This is my LAST sleep question this month! ...for Imperia, Allyson, & everyone else who let their babies lead...

[Judegirl]

Can I un-do what I've done now?? I'm going nuts with this...and I read enough of Weissbluth today to know that this is not going to work for us.

I took a perfectly happy baby who was not sleeping at all during the day, but sleeping perfectly fine at night, and got her used to short naps every hour and a half throughout the day. Now she's cranky every hour, all messed up in the evening, and none of us know which end is up.

When you say your babies set their own sleep schedule...please tell me...how?? What do I do now?? Is it too late? We've been doing this for about a week. I hate it, and dd certainly doesn't seem any happier.

If anyone out there has any patience left for my sleep questions, I'd be very grateful. I feel awful about screwing up a perfectly happy sleeper.

Jude

[jec2]

Jude,

If it helps at all, my Pediatrician encouraged us to do whatever made the baby happy for the first four months. He promised it was a "freebie." So, for what it's worth, let your baby sleep when she wants to and where she wants to. After the 4-month mark he suggested that if we wanted to try and start to develop a routine and transition to the crib, we were at a good point. And, this from someone whose baby hardly took a nap from about 3 months until recently. I was going crazy to get him to sleep at all during the day. I carried DS in a sling or the bjorn nearly all the time for the first 5 months of his life. It was brutal. But, he did nap and gave me at least a moment to breathe.

Also, some babies are just better nappers and some better night sleepers and some are good at both. My dear friend whose baby was born the same day as DS napped VERY WELL. At mommy group she'd just lay him down, give him a couple of pats, whisper "night-night." and he'd sleep for at least an hour! I would have given my eyeballs for a day like that at least once a week!

You will figure it out. It is hard when a baby isn't sleeping the way you want, but just let them help guide you.

And, don't worry too much, babies are a moving target (especially with regard to sleep): Once you figure them out, they go and change it all up again :)

[ChicagoMama]

Jude,

Of course you can un-do it!

The one thing that worked for my two gals was CONSISTENCY. It didn't matter what particular method we were trying to use, we just did it consistently until the change worked. So, whatever you're going to try, try it consistently, making small changes according to the cues you are getting from your little one. Our second little one doesn't give very good sleep or eating cues, so we pretty much had to use the clock to decide when to put her down for a nap or when to feed her - and that worked for us most of the time. So spread the naps out a bit more during the day (she'll be cranky at first, but keep her awake), and perhaps aim for 2-3 naps a day, separated by 2-3 hours. Sometimes it surprises me how willingly our little one will nap even when it seems like she's not giving us any tired cues.

A couple of examples that worked for us in terms of establishing/ cementing nap and bed routines --
1. We started with establishing a bedtime - we chose 8pm. We didn't let them sleep past 5pm, no matter what, and then starting about 7pm, we started our "routine" -- a final snack of solids, a bath, changing time, some quiet play or reading in their room with lights dimmed, then feeding with music and bed. We aimed to have them in bed by 8pm. We did this over and over and over and now they get tired on cue. The little one (the 9-month old) has understood this bedtime cue since her wee months (like 4 months or so). No matter how many times she was up at night, she still went to bed on cue.

2. We let naps happen when they wanted to until about the 6-7 month mark when they seemed to want more consistency. Up until this point, it was a nap after being awake 2-3 hours, but no naps after 5 pm for our bedtime thing (see above). We never woke them from a nap. If they got sleepy, we did try to do a nap routine that was similar to bedtime with a changing/feeding/music cue. And we did naps in the crib. So, try spacing those naps out a bit, and see if she'll do better with 2-3 naps, and a bedtime that's a little earlier.

Hang in there -- it gets so so so so much easier in no time at all.


Becky

Mama to DDs Shelby 09/19/02 and Sydney 10/16/03

[alkagift]

Jude,
Try not to worry about it right now--I'm pretty sure Weissbluth says that the baby doesn't establish a normalized schedule until 4 months. Everything before that is just you as parents trying to do the best you can and respond as you think your baby needs, which is what you've been doing. I would just give the baby the opportunity to nap regularly but don't force her into a schedule.

My baby really didn't get set up with a schedule for several more months. Just go with the flow until the baby decides what she needs. At about five months or so my DS responded to having a regular "help me to sleep" rocking and storytime nap routine which really helped him settle down and helped him with nighttime sleep too. Not at two months, though, not by a long shot.

Allison
Mommy to Matthew Clayton, 5/19/03

[amp]

>When you say your babies set their own sleep
>schedule...please tell me...how??>

I held him so much that he just fell asleep in my arms, all day long, when he got tired. Until he was about 6 mths old, I don't think I even put him down without him falling asleep first. I never tried to give him a nap. But you say your DD didn't sleep at all. That's different than our experience. DS would usually fall asleep multiple times throughout the day. Now sleeping longer than 20 min...that I would have given my eye teeth for!

[californiagirl]

Of course it's not too late; she's only two months old. It may not even be anything you did, in the first place, they change all by themselves.

I would start by trying to just plain follow her lead. I know it's hard, and I know right now she's just suddenly miserable. And maybe she is going to spend a while being crankypants about it -- you might see if something other than the swing will soothe her and either leave her awake or let her sleep longer. I'd try holding her, but that's just me.

But most of all, don't panic. It'll all change soon anyway.

[cinrein]

I really doubt it's anything you did. Babies have a mind of their own and as someone so accurately already said, the minute you crack the code they change!

Four mos is the earliest anyone recommends a sleep schedule. For us it was more like 6 mos. Just use the info in the book to help you look for cues that she's sleepy. If she wants to sleep, help her sleep regardless of what time it is. My baby had to be held to sleep, some like the swing, some do well in a crib or carseat. You may have to try different things to find the right sleep conditions. Just pay attention to what she wants and try to provide it. It will probably take you a while to figure out her demands, we all had a learning curve (and still do).

I wish I believed it when someone told me sleep gets much easier as they get older. It really does. Something changes in the baby and they are able to "get" a routine and understand when you say it's time to sleep. While they are so small though, just do what you can to get through the day without an overtired meltdown--really.

Cindy and Anna February 2003