View Full Version : I need help, NOW. Very Serious.
candybomiller
07-12-2004, 10:40 PM
I don't even know how to write this. It's horrifying to even think about but...
I'm worried that my son is being sexually abused. My husband thinks I'm completely overreacting, and I probably am, but I don't know what to do. Just a few minutes ago, we gave Matt a tylenol suppository. When we stuck it in, his body went stiff and he just started saying "good boy good boy good boy" again and again. This doesn't seem like normal behavior to me. Of course my mind jumps to the most horrifying conclusion first.
I tried to call our ped, but the doctor on call is one that I don't like at all because he never takes my concerns seriously and totally blows me off.
I know I am a worry wart, and I often stress for no reason, but if this is a sign, and I miss it, I'll never forgive myself.
Someone please tell me that this is just normal behavior and there's nothing to worry about. Please.
NEVE and TRISTAN
07-12-2004, 10:54 PM
OH Candy I wanted to give you a huge hug...and I have no advice except a little thought, we went camping with friends last Sept and their son was about 2 ish or so and he said "am I a good boy" a lot. I do think there are ages where they so badly want to be a good boy and "coach" themselves and then also ask if they are.
With that said I think you are smart to follow your gut, but I hoped that could maybe help in your thought process...
Have you ever taken his temp rectally? For usually when this is done a natural verbal soothing would be (oddly) "good boy" etc...
Keep us posted on things...
Huge hugs...
Neve
http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan
AKA "mama2be"-forgot password
and Baby Boy Tristan born @UNC
Feb 25, 2003
Brother to 3 pups "gees" and 2 kitties
mommd
07-12-2004, 10:55 PM
Well, before you think the worst, is it an actual possibility? Meaning, is he out of your site with other adults for extended periods of time, like daycare? There would usually be other signs, like not wanting to be around a certain person or go to a certain place. Also, when you have given him medicine before or shots at the doctor, do you usually say "good boy"? Can he be saying it because he associates it with being medicated?
If you are seriously worried about it, talk to your Ped, who I'm sure can be of more help. Sorry you have to worry about this, and sorry I can't help more!
candybomiller
07-12-2004, 11:02 PM
He is in daycare. And we absolutely love his provider. And he loves going there. That would be the only place anything could happen. Unless I don't know my family and my husband as well as I think I do. I hate myself for having these thoughts, but if something is happening... and I ignored it... I couldn't live with myself.
It is entirely possible that he heard me say it when taking temp. It's just the way he said it absolutely broke my heart.
pritchettzoo
07-12-2004, 11:02 PM
Oh how frightening!
Neve's answer seems very possible--has something to that effect happened recently?
Here are some links:
http://www.stopitnow.com/help.html -- there's an 800 number helpline, but it's only open 9-5 EST
Child Help USA Hotline
General information on child abuse and related issues. Referrals to local agencies for child abuse reporting. Crisis counseling.
CALL: 1-800-422-4453 (24 hr)
(from http://my.webmd.com/hw/raising_a_family/shc99cha.asp )
Keep us updated if you can.
Anna
wagner36
07-12-2004, 11:03 PM
Wow. Deep breath. I am a worry wart too - huge, and I often freak out for no reason. But, I'm also a huge believer in following through on the mommy instinct. You can't do anything until tomorrow. Talk to your husband and think about whether or not it is a realistic possibility (i.e. who, where when, etc). Then, tomorrow morning, call the pediatrician you like, tell them what you posted above, and see what happens. Until then, though, you have to assume that it is just normal behavior with nothing to worry about. Charlie doesn't talk yet, but whenever he takes Motrin, he claps for himself - so he definitely associates taking medicine with us cheering....
And keep us posted.
Rachels
07-12-2004, 11:05 PM
Candy, I just emailed you through the boards.
-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02
http://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/character/2/character39.gif
"We have a secret in our culture...it's not that birth is painful, it's that women are strong!!" - Laura Stavoe Harm
papal
07-12-2004, 11:23 PM
Hey Candy.. i have no idea what I would do in your situation.. no advice.. just wanted to send out some hugs and some good vibes your way mama.. please update us after you visit the ped..i am very worried for Matt... i am worried because you are worried.. i honestly would NOT have thought of sexual abuse if this had happened to me but I sometimes think I am very naive when it comes to such things... trust your instincts...anyway, i am rambling but i am very concerned.
JElaineB
07-12-2004, 11:28 PM
Candy, I don't have any advice but I just want to send some big hugs to you. I truly hope it turns out to be nothing. I hope you can get some help from your ped tomorrow.
Jennifer
mom to Jacob 9/27/02
StaceyKim
07-12-2004, 11:43 PM
It doesn't sound like anything to be worried about based on the description below but call your ped. tomorrow just to be sure.
I copied this from the below website
http://www.stopitnow.com/warnings.html#behavioral
Behavioral Warning Signs A Child May
Have Been Abused
Some of these behavioral signs can show up at other stressful times in a child's life such as divorce, the death of a family member, friend or pet, or when there are problems in school, as well as when abuse is involved. Any one sign doesn't mean the child was abused, but several of them mean that you should begin asking questions. Do you notice some of the following behaviors in children you know well?
Nightmares, trouble sleeping, fear of the dark, or other sleeping problems.
Extreme fear of "monsters".
Spacing out at odd times.
Loss of appetite, or trouble eating or swallowing.
Sudden mood swings: rage, fear, anger, or withdrawal.
Fear of certain people or places (e.g., a child may not want to be left alone with a baby-sitter, a friend, a relative, or some other child or adult; or a child who is usually talkative and cheery may become quiet and distant when around a certain person).
Stomach illness all of the time with no identifiable reason.
An older child behaving like a younger child, such as bed-wetting or thumb sucking.
Sexual activities with toys or other children, such as simulating sex with dolls or asking other children/siblings to behave sexually.
New words for private body parts.
Refusing to talk about a "secret" he/she has with an adult or older child.
Talking about a new older friend.
Suddenly having money.
Cutting or burning herself or himself as an adolescent.
If you have any questions about these or other signs and symptoms, please call the Stop It Now! Toll-Free Helpline at 1-888-PREVENT.
jubilee
07-12-2004, 11:51 PM
Candy, my heart honestly sank when I read your post. I hope and pray this is not true. But, you must have him see his doctor. Do not dismiss this- it's way too serious. I'd call the ped in the morning and say "I want a same day appointment for possible abuse of my son"... I wouldn't disclose anymore info to the scheduler and just say he needs to see the doctor. And they darn well better see him ASAP.
Big hugs to you and Matt! Please let us know that all is alright soon!
Dscvrlifewith3
07-12-2004, 11:55 PM
Go with your gut. My sister had a similar reaction with one of her boys. I will not get into here, but about 8 months after her hunch, something horrible happened that confirmend that the child had been abused.
I will be thinking of you,Kim
sweetbasil
07-12-2004, 11:57 PM
No advice to offer from here, Candy...but I'm sending hugs and prayers your way.
Thinking of you and your family,
Aww, sweetie...I so hope that you are wrong about this. But I, like so many others, advocate for trusting your mommy instinct. HOPEFULLY, the worst thing will be that you find out you overreacted. And if you didn't, at least you are on it right now! Hugs to all of you!
boys2enough
07-13-2004, 12:51 AM
Lots of hugs. Even the suspicion is one of the worst nightmares for every parent. Sorry that you are going through this. I don't think you are overreacting. My $0.02 will be to go with your instinct and follow through. If for nothing else, it will give you some peace of mind. I will be thinking of you and your DS. Please keep us all updated.
Cheers, Lin
Mom to 2 wild boys
D 3/98
G 11/02
http://instagiber.net/smiliesdotcom/kao/otn/pnoodles.gif
redhookmom
07-13-2004, 01:05 AM
Oh Candy, I am so sorry. Just the thought is horrifying. In my mind you have to follow through with the Ped. We cannot ignore are instincts as Moms.
In my mind this could totally be normal behavior. He was self soothing when something scary was happening.
Hugs to you,
suribear
07-13-2004, 03:00 AM
I can see why you're concerned, as I would be, too. It's probably just self soothing, as others have said. However, you are right to trust your instincts on this and follow through. I hope it turns out to be nothing!
Kris
hypermom
07-13-2004, 03:23 AM
Oh my. Reading your post, I felt all the color draining from my face and my heart sank. I'm terribly sorry for you that you are going through this and I know exactly how you feel.
When DD was first born, I had to occasionally be around a GF's grandfather who once had touched me inappropriately as a child. It was maddening. I was and am still extremely cautious when around this person with DD but sometimes, you have no choice but to be near people like this.
It was especially maddening because people would often come and whisk DD out of my arms and take her to a different part of the house, while I was in the midst of a convo with someone or just doing something where I couldn't excuse myself quickly enough.
I would tiptoe to the room DD was in, with my heart pounding so loudly in my throat, especially when everything seemed a little too quiet. And I would kind of pop in unexpectedly in order to try to catch a compromising situation. But, thankfully, I never did and GF's grandfather has since moved so I don't have to worry about that anymore.
I have never talked to anyone about this except for my sister and my BF. The way I reacted to it as a child was to become extremely withdrawn and emotionally bereft, while building up a serious resentment towards adults and others in authority. Of course, I was much older than your son when it happened so I don't expect the same behavior from him.
But, from your post, I agree with the posters who mentioned earlier, it seems as if he IS just consoling himself while in an uncomfortable situation, which is a good sign. I would think that a child who was being abused would be more confused about his emotions and not be able to self console like that. I do not have a degree in psychology, but that's my 2 cents.
I would take him for a check-up and observe his behavior around everybody with whom he has regular contact. And I would compare his behavior now to an earlier memory of how he was acting around that person. I would also buy some anatomically correct dolls and observe how he plays with them. That should go a long way towards giving you some peace of mind when you see him interacting with them in a normal fashion.
Trust your instincts, but keep in mind that this is your son and you will perhaps see more in a given situation than what lies in actuality.
Kindest wishes,
Tosa
mama to Viola 5/04
Judegirl
07-13-2004, 04:24 AM
Candy - I know how hard it must be for you to even read these replies.
There is a very good chance he's just repeating what makes him comfortable in a strange situation...but I cried when I read your post. See your doctor tomorrow; the sooner you so that, the sooner this terrible suspicion will be behind you.
My thoughts are with you.
Jude
flagger
07-13-2004, 09:23 AM
Candy I am so sorry that you are having such horrible thoughts about what you witnessed. What an awful way to spend a night thinking such thoughts. Hopefully, your fears will be assuaged when you talk to your pediatrician.
To add what others have posted, do you have a pet or has your son ever been with a friend to the vets office. I have heard many a vet repeat "Good boy" over and over again while taking a dog's tempurature.
All my good thoughts to you and your family.
sugarsnappea
07-13-2004, 09:27 AM
Candy,
I hope everything is well and that you are wrong. But trust your instincts and follow up with the Ped. Positive thoughts in your direction...
momathome
07-13-2004, 09:29 AM
{{{Candy}}} I am so sorry, sweetie, that you are so worried about Matt. Chances are it is nothing but I think following it up with your pediatrician is probably a good thing for your peace of mind. Take care and best wishes.
cinrein
07-13-2004, 09:32 AM
Candy, I'm so sorry! I hope and pray Matt is just repeating words he's heard from you or DH. I agree to follow your instinct though. (((HUGS)))
Cindy and Anna February 2003
Candy, I hope and pray that there is nothing to worry about and we are all just be overreacting mommies! I know that awful feeling in the pit of your stomach, too. I agree with everyone that it sounds more like he is repeating something he heard from you, but listen to your gut and make absolutely sure. What a frightening situation. We'll be thinking about you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03
jd11365
07-13-2004, 09:45 AM
{{{Candy}}}
I would definitely take little Matt to the ped to set your mind at ease. Hey, that's what they are for and yes, this is very serious...you are absolutely right. Take a deep breath and don't think the worst right now. As others may have said he might have associated "Good Boy" with somthing he's seen before that was innocent. He also might have been thinking he was not a good boy and trying to remind you that he is because you were trying to do something to him that wasn't comfortable. Relax...yeah, right...and get to the ped. We are here for you.
Jamie
Mommy to Kayla
May '03
ddmarsh
07-13-2004, 09:47 AM
I am so sorry, this is just so horrible to contemplate. I personally think that we are not often encouraged to listen and respond to our instincts. While it is very likely that nothing has happened I would most definately listen to my instincts and seek help immediately. These types of things often are able to continue because we do not listen to that little voice inside ourselves. I might also wonder if you are responding to other cues and/or vibes that you have picked up on that have been less overt.
I wish you both the best and hope that everything is ok -
Sarah1
07-13-2004, 09:52 AM
Oh, Candy. I absolutely feel terrible for you that you're having these fears right now. I'm hoping for the best. It sounds to me like something a little boy would say and do--I mean, I would stiffen up if someone stuck something up my you-know-what. I'm sure at daycare they probably say "good boy" to the boys a lot, too. I bet everything if fine, but regardless, I hope you can talk to someone who can allay your fears, and I'm thinking of you!!!!!!!!!
mamicka
07-13-2004, 10:52 AM
Oh Candy... I don't even know what to say. I echo others responses that I hope it's nothing but you definitely need to follow your instincts. I'm sitting here crying reading this, as DS is nursing. My heart can't take the thought of anything like this happening to my DS, or anyone else's because I know you love your DS like I love mine & it just breaks my heart that you are going through this. I'm rambling, I know. Just know that I'm thinking of you & I'll keep you guys in my prayers. Please, please, please keep us updated. I'm worried only because you're worried. Here's praying that you're just a really, really paranoid, crazy, delusional mommy.
jbowman
07-13-2004, 10:59 AM
Candy,
Hugs to you and your family. I hope that your fears will be put aside after talking to your ped.
marinkitty
07-13-2004, 11:00 AM
Candy - I don't have anything to add to the other posts, but wanted you to know that I am hoping that once you can see your ped. today your fears will be allayed. This is one of a parent's worst nightmares and I can't imagine the pain and concern you must be feeling for Matthew. Hang in there!
Holly
Mom to Mia (3.17.03)
Melanie
07-13-2004, 11:16 AM
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I truly hope that the others are right and he's just transferring self-soothing that he has seen at other times to an uncomfortable situation. I do not think you are overreacting in that mothers need to trust their instincts and if yours tells you to be concerned, then that is what you need to be.
starrynight
07-13-2004, 11:21 AM
I sometimes jump to the worst conclusion first also. I am paranoid about something like this happening to one of my kids.
I hope everything is ok, lots of hugs sent to you and Matt.
ethansmom
07-13-2004, 12:46 PM
Oh Candy, I'm so sorry you are going through this. You are totally in the right to be concerned and check with your ped.
I read this last night before bed and was too upset to reply. PLEASE let us know how things are.
Hugs,
barbarhow
07-13-2004, 12:54 PM
Candy-I am so sorry that you are going through this. I hope and pray that it is absolutely nothing and that he is just a really smart little boy who knows how to console himself in an uncomfortable situation.
I would also trust your instincts just so that you can alleviate your worst fears. Please keep us posted.
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03
khakismom
07-13-2004, 01:09 PM
Candy, my heart literally sank when I read your post. I cannot imagine what you are feeling and go thru right now. I pray for a good outcome for you and your family--you will be in my thoughts today. Please keep us posted. Many, many hugs.
smomom
07-13-2004, 01:35 PM
oh, Candy. My heart stopped when I read your post. I can't imagine anything more horrifying than what you must be feeling. Trust your gut and check it out, but I truly hope that there is absolutely nothing to worry about. Please keep us posted.
Marisa6826
07-13-2004, 02:13 PM
Candy-
I just saw this. I am thinking about you and Matt.
Trust your gut - but hopefully it's just Mommy paranoia.
HUGS
-m
justlearning
07-13-2004, 02:49 PM
Like others, my heart also sank when reading your message. I sincerely do hope that he is merely repeating what you have said when taking his temperature in the same area of his body. (I assume that's what you meant when you referred to perhaps him copying what you have said.)
Still, though, I would most definitely follow your mother's instinct and see your pediatrician immediately. I pray that everything is OK with your son and that you find peace.
Oh sweety im sooo sorry (((((())))) for you and Matt. I hope we are all overreacting mommies. I also do think that it sounds like he was self consoling himself in an uncomfortable situation from sometihng he has heard once before....But i have ot also agree with you and totally trust your instincts and investigate the heck out of everything....
Again tons of hugs headed your way and prayers....
parkersmama
07-13-2004, 03:21 PM
Candy, I'm just now seeing your post. My heart goes out to you and I will be praying for you and Matt. I hope that by now your fears have been assuaged by the pediatrician and it turned out to be nothing at all. Please keep us posted when you can. {{{{Candy}}}}
jennifer13
07-13-2004, 04:02 PM
Hi Candy,
Definitely trust those instincts and contact your ped asap. There is no reason NOT to: you will either get the reassurance you need, or the information that you need to know. However, you may want to call the hotline number listed in a previous post also, or your local children's hospital, because they could tell you what the ped should do to assess, and refer you to other resources. My only concern is the competence of your ped. You didn't mention if you liked him/her. Not every ped will have expertise in this area. Again, trust your gut. If you don't feel that his/her assessment was adequate, you could contact your local children's hospital. FWIW, and I say this to empower you, not scare you-- it is the parental/familial response to abuse that affects recovery the most, it is a bigger determinant in the future recovery and health and the abuse itself.
HOPEFULLY, and MOST LIKELY, though, it will turn out not to be the result of abuse. You are obviously a thoughtful, attentive mother. Your son is lucky to have you.
Jennifer
Mom to Norah 5/23/03
I so hope Matt is just repeating what he's heard from you! Let us know what the ped says.
mamahill
07-13-2004, 04:17 PM
Ugh - just the thought makes me lose my stomach. I hope that he was just self-soothing and that everyone is happy and healthy today. Please keep us posted. My thoughts are turned toward your family at this time.
abigailsmom
07-13-2004, 04:27 PM
Hugs!! My prayers and thoughts for you and yours!!
sweetbasil
07-13-2004, 08:57 PM
Candy~
Just wanted you to know that I'm still thinking of your family and hope that all went well at the ped's today.
Hugs,
jakobsmommie
07-13-2004, 09:49 PM
{{{{{{{{Candy}}}}}}}}}
I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
I don't know if I'd be able to think straight if it were me.
Please let us know what happens with your ped's visit.
We are all praying for you.
Hugs and Prayers!
Puddy73
07-13-2004, 10:12 PM
Candy, I can't even imagine how frightening this must be. I hope that everything went well today.
Big hugs and many prayers.
Jennifer
Mommy to Annabelle Mae 9/8/03
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