you for all that families like yours give to us!!!!!
Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

[sweetbasil]

Oh my goodness, Wendy...hugs to you, Emily, and your DH. Vent here anytime, sweetie!

[jubilee]

" My father was in Vietnam my first few years of life and looking back the mommies left behind while hubbys are deployed are every bit as much a hero!!!!"

Neve- I totally agree! (My dad was in Vietnam too. and in the Navy 30 years)
Wendy- We'll be here for you! But that's still not a substitute for friends that will help you out in real life. So be sure to ASK for help from them! You're in my prayers...

[wendmatt]

Thankyou so much for your kind words. I have a few good friends here but I'm not very good at asking for help, so that'll be a learning curve. Thanks again, you guys are so great.

[ismommy]

Wendy,
My DH is a photojournalist who only covers the military. He spent 6 months in Iraq so while he wasnt gone for a year I can understand. Make sure you get some time away even if it only to grab a coffee. It will help in the long run. Its what I am trying to work on since whjne DH travels it tends to be just Bella and me and not getting a break wears on me.
Also I wouldnt worry about the night wakings - give it a few weeks to establish a new routine and do whatever works for both of you during this time.
email me if you want to talk either though email or on the phone.

Helene
mommy to Isabella

[jojo2324]

Wendy, I'm so sorry. Wishing for a speedy return!!! Lots of hugs.

[mamahill]

Oh Wendy! I am so sorry for what you're going through. Please know we are always here to listen. Big hugs to you, and hopefully you'll get more sleep at night.

[amp]

Vent away, Wendy! I am so sorry you are on your own for awhile! I could not do what you do. I freak out when my husband doesn't come home from work until late! Caring for kids by yourself is HARD! But your DH is doing such important stuff. Thank him for us, for his bravery and patriotism and for doing his job!

Hugs to all of you. Come here when you need support!

[barbarhow]

Wendy-so sorry for what you are going through. I can't imagine how difficult it must be. It seems hard enough to cope with a little one with sleep problems but to have no help and to be missing your husband must make it even harder. I hope you can get some support from the boards and hopefully find some mommies in the same predicament to support you IRL. My thoughts are with you.
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03

[starrynight]

{hugs} Hang in there and vent or whatever you have to here. I hope your dd starts sleeping better soon.

[Karenn]

Wendy,
That's got to be so hard for you! I really don't know how you military wives do it! I live in a Military town and there are always husbands and wives being shipped out and it just seems too hard! I can't imagine my DH being gone for a week on business, let alone being deployed to some far off place for months at a time!

And then, when you add the sleep thing on top of all that- you just must be exhausted- emotionally and physically!

Hang in there! I hope you get some rest soon!

[Melanie]

Wendy, I'm so sorry. I don't know how you military wives do it.

I found when Ds went through tough-to-sleep phases, I'd throw out any "rules" and do whatever it took to get him to sleep. If this meant driving, I drove, walking in stroller/carrier, I walked, laying down with him and taking a nap myself, I napped, a swing for the entire nap, he swung. Later on, this strategy proved to be useful for getting him on a semblence of a schedule b/c his body was getting used to sleeping at relatively the same time daily, instead of the crazy hours we were keeping. It then became easier to get him to sleep in ways I prefer, at the more optimal times.

[NancyJ_redo]

I totally agree with all Melanie wrote. I don't know how the military wives do it and feel so emotionally indebted to you all for the sacrifices you and your husbands make.

As for the sleep issues, I say do whatever makes it easiest on you and your babe. Get through it all one day at a time, and don't worry about what you 'should' be doing.

Hang in there and know that we're all here for you!

[lukkykatt]

Your family will be in our prayers. I hope that the year goes by as quickly as possible for all of you.

I am glad that you have good friends nearby. Please let them know what you need - I am sure that they would be more than happy to help you! Also, the others had great ideas in getting in touch with any military support groups that you can - I would take all the help I could get.

DH works ALOT and travels about one week every two months, and I have to say that I am by myself more than I ever thought that I would be. BUT that is NOTHING compared to what you wonderful military families do, and I respect you highly. Please vent here any time you need to, and keep us posted on your hubby. Please pass on our high regards and thanks for the incredible job that he is doing!

[doubleL]

Wendy,

So sorry to hear this. I'll be thinking about you. I wish there was more we could do... we'll just be here for you.

Lou
~David 5.01
~Elisabeth 6.03

[jennifer13]

Wendy, I think you have every right to complain! I'd be a wreck. Here's hoping it gets better and that you have as good of a year as possible. Thinking of you-
Jennifer
Mom to Norah 5/23/03

[Andrea S]

Wendy,

So sorry your husband is going to be away for so long. (((HUGS))) Please vent all you need and find some ways to get a break now and again.


Andrea
mom to Andrew 8/14/02

[sarahfran]

Wendy,
I'll be thinking about you and Emily and hoping that her sleep schedule settles down and that you're able to get some "self" time to relax and build up your strength. It's got to be very hard to deal with DH away, especially when your sleep is compromised. As a previous poster said, your sacrifice for our country is appreciated along with your DH's. Please let us know whenever you need cyber hugs! We're here for you!
-Sarah
Mom to Dylan, 8/18/03

:) Motherhood is such a joy! :)