Candy (candybomiller) did you see the ped?

[jd11365]

I've been thinking of you all day...did you get any more information?

Jamie
Mommy to Kayla
May '03

[momma_boo]

Bumping this up so that it stays on the first "page" of the Lounge. Her family has been in my thoughts as well.

[candybomiller]

I think I've finally calmed down enough to write about this. After seeing the ped, the answer we got is "well, it's possible." Based on what happened with the tylenol suppository and Matthews diaper changing behavior a couple of months ago, it is a possibility. But there's no way to say for sure now.

And there's no way of knowing who might have done it. He hasn't been exhibiting any "abused" behavior around any of the people who watch him on a regular basis. I've never left him with anyone I don't know (obviously). He doesn't seem afraid of anyone in particular.

So, for now, I'm trying to convince myself that nothing happened. Call me an ostrich (aren't they the ones who stick their heads in the sand?) but if I keep thinking about this, I'm going to absolutely go crazy and probably kill someone. The thought of anyone doing something so despicable to my precious child makes me absolutely enraged. I don't even have the words to describe it.

I seriously hope that no one else has to go through what we've been through in the past 36 hours. Thanks everyone for the emails and messages here. Your thoughts and prayers are probably the only things that have kept me sane.

[amp]

Candy, if there is no other behavior to indicate abuse and there is no physical evidence, I think you are right to go on as if it hasn't happened. Obviously keep your eyes open for other signs, but there is no sense, whatsoever, in freaking yourself and Matt out about something that may not even have happened. Give yourself a pat on the back for being so tuned in and give yourself a break for not being able to know for sure, but being prepared to deal with it if it was. Matt is very lucky to have a mommy like you who would, like a mama bear, protect him at all costs. Hugs to all of you!

[candybomiller]

Thanks Andrea. Now I'm crying. :P This has just been such a highly emotional couple of days. And I feel like the worst mom ever. Thank you for the kind words.

[rrosen]

I just wanted to say that I think you are the 'best' kind of Mom. You are the kind of Mom who acted on her instinct and took action right away. I am so sorry for what you have been through. As parents, we are all angry with you! I agree with Andrea that you are probably right to assume that things are fine. I know you will be keeping an extra close eye on your beautiful little boy.

You have provided a wake up call for me. I plan on ordering some childrens books to read to my DD so that she knows the her body is hers and to come to me if she needs help.

Here are some I found:



http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/9145.jpg


http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/9146.jpg


http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/9147.jpg


http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/9148.jpg

All were available on Amazon.com

Hugs to you and your family!

[Marisa6826]

Geez Candy.

I don't even know what to say. I'm so sorry that you've had to go through all of this. Was the Ped you saw your regular one or the one that always blows you off?

Did you call those numbers from the last post? I'm wondering if you a) even want to pursue it further or b) want to look for different information/confirmation of what did (or more favorably - didn't - happen).

Please know that we're all here for you.

hugs

-m

[jbowman]

Don't think that, Candy. You are a wonderful mother--you acted very quickly when you suspected there was a problem. More hugs to you and your family!

[lizajane]

i didn't reply to your first post even though i wanted to. i did send you some prayers last night! i am so sorry that you have to go through this hard time. i think you are an amazing mom for being so aware of your child's behavior and his needs. just stay tuned in like you already are. if nothing changes, it is most likely that nothing happened and you were just being a great mom to be careful. as an adult who was abused as a very small child and cannot remember the details, i just want to ask you to keep doing what you are doing. watch for any signs that might come up so that you can take care of his feelings right away. honestly, though, i think you already did the best thing. and i bet he is a-ok.

[Dcclerk]

I've been praying for you and Matt a lot, Candy. It just broke my heart that you had to go through this. You have been an amazing mom through it. Every single choice you have made is the exact right one, in my mind. You listened to your mommy radar, you acted immediately to get all the information you could, and then faced with the lack of evidence, you chose to be cautious in the future and very "normal" in the present. I really do think you are being a fantastic mom and giving Matt the best possible childhood. Thanks for being a great example.

[ismommy]

Candy,

I didn't reply to your first post but kept checking and hoping that you would post the ped said not to worry. I am sorry that there is no way to know for sure but either way you are the best mom for noticng and taking care of him. He is very very lucky to have you
Helene
mommy to Isabella
baby x EDD 1/11/05

[votre_ami03]

Candy, I could not even begin to imagine what the last few days have been like for you. I have been thinking about you & Matt for the last few days. I could not get this out of my mind. Thanks for updating us. I think you have handled everything very well. ((((Candy & Matt))))


Christy, mommy to Nolan 7/22/03

[parkersmama]

Candy, I'm so sorry that you have had to go through this. No parent should ever have to face this sort of question. You are a terrific mom and you've done everything right to keep him safe and sound. I think just keeping your eyes open from this point seems like the safest, most prudent way to deal with it. Hug him extra tight and remember, you're in our prayers.

[Sarah1]

Candy, thanks for the update. I've been thinking so much about you!

[mamahill]

Oh sister, you are far from being the worst mom. That you immediately thought, "Something's wrong - I gotta stop it and fix it," makes you the best mom. Many others would have just shrugged it off. Hugs to you for being so cautious. I really hope that it was nothing, and that this has just served to give you a few gray hairs. But think of how much better equipt you are for the future.

A friend of mine recently discovered a form of abuse going on with her son (not sexual) and she shared it with me. Up until then I think I've thought of Ainsleigh as "untouchable." Thank you for sharing a very personal and painful episode. I think it has served to all make us hug our little ones a little tighter, and be more aware of what is possible.

Big hugs, and sleep easy. You're a wonderful mom.

[barbarhow]

Candy-You are so obviously a phenomenal Mom!!! You have done what must be unimaginably difficult. It would have been so much easier to explain away his behavior. You should be so applauded for following your instincts despite your fear of knowing. Thank you for posting about this. I do alot of work with adult survivors of abuse and that is the one thing that seems to make a difference for survivors. If the Mom hears her child and acknowledges the abuse and then seeks treatment the longterm outcomes are much better than in the majority of cases where the mother (it is usually the mom who receives the complaint from a child) explains it away or doesn't affirem the child's experience. You have set such an amazing example for all of us. Thank you.
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03

[redhookmom]

Candy,
Thanks for the update. I have been thinking about you and Matt and holding my kids close. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. You are a great Mom and don't let yourself think anything different.

Hugs,

[boys2enough]

Candy, I have been thinking about you all day since this morning. I didn't post earlier because I didn't think I could add anything that's not been said. I also could not think of anything intelligent to tell you. Well, I still can't, but I just want to let you know that I feel for you. I would be lying if I say I know what you are going through. But please do not blame yourself. You did nothing wrong, and you couldn't have done anything more. You are the best kind of mothers that follow their gut instincts to protect their precious children.

All day I've been debating whether if I were in your situation, whether I'd be happier if my Doc told me what I wanted to hear, that there's nothing to it, or if s/he respected my instincts and did not outright dismiss them. Not knowing your pedi. or your relationship with your Pedi., I am wondering whether s/he said "well, it's possible" just because s/he did not want to shoulder the responsibility of misjudgement. It just sounded so much easier for them to say, "Well, it's possible," and then shift the burden of judging on your shoulder again. Did you have a chance to call those numbers that some PPs gave you? I'd assume that those people may be more experienced and can give you a better and more honest assessment.

My heart goes out to you.

Take care, Lin
Mom to 2 wild boys
D 3/98
G 11/02

http://instagiber.net/smiliesdotcom/kao/otn/pnoodles.gif

[lmladuke]

Candy:

I have just been reading all of your posts and I am so sorry this is happening to you. Please don't think of yourself as a bad mother. You reacted quickly on your suspicions to protect your child and that is a wonderful thing. I am sorry the doctor gave you such a vague answer - and if it were me, I would do the same thing you are doing - act as if it were not true.

Please know that I am thinking of you.

Lori

Mommy to Jonathan 7/27/01
and to Baby Girl EDD 7/31/04

[Vajrastorm]

I am feeling speechless at the moment, but didn't want to say nothing, either.

I can't tell you how amazing you are for being willing to consider this evil possibility and looking into it. You are no ostrich. Not by a long shot.

This is such an emotional situation for me, for personal reasons. My thoughts are with you guys.

[starrynight]

Thanks for the update Candy, I've been thinking of you and Matt. {{hugs}}} If he is otherwise acting ok I would think nothing happened. One of my relatives was abused by a babysitter at the age of 3, after that her mom said she never would go there again without screaming and she always loved to go there before. She would get upset at the mention of going to x's house also. If Matt is still comfortable going to his daycare or around other people that have ever been alone with him I'm sure he is ok.

You are not a bad mother, I'm going to send you a message through the boards.