Thank you Sarah (mamahill)

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

I meant to tell you this at the time and then meant to email you off line a thank you...and then...and then...:)

But what better place than here to tell you thank you,

I had posted about two weeks back about having more than one child and the strains that it could put on a marriage and I so loved hearing everyones responses...

But I did want to thank you for sharing the story of your parents...I know you said you are from a big family and that you never saw your parents fight (or something similiar) and that was a huge eye opener for me. I think it safe to say that Steve and I have a wonderful relationship but I have opened the flood gates if frustrated over something little and since reading your post have really turned around my frustrated communications with him...and for the most part I havn't even tamed them I've just kept my trap shut and am amazed how it just works itself out.

The past few weeks I've really worked at showing more loving affection at the little things and it makes him do the same. I have not shared with him that this is what I am doing BUT his response would have one think we BOTH had agreed to do this. In other words he automatically does the same thing back.

I've gotten a lot from these boards, but I have no doubt if I can retain the description you gave of your parents love that that would be the best thing I could give to my children.

Maria Shriver spoke of her parents in much the same way!!!!
Anyway I owed that thanks to you...and to your parents....they gave you all a wonderful home life I can tell!!!!!


Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

[justlearning]

Neve, even though this is your thread thanking Sarah, I thought my note of thanks fits here as well. Reading that thread last week on attempting to become a better spouse has helped my marriage improve too this last week. I've been trying to treat my husband more kindly, make more time for us together when DS is asleep, show more physical affection, and make sure that I always go to bed now when he does rather than staying up late in front of the computer. Reducing my time on the internet has also helped me have a nicer looking house and cook more meals, which makes DH feel more loved too (talking his "love language").

Anyways, I had not read Sara's comment in your thread but am glad that you referred to it here because that's also an inspiration to me to do everything I can do to make sure DS grows up in a loving, calm home. Thanks for sharing your comments here too about how you're working to improve your marriage and how Steve is responding--my DH also is doing more to help our marriage the more effort I put into it. And Tammy, thank you for being brave enough to start that thread about not feeling like the perfect spouse right then (even though you sure sounded like a great wife with a great marriage to me!).

This is just one more reason why I love these boards so much! Not only have you all helped me be a better mom, but now you're helping me to be a better wife too. Thank you!

[khakismom]

The "no fights in front of the kids" is such a wonderful philosophy IMHO. DH and I adopted it the day we brought Kathleen home (upon a suggestion from my own mother) and since then we have had maybe 2 small spats in front of her. I am convinced that having a calm, loving household is what keeps her calm, happy, and very self-confident about herself and our love for her.

I purchased the Five Love Languages book and am starting to read it. So thank you also to all who recommended it, along with all the other suggestions in Tammy's thread. I'm all for anything I can do to make my marriage even better. :) (And Tammy, thank you mostly for starting it in the first place!! Thanks!)

Edited for grammar.

[brigmaman]

Thanks! My computer time is very limited and I've missed some important threads!

[justlearning]

Here's the thread started by Tammy that I was referring to: http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=37&topic_id=80291&mesg_id=80291&page=7

[mamahill]

Awww, Neve, that is so sweet! There has definitely been more than one occasion where I'm, let's say, less-than-enamored with DH and I will LITERALLY bite my tongue and say, "We'll talk about this later," and either it fizzles before "later" comes, or I have more time to think about it and we have a more civil conversation and it isn't in front of Ainsleigh.

Also, I love cards. Target has these wonderful little "Love Nips" and they're about 1" square with various illustrations on the front (lips, heart, mailbox, or panties!). I slip them into his lunch or Palm or wallet on occasion. Other cards I mail to him at work. Just a couple days ago I was doing a MASSIVE cleaning and I was putting some things away in one of his drawers when I came across a huge stack of cards - seriously, about 25 of them, and they were all from me. I got all teary to see that he has kept them all.

Also, it's good that you don't say, 'Now I'm going to be more affectionate/loving/etc." Words will only carry you so far (and then he might hold you to it, and if you're anything like me, you don't like being FORCED!), but it's the actions that count. And isn't it amazing how willing they are to reciprocate being nice/loving/attentive? All I have to do is cook dinner 2 nights in a row with the table set and the house clean, give the man some lovin', and he's practically jumping through hoops for me. I'm not saying I manipulate him, but let's just say we're both willing to "help" each other out :).

And I'm really flattered that the story of my parents stuck with you. FWIW, I talked to them on Monday (they were calling from Marbella, Spain) and they are having a fabulous time. I imagine you and Steve will be travelling much the same way and coming home all lovey-dovey to your children. Tristan is very lucky to have such fabulous parents.

[momathome]

I said it before, and I'll say it again - you are the Romance Goddess around here! I hope when I grow up I can be just like you ;)
-Lauren

[brigmaman]

Wow, that's a loaded thread- Very emotional. I hadn't ever heard of the books mentioned.
Thanks!

[mamahill]

Oh stop :), we are all aspiring romance/sex goddesses. Sometimes I find something that works. But thanks for the vote of confidence. Don't let DH hear you, though, or his expectations will expand ;). Let's just keep it between ourselves.

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

...for I am convinced that both that thread along with Sarah's sweet description in the other effected me so....:)

and I have to say that Flagger is right, you can run to the computer to check one thing and two hours has passed...I notice this in my adoption stuff it is so easy to look up and where has the time gone...
Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties