Job share turned down. next career is SAHM (long rant)

[josephmama]

Well, the verdict is in and my boss said no job share. Her boss and that boss's boss agree. She even did as I asked and spoke with other directors supervising job share counselors, and she submitted my proposal in its entirety to her superiors. Word is that my college is too small to try this. It works better in larger offices. I just don't even care about fighting this anymore. You know, I've agonized over the whole process and two weeks ago my boss was leading me to think this wouldn't happen (after she originally said she supported job share). So the past couple weeks I've been angry and starting to feel apathetic about my job. Plus my son has developed stranger and separation anxiety so I can't go see him at lunch anymore like I did every day. When my boss told me today she wouldn't go for it I was actually relieved. My son has been sick nonstop since starting daycare in January and I keep saying I've had enough. Well, I think I really have now. I am actually happy that this isn't going to happen.

But I tried, and at least people here know that women are trying to develop flexible options and they're being turned down. I've had colleagues before me try to do this and they were denied and kept hush hush. So at least now people know about it. So maybe in the next couple years a woman will actually succeed. So I at least like to think I'm helping to pave that road in some small way.

So now I can be with my son all day and not feel sick to my stomach for 9 hours 5 days a week not being with him. And maybe he will be HEALTHY for a change (I'm off to the ped again in 20 minutes). Financially it will be different- most likely doable but definitely a different lifestyle. Luckily I make half of what DH does but still it's different. So I will be reading all of the recommended budgeting and cost cutting literature mentioned here!

I have applied to teach adjunct at the local community college for the fall to keep my feet in my career. Any advice about child care for a few hours a week during the day? Also I would love any beginning SAHM advice (will probably start my new "job" July 1) for rookies!

Also, my boss offered me the summer leave no pay (i'm not accepting it since I would be full-time all school year upon return). I think she might consider a year without pay leave. Here is my dilemma- I know I won't want to come back in a year when DS is 2 when we'll be planning to have #2. I know you can't predict how conceiving will go so you never know, but I'm afraid to accept a year no pay only to then say next year "umm, never mind, I don't want to come back". Plus my boss would have to do a search for someone for only a year so they'd get less qualified candidates. Then I would have the reputation for screwing over my office if I didn't return. Thoughts?

Well, thanks for letting me rant/vent/whatever. Probably belongs in thh bitching section but I'm not exactly upset... well, upset for women in general, but I want to be home anyway now. Felt good to have some closure anyway!

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

I'm sorry to hear this we were pulling for you...
I suspect as this door shuts a window will open and that you'll like the view!!!!
Keep us posted, it will work out!!!
Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

[JElaineB]

I was in a similar situation, though I didn't make a major formal proposal. I told my boss that I wanted to work PT after coming back, he said to submit what I wanted to do. I did, and he said no. I could either come back FT or not at all. So I did not go back. I did start adjuncting at a local community college and I have been doing that for almost a year and a half now and I really enjoy it (most of the time!!!)

For PT daycare, I looked up my local Childcare Resource and Referral places (our state has a few that cover several counties each). I got a list of home daycare providers who were willing to do PT and interviewed several and selected one. Be warned DS got sick there every time he went (once a week for about 4-5 hours)! This semester only my MIL is watching him as I am only teaching 2 days a week. I am needing someone again for summer but will probably go somewhere different this time.

Good luck with everything, keep us posted as to how things are going!

Jennifer
mom to Jacob 9/27/02

[June]

I am so sorry. I want to rant along with you. I wonder if those bosses are men? It's total BS!!! Higher ed admin is not known for being progressive. Unless you are at a women's college, things in higher ed haven't changed much over the years. And, the leave thing??? I am glad that you have this option, and only you can decide what to do with that, but it sounds like even more trouble for your institution than a simple job share!!!!! I understand that you need to leave under good circumstances because this is a small world, but you need to look out for yourself (they are not loooking out for you!) and do what will make you comfortable and happy. If you say you'll come back, and you really don't want to, you might have this shadow over you for the next year.

With day care children seem to have constant colds. Even as a SAHM, my DD gets colds or runny noses frequently. We don't keep to ourselves and she picks up germs at play groups, in the church nursery, just out and about, or now in the gym day care.

Quitting my counselor job in higher ed was one of the most difficult and painful decisions of my life. But, I am generally happy now and haven't missed work at all! I guess it really was work and not my passion.

Good luck!

[amp]

Being a SAHM is super! Congrats to you! And I'm pleased to hear that as the possibility of being SAHM grew, you started to like that option and feel pretty good about it!

Your boss will be sorry they turned you down for this, but like you said, maybe it paves the way for other moms down the road. If they realize that women are asking for flexibility and that they'll leave if it's not granted, maybe they'll stop letting valuable employees go just based on how they've always done things. Good for you!

Enjoy, mama!

[Mom to Brandon and 2 cats]

I asked for 1 year maternity leave and it was granted. They got approval for an overstrength position for the year I was off. Up until January, I was telling them that I was coming back for sure, but I ended up quitting to be a SAHM a couple of weeks ago. I made sure to give them at least 3 months notice so that they could make arrangements to hire somebody new, and have a reasonable transition period. In my eyes, this is fair, and I would've felt like I was screwing over the office if I only gave 2 weeks notice.

--Jennifer

[josephmama]

June, you have been so supportive of me throught this. As well as the rest of you ladies, thank you. It has been an agonizing decision and I know I will always have regrets. But I did give it 4 months so I think I really know how I feel now. If I had just not come back at all I think i'd feel worse about this. Who knows what the future will hold! I'm thinking 5 years out of the career services field, I might have somewhat outdated skills. But maybe the adjunct thing will keep me fresh. And honestly I miss teaching, so maybe this will open a new door for me. Plus I'll get to be home with Joey!!!

In answer to your question, June, my boss is a woman, her boss is a woman, and her boss is a man (the VP). But I think it's safe to say that this college is anti progress. As someone quoted recently, my college has "over 300 years of tradition unmarred by progress". And my boss was a SAHM for 7 years and regrets it. So I think her personal opinion on motherhood was somewhat problematic for me. But I agree, higher education is the antithesis of progress. It's funny since they tell the rest of the world how to raise children, work, etc, they do studies on flexibility- yet they won't practice it! And nobody seems to get the upcoming brain drain- so in a few years they're going to have a shortage of qualified people! Plus for what they want to PAY someone to replace me (budget freeze for 4 years), good luck finding someone as qualified! ...sorry, I get a bit carried away.

Not sure what to do re year leave of absence. I'm thinking no but maybe I'll be inspired this weekend...

And thanks ladies for the heads up on the sickness thing. DS is very much a people person so I'm sure he'd still pick up sicknesses. Ah well. At least I can be home with him and not be worrying about taking another sick day.

Thanks for letting me rant again I guess!

[starrynight]

I'm sorry it didn't work out. Good luck with your new 'career'. I'm sure the boss and benefits are much better :D.

[caleymama]

Camiel - I just wanted to say that I'm sorry your proposal was turned down but hopefully it will be a blessing in disguise. I wasn't as entrenched in my career as you are but I haven't missed it for a second. That's not to say I don't miss the opportunity to get out of the house by myself more often, but the work stuff ... nah! Good luck with the community college classes. That may end up being the best of both worlds for the time being. Now that I've been home for a year, I can't imagine picking up and going back full time. I would certainly consider the right part time opportunity, but full time would be too much. Having a baby was great, but having a toddler is a whole new world. I absolutely adore the little *person* I spend all day with and can't imagine (for me, anyway) missing out on the laughs, jokes, games, and yes, even the tantrums and tears.

I'm so proud of you for sticking to your guns and giving it a try. I REALLY hope you have begun to pave the way for change to occur there, for parents at all levels. I had to laugh when I saw the quote in your second post - SO true. I did find out recently that in hiring the replacement for my position they were able to finally get full faculty benefits for the job rather than the classified ones I had. Same salary but the benefits are a huge difference. It really stinks that you/they weren't able to make it work for you right now, but enjoy every moment of your new full-time job once it starts :)

[josephmama]

Hey Liz,
You were classified? Isn't that a kick in the head! Too bad you don't live here anymore- I'd have an instant play date. Yes I agree, this is a blessing in disguise. If I hadn't have tried I would have always wondered. Now at least I know the reality here and you can keep it! My boss was trying to make me feel like she's being supportive because she lets me take sick leave to stay home with a sick baby. Umm, part of my benefits, it's not her choice! That's her idea of flexibility. Did you know it took 4 months for my maternity leave to be "approved" (I was in my 3rd trimester) when again it was my legal right?

Oh, BTW, I guess they found a replacement for Colleen (she left in December when she wasn't granted flexibility) and he's not as qualified as she was! I think this will be a trend until they see they're losing GREAT people!

I am sooooooo thrilled about my new "job" I can't even tell you! I can't wait to experience everything with Joseph!

[josephmama]

OMG! I just noticed- you're pregnant?!?!?!?! Congratulations!!!!!!! I am so thrilled for you!!!!!!!!!

[bnme]

I feel your pain, and am so sorry to hear that you've had that experience. It amazes me how un-family friendly employers seem to be!! Where are all these companies offering these great benefits we read about???

I worked at the corporate office for a major book retailer. I resigned shortly after returning from my maternity leave..not on purpose, it was really just really too much for me thatI did not anticipate (I have a 2 hour each way commute). I gave about 2 months notice and my bosses (one female) were happy with that --then 3 other people in my department coincidently resigned. They offered to set me up working from home part-time to help them out until they re-staffed (our department was only 6 people to begin with so they were down to 2!). HR would only allow it on a temporary basis 6 months-and only allowed it after being pressured by the CFO/COO! They did not want to set a precendent! Even after my bosses went to them that it was working wonderfully and they'd like to continue to have me as an employee they flat out refused.

I hope that more and more companies begin to adopt family friendly/flexible environments so that I can actually work for one or at least know of a person IRL who does
:)

Enjoy your time as a SAHM! Best of luck.

[nwaddellr]

>I have applied to teach adjunct at the local community
>college for the fall to keep my feet in my career. Any advice
>about child care for a few hours a week during the day? Also
>I would love any beginning SAHM advice (will probably start my
>new "job" July 1) for rookies!

I am an adjunct at my local college and what I do is have a student watch my DS in my office while I'm in class. Its convenient since I don't need to make any special stops; its fairly inexpensive ($20 a week is a lot for the average college student) and I at least limit the amount of germs my DS is exposed to. The trick is finding a good student to watch your child - look in the child psych major if you have one at the school.

That being said, Isaac is just getting mobile as my term is winding down. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do next year, especially since my wonderful babysitter is graduating. I don't know if it will be too hard to keep him in my office once he's walking around. But, that problem won't arise until next September so I'm not worrying now.

BTW, I think adjunct is the perfect job for someone who wants to be a mostly SAHM. Gets you out of the house a bit and talking to (supposed) adults a little every week, but you don't have to worry about full time day care. Good luck getting into that community college!

[josephmama]

Natalie, Thanks- that's an idea I haven't thought of. Not sure if I'd have an office, but I have thought about students. I used to be a faculty advisor to a service group at my college that is full of helpful female students- maybe that's the way to go. I also have a SAHM friend with twins (same age as Joseph) who would love to make extra $$- but I wonder about being able to handle 3 babies instead of 2?

[nwaddellr]

I'm thinking about asking one of my friends with a baby if they'd be interested next year, and I was worried about her handling two babies instead of one, let alone three instead of two. At least with two you still have a hand for each :-) It can't hurt to ask (that's what I keep telling myself)