OK Ladies..I need help(LONG)

[amazz]

I'm starting to freak out a little--a lot actually. I really want to BF my baby, but I am getting overwhelmed by all the different opinions. Like overwhelmed to the point of tears (yes partly hormonal, but still). I am scared that I am not going to do it right or that I won't be able to read my babies clues about supply issues or that I will eat or drink something that will harm my baby. Like I said I'M FREAKING OUT.

I went to Kellymom.com b/c it is mentioned on this board so much and it has amazing info on it. But some of it just led to more confusion and frustration. Mostly about the NIP issue. I am not the type of person who shows of my body AT ALL. I don't like shorts (haven't worn them out of the house in 4 or so years), I don't like midriff tops, I don't even like tops where my bra might show. So needless to say showing my boob in public is not my idea of a good time. I live in an ultraconservative Texas town and have never once seen a woman NIP (or maybe I did, but they were so discrete I didn't notice). I have huge boobs at this point and know they are going to get bigger so I don't know if discretion is even an option for me.

I want to pump so that my DH and mom can feed the baby and so maybe I can reduce some of my NIP fears, but when do I start pumping? When do I start giving my baby a bottle and/or pacifier (that's a whole other topic I'll save for a later date)? What if my baby hates the bottle (I did, so I'm scared it's going to happen)?

I know some of this is irrational, but at this point in time this is how I feel. I guess I just need some support from some people who have had babies in the last decade (my mom tries, but it has been almost 26 years since she's done this). Thank you for reading this far and TIA for any responses you leave.


Angela
EDD 10/15/04

[octmom]

Deep breath, Angela. :) It's great that you are thinking about breastfeeding already, even if it has given you a bit of anxiety. I've been breastfeeding DS for 8.5 months and it's been great for us. Here are the basics, from my perspective:

1. Drink LOTS of water. This helps tremendously with your supply and is very good for yopu too.
2. Don't worry about not doing it "right". Just try it and see how things go for you. I found the nurses at the hospital to be very helpful in showing me how to get DS latched on, how to hold him when feeding, etc.
3. I pumped at about two weeks postpartum (as soon as my pump arrived in the mail) and had no trouble. DH would give DS a bottle of breast milk each night in those early weeks, so DS could get used to the bottle and DH got to have some really good bonding time with him (even thought Dh was terrified of doing something wrong). We never had any trouble with him going back and forth between bottle and breast. We use Avent bottles, but don't commit to a brand and buy a lot until you've tried it with your baby to be sure that they like it. You may need to try a few types.
4. If you are concerned about it, don't nurse in public. Plan ahead and pump a bottle or check to see if there is somewhere private where you can nurse your baby (a mother's room, family room, etc.) I've nursed in my car many times.
5. Pacifier- we tried for a few weeks before DS was really interested. I wanted him to like the pacifier so that I wouldn't have to be a human pacifier whenever he needed soothing. He still likes it at naptime, but he's not at all dependent. Again, we never had trouble with any kind of confusion between pacifer and breast.
6. Did I mention that you should drink LOTS of water?

Congratulations on your pregnancy and best of luck with your little one. October babies are wonderful! :)

Jerilyn

octmom
DS, October 2003

"Baby makes days shorter, nights longer, home happier, and love stronger."

[nwaddellr]

Don't worry about the NIP thing - its not something you have to do if you don't want to. And NIP doesn't mean you have to sit in the middle of a busy market, whip the boob out and feed your young'un. It can also mean sitting in the car with a blanket over the baby's head so no one can see anything even if they tried.

Don't worry about eating or drinking something harmful - you're supposed to nurse your baby so our bodies have developed lots of protective mechanisms to make sure mom doesn't hurt the baby by feeding her.

Don't worry about your baby hating the bottle. If you're planning on BFing anyways, the bottle is just bonus for other people - not necessary .

In otherwords - Don't worry, you'll do fine!

[deenass]

How wonderful that you are thinking about this now!

I strongly suggest that you look into whether or not your hospital or ob can reommend a breast feeding class that you take BEFORE you have your babe. Your DH can go to class with you.

Also, look into La Leche League meetings in your area and go to one or two before you have your baby. LLL leaders are WONDERFUL resources and it can help to see/meet other women who are breastfeeding. It's also a good way to find a lactation consultant who can be VERY helpful in the first few days/weeks.

[AngelaS]

Angela! You're due the same week I am! :D

Just try to remember, that women have been breastfeeding their babies since the beginning of time---before lactation consultions, books or the internet. When you baby wakes up and fusses, feed her. When your breasts are emptier and she's content, you did well and you'll know it. In a few hours, they'll fill again and she'll want to eat and you'll feed her again. You WILL learn her cues and YOUR body's cues!

Everyone has their own advice on when to start a binky or pumping or a bottle. Do what works for you. If she's latching on and nursing well, try pumping and offering her a bottle. You're not going to mess her up for life if you do it at a week instead of a month or wait until 2 months. Babies are VERY forgiving. :D

NIP is up to you. I do it a lot and no one sees. Dressing rooms are 'public' without being public. :D

Relax, you'll do fine!

[kijip]

All of this is great advice. I just wanted to second the idea to take a breastfeeding class and to find an LC. Also make sure you get a ped supportive of breastfeeding.

[cdmamatutu]

hehehe...I had this great, long response typed out and hit "post message", then got a page saying that my post was lost. So I'll put up a short version. :) (And everyone said, "Thanks Jaina!!" hehe)

RELAX! :) I think that's the key here! Your baby will have amazing instincts. Your body will produce what your baby needs. There are great support systems if you run into trouble, as mentioned in previous posts. You aren't alone! :)

And I found that I can NIP if I wear specially-designed nursing tops from companies like www.motherwear.com and others. I keep a nursing canopy in my diaper bag as well. I recently nursed my dd on a busy street corner during a local event!!! If I can do it, anyone can! It just takes time to learn how to work together with your baby. You'll have a style all your own, so do what works best for you and don't be concerned about "the right way" to BF.

BTW, I love our nursing sessions so much that I won't pump for someone else to feed our baby. I figure, if I get all the hard stuff, I should get the fun part too. :) And for us, BFing is so sweet I don't want to share. :) Here's hoping that you will feel the same way. :)

Go, girl! We're rooting for you! :)

[calebsmama03]

>BTW, I love our nursing sessions so much that I won't pump
>for someone else to feed our baby. I figure, if I get all the
>hard stuff, I should get the fun part too. :) And for us,
>BFing is so sweet I don't want to share. :) Here's hoping
>that you will feel the same way. :)

ITA!!! At 16 mos I still love nursing and I never liked pumping just so others could feed him! I find it very relaxing to nurse.

Stop worrying - the more you fret and stress out the worse it is (both now while you're pg and later for your supply). You can do this and will do a great job! Make SURE your ped is on board with your decision to BF and is supportive - it is easy for a ped to thwart your efforts by making you doubt yourself! The absolute BEST thing you can do right now is to find your local LLL group here
http://www.lalecheleague.org/WebUS.html and attend a series (4 meetings) before your baby arrives. You'll get lots of support, useful info and will see other moms NIP. You can also get recs for good local BF friendly peds, too! We always have lots of pg moms at our groups and the ones who came back after baby say that going to LLL first was the best thing they could have done.

Re: NIP. You don't have to do it, but it really isn't that bad. I didn't try it till DS was about 6 weeks old and we were pretty well established with nursing. Before that I'd excuse myself if with family/friends and go to a private area. If you're self-conscious, buy maternity shirts to wear when you're going out - they hide EVERYTHING. "Twin sets" (a shell and cardigan) are also good for discrete nursing. I don't really care any more but the first few weeks I'd go to a mother's room, fitting room or bathroom to nurse.

Get yourself some support and then don't worry about it any more :) If you truly want to nurse your baby, you will do just fine with it!! ;)


Lynne
Mommy to Caleb 3/3/03

[amazz]

I can't think all of you enough. You have all been very supportive! I have emailed my local LLL group to find out more info. Also the hospital I will be delivering at does have a certified LC (whatever certified means--they don't expand on that in the literature) and they provide a free breastfeeding support group every month, so that sounds somewhat reassuring.

I posted in the carriers section about a getting a Kozy, but someone suggested a sling for the beginning months. I think that might make it easier to NIP if I need to.

Thanks again for all your support and if you think of anything else that will help a newbie mom, feel free to let me know. I can use all the advice from experienced moms I can get!!

Angela
EDD 10/15/04

[amazz]

That's awesome about the due date. Are you as pooched out as I am? I put on a dress last Sunday and it seriously looked like I swallowed a beach ball! :)

Angela
EDD 10/15/04

[drsweetie]

Hi Angela! I can empathize completely with your worries, because I felt similarly before DD was born. Thinking about some of the specific concerns you mentioned:
No matter whether you BF or FF you will have to learn to read your baby's hunger cues. I know that might seem obvious, but it's something we don't necessarily emphasize for FF moms.
If you BF it might seem at first that baby's not getting enough because s/he seems hungry ALL THE TIME, but that's normal, and counting the wet and dirty diapers will give you good clues on that front.
Don't worry so much about eating or drinking anything that might harm the baby -- you've been doing that already, so just keep doing what you're doing on that front and you're likely to be fine.
I too am a modest person (in terms of how much of my body I'm comfortable showing) and have never had a problem when out in public finding a quiet place to sit. Some stores in my area have been really accommodating (waves at Target and Penneys) by letting us sit in a dressing room when we've needed to nurse.
One thing you can do regarding pumping is perhaps pump some to relieve engorgement when your milk comes in -- I know that I produced lots more milk than DD would take during those first few weeks, and so pumping a little bit to relieve engorgement or when DD first started sleeping a little longer helped build a stash.

Good luck! This is a good place to get some tangible help, so I'm glad you posted!

[lisaE]

You are awesome for thinking of all this now!

Everyone has given great advice, I don't really have any to add, just want to give you some encouragement. I live in Tx. too, and was always reluctant to NIP. I would go out to the car to nurse, for example. Anyway, DH and I go to the horse races a lot. It's kind of redneck central. I have NIP there 3 times! Once in the middle of the paddock! I wear a twin set and it keeps things mostly covered. The other times have been in the club area. Most people either don't notice or don't care.

So if you need to nurse, don't sweat it! Good luck.

[mamicka]

I'm crunched for time so I haven't read the other responses so sorry if I repeat.

Don't worry about the NIP thing. I can totally relate to the huge boob issues... I've posted a lot about this on another forum... I'm now a 32K at 13 months nursing. NIP was not comfortable for me until about 12 weeks - you've got to give yourself time to practice & for it to feel natural. Once that happens NIP shouldn't be an issue. I'm convinced that nobody sees ANYTHING, not even millimeter of boob, when I NIP. Discretion is not automatically thrown-out the window just because your boobs are bigger than average. You'll be fine :).

I know, not worrying is easier said than done, but trust me... you'll do great! If you do end up having problems with anything once the baby gets here, you know that you can count on all these ladies for support. One day at a time, Angela :), just try to enjoy these last few months carrying your babe.

Allison

[Kieransmom]

It's so hard to make a decision on anything because there's so much information out there. It gets so confusing. It's pretty normal to feel like you do. I know I've been there.

I nursed DS for about 11 months and the closest I got to NIP was at my parent's place. I too am body concious I was just very careful to when I left the house; I would make sure I fed him before we went to the supermarket, etc.

Another thing I thought was funny- while giving birth to DS I suddenly didn't care who saw what because whammo- there I was, legs wide open. Once he/she is here you may feel more at ease knowing that what you're doing is a natural thing.

Congrats on the pregnancy! Good luck!
Michelle
Mommy to Kieran, born 5/9/03

[pritchettzoo]

I haven't read the other responses, so I apologize if I'm repeating things.

Find a La Leche League meeting in your area--you can attend the meetings before your baby is born. Also, your hospital probably offers a breastfeeding class--definitely bring DH to that.

I have huge boobs too and DD is not a discreet nurser. I've only NIP a couple of times--not really because I was concerned about people seeing my breasts, but because DD only likes the football hold and that's difficult/impossible to do in public! If I'm at a friend's house, I ask for a pillow and find a chair in the corner (or a back bedroom depending on the crowd as DD is really distractable now). If I'm in a restaurant or something, I go to the car and nurse in the backseat. I used a blanket at first and now I just whip it out. ;) I figure if people are going to be staring inside my car, I don't care what they see. I don't think anyone has ever noticed. Once your baby is older, she/he will go for longer between feedings, so you can nurse before you leave and be good for probably 3 hours.

Pumping--unless you're having problems (at which point you should definitely call an LC), I think pumping isn't recommended until 6 weeks? Check kellymom for that. You'll need to build up your supply (and the baby nursing is the best way for that to happen). Yes, you'll be at home most of the time. Yes, you'll feel like a human bottle (DD once nursed from 11:15 am to 9:45 pm...with about 45 mins off the breasts all that time--during the 6 week growth spurt). So you won't really have to worry about NIP until at least 6 weeks. ;)

You can do it. Breastfeeding is what your body was designed to do, so don't worry! Take some deep breaths and get some sleep now while you still can!

Anna

[jbowman]

First of all, congratulations Angela! I haven't read the other responses, but I'll offer my own perspective on your situation (and I feel pretty well qualified since I'm modest, I BF, and I also live in an ultraconservative Texas town!).

That said, you may think you are modest now, but wait until you go into labor! That will go out the window, LOL!

When I NIP, it is usually in the car--don't worry about it at all. If you don't want to NIP, don't. Take a bottle of EBM with you or try feeding the baby in the restroom if it makes you feel more comfortable. You can start pumping around 4 weeks (I did a little bit earlier, around 3 1/2 and had no problems). You can start offering the bottle around that time.

Don't let these issues worry you. Just make sure that you have BF support at the hospital when you deliver (a lactation consultant) and know that it may be hard at first, but you and your little one will get the hang of it. I took a breastfeeding class at the hospital (where I delivered) and it gave me a lot of confidence. You might want to check into that (and the class was free).

Good luck to you! These boards are great--I have found so much support here! I have been BF for more than 7 months and I attribute my success in part to the ladies here! Ask away--everyone is glad to help!

[quikeye]

Hi! Congrats on your upcoming arrival! :) I'm a new mom too, and none of my female relatives have nursed (I'm the 1st of my "generation" to have kids, too), so I know it can seem overwhelming :)

Don't stress about nip, it's a personal decision that you'll need to decide on, but not now. DS is totally bf'd, and though I pump I never take bottles out b/c we can just nip. But when he was 1st born I'd bring bottles (of expressed milk) everywhere; I have just gotten used to and comfy with nursing outside the home. I don't *really* nip-- well, I have in an empty park w/ dh and also in an empty airport terminal. I mainly *nip* in the back seat of the car with a blanket (I always use a blanket, my preference). I'm totally covered up (no shorts either! :)) and no one can really see anything. Plus, I notice that no one *looks*, and very few people even notice.

It's not something that's necessary for bf'ing moms, since bottles of ebm are great. But, once you start getting used to your bf routine, it becomes clear how *easy* nip'ing is, since you don't have to have bottles on hand, don't have to worry about how many hours til the milk spoils, etc. I just grab the diaper bag and we're out :)

I didn't pump until the 2nd week (I think), but it was just to determine that my milk had really come in, not for starting a stash. Once my milk became somewhat "full" (about 6 weeks to 2 months) I started pumping for a stash supply. It was great for me pumping around this time, since my supply hadn't really regulated like it has now, and I could pump like 2-4 oz without even trying. Now it's harder to pump since my supply is pretty regulated. I was also lucky enough to stay home w/ DS and nurse on demand, so I didn't really worry about a stash right away since I had a few months to work on it.

My son never liked pacis, but he looooved sucking on our pinkie fingers (almost addicted, we thought!) He outgrew that by 2-3 months, and now doesn't like to suck on fingers (lost the reflex, so he's not really soothed like that anymore). The only paci he would even tolerate was a Soothie-- they sell them online and also in Wal-Mart under their "Parent's Choice" brand. Every other kind (we had them all) would just be pushed out of his mouth w/ his tongue :) Now @ 5 months he is kinda interested, but only if we hold it there for him and only for a few minutes.

Good luck!

[californiagirl]

One thing people haven't said much yet: Don't worry that you're going to eat or drink something that will harm the baby. I mean, don't go rushing out to do crystal meth and drink drain cleaner or anything, but all those people who tell you you can't drink alcohol, or eat any of a long list of things, or ever take an aspirin are just borrowing trouble. The odds are extremely good that you can have anything you want in moderation.

You cannot miss a newborn's hunger cues, for two basic reasons: 1) The baby is either hungry or sleeping. Telling the difference is well within the capacities of even the dimmest and tiredest parent. 2) You will attempt to feed the baby when it screams regardless, just in the hope that it will shut up. The only slightly, imaginably difficult thing is that you might get a very sleepy baby, in which case you should wake it up to feed it for a while. This is still not a major intellectual challenge. You may not know whether or not the baby is hungry, but it won't matter, and it will probably be the baby's fault, not yours. Other people will tell you they know, but you will soon figure out they are wrong. (People always told me DD was hungry when she was full up and running over.)

You will be able to find a bottle the baby will take, and other people will be able to feed the baby. It will be slightly complicated and you probably don't want to clutter up the first month with it on top of everything else, but you won't be dying to go out for long periods without the baby anyway. Pumping to give bottles is harder than just feeding the baby almost always, so leave it until you're confident feeding the baby.

Lots of women nurse for years without ever nursing in public. Other women find that in the end, it's not such a big deal. Either way, you'll do what's comfortable for you, and it will be just fine. You don't need to decide right now; you don't ever need to make a final decision.

[zen_bliss]

it's going to be ok!

there's a book called "so that's what they're for' by janet tamaro http://tinyurl.com/5zgl4 it's an informative funny, easy to read book that i kept around as my reference, well worth picking up a used copy for $5 or so.

check to see if your hospital has a breastfeeding class, which will put you at ease. also ask if there are lactation consultants available when you deliver. there was no charge at my hospital for LCs to come to the room as long as i was there, and it was the most valuable care i received. i called them a lot because i wanted to ask all my questions right away and get off to a good start!

as for NIP -- don't stress, you'll work it out. when your baby is hungry, you'll care only about feeding her. i am also very modest and thought i'd never NIP. the best thing i did was get a ring sling with a long tail. http://www.sleepingbaby.net/slings.html baby has fed in line at the post office, while shopping, and in restaurants, and nobody has ever known. there's never a breast exposed. i pull the 'tail' of the sling up over my shoulder and kind of tuck it under my brastrap through my shirt at the shoulder for full coverage. i had mine made in a nice silky fabric and it makes me feel pretty & well-accessorized even when i have messy hair/bad skin/unshowered/circles under my eyes and tired as heck. a tip for the very modest, i used to wear a black lightweight tank top or athletic top with built in bra under my shirt so when i'd pull my shirt up to nurse, a slice of midriff wasn't exposed on that side. slinging also has other wonderful benefits! it freed up my arms so i could get things done, and i love having her next to me.

[Imperia]

Congratsulations on your baby (soon to be here!) and thinking about BFing in advance.

I was worried too that I wouldn't do it right because so many people will fill your head with how "hard" it is. Try not to worry about that because it will probably make you nervous.

Get a good book, take a class, call LLL...they can all help. The nurses in most hospitals (as well as LCs) can help you get started with nursing. Babies are PROGRAMED by nature to want to nurse, some have a slow start, but may take it to right away. A nice nurse can help you get the baby latched on at first and away you'll go. In a week or so you will be a pro!

I don't really NIP per se. I have nursed in the car and at people's houses, but I certainly have never nursed in teh middle of a mall or anything, not that I think there is anything wrong with it, but I just haven't felt comfortable enough. Really, you can plan around NIP in most cases. You nurse teh baby right before you leave...do your thing, and get home before the baby needs another feeding.

I whole heartedly agree about Kellymom, it's fantastic! People will give you all sorts of advice on pumping, pacifers and bottles. I think it depends on a number of factors: how well the baby is nursing, the baby's own preferences, and how important BFing is to you. If you feed the baby a bottle of EBM you will need to pump at that time to keep your supply up...every bottle the baby gets is skipped feeding to your body and it doesn't know your baby still needs it. Breastfeeding is a supply and demand sort of thing. Generally, around 6-12 weeks your supply evens out and therefore it's easier to start offering bottles without affecting your supply, this is all variable from person to person obviously. Babies can also be picky and get used to either breastfeeding or bottles, and develop a preference. My DD will not accept a bottle or a pacifer; she just won't. Granted I have never really tried very hard with her, but since it is not necessary in our case I haven't pushed her. Some babies accept them easily, other's won't. I guess I am saying YMMV (your milage may vary) with all this advice =D

Good luck

Imperia

[AngelaS]

LOL Yep, I'm getting poochy!!