How different is this board than a few years ago?

[llcoddington]

I was searching for something and came across some very old threads and it hit me that some of you have seen this board evolve into what it is today. I am guessing that it was much more personal before it got so big...

I guess I have no real reason for posting this except to say how awesome it must be to have been here from the beginning and to have some of your best friends here! :)

Lana
mommy to Lauren 12/5/03

[egoldber]

Well, I have not been here since the very beginning, but I have been here a long time. :) I hesitated to post this, because I feel like some may take this as a criticism of the board now, but I truly do not mean it that way. Maybe there is a bit of wistfulness at the way things used to be, but it is not a critique.

The board does have a very different feel now than it did even a year ago, but especially vs 2 years or so ago. It used to be much smaller and a lot more intimate. There was a time when I "knew" every regular poster. Their names. Their children's names. Details of their lives. And I know that is not true anymore. I used to be able to read every post in every forum. With the traffic today, that is just not possible anymore.

The current board is also very fragmented by forum. It used to be (or at least felt like) everyone posted in every forum. Now there are definitely folks that hang out in some forums and don't read others.

But for me the biggest loss has been the loss of the true civility that used to exist here. It used to be that we could talk about "hot button" issues in a very calm and rational manner. We used to regularly have discussions about vax/no vax, breastfeeding/formula feeding, CIO, AP/nonAP, religions, etc. with no "voices" being raised. And while this board is still more cvilized than a lot out there, it is frankly not the same. And you used to be able to post an opinion without having to write disclaimers in front of it. Now that just is not so.

And you are right at how awesome it is to have best friends here. There are women here that I am privileged to call my friends, who have been there for me at some of the darkest times in my life. Some who are no longer "internet" friends, but real life friends. That is an amazingly special thing. I hope that people are able to find that in today's boards too.

[Rachels]

I feel exactly the same as Beth. I can't believe the great blessings that have come into my life and Abigail's because of some of the women on these boards. For that, I will always be grateful.

But the loss of civility has been very difficult for me, too. The support I got here when Abigail was an infant was phenomenal, and I never hesitated to post questions, fears, secret confessions, or even just details of my parenting. Now I am much, much more careful, and there are things I simply wouldn't talk about anymore. I regret that-- it was lovely to exchange ideas and information without fear. And, as Beth said, nobody used to have to post disclaimers or apologies for simply expressing a viewpoint. I miss that time.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

http://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/character/2/character39.gif

"We have a secret in our culture...it's not that birth is painful, it's that women are strong!!" - Laura Stavoe Harm

[mamahill]

I began reading in Nov 2001, joined in Jan 2002 and then lost my password after having Ainsleigh. Some days it's hard to believe I've been around that long. Mostly I can't imagine NOT having some of these friendships. I can't think of another place I would be friends with such a diverse group (background/age/circumstances/location/etc.) of mothers.

But I agree with everything Beth said. That's why I claim she is the Dalai Lama of Mothering. :) Things have changed, but everything does. It doesn't make it good or bad - it just.. is.

[momathome]

It was defintely a more relaxed atmosphere once upon a time! The Lounge didn't even exist for the first several months I was posting here - it was straight-out baby product reviews from forum to forum. The Bitching forum used to be strictly about posting about bad experiences with baby products or baby stores. It has all gotten a lot more personal in that regard. I can't remember when I started posting here because I had been using a slightly different user name when I first started coming (mom@home) that was no longer valid when the new log-in system started a few years back. I still love these boards even though things can get heated at times - I have met some incredible women here!

[blnony]

I too am going to second Beth's assessment.
It seems that over the past year esp. the number of members here just sky rocketed. It has lost a lot of the real community feel it used to have. I miss the civility we used to have, but I think thats just another growing pain.
It is still a great place, just much different.
I have met some of the most wonderful people from this board that have been through all my ups and downs in life the past couple of years. Its been priceless. I have found the most supportive and loving group of friends that I could have ever imagined.
I just can't keep up with the amount of posts anymore; and with A. getting older, I don't have the up to date experience to respond to a lot. Also, like Beth said, there are a lot of people that just hang out in one forum now which is a lot different.

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

Well I have been here just over 2 years, and never lurked...I jumped right in from day one...
And I have to second everything that Beth said, I started to respond last night, but like Beth I hesitated and I actually deleated my post.


It was not long after I joined (a few months) that Annette started a thread that asked everyone to "introduce themself", that thread in itself changed these boards over night in my opinion. And I know I am not alone in that remark for prior to that folks barely announced their births etc...
Then the boards went down for a few days and we all scrambled to "find" our dear friends out there and were hungry to catch up with eachother.
Don't get me wrong I love the boards, and there of course are "hot topics' in parenthood, I don't think I ever would have noticed before I had a child. I think "hot topics" have always been there though but I do believe there has been x 1,000 of them lately. I don't understand why someone does not just ignore someone they don't like (sorry I think that an appropriate way of saying it whether it be the person or their ideas, or in my case many times just the way the person choses to say it)...I mean we can make this board so custom by just seeing folks names here and avoiding their thread, their post, their response if one chooses. I don't understand why folks do not do that instead of allowing themselves to continuosly fight among certain members. Spats will happen, but for them to happen everyday has gotten very old here.
Though I have participated a lot here I certainly do not read every thread, and actually seldom read a thread in its intirety I don't have the time...

I think this board is still a great place and a wonderful community, many have gone off and developed smaller communities of this community, where they have seeked out friends who they share common interest with. I think that a great thing, that also talkes away from some of what we all had in that "that" is being held elsewhere. Again I don't think that a bad thing, and actually think as our children become non babies that is probably the way many of us will ween from this community and thus a great thing.

I have fantastic friendships from these boards...
And like Beth said there have been many that have helped me thru some of my darkest hours in life...last July being one of them and of course several months ago. In the same breath I would like to think I have helped others in some of their darkest hours as well...

I love this community it is amazing what one can ask and that someone here will know the answer. I also love the addition of new folks and think if we can all learn to handle those that we might disagree with that the boards can stay the wonderful place that they are.
I personally have not altered any of what I ever would say publically here though (from 2 years ago to now), I've never talked about such personal things that I have felt I need to change that, and I have always tried my hardest to remember others have different ways of doing things and to try to never be so opinionated on my way to disinclude them. But in everyday life folks avoid that type of person so I try to keep that in mind.
Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties

[sugarsnappea]

I started lurking on this board, right after I became pregnant, around September 2000. I finally got the courage to come out of lurkdom sometime around 2001. I remember the boards being so simple, and really about "baby bargains". Now it is entirely different. The actual bargains forum gets a lot less traffic than most. Product reviews are few and far between.

I agree with Beth. Things have changed. I hardly ever have time to respond to posts, and never enough time to read a one in it's entirety. The community has grown so large, so fast, that it is hard not to sometimes wish for the old, intimate atmosphere. This is especially true when it comes to these "hot button topics". But, I still love these boards. New members with different experiences and backgrounds add up to new learning experiences. I know if I ever needed support in my life, this board is the first place I would go. This support of this community is wonderful!:)

[gour0]

Other than what has already been said I guess I would add that there never used to be a need to ignore anyone. There was a general feeling of helpfulness and kindness toward everyone. You didn't have to avoid people or threads and you weren't afraid to ask a question because there was no reason to believe anyone was going to be rude to you.

[candybomiller]

I agree with just about everything everyone else has posted. I think to put it in other terms, it's kind of like 2 years ago we were a close intimate family. Now a lot of cousins have come out of the woodwork. It's not a bad thing, it's just different. But I no longer feel close to everyone like I used to. When I was pregnant, I was totally alone and the women here became my friends. I didn't know how much I needed the people here until my mom was killed, and I would have totally crumbled if I hadn't been able to talk about it here. With the boards today, I'm not so sure I would even talk about it. There just isn't that "intimate" feeling anymore, kwim?

But, I love the new people on the boards. I think they add a fresh perspective, plus, without the newbies, we'd probably have to change the baby board into the childrens board, into the adult board, into the geriatric board!

I think a lot of it can be likened to a baby growing up. I'm not sure how, but I like the simile, so I'm going to stick with it! :P

[AngelaS]

I lurked for a long time before joining and Beth's right. It also used to be more baby focused on being good parents instead of having just the 'right' products.