How do you encourage lovey attachment?

[sarahfran]

I would really like to help Dylan attach to a lovey. I'm not sure how to do it... he hasn't taken to anything naturally (except the boobies, of course--his favorite lovies). Any suggestions on how to foster a bond? Ideas on the best items (blankets vs. stuffed animals)? Any reasons I'm better off lovey-free?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts!

-Sarah
Mom to Dylan, 8/18/03

:) Motherhood is such a joy! :)

[parkersmama]

Well, I've had two lovey-free kids and one who is very attached to a blankie. Neither of my boys ever took to anything as an attachment item except their pacifiers. I never really tried to get them attached, though, so I don't know if they would have if I'd given it a shot.

Amy Grace uses a lovey from www.buddyblankies.com . It is satin on one side and flannel on the other. She was getting attached to a small satin blankie that someone had given us and I couldn't find another so that we'd have a backup so I searched around and chose this one as a replacement. I considered a stuffed animal but decided against it because they aren't quite as portable. When the new blankies came in the mail, I washed them and then slept several nights with them on the inside of my pj top. Sounds gross, huh? Oh, well. It worked. After that I let her just cuddle with it, played games (peek-a-boo, etc) with it, and sleep with it. It really didn't take long before she grabbed onto the blankie when it was time to go to sleep and cuddled it.

I really think I prefer the lovey route as opposed to the lovey-free route. It makes it a lot easier for her to sleep in the car or when we are in a strange place. Also, it calms her down when she's worked up or fussy. So those are my main pluses for it. I guess a negative is that there's always the danger of it getting lost and being unreplaceable. For this reason, I recommend multiples! :)

[alkagift]

I have been giving my son two stuffed animals in his crib to sleep with and he's getting attached particularly to one. His attachment began to really connect when I would kiss them goodnight and put them in his crib right before I started rocking Matthew to sleep--now he will reach through the crib bars and pull them out to hang on to them. I try to keep them for sleep time, though.

He's currently liking Mr. Fluffles (the "Mr." is our addition)http://www.bearst.com/fluffles.html

The other one is a handmade flannel pig that an artisan from my hometown makes.



Allison
Mommy to Matthew Clayton, 5/19/03

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/6330.jpg

[candybomiller]

One reason you're better off lovey-free is because if you have a minivan and your son drops his lovey, you have to pull over and find the darn thing so he'll stop screaming.

We put one puppy blanky and a stuffed duck in Matt's crib everynight since he was really young. He attached to the puppy blanky and has been attached since about 10 months. But, at Easter, my sister took him to Wal*Mart and he fell in love with a white bunny (whose ears are falling off, btw) and it's his absolute favorite. It was love at first sight.

I think the key is just to keep offering it, but don't ram it down his throat, iykwim.

[sarahfran]

Denise,
How old was Amy Grace when you got her going on the buddyblankies? Dylan's now 9mos and I'm worried that I may have missed my window.

Did you get the travel size and the reg size buddyblankies? They look quite appealing--They seem a lot like the travel silkies I've seen in the stores. I may order one... I like the yellow bug pattern.

Thanks for the ideas... and I think I'll go to bed with a blankie in my pj top tonight. I never would've thought of that, but I bet it will work!
-Sarah
Mom to Dylan, 8/18/03

:) Motherhood is such a joy! :)

[sarahfran]

Thanks... I will offer without ramming...and I consider myself forewarned about the roadside stops!

-Sarah
Mom to Dylan, 8/18/03

:) Motherhood is such a joy! :)

[jubilee]

I started really encouraging lovey attachment when Logan was around 9 months old. I picked out a small blanket with a bear head attached, and hoped he would bond with it. Every naptime or bedtime I would get Lovey and DS would nurse and Lovey would lay on him. At first Lovey wasn't important to him, but after 4-6 weeks Lovey became essential to DS going to sleep. He doesn't carry Lovey around, just has him for sleeptime mostly. Now if I hand Lovey to him, he immediately puts his head down on Lovey and puts his thumb in his mouth. I also get Lovey whenever DS has a tumble and is crying- any time he needs comfort, I get Lovey and the 3 of us snuggle together.

[McQ]

I don't think you're too late. Declan has this great little blanket from the San Diego Wild Animal Park that we started putting in his crib when he was around Dylan's age. For months it just seemed to lay in there but now we find him asleep on it when we check on him at night. And in the morning he rolls around with it.

http://www.shopzoo.com/shopzoo.cgi?cmd=item&id=1211176

Then last month he found this little stuffed cat that my MIL had given me years ago that I had tucked away on a bookcase in our room. He picked it up and has held onto it since. So now he sleeps on top of his blanket and the cat. And has the blanket tucked under his arm while he chews on the cat's ears in the morning.

http://www.douglascuddletoy.com/dc_cats.html

Allison
~ mommy to Declan 3.24.03
and number 2 EDD 9.14.04

[jk3]

I bought my DS a beautiful little blanket-fleece on one side, satin on the over w/the most adorable print. No dice. I bought him some mini stuffed animals. Again no luck. On his own, he has grown very attached to these stuffed stacking rings-he carries one everywhere + sleeps with one in each hand. We attached one to the carseat + the stroller. No the cutest "lovey" nor what I would have chosen but he loves them! He is also very attached to a mini Snoopy.

Jenn
DS 6/3/03

[Raidra]

Colwyn's lovey is Fluffles, too! He has two and loves them to pieces. :D What a small world.

[akc]

Hi there -

I would say two things! First, lovey free is not bad because as other people have said - it keeps you from the headache of always worrying about having it when you need it and where you need it: the car, the crib, etc. Secondly, they don't take it everywhere to impede when they get to little classes like gymnastics or music, etc. We have some kids that are clinging to theirs and so they don't participate. Now, if that's what they need to feel comfortable, by all means, they should have it! But, I wouldn't force it!

Second, my DD is 22 months and JUST starting having interest in a "friend." She was a pacifier girl until about 20 months, and now she doesn't want anything to take around with her, but has started to take a little soft bear with her in her crib at night. Some of this was brought on by the "night terror" age - actually, we are in Baltimore and are in cicada hell right now. They are EVERYWHERE, and she had a nightmare that a "cada bug" was in her crib. Poor thing!

Anyway, IMO, I would't force it. You just have to try to shake it later!

Alexa

[wagner36]

I got a gorgeous lovey by a company called Little Giraffe - silk on one side, the soft fuzziest stuff you've ever felt on the other. I bought two, slept with one in my shirt for about a week, held it every time we nursed together, kept it in DS's crib and nada, nothing, he doesn't notice it exists.

What he HAS chosen for his lovey, is a hard wooden bear head on a stick which is part of a crappy 3-D puzzle from Ikea that we got as a gift. He carries it with him everywhere, bangs everything with it, rams it down his throat and gags, and won't go to sleep without clutching on to it! Leave it to my son to have the crappiest lovey ever.....

Good luck !!!!!

[gour0]

Allison, I love this Blanket! What is it made of? My sister loves giraffes, but she has this thing for SOFT. Is it polyester or what? That link didn't say.

[miki]

Tara--

So funny! I'm going to be chuckling all day picturing Charlie clutching a bear head at bedtime.

[McQ]

Oh this thing is soft. One of the softest things I've ever felt. Not sure of the material (I've cut all the tags off) but it's fleece.

Allison
~ mommy to Declan 3.24.03
and number 2 EDD 9.14.04

[peanut4us]

I asked this very same question several months ago, and everyone said, she'll find her own... and she did. it is the blanket that I wanted her to use. I just let her have it every night and now she wants it when she's in her crib. I have 3 identical blankets that I rotate, so hopefully they will last longer.

I did not want to deal with the "blanky dragged everywhere, trauma on the road because we lost blanky" drama. So Sara gets her blanky ONLY in her room (it's in her crib but she pulls it out) or when she is supposed to be napping when we are not at home (at church, babysitter's etc). and it has worked like a charm for us. HTH.

[jec2]

I just saw this at Nordstrom, or at least Fluffles' cousin! Finn grabbed it and carried it around the kids dept. and I almost bought it. The one they had was a music box which I couldn't decide if I liked that aspect of it or not for a lovie.

Currently, however, we have a little Barefoot Dreams chenille blankie that we try to use as a lovie. We snuggle with it while nuring and I lay it over him in the car and when he's sleeping. I don't know whether he views it as a lovie yet however.

[sarahfran]

Thanks for posting. That makes me feel better! We'll see if Dylan develops his own attachment to something...hopefully not a piece of a wooden puzzle!

-Sarah
Mom to Dylan, 8/18/03

:) Motherhood is such a joy! :)

[parkersmama]

Sarah, sorry I'm just getting around to seeing this! She was probably 7 months old when she starting liking that original blankie. And we got the buddies a month or so later. We have a set...one regular, one travel. I got the travel loop on both of them, though. I keep the travel one in the car and have it attached to the seat with a chain of plastic links. One end is attached to the loop on the blankie and the other is attached to the metal "pipe" of the headrest. It works great!

I do not think that 9 months is too old. It's right at the age when they really suffer from separation anxiety so I bet having a blankie would help!

Let me know how it goes!

[parkersmama]

I should add that Amy Grace only uses the blankie in bed, in the car, and occasionally if she might be napping in the stroller. For us, it's a bedtime thing and hopefully won't become an all day thing! LOL!