Did anyone NOT have a party for 1st birthday?

[justlearning]

Reading other threads about first-birthday parties is making me feel like a horrible mom. I'm not planning on having a birthday party for DS because all of our relatives are out of state and won't be able to fly out here, because we haven't made many good friends yet in the state we recently moved to, and because we're going to be in the middle of a move from our rental into a new home the week of DS's birthday.

I'm wondering if any of you did not have a party for your child's first birthday. If so, did you do anything to make it special for your child without having anyone over? Did you later regret not having a party for your child? Do you think one year-olds really enjoy a party anyways?

Maybe I can just get together with a few moms who I have met here for a day at the zoo or something informal rather than trying to plan a formal party for DS. What do you think of this idea? Any input would be greatly appreciated! I don't want to have DS later telling his therapist how he felt neglected and unloved because he never had a first-year birthday party! ;)

[jk3]

I think a formal party can be fun but it's usually more for the parents than the child-not a neccessity and definitely not the only way to celebrate the special day. A day at the zoo would be a great way to celebrate. You can also have a little "party" with DH + DS and put up some decorations, blow out candles and take some pictures. Just be sure to take a picture of your DS eating, or attempting to eat, a piece of birthday cake-that will avoid any future therapy sessions!

[Sarah1]

I was the only mom in my playgroup of 5 moms to have a more "formal" party...for the others we just turned the playgroup into a little birthday celebration. I think your idea of just having a little get-together with a few other moms sounds great!

[ethansmom]

I'm probably in the minority, but I'm not a huge fan of having big first bday parties. However, I know this is a huge celebration in some cultures.

That said, I realized I did want to have a small family party. However, DH's family is so dysfunctional they haven't been in the same room for about 15 yrs...I do want my DS to have parties with all of his family, and hopefully, if the first time goes badly, he won't be old enough to remember. The bottom line is, at this time, it would be too stressful for DH, so we aren't doing it this year.

So, we are going to take DS for his first zoo visit! Pre-baby, we loved the zoo, so this has been something we've been looking forward to, and the weather is finally cooperating! Of course, I will make him a cake and my folks will come over for that.

As a child, I always had great parties, but I really don't remember the first few!

[toomanystrollers]

We've always had small family birthday parties for the 1st and 2nd birthday. Just buy/make him a cake, a birthday hat, couple of balloons - and let him have fun playing with the cake and take lots of pictures. I wouldn't worry at all about not having an "official" party :)

[Calmegja2]

We do the same as Pam...just a small family party...dinner, cake, celebration. ;-)

[ktdid74]

Hi Anne-
neither of my kids got a first birthday party. With DS, we were in Maine looking for a house. The hotel we were staying in suprised us with an Elmo cake and balloons so that was his "party". DD just turned one on 3/26 and all we did was a cake (which she had no interest in), a big balloon (LOVED to play with it) and I bought her a silver baby brush from Tiffany's. I do feel kind of bad about not having a party for them but all of our family is in Dallas, we don't need anymore toys for the kids, and really, I was just too exhuasted this year to do it. Sign me up for mother of the year :) My kids will have plenty else to tell their therapist, I'm sure ;)

[tinkerbell1217]

As long as the party was short and sweet my kids seemed to enjoy theirs, especially the cake part! :)

I think spending the day at the zoo with other moms or friends is a great idea. Or even just you and your SO having a small cake with him that evening. No shame in that at all!! He won't remember anyway. Since your relatives are all out of state I understand it would be expensive and tough to all fly out for the party.

Lots of luck!

Kelly

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

I haven't read others responses so I am certain this has been said. but I think it would be a marvelous B-Day just you, DH and baby with a little cup cake or something to make it ceremonial. Honestly the day is so special in itself that you get too look back as to where and what you were doing a year ago that day that a party (to me) was so secondary to the emotions that brewed in me...

So don't think a party of three is not a party...
I think it would be lovely !!!!
Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

[slknight]

We're not having a party either. Tomorrow is Alex's first birthday, and instead of a party, we're flying to Disney World! DH's entire family is also going, so we may have a little get-together down there, but nothing official. We are also meeting my parents in the airport during our layover in Washington, so they will get to see him on his first birthday.

Oh, and the Disney World trip was not planned to be a special thing for his birthday. It just worked out that we're traveling on the same day.

[June]

I did not plan to have a party when DD turned one. I had been to a few that seemed crazy with lots of kids and thought that wasn't for me, and we have no family in the area. A couple of days before her birthday, I thought the situation seemed sad, so I invited two of our neighbors with similar aged children over for a cook out. We had an informal meal and had cake and ice cream. It turned out just perfect! Oh, and of course we took lots of pictures to commemorate the special day.

[boys2enough]

Hi, we didn't give Gabriel a party for his 1 st birthday. Partly because he is the second child... lol. Partly because we didn't think he'd enjoy the crowd. He does not warm up to strtangers easily, and gets overwhelmed by a crowd very easily. He does not even like cakes! A party would have been more for us, and probably would have made him miserable. So we decided against a party because he would not have enjoyed it. In addition, he would not have missed it, kwim? :-) Since his birthday is near Thanksgiving, we did have my MIL to celebrate his 1st birthday with us.

Not sure whether anybody would agree, this is just how I feel in general: memories tend to be made through pictures/photographs, and now, family video tapes. I feel that what is not captured visually tends to be forgoten, whereas what is captured visually will eventually become what we remember the most. My 6 yo claimed that he remembered his 1 st birthday party, but of course it's because he's seen the pictures many times. My point is: if you are worried that DS may feel unloved in the future looking back (which I doubt, to be honest), you should take lots of cute and silly pictures of him and you and DH celebrating his 1st birthday. Take pictures of him surrounded by presents from family and friends. Put on the party hats, balloons, stringers, etc etc. Take pictures of him making a mess of the cake. Have a wonderful Kodak moment, so to speak. And that will be what he comes to remember in the future.

Just my $0.02. Cheers, Lin

[justlearning]

To all of you who responded to my question, thank you!! I feel much better now about my decision not to host a formal party and have some good ideas for ways to make the day special and to get good pictures as well. I think I will try to find a way to turn a playgroup that will be meeting a few days before his birthday into a simple birthday party for DS--that way it won't have to be at our house. I also like the idea of doing something special together with just DH and DS on his actual birthday and making that our own special "party."

It was very helpful to hear some of you say that you also did not or will not have a formal party for your child. One of our friends here recently had a first-birthday party for her daughter with about 50 adults in attendance along with all of their kids. I guess that, in combination with reading some other posts here, was making me feel badly about not having a big party for DS. Now, instead of worrying about DS's future therapy complaints, I'm more focused on thinking of simple ways to make his day special. :) For that, I thank you!

[heidi_timms]

I'm glad you figured out a plan to celebrate :)

I just want to add that Safeway gives away a free cake for all first birthdays! I got a flyer in the mail recently and I've heard of this before. Definitely take advantage of that!

~Heidi
Mom to Kailey Ashlin
4/27/03

[Melanie]

If I had it to do over, I would have done grandparents only & then some type of birthday outing for Ds on another day, if that makes you feel better. That's what we did for his 2nd and it was SO MUCH more enjoyable. We actually even did all the sets of grandparents (Ds has FOUR) on different days just due to their schedules. It was very peaceful and he got to go at his own pace.

[Marisa6826]

We didn't have a party. We went out to dinner with our best friends and their daughter ( 8m younger than Sophie) to a local restaurant where they knew me all throughout my pregnancy.

We were just about to move and the condo was in complete disarray.

I don't regret it at all. Our lives were so hectic at the time, a party would have probably sent me over the edge ;) .

Besides, does a one year old really have any clue that the birthday is for them??

-m

[amp]

IMHO, 1st birthdays are for the families, not the child. The kid probably won't know the difference. So don't feel bad about not having a party.

That said, we are having a small gathering. It will consist of both of our sets of parents & two other couples (one has 2 kids also). Small and not very partyish, but just the people closest to us. I don't even know if they couples will both be able to attend, so it could be even just us and our parents.

I think you can make it special just by both trying to spend some time with your child doing something they love to do (for ours it would be spending time outside) and you could still make a cake and share a piece with the child. Just make sure you take some pics even if it's just the three of you hanging out, because it's still a milestone. And in the end, you guys are the ones that count to make the day special for your baby! Enjoy!

[emmiem]

We did not have a birthday "party" for my DD first or second or third birthday. No friends, no long lost relatives. What we did have was a family dinner like we do for everyone else in the family and had cake with candles afterward. For her third birthday, I added balloons at her chair. She did open presents after cake. I don't think kids need all the presents from other kids nor the extra stimulation and goodie bags.
Michele