Losing my mind (sleep problem) - how to get from arms to crib?

[deborah_r]

OK, can't believe I'm asking this question at almost 14 months, but this is pushing me over the edge. I can usually rock Kai to sleep in about 10 minutes, but then getting him to the crib is a whole 'nother story. I like him to nap in the crib and start the night-time sleep in the crib, until his first night-waking. It just took me at least 5 tries to be able to put him in the crib. I waited until he was so asleep that his binky fell out of his mouth, but he still cried when I put him in the crib. Right now I think he may be awake because I couldn't take it anymore and just left him there to cry.

A long time ago, I used to be able to just put him in the crib sleepy, but not anymore. Not sure where that went.

And I love him so much, but I must admit, I feel myself getting very angry, because it just makes no sense that he is asleep, but cannot be placed in his crib. Especially because I know he can do it sometimes. I guess I expect him to be "rational" like an adult, but I know that is unrealistic, but...grrrr....it's so frustrating!!!!

Any advice appreciated. TIA

[kijip]

I am so sorry that you are having such a frustrating go with sleep right now. I can't be of much help since it sounds like you have tried everything I would have suggested but wanted to let you know that your anger is ok...we all have times when we expect more from our kids than we can really get. Since Kai used to fall asleep in his crib maybe he will surprize you by passing through this phase sooner rather than later.

[papal]

Deb, i don't have any advice, i just wanted to say that it is okay to get frustrated and angry.. i would be pretty mad in the same situation.. sometimes these sleep issues just make me want to cry and scream at the same time.. so I think I understand where you are coming from. I hope someone has good advice and things get better soon.

Hugs!

[Judegirl]

Hi Deb. We have this situation with our dd during naps...I don't know if it'll work for an older baby, but with us it helps a lot to do things in stages.

In our arms, once she's asleep, we try to get her as horizontal as possible for awhile. Then when we put her in the crib, for example, we'll keep our hands on her/under her for a while. Then we'll slide out the hands, but keep one on her belly or legs (she starts kicking otherwise), or kind of caress her forehead (close enough to her eyes that they'll stay droopy!)

Then you can sit in the room for a bit and see if he settles (we haven't had to do this but I read that that's another step...)

You may have tried all of this already. I'm sorry I don't have any other adive, but I can tell you that it's incredibly frustrating to have her be SOUND asleep in our arms all the time and then wake up the second she touches the mattress. And I imagine I'd be even mroe annoyed if she were even older.

Don't feel bad about being angry; it's perfectly understandable!

Good luck,
Jude

[jd11365]

Does Kai use a blankey/lovey? Once Kayla is sleepy enough, if I put her nice blankey in her arms, she cuddles up to it and rolls over to go to sleep. If he doesn't, get a little blanket and cuddle with it w/ Kai as you cuddle and rock him to sleep before naps and bedtime. Always give him the blankey when you put him down for a nap/bed. Hopefully he will attach to it and it will be comforting to him for future naps/sleep in the crib. I don't let the blankey out of the crib unless we are cuddling before nap/bedtime...it's a sleep cue for us.

Also, sometimes it helps if DH goes in to pat her down to sleep. (He pats her on the bottom...doesn't work for me, but does for him.) She mostly wants me to put her down, but on occasion it takes daddy to do the job.

Big hugs...I certainly don't doubt your love for Kai...they can certainly frustrate the heck out of us sometimes...needy little suckers! :P


Jamie
Mommy to Kayla
May '03

[Kieransmom]

I know this probably won't help you but I figured I'd give it a try. We bought the Fisher Price Aquarium for DS's crib when he was 7-8 months old because we were searching for options because of sleep problems. I was at the end of my rope because of the same problem.

One day after a nap he discovered that when he pushed the button it made music and the fish swam. It took a month or two (he was maybe 11 months to a year old) for him to use it as a tool to help him sleep by himself. He now plays with it before bed. We actually heard him wake up one morning at 5am, turn it on and then go back to sleep. Bizarre. This is coming from a child who had to be nursed and rocked to sleep most of his life. We also gave him company in his crib. 4 of his stuffed animals and a blanket. He's not attached to them at all but they may make him feel like he's not alone.

Good luck!
Michelle
Mommy to Kieran, born 5/9/03

[squimp]

We just made the transition to the crib for naps at 9 months. The most important thing to make this work was for DD to be able to go to sleep on her own. She has always had a hard time going to sleep! I used to nurse Sophia to sleep for all naps, but when I went back to work 4 hrs/day, we obviously had to figure something else out for our sitter! We started with stroller naps, and then finally learned a few things that helped Sophia go to sleep on her own in our bed. When she started crawling around (and when we found her inches from the edge after one nap), we realized she needed to take her naps in the crib.

So here's what we learned: 1) put DD to sleep right when she starts to act sleepy - for Sophia, it's rubbing her eyes and ears; 2) turn on the white noise machine - she has come to associate this with sleep, and it insulates her from the distractions in our small house; 3) don't keep her up longer than X hours (insert X for your child's temperament, it's 3 hrs in the a.m. and 5 in the afternoon for us); and 4) give her her lovey as a distraction. Right now it's bun-bun, but bun-bun has a distracting rattle, so I'm waiting for the sweet Jellcat pig to come from HA :).

Now here's the painful part, and maybe this is not right for you. PLEASE take with a grain of salt. She usually cries a wee bit before she falls asleep. It's usually <1 minute, and if it lasts >5 min then she's probably not sleepy. Our perspective is that sleep is more important than a few tears. This has been much harder for me than for our sitter or DH, but I realized that the 20-30 minutes of sleepy nursing before every nap was not quality sleep for Sophia, and it was making me a bit crazy. Sleep is a positive feedback as well - the better her naps, the better her night sleep. Not sure if this is helpful for you, but just what's been working for us.

Good luck - these sleep issues are huge!

[papal]

Michelle.. that is the cutest thing ever! I am just imagining little Kieran, turning on the FP Aquarium at 5am and putting himself back to sleep surrounded by his 4 stuffed friends.. so cute! :)

[JElaineB]

We also have the same experience with the music box portion from his mobile (I think it was a Sassy). He will hit the button several times each night before actually falling asleep and he listens to the music while falling asleep (each press gives him 8-10 minutes of music). We do also hear it sometimes in the middle of the night. DS had to be held to go to sleep until he was 15 months old but now falls asleep on his own (with the music box accessible).

Jennifer
mom to Jacob 9/27/02

[pixelprincess]

Hi,

We went through a similar experience when DS a few months back. As a baby putting him down when sleepy worked like a charm, though at some point he wanted to be rocked and put down. It was so exhausting for me as I'd rock him, put him down...he'd wake up with a 2nd wind and want to play. He'd do this over and over and the whole sleeping process lasted a couple hours at times.

I finally tried CIO, taking the advie of a playgroup mom. It was really very hard to do...the 1st night he cried for half hour, the 2nd less than 15 and the 3rd barely at all. I am not sure how you feel about CIO, but it did work for us and now he is able to self-soothe. The crib is no longer an awful place... he'll even hang out in there at times in the day or when I put him down and he isn't sleepy. He has a FP aquarium, Lamaze mirror and a few small books. I also darken the blinds, put on some soft music and a lamp that has moving images.

I felt like an awful mom the first night...and told dh I'd have to get out of the house. He was also not a big fan of CIO, and we picked up DS initially when he made a teeny weeny sound.

Pls. don't be hard on yourself...good luck!

[smkinc]

DS just went through something like this. I think it was separation anxiety related. What I did was put him in his crib and then I would stand and just say 'sh--sh' and put my hand on his cheek (skin to skin contact)--it worked about 2/3's of the time. I vividly remember having a night just as you described--so you're not alone. After 3 weeks, he's back to sleeping through the transfer just like before.

HTH, I know how frustrating this can be. Hang in there!!

Mary
Mom to Jeremiah 2/4/03

[RwnMayfair]

I wish I had some good advice, but all I can really offer is that don't feel bad about getting angry or expecting him to be "rational" since I feel the same way sometimes. Especially this past Thursday when both my husband and I were sick. We're visiting my mother too, so we're not in our "normal" environment. Taran was of course all better, having been sick the two days before us, but all we really managed was to arrange an area to corral him in the living room and then lay there on the couch wishing we could just die and get it over with. ;)

Whenever he'd get frustrated, or try and get into something he shouldn't be into, or whatever, I'd end up asking him why he couldn't give Mommy a break when she feels like crud. (Daddy is a big wimp when it comes to being sick. Let's just say he's more of a baby when sick than the baby is.) At one point, when Taran had basically just reached the point of laying on the floor fussing, I told him he could just stay there and cry, I was feeling too damned bad to deal with it. ;) (Realize that I had spent the previous night throwing up, and taking care of an active almost eight month old was not helping me feel better.) But man, by that point I was frustrated, and resentful that I can never seem to be sick without having to take care of someone else at the same time.

Anyway, total ramble, and I know it wasn't helpful at all. I do wish I knew of something though! Taran never really does the being put down after falling asleep on someone unless he's really, really tired himself. (We're talking having turned into a heavy, limp baby here, who isn't noticing a thing around him.) And I really hope it's just a brief phase that goes away quickly! But know that you're not alone, I think we all end up getting frustrated and angry at things that we feel we probably shouldn't be at some point or another. :)

-Melissa

ETA: Spelling! Gah!

Taran, November 20, 2003

[luvbeinmama]

Deborah, I don't know if Kai does this, but DD usually gives a nice big twitch right as she goes off to sleep for good. Try waiting for the twitch, wait another minute or so and then put him down. Also, sometimes, DD gives off a little cry as I put her down, but then she rolls over and sleeps right away. HTH!

[deborah_r]

Oh god, it's been a horrible, horrible sleep day. Too horrible to even describe right now. I am reading and enjoying all of your advice and commiserating and it is making me feel better.

Must go to be d now, but wanted to say Thank You. :)

[ivparker]

I shouldn't give advise since my baby has the same problem but the advise that was given me that I haven't tried yet was to make sure that your baby's sheet isn't too cold. One mom put a blanket behind her back while she nursed him so when it was time to put him down the blanket was warmed up. I also heard to put heating pad in the crib (taking it out of course before laying him down). Also when you lay him down keep one hand under him for a minute or two before completely letting go. I've tried doing that and it has worked about half the time. I hope your sleeping gets better.

[Kieransmom]

It makes me wish I had bought one of those video monitors. :-)

Michelle
Mommy to Kieran, born 5/9/03

[Imperia]

I am sorry you are going through this, how frustrating!

The only thing I can offer you is:


does Kai eventually hit a state of "Deep Sleep"? The signs of this are when their little hands become uncurled and you can pick up a limb and it feels limp and it just drops back down when you release it. Often, if you put a baby to sleep while they are still in the light stage of slepe they will wake up. So, wait until they are fully alseep to transfer to a crib. When I put DD down (for a crib nap or even in bed at night) I generally leave my handunder her back and neck (one hand in each spot) and slowly slide them out as I see she isn't going to move. Then, if she stirs I keep a hand on her (tummy or forehead) until she sort of "relaxes" (you have probably seen this and know what I am talking about).

Good luck!

Imperia