Relocating

[Carrot_Top_Curls]

We are in the middle of trying to make a major decision of our lives. My husband has been offerred a job 3 hours away. It has great opportunites and means more money. The only catch is that we would be selling our dream home and leaving our family. We have two children 7 yrs old and 22 months. We have never lived away from our family and are scared to death. Plus, our home is an older home with lots of character and one in which we could never afford to buy in this day and time (housing market in Baltimore is way way up!) But I will say we have sunk tons of money (money we don't have) into it and we don't see this ending within another 5 years. Also, we spend tons of time working on it (meaning not as much time with our children as we would like). Moving to Lewisburg, PA would change all of this for the better but at the cost of leaving our family and our dream home

Do many of you live near family? What is life like being 3 hours away? Has anyone regreted moving? Or leaving a dream home? Any advice would be great! We are down to the wire and need to decide by tomorrow.

Thanks in advance,
Wendy

[kfcboston]

Gosh, Wendy, that's such a personal decision. I've always put a very high priority on living near my family, but am currently considering moving 3 hours away myself to southern Maine. One of the reasons for that is actually BECAUSE we can't buy our dream home (or really any home) here. But one question I have is is it really the home of a lifetime if its upkeep and maintenance take too much time away from your other top priority - your family?

Best of luck in your decision!

[Carrot_Top_Curls]

Great question.......and so true - thank you. In my head it makes sense to go, but in my heart I find it so scary. I am surprised I went away to college :)

Thanks,
Wendy

[JLiebCamm]

I also think that this decision is so personal and depends so much on what matters most to you. DH and I made the decision to move back to the area that we grew up in even though our friends and interests are 3-4 hours away. DH is an only child and my MIL would be devastated if she couldn't see us and her grandchild on a regular basis. I'm very close to my side of the family and hated the thought of missing out on get-togethers. Even though we both dream about living soemwhere else, we know this is the right fit for us right now.

You seem to be in a different situation because it sounds like Baltimore meets both the need to be near family and the desire to be in a house/area that you like. I think your main decision should be based on your finances and your husband's job satisfaction and where these rank alongside family/dream home. And also consider what would be "ideal" if you could control every variable and which choice allows you to be closest to reaching your goals. In other words, if the biggest negative about Baltimore is your husband's job, what are the chances that he will find a better job there in the future instead of moving? And how high on your priority list is the dream home? If you stayed put but found a house that more "practical" would it make you feel better about your finances and familiy time or would it just make you long for your old house? Can you make Baltimore work for you, or would moving help you to achieve your goals better?

What a tough decision...I wish you peace with whatever you decide.

[lukkykatt]

This is a really personal decision.

We moved 2 hours away from our family and I would move back in a minute. I grew up with lots of family close by - I am talking within walking distance. It is just what I'm used to, and I hate the fact that we are down here by ourselves. Plus, DH works a bazillion hours, and I am by myself quite a bit. On the plus side, we live in an area that is very nice for raising children. Part of me would feel sad about leaving our great area - but I would still do it!

Now, this is just my experience. I am sure that lots of people have moved away from family and been more happy! So much depends on what your life is like.

The other thing I would thing about is: is Lewisburg someplace you would like to live? Does it have the things that you enjoy doing? I think that is really important. Also, is this your husband's dream job, or is he thinking about taking it because of the better pay and lower (I am guessing) cost of living in Lewisburg? Just some things to think about.

Good luck with your decision!

[american_mama]

I have always lived far away from my family, so it is normal to me. A 3 hour drive isn't too bad to me. You could see each other on weekends and any special event (a baby shower, a christening, a birthday party) especially if some family has space for you to stay. I have felt the desire to be closer to family since having a child, and we had the option to do that. My husband was offered two jobs, one 4-5 hours from family and one 1-2 hours from family. I pushed heavily for the closer job, and we will be moving there in December.

I will say that your friendships can suffer with a move. It is a big adjustment to go from regular contact and very up-to-date knowledge of each other's lives, to occasional phone calls and visits. With family, you can and probably will bridge the gap, but friendships seem to suffer, or at least change greatly, with distance.

The advice about whether you will like Lewisburg is also important. If you are a SAHM, you will have a lot of time on your own; do YOU like Lewisburg? If you are a working, what are your job prospects in Lewsiburg? Will your husband be working more or less hours at the new job? If it is more hours, then that increases the need for YOU to like the town because you will be spending a lot of time on your own.

If you do decide to move, you may want to post again and ask for advice about how to meet people and adjust to a new place. I have moved a lot as an adult, including a cross-country move when 7 months pregnant and an international move 1 1/2 years later. You have to do things like find story hours, join or volunteer for school groups, find atheletic events for your older child, attend a church/synagogue, find mom groups, get the phone numbers of everyone nice you meet and then CALL them. So write back or post anew if you need tips on how to adjust.

[Sarah1]

I agree...it's a really personal decision and you have to go with what's most comfortable for you. My DH and I both live far away from our parents (we're in Chicago and grandparents are on opposite coasts!), but we still have a wonderful relationship with them and they visit frequently. One of the advantages of this is, it gives us a little more independence.

You'd only be 3 hours away. That's practically nothing. You'd still see the grandparents on weekends. It's not like you're moving across the country.

[caleymama]

Our situation is a little different in that we moved from out of state (about 8-10 hours away) back to our home state and picked a spot smack in the middle of where our families live. We're almost exactly 3 hours from everyone. My family is in one area, his parents and Mom's family in another, and his Dad's family in another. I would not want to be any farther away, but 3 hours is very nice. Weekend trips are easy and day trips aren't too bad either. We've done a lot of both. I think some of it depends, though, on the kind of trip it is. For example, where we lived previously we were about 3 hours from our SIL, BIL, and nephew. That particular 3 hours took us right up through northern VA and DC and it was often a nightmare drive. With the three hours we have now in any direction there is never any traffic. Something to keep in mind, I guess.

I have struggled with getting out and meeting people, but the town we moved to isn't exactly a mecca for fun stuff to do with little kids (and a cold, snowy winter didn't help). We couldn't afford to move to where my parents are and DH didn't want to be that suburban. I didn't want to move to where DH's family is because it's too far from my family. We both LOVE the area around where we went to college, but it's too far from my family and I wasn't willing to be too far for a tolerable weekend trip with young kids. I like being independent and doing our own thing here, but there are times when I definitely wish everyone were closer. I grew up with grandparents and aunts, uncles, and cousins all within 15 minutes of me and I do sometimes wish we had the "drop-in" aspect of visits and the built in babysitters.

I don't know an awful lot about Lewisburg, but we've driven through it many times and I always thought it looked like a nice place to live. (I love small college towns!) I've gone on and on here, but I guess my point is that 3 hours really isn't that far. The rest you and DH will have to search your hearts and figure out. Good luck!

(edited to correct spelling)

[josephmama]

In my dream world, we would be 3 hours from family. Now we're 8 hours from mine and 5 from DH's. While I could happily be 15 from DH's, I wish I was only 3 hours from my family- that's perfect for day trips and weekend barbeques, yet far enough that no one will "drop by" and no one expects you at every family function and you can have your independence. Everyone's different but that's my ideal. Also, if your DH is unhappy with his job, then it can be coloring your whole existence. If this job seems like he'd enjoy it and stay in it a while then it might be worth the move. But if it's possible for him to find a similar job where he is already then maybe stay where you are. I'm sure this wasn't helpful, but good luck!

[lag555]

I can't give you any advice but I wanted to wish you good luck with whatever you end up doing.

Aggie

[cara1]

I think it really depends on what the new job would allow you guys to do. If you are already perfectly happy AND already have your dream home, then what benefits would you get? If you're saying the schools are better, and the $$ would let you take better vacations, and increase your day-to-day life, then those might be good reasons. We lived 5 min from DH's family, and 1 hour from mine. We moved now 2 hrs from mine and 1 hour from him, so it's been quite a change. But now we have our own wonderful house, and a 5 min drive to work, that we didn't have before, so our day to day quality of life has been much better, although I do miss them. Three hours is no quick drive to do both ways the same day to see family...

[Carrot_Top_Curls]

I want to say thank you for all of your support, good thoughts and advice. This has been a very difficult process.

Well, we made the decision. We are going to make the move to Lewisburg, PA! We are both scared to death but know logically it is what is best for our family and for Mark's career. DH's job up (within his current company)there is exciting and comes with a nice increase (15% increase - more than we expected). Lewisburg is a nice town and I have made a point already to contact their newcomers group. As a matter of fact, it has been rated as "America's Top 100 Small Towns". All that I have talked to have made the move and absolutely love the close knit community (Bucknell Univ. brings in a lot of relocators).

I am just having a hard time thinking of leaving my home (that we worked on all day, again). I know I can visit my family easily on the weekends, but I can't get my house back. Please tell me that I will be able to move on and make my new house my loving home..

I have to say it was so wonderful to hear a lot of folks tell me that 3 hours is nothing. That is what I want to hear. Actually, I don't see my mom, dad, and brother all THAT much when I really thought about it. It just seems more often since we talk about every day. I do believe there are phones in Lewisburg :) However, my MIL/FIL will be the most upset since they watch DS 2x's a week and will be devasted. They don't drive far so whether we are 3 hours or 30 hours it doesn't matter. Plus, to make matters worse for them, they provide 24 hours care for my DH's 99 year old grandmother. DS is the only thing in their life that provides them happiness. Luckliy, we have the perfect home to come and stay at when we are in Balto, making the situation easier.

I just need to come to grips with the leaving our house. I guess I could once again take an inventory of the work that is needed yet, the money that it requires, and the time it takes and decide would I rather be in this situation (and working again to earn $$) or living in a brand new home (I love old homes but not the major issues they can have - not to say a new home couldn't have the same issues), being a SAHM, and canoeing on the river or hiking. Plus, DH's would be happy. The later seems to make more sense! But, I just feel scared right now - well it is all still so new.

Once again, thank you. Any advice on how you felt when leaving your home - esp one that you were really attached to would be great. How long does it take to not feel homesick once you move?

Thanks,
Wendy

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

Where is Lewisburg...if it is near Buck County you will love that area!!!!...
My parents (and dearest friends) are about 3 1/2 hours away and it is a very doable trip to bounce back and forth, I do it often...actually only being 3 hours makes it even more doable.

Could your hubby negotiate a day in Baltimore to work and then commute up to PA and work there and maybe spend two nights a week up there, some weeks you can join him????
Just throwing that out there. Before Steve took his current job, which we are hoping he will retire at we considered him taking a very lucrative contract about 3 hours from here...
We went and looked at condos there and really thought of the chance of doing this kind of scenerio. Though I didn't want to do it ideally I thought of the folks who live without their hubbies during the week, and those deployed and it made me overcome the idea more.

ALSO if you really don't think you could get the same kind of house there then I'd sit down and really see if his "pay raise" is really going to be a true "pay raise" in what your family could do.

for instance there are parts of the country that even if we got double what we have now we could not reproduce what we have...if that makes sense...
Now if he is unemployed right now that is a different story, but if he is secure just making less that is part of the equation...

Good luck...Bucks County is wonderful though if near there!!!!
About two hours - 3 hours from Baltimore which is why I ask...
Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

[Carrot_Top_Curls]

Hi Neve,

Thanks for the advice and good news about making 3 hour trips! Lewisburg is in Union County, right next to Bucks, maybe? It sits on the Susquehanna River and is part of the Susquehanna Valley of Central PA.

Regarding housing....great news, the cost of living is much lower than where we are here in Baltimore. The housing market here is insane here. As a matter of fact, we bought our house here 5 years ago and will sell it for at least a $100+ profit!! We will be able to turn that money around and put it into a house up there and get a huge house (3,666 sq ft) for $358,000 (not that we are going to do that)! That is another reason that logically this made sense. So, his pay raise should go further up there. And, with this move we will be able to reduce our house payment by at least $400 - good news there also. Finacially, overall it is good. In my head I know this is the right thing to do, but my heart is a little unsure......even today I was cleaning up the kitchen floor and busted into tears. This is so emotional for me.

Anyhow, thanks again. I feel touched that so many of you have given me lots of advice and encouragement. If I could just get past leaving my home here, I would feel better.

Wendy

[ppshah]

Wendy,

Wait util you find a new home in PA then you won't be so bummed about leaving your current house. I'm what I call a "professional" mover- we've moved so much since we've been married it's not even funny. Most were local moves - one was from Houston to Saint Louis.

I find I'm sad when we first realize we have to move but get excited onece we find a new place- ( b/c usually the new place is bigger/nicer).

Good Luck!!!

p.s. 3 hours drive is perfect!. We are 2 hours away from both parents by PLANE!

[emilyf]

Wendy, I'm coming in late on this conversation but I live in Baltimore and being near family IS great, but moving to a small town would have some advantages especially if it is a good career move for your dh. One thought, would it be at all possible for you to rent out your house for a year or two? That way if things weren't great, or if your dh ended up getting a great offer here you could come back. You probably are planning to sell your house to buy up there, but just thought I would throw the idea out. Especially if real estate is cheaper there it might be worth pursuing with your lender. You could probably get a very low down payment mortage on the new house and the rent may cover your mortgage down here. You can rent out your house (generally) for 3 years before you would have to pay any capital gains on the sale. I only skimmed the other responses so sorry if someone already brought this up. I happen to be in the real estate business so if you have any questions feel free to ask. Anyway, too bad you're moving as there are a few Baltimore moms on this board and we get together from time to time, we'd love to have you join us!
Emily \r\nmom of Charlie born 11/02

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

Wendy I moved here from the DC area so I know the boom is going on up there...my condo up there has more than x3 in price in 5 years which blows my mind.

Since there is that boom why not rent out your home so you have it.
When you take out a new loan they will only hold like 25% of it's mortgage against you IF YOU HAVE A RENTAL AGREEMENT, which you could get in seconds I am certain. So then you'll have your safety feel from that...


Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

[holliam]

Wendy,

I just pop into the lounge occasionally. I wish I had seen this message!

I went to Bucknell Univ. in Lewisburg, PA. It's not near Buck's County. My ex-boyfriend lived there while I was in college so I knew that drive well. ;) Buck's County is closer to Philly. Lewisburg is north of Harrisburg, east of Penn State, and south west of Wilkes Barre to give you some idea.

While I was in college, my sister moved her family up there, and they're usually the hit of the local paper. :) Her hubby makes handmade wooden instruments, is in several bands, and always doing charity work for local schools. My sister is a social worker and very active in the community. Their son is an above-average student often noted in the paper. It's kind of a joke in our family b/c at least once a month one of them is in the paper! My nephew was in it this week. :)

Anyway, my parents also relocated to Lewisburg while I was in college. So, we do visit the area often still.

Did you visit Lewisburg before making the decision? It is absolutely beautiful but there isn't much there in terms of shopping, entertainment, restaurants. My family insists on eating out every time they visit us! It's in the middle of Mennonite country which makes it beautiful, peaceful, and perfect for someone who really wants to get away from it all. But, it can drive other people crazy.

I went to Bucknell so I can comment on the students there. It was infamously called "The Bucknell Bubble". Nothing existed to most of the students lives other than what was on campus. Most of them ever ventured beyond downtown Lewisburg. It's largely an intellectually snobby community of well-to-do smart kids. :) Of course, my group of friends was different. ;) Seriously, we were the raging liberals on campus, and I did volunteer work in the community and had an off-campus job but that was not the norm!

I'm just sharing this because there isn't a whole lot of interaction of the local community with Bucknell. Lewisburg's school district is quite good from what I've heard, probably due to the large number of professor's children.

But, if you are a Lewisburg resident, I think you can qualify for a library card at Bucknell's library and even access to the sports facilities. There is also a great performing arts center that gets lots of famous folks. Plus, the chapel bell performance is famous! It's a Christmas tradition.

If you need daycare, Bucknell's daycare is great. The child psych students are required to volunteer there. :)

Beyond Lewisburg, the surrounding areas are predominantly former farming and mining communities. It was a striking contrast to the Bucknell students. When I was in college, there were 2 bars in Lewisburg (I hear there are more now). One was for students and one was for the so-called "townies". We used to go to the non-Bucknell one to get away from the other students! But, again, just showing how little interaction there was with the students and locals. It used to really annoy me.

I loved the area, but I have to admit I just needed a little more excitement! I'm not sure what area you're leaving, but feel free to email me.

I'll gladly connect you with my sister. She's awesome and is a great resource to just about anything in the area.

Good luck! Holli

[Carrot_Top_Curls]

Holli,

Thanks for all of the scoop!! Lewisburg will certainly be a huge change for us since we are moving from Baltimore, which has a lot to offer. We are "simple life" folks, so I think we will like the quiet life up there, at least I hope so :) Luckily, we can come home to Baltimore (which I am sure will always be home) and go to the zoo, baseball games, and better restaurants.

I would love to connect with your sister. I'll have to email you for her info. Maybe making a connection with her will help ease the transition.

Thanks again,
Wendy

[amp]

I know it must be hard to leave your family. I left mine 5 years ago to come with my husband (who wasn't my husband at the time) to another state. My family is in MI and I am in KS. It is about a 13 hr drive and now that we have a baby, we my parents about every 3 mths. It is hard, but I would follow my husband anywhere. I know that's what you are supposed to do, but for me, home is where he and my son are. I would go to the ends of the earth for them, even if it means visiting my family less. And I am close to them and miss them dearly. You will be fine. You have your own family to rely on and it will be ok. Good luck on the move! And you will probably get excited about your new house once you find it!

[american_mama]

It's been interesting for me to follow this thread. I have never owned a home, although my husband and I will buy in the next year, possibly much sooner. I like older homes and find new homes pretty charm-less in comparison; I suspect many people like you who like older homes will feel the same way. You may want to consider that you may always prefer your home in Baltimore, but that this move is better for lots of other reasons. You don't have to talk yourself out of missing, even grieving, your Baltimore home. Lewisburg doesn't have to be better on all fronts for you to still be happy you are moving there, and you may be happier if you don't force yourself to overlook or re-characterize the Baltimore things that truly can't be replaced or replicated in Lewisburg.

Do post again, or email me, if you want advice about how to meet people in a new community. I actually made cards here (used Avery business cards from Office Max) and keep them in my wallet and hand them out whenever I meet someone; I find I actually exchange contact info. more than if I was always searching for pen and paper. And then you have to CALL or EMAIL the people you meet, even if it's for slightly made up reasons like where to find a doctor, where to buy a wedding gift, etc. It does work.