can you stand one more sleep question?

[s_gosney]

We would appreciate any advice you might have. Here's the situation:
Kylee is 6 mos old now, and we have no real schedule. In the beginning, she wouldn't sleep alone (at all), so I had to hold her for naps, etc. She would sleep longer chunks in the evening, but she didn't go to sleep for good until I was ready for bed. 6 months later, we're pretty much in the same place. She usually goes to sleep for good now sometime between 9 and 10. Some nights she'll lay in her crib, but sometimes I have to keep her with me. This is my homework time, so I'll just put her on the boppy on my lap at the computer, and she'll fall asleep nursing. She has never fallen asleep on her own. She will fall asleep if someone rocks her, sometimes in the swing, and sometimes in the car. A few times, we have gotten her to sleep by letting her watch her mobile and patting her belly until she goes to sleep. This is the exceptional night though. Most times when I try to lay her down while she's drowsy, she either starts playing or fussing...this girl does not like to sleep. A lot of times she still wakes up when I lay her down. I'm not sure if I've created this mess or if it's just the way she is...
Anyway, this semester is almost over. I have one week off and then I start my summer internship. Hopefully just having to be somewhere at the same time everyday will help some. But, I really want to use this time to start getting serious about her sleep patterns. My general plan is to keep a sleep log for this coming week (finals) and then I will have that info to use for the following week when I am off. I also plan to read weissbluth when school is out.
I just feel clueless. I know that I need to institute a bedtime routine, but how do I do this when she won't sleep until I'm ready for bed sometimes? Do I have to start going to bed at 7:00? And when you first start, how do I know what time to start the bedtime routine? wait for sleep cues? try a time that hopefully will emerge as a pattern in my sleep log?
My main goal right now is to get her to where she can go to sleep on her own. Sleeping through the night and longer, more regular naps would be nice too of course. Since she's in bed with us, it doesn't really bother me for her to wake up at night, but I am pretty sure that she nurses more in the night than she really needs to. I'm still the only pacifier she'll take, so that has a lot to do with it too.
I know this is kind of all over the place, but any insight you guys have is appreciated!

[emilyf]

Sherri, people have so many different opinions on sleep so there is really no right answer. At that age, my ds was much happier when I managed to get him on a pretty regular nap schedule. I found Weissbluth invaluable in helping to get that set up. I didn't cosleep, so I can't help too much with the nighttime routine thing-we usually put him down around 7/7:30 and we kept the routine very simple-a story, the same lullaby cd, a little rocking in the chair. I would probably work on helping her get to sleep on her own, it's a valuable skill in my opinion, and gets harder as they get older. Regular naptimes to avoid overtiredness should help with this. Good luck!
Emily \r\nmom of Charlie born 11/02

[DebbieJ]

hi Sherri,

You and I are kind of in the same boat. My ds is almost 5 months and I am really longing to have a routine! His naps are erratic, his bedtime is nonexistant, and he's waking up too much for my liking (although he is cutting his first tooth...)

We are reading the No Cry Sleep Solution. One important point she makes is to have a bedtime routine. So we're working on that. Also, watch for sleepy cues. The window of opportunity is very narrow, so you have to really pay attention to when they're tired.

Hopefully we'll both get through this!

~ deb
mommy to brendan 12/7/03

[Rachels]

Hang in there! I know it's hard. My daughter was the same way, and she grew out of it in her own time. Eight months was a major turning point for us with both naps and bedtime. I second the NCSS recommendation. You might also read Jay Gordon's Good Nights, which is just wonderfully reassuring for family bed families. In the meantime, know that it's very common for babies this age to still nurse a lot at night, and to need their moms around. Some babies sleep on their own earlier, but many just don't. You're respecting her development, which I think is admirable.

Weissbluth is worth a read in that he has some interesting and helpful information about typical baby sleep needs and tiredness cues. Knowing those things may help you understand your little one's needs and may help you identify the schedule she's asking for. Personally, I think his certainty that every baby fits his typical schedule is off the mark, and I find his CIO / night-nursing advice completely appalling and potentially dangerous.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02