Waking Early and Wailing, Wailing - Help!

[akc]

HI -

I'm turning to the boards for thoughts and suggestions. This is long, but I really need your help.

My DD#1 (21 months) is an amazing sleeper. Usually goes to bed at 6:30 - 7 pm and gets up somewhere between 7:30 and 8:30 a.m. Twice in the past two weeks we've had a big issue that made all that seem like a dream.

She wakes up about around 5 a.m. and begins to WAIL. "No, No...Daddy, Daddy, Mommy, Mommy...Down, Down, No, No..." Once we get her, she wants to go downstairs but doesn't stop crying for a while (could be up to a half an hour) before we can sufficently distract her with food or juice. She's also attached to our leg screaming "HUG," which is her way of saying, "I want to be picked up."

What do you think is going on here? We tried to let her cry it out for an hour today - thinking she'd go back to sleep or realize that no one is going to come if she wails. No dice. We could try that again next time, but only seemed to escalate?

We've thought of possibilities:

1) She's have a bad dream. I don't know much about night terrors, but I would think those would occur more in the middle of the night. We've had a couple of occasions where she cries out and doesn't need us to come. Soothes herself and goes back to sleep. Why would those occur at the same time and necessitate her going down to start her day?

2) She's insecure or having separation anxiety?? (she's NEVER had the latter, never clung to either DH or I throughout her whole 21 mos - can go to anyone or separate from us as happy as can be) She doesn't have a security item - never took one. So, she's feeling insecure? Had a binky (pacifier) until about a month ago which might have been a go to plug her crying, and she did like to hold on to an extra one and squish the rubber part with her finger, but after one bad night and one bad nap, she's abandoned it with no problem and even ignores her new sister's binkies. How could we try to get her to take a security item this late? She does NOT want anything in her crib at night. Throws them all out if we try.

3) She's hungry? She eats dinner around 5:15 - 5:30 p.m. with our sitter, has a bath, watches Baby McDonald and then nightime routine of books, slow dancing, and bed. Goes down without a problem, but maybe by 5 am on these days she's hungry? Usually wants yogurt right away. I thought about a snack before bed but think that's a TERRIBLE habit to get into and one of the most contributing factors to obesity in kids and adults. What would we do? Put a.m. snacks or juice within reach of her crib?

4) She's teething (two-year molars) and it bothers her after a long night? I read that the pain and throbbing is worse when lying down, but Tylenol before she goes to bed isn't going help. Will just wear off. She got her regular teeth very early - has all of them now but 2-year molars (and got six in one week and didn't cry or get fussy then). She's putting her hands in her mouth a lot and went back to drooling, which leads me to think they are moving their way up, but why would it wake her to wailing on particular nights? I don't know - is there anything we could do about that?

5) She's just hitting terrible two's and wants to play if she wakes early and screaming/wailing is her way to get us to do it? Then what do we do? Ignore her or humor her? It's not exactly a time out situation (which we haven't even had to begin yet).

HELP! Any experience with this and what you thought caused it? And, what do you suggest as a remedy? The answer may be to suck it up, but I really like to know the root cause of things b/c she is a very happy child and rarely cries at all, so this is very unusual.

Thanks so much in advance - thoughts, comments, suggestions?

Alexa

[akc]

p.s. any thought on whether terrible twos really begin at 18 mos or hold out for 24 mos is welcome!

[stella]

Well, I can answer this one: My son hit the terrible twos at about 13-14 months. He was much more difficult UNTIL two than he has been since turning two (9 months ago). Having said that, he's becoming demanding and difficult right now, but it has been a great 9 months.

My daughter is 16 months and she is and has been pretty easy - especially once she started walking at 14 months.

I believe that the period of time between one and two is one of the most difficult. They don't reason all that well. You can't explain things to them. They can't communicate very well. It's just very frustrating - for them and for the parents. I am seeing this over and over in my playgroups. But usually the ones having the problems are the boys.

Could you give her a sippy cup of water at 5 a.m.? Turn on some lullabyes? Repeat the bedtime ritual (if you have one)? Check her diaper, tell her it's not time to get up, close the door and get yourself some earplugs?

These are just some ideas... I am right there with you - over Easter we were at my parents' house and he woke up (and got up from the big boy bed) at about 5 a.m. every day. It was terrible.

Good Luck and you definitely have my sympathy. I think they just go through little developmental phases that disrupt their normal habits and personalities. It won't last forever. (How comforting is that in the here and now when you're not getting your sleep??)

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

Alexa could it be the new addition is just making her alittle more clingy...that was my immediate thought with wanting to be held and all...
Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

[akc]

Oh, good point. I forgot that as one of the options. She doesn't seem affected by Charlotte at all (loves her and wants to hug and kiss her all the time), but maybe she wants her own snuggle time. Why would she wail and be inconsolable then?

[Hallie_D]

Alexa,
DS is only a few weeks older than your older daughter, and he is going through something similar. A few times in the last couple of weeks he has woken up (at varying times of night/early morning) saying almost exactly the same thing--"No, no, daddy, mommy, go!" (our bedrooms are downstairs and he says "go" when he wants to go out of his room.) He has been inconsolable for about half an hour after he wakes up, and this is a kid who rarely cries for more than 2 minutes. He also got all his teeth early and has been drooling and chomping on his fingers as his 2-yr-old molars come in this month.

Our thought has been night terrors. It is the only explanation we can come up with. Maybe the night terrors are brought on by pain from teething? Maybe it is just the developmental stage they are in? Anyway, our solution has been to bring him to our bed to snuggle, and once he calms down we all go back to sleep. But we were a cosleeping family until DS recently transitioned to his own bed, so it works for us.

It may just be a coincidence that your DD has awakened at the same time both times, it may be that she is sleeping more lightly at that time of night/morning and so woke up from the dream, rather than remaining asleep, or it may be that, because she could see daylight, her brain said, "Bad dream, but it is morning--time to wake up!" (Of course, I have no idea if she can see light in her bedroom that early.) If you are able to stand getting up that early, it might be worth it. If it IS night terrors, she needs comforting to help her feel better. If she is hungry, and waking early is getting to be a habit, perhaps you could try making dinner and bedtime 30-60 minutes later...maybe she'll sleep later as well.

HTH,

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

I don't know...
and honestly if it is over this I betcha it isn't due to not loving or really even a real jealousy...it might just be a "I wanna be the baby" kind of feeling.

I don't know I just thought maybe that was it when I read your post...
Hope it gets better... :)
Hugs,
Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

[akc]

Hi

All of these posts are making me feel better,I think you are ALL right. It's probably some combination of all of these things. And, Hallie - it sounds like Elijah is going through the EXACT same thing. It is so similar - our bedroom is downstairs and she's up on the 3rd floor with DD#2 across the hall. Perhaps she feels really vulnerable b/c they are up there alone. It is always lightish outside when she does this, so she probably does see the light. And, the drooling and chomping is a constant these days - she won't let me see in her mouth to try to check on those teeth.

Sigh. She's so communicative - really, speaks with a full vocabulary including aches and pains, temperature feelings (hot and cold), tired, happy, sad, even when she's being "bossy," etc., so it's frustrating that she can't tell us what's bothering her. I asked her if her teeth hurt and she said "no." It really didn't bother her the first time, but it might be bugging her to wake up.

I'll need to go back and dig through the baby and toddler books to learn more about night terrors. I think it might be something like that because of the "No, No, No!" That isn't usually something she or we say and, now that I think of it, she ONLY says it repetively when she's afraid of things during the day (like scary robot-like animals that move at Rainforest Cafe - anyone else's child terrified of that dark and scary place?!)

We can bring her down to our bed b/c we have a "special time" there at night as part of our wind down routine. The problem is that she's a crib-baby and LOVES her crib, so she'll never sleep with us. At least we'll be still in bed though...

We did check with a friend who is a pediatric nurse and she said if she is eating at 5 p.m. and sleeping until 7 or 8 am, she probably does need something before she goes to bed - even if it is just milk. I think I might be able to figure out some healthy things and try to give it to her in "Stage 1" of wind down (downstairs or in our room) and not "Stage 2" (in her room, three books, dance and lights out.)

It's so rough because we are obviously still getting up several times a night with our 2-mo old. It is SO nice to know that I've got compatriots out there! :) The BB Lounge is my lifesaver!

Alexa

p.s. Anyone got any ideas about what might be a really healthy snack before bed? I think fruit would be too difficult and it has a lot of natural sugars. I need something that is not sugary or salty. Whew! Or, any previous posts about snacks before bed?

[stella]

How about the string cheese sticks? Or plain goldfish, or yogurt, or some cheese toast?

[lisams]

Cheese or yogurt are good snack ideas - they seem to keep DD "full" longer.

I hope things get better for you guys!!
Lisa