123 Magic fans

[Marisa6826]

We bought this book upon the recommendation of many of you (thanks Candy!). Jonathan started reading it last night, and he said that he thinks Sophie's still too young at 19m old to apply it to her. Something about not having enough communication skills to understand consequences?

I know that it's hard to answer questions since I haven't read the book yet myself, but I will be on bedrest later this week (amnio on Wed), so I'm sure I will have finished it by Friday...

Insight?

Thanks

-m

[kristine_elen]

I think he's right. We just got it out of the library (after hearing about it here) and even the title says "Effective Discipline for Children 2-12," so I think she's a bit too young for it. Five months makes such a huge difference at this age. And even 2 might be a bit too young, though I guess it would depend on the child. It's interesting food for thought for later, though. Good luck w/the amnio!

[redhookmom]

I don't think 1-2-3 is a good system for a 19m old. For us distraction and redirection worked well at that age.

My DD is now 22m. I would never attempt the 1-2-3 with her BUT she has observed the system with her older brother. The other day she was standing on her chair and I told her that chairs were for sitting... She plops down and says one, doo, eee. Just to funny.

[egoldber]

Well, I know that some folks use it for kids younger than 2, although I did not start using it until DD was almost 2 1/2. But I think the principles would still work, just have greatly reduced expectations. I would disagree slightly thogh about her not being able to understand the consequences. I think at that age they can understand, but lack the developmental emotional maturity to be able to stop doing inappropriate behavior on demand like that.

You might want to also read the Sears Discipline Book which has stuff for kids in that "inbetween age". Honestly, discipline is super hard in that phase where they can do lots of inappropriate stuff but do not have the communication skills yet to be able to articulate why they are acting out. I have yet to find a book that I thought was really great for that age.

HTH,

[ddmarsh]

This is true with discipline in general I would say. Children just are not developmentally able (most) to understand and respond to commands, etc. and make the connection between their conduct and consequences until at least 2. However I would say that reading the book now and having a good idea of where you are headed is a great idea.

1,2,3 Magic is my favorite actual discipline book but I am also a huge fan of the books by Adele Faber --- How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen, etc. and Siblings Without Rivalry ---- for an overall communication approach. Just thought I'd mention these :).

Good luck with the amnio -

[lukkykatt]

Marisa, good luck with your amnio!

I did use 123 Magic with great success with my older son, but not until he was at least 2.5 or 3. My Ped, who I think the world of, recommended it. It can't hurt to read it now and be prepared for when you want to start. Maybe some of the principles could be applied now, but just expect to have limited success until Sophie gets a little older.

I haven't started this with my younger son yet and he just turned 2, fyi.

[Marisa6826]

So if Sophie's too young for 123 Magic, how do we discipline her?

She's increasingly throwing more stuff - food, books, toys, food... did I mention food?

We ration the amount we give her, tell her no throwing food, try taking it away, etc. Nothing seems to work.

And as far as the toys and books go, we try taking them away too. Makes no difference what so ever.

We're finding that she's testing us more and more. Unfortunately, we find ourselves getting more and more frustrated with her antics. Mommy's nausea and fatigue aren't helping things either.

Help!!!!

-m

[redhookmom]

I also liked the book: Positive Discipline: The First Three Years-Laying the Foundation for Raising a Capable, Confident Child
by Jane Nelsen.

The book described the different temperments of children and techniques to deal with problems that come up with little ones.

[Sarah1]

We bought 1-2-3 Magic several months ago (I read about it in one of Beth's posts a while back). I think while it is definitely too early to use the counting system, there are elements of it that can be used now. First of all, the "no emotion, no talking" rule has worked well in keeping any negative behavior from escalating. Also, we do a "time out" if Audrey repeatedly does something after we've said no once or twice. After she does the behavior (i.e. touching the TV after we've said no twice), we take her to her room, put her in her crib and close the door for 1-2 minutes (without saying anything while doing this). This has generally been successful, and she hasn't seemed to have formed any kind of negative association with her crib as a result from this. The "punishment" of being away from me or DH definitely seems to be effective. We haven't had to do it much at all....just 3-4 times a week.

There was a thread a while back on the toddler boards (the lounge) about time-out spots and what people do when their kids act up. You might check that out, too.

[Momof3Labs]

I agree - we started using time-outs with Colin at around that age, when telling him no or redirecting him does not work. We've only used them in a couple of situations, but have found them very useful and very effective (food throwing stopped after 2-3 time outs and hasn't started up again a few months later). There have been some great threads on this on the toddler lounge.

We also plan to use 1-2-3 Magic when Colin is ready for it, but I agree with Beth that he is still too young to have the self-control to stop his behavior when we start counting.

[ginalc]

Lots of good advice here. I'm in the same boat though, 19 month old DS who seems to be testing the "parental waters" and pushing the limits.

Just last week we started the 1-2-3 Magic with DS (#3) and last night I set him in the crib for a "time out." I've used this system for years with my oldest and find it's the best for me, even when dealing with my 13 yr. old today. I find that we all benefit from the chance to modify our behavior and cool off if need be.

Some may disagree, but I feel that my 19 month old knows exactly what he is doing. When he throws food, I say "no throwing food" and give him 3 chances. If he continues, he's done at the table and I "set him free" so that we can eat in peace. If he bites, I do the same and remind him that biting hurts. If the behavior continues I move him to another room to read a book, play something different.... I guess just to redirect him.

Why the time-out last night? He was hitting the dog and wrestling her to the ground, then jumping on her head. Our dog is a 7 month old Sheltie pup and very sweet. She doesn't fight back and I certainly don't want her to! DS laughed out loud and kept going back to jump on the pup's head. After 3 attempts to modify his behavior, I removed him and set him in his crib along with some toys and books. A few minutes later he rejoined us in our family room and all was better.

In short? Children need direction. A phrase that rings in my ears daily is...... You can't give a Time-Out unless you've put the Time-In!

It doesn't get any easier, as parents you just need to find what works best for your family! :)

HTH,

gina, mom to 3