OT: Personal Question!!! Do any of you live in a 2 checkbook/savings account home and how do you do it?

[abigailsmom]

I am truly sorry about the invasive personal question, but I am at my wits end...

I don't know if any of you remeber me from my post about possibly gatting a divorce, but here I am again with no good news. Things had gotten better and now we are back at a complete war zone!! I want to be smart and protect Abigail and I financially b/c my husband is talking about spend wasteful money that we do not have to spend!! I am thinking about running two checkbooks and two savings acounts to CMA (cover my @$$). Does anyone do this (I am sure for better reasons) and how do you accomplish bills, groceries, etc division?

If you are even reading this thanks... if you take pity on my and answer... thanks a million!!!!

[jubilee]

Robyn, I am so sorry to hear of this awful news. I can only say that when my first husband and I were separating and divorcing we did the two accounts. I am glad I did because he ended up causing a lot of trouble. I even had my account at a different bank without his name on it at all. I only wish I had taken my ex's name off Jacob's savings account, because he ended up draining it- what a PIG.

As for bill division, while we were still living in the same house- we split all utilities, he paid the mortgage except $500 which I paid (since in the divorce he got the house- I couldn't afford it. The $500 was my "rent".) I bought all the groceries for me and Jacob, he starved or ate at his girlfriend's.

Make sure you also clear up all credit cards. Take your name off any cards that he is the primary holder of- then you won't be responsible for the bill, but you can't use it either. Most especially take his name off any of your cards.... even the gas station cards. My ex ran up thousands on a gas card that I had forgotten about. Although I will hope you are able to turn things around, but if you think it's CYA time- then really be shrewd.

[crl]

I'm sorry to hear things aren't going well. My parents have always kept separate checkbooks (so did my grandparents). They just prefer it that way. They have an agreement about who pays which bills. So, for example, dad pays the water bill, the electric bill, the mortgage and his credit card bill while mom pays the doctors, the insurance, the gas and her credit card.

If you go this route, in your circumstances, I would make sure that you are responsible for paying any bills that are in your name. I agree that you will want to make sure your credit cards etc are separate and remember that he'll have access to any account that has his name on it.

I hope things get better.

[bluej]

I have no advice Robyn, I just want to let you know that I'm sorry you are going through this.

[boys2enough]

HI, Robyn, I have no wisdom to contribute really. Just want to give you some moral and spiritual support and let you know I am sorry that you are going through this. Be strong, girl! {{{HUGS}}}

Cheers, Lin
Mom to 2 wild boys
D 3/98
G 11/02

[sadie427]

I'm sorry about your situation. DH and I still have separate checking accounts and our own credit cards, we have one joint savings account as well as some separate ones. We have a great marriage, the separate accounts are partially from inertia and partially just because we prefer it that way. Right now he pays the bills as he's working, but when I was working as well we'd pay the rent w/ two checks, for groceries etc we'd keep a total and one person would give the other a check at the end of the month. We don't strive for exact division of the money though. We got married in our 30's, and I guess we were just too used to having our own money. It works fine for us--however, we don't have a tendency to argue so that might be why.

[billysmommy]

We each have our own checking accounts and we also have a joint one. Each month we each put money in our joint account and use this to pay the bills, mortgage, electric, gas, etc. Since I only work part-time I put in much less than he does however he is self-employed so our health ins. comes out of my check. We also have our car insurance automatically deducted from my paycheck each week. I pay for day-care and groceries and DH invests for both of us. This is what works for us, DH would be fine with just one account but I like the little freedom that having my own account gives me, even if it is just in my head :)

[Kimberly H]

Robyn,

When my first husband and I began the separation process it was under much better terms than yours but we still went with separate accounts and clearing up credit cards like other posters have mentioned.

When I remarried, my husband and I have semi-separate accounts and credit cards. Both names are on both accounts, but we never touch each other's account. He makes a lot more than I do so he pays the household bills - car payments, mortgage, utilities - and I pay "my" bills like store credit cards and both of our cell phones as well as buy groceries and any discretionary things like eating out and getting new clothes. He likes managing the big stuff, I prefer the little things. It works for us.

Best of luck...I'll be praying for you and Abigail.

[starrynight]

Roybn I'm sorry you're going through this. {hug} I agree with what has been said already about separating accounts and whatnot.

[MamaKath]

We maintain semi-seperate accounts. At one point when we had a home purchase in prgress, dh had to be added to the account. Basically my account is my spending and savings, as well covering our unexpected bills. His is the main account since it has actual regular cash flow, and he covers all the main bills, most of our spending, etc.

I would caution to maintain an account at a seperate bank though if you decide to go ahead. Many institutions will use your account to cover any debts incurred on the joint one (even if you are not using this one at all, if your name is attached if that makes sense) if they are at the same bank and is often a sore spot during a divorce.

(((HUGS))) This sounds like a very difficult situation to be in for you and your dd.

[barbarhow]

Robyn-so sorry for what you are going through. It is so hard. I commend you, though, for realizing that you need to be proactive and protect yourself and your assets. I had to become quite good at this at the end of my first marriage. Unfortunately I fell short in a few areas and suffered financially in a big way.
Make sure that you cancel any and all credit cards that he has access to (my ex took the max allowed of cash advances and since I was the primary cardholder I was stuck with the debt.
Make sure that utilities are in the name of the person who will retain the house-I got the house but by the time I got it-there were liens up the wazoo due to unpaid taxes, utilities, homeowners dues, etc.
Make sure you have an aggressive lawyer who is not afraid to fight. Mine kept telling me how great she was-unfortunately by the time I realized she was all smoke-I was out alot of money in her fees and even more in debt.
If you need support-or have other questions-please do not hesitate to pm me. I have been through it and know how difficult it can be.
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

I have no advice- but wanted to give you a huge hug and wanted to remind you that we are all here for you if you need it...let us know if you need extra support on some days etc... cuz you'll get it:)...
You sound like a strong women who will do just fine I have no doubt!!!
Big hugs honey,

Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

[JenCA]

DH and I maintain both joint and separate accounts, and always have since we were married. The way we handle it is that we both contribute a set amount of money from every paycheck into our joint checking and joint MRA. The joint checking funds cover our mortgage, utilities, DD's daycare, groceries, and things we buy for the house. Whatever's left over remains in our separate acccounts (and we both also have separate savings accounts, as well). Our separate accounts cover our respective car payments and also constitute our "fun" money. He can do whatever he wants with "his" money, and I do whatever I want with "mine" (for me, this means frivolous $60 pedicures every 3 weeks ;) ). We do consult each other before making a large purchase. Our separate savings accounts come in handy for spousal gift-giving. I pay the bills from our joint checking account; DH enters everything into MS Money. This way, we both have a grasp of what our finances look like. This system works well for us.

Best of luck to you, I really hope things work out.

[MKH76]

Ours is a strange scenario, but here goes. We also have two different checking accounts. Keep in mind that we live on an island in Alaska so mail here sometimes comes/goes. Our last station was Massachusettes, so we have kept our Fleet checking account to pay our 'east coast bills' ie school loans, truck payment. DH's check gets direct deposited into it, since he is military and they have to direct deposit your pay. He gets payed twice a month 1st and 15th always. We also have a 'local' account which is checking in my name only and savings also in my name only. DH used to have a big problem with financial responsibility and he is working on that. (off topic, but his parents are a huge negative impact in this case, they rent their home, lease their vehicles and don't really save any money). I am responsible for paying all the bills which as mentioned I do on line with the east coast account out of DH's checks. I pay local bills with my checks here in Alaska (cable, telephone, internet, daycare, groceries). He has pretty much taken over the Fleet account and will ask me how much money he has in 'his' account. LOL. I balance both checkbooks weekly. He gets an allowance per week of what he can spend on silly things like lunches out, that's usually an amount in cash. I rarely spend money on myself (two kids under two will do that to you!!), so I don't factor in an allowance for me. I bring my lunch to work and eat it in the car racing to the daycare to nurse the little one. At the end of the month (actually sometime around the middle - when all the bills for the month are paid) we transfer whatever is left in both accounts (within a couple of hundred dollars) into the savings account in my name. Every couple of months, we again transfer money out of our local savings and invest it in our long term investments (my IRA, kids college; DH's retirement comes out of his check). And we usually buy something big for the house. Last month we bought new living room furniture. We have never had a couch!!

Good luck. I know this sounds like a lot of work, but it's what really works for us.

[Chelsey333]

Just a suggestion, you could open an ING account and just keep it as a savings until you need the money. You can automatically have money wired out of your checking account - not sure if you or your husband keep the records on your account. If you do get a divorce, you can open yourself a checking acct at any bank and have the money wired to that checking account. I think the website is www.ingdirect.com. My husband and I have a joint acct at ING and love it (the interest rate if pretty good, in comparison to other banks). We wire money to it for xmas funds, etc. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you.

[stella]

From a legal/divorce perspective, it will depend on what stat you live in. I'm in Texas and we are what's known as a community property state. That means that there is a presumption that any income we earn while married or property (or debt) we acquire with said income belongs to both of us.

I say this because even though dh and I may have separate accounts - say I'm scared that he will spend all our money so I start a savings or checking account in my name - legally it's HIS money too, and in the event of a divore, if he spends all of his money frivolously, but I have been saving, he can probably have 1/2 the savings. I say probably because a lot depends on the court's decision.

A friend is a surgeon. Her husband (now ex) works for the state in an administrative job. They have a LOT of savings because they live frugally, but it's really because of her very high income. Guess what - he's entitled to half of the savings by law. It sounds unfair (to me) in this situation - probably because he left her and their baby, but I wonder how I'd feel about it if HE were the doctor and she were a SAHM. Anyway, that's an aside.

The point is that, depending on the laws in your state, any money that you decide to put aside to keep him from spending, could be half his after he spends all "his" money. The judge could give it to him then, so there's not much reward to you for saving while he spent.

If I were you, I would talk to a lawyer in your state about what you need to do to protect yourself. I'm sorry to be so cold and pragmatic, but we're talking about your welfare and that of your child!

Good Luck!