Nurse-in in Iowa. Restaurant owner's an idiot....

[AngelaS]

Here's the link: http://www.desmoinesregister.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20040718/NEWS08/407180384&SearchID=73178124472928

The owner of the restaurant and his employees are apparently all idiots....

[mommd]

I can't get over how women who nurse are treated in this country. I honestly think it is an American thing. For example, I NIP twice this weekend. Once in a woman's lounge in the mall, where I got some dirty looks and "isn't there somewhere else you can go?". The other time was at a Polish wedding, where I nursed in the back of the church and in the woman's "lounge" at the reception. All I got there were smiles and nice comments.

Of course, not ALL Americans feel this way, it just seems more accepted in other cultures. Just an observation.

The part of the article that says "no one wants to eat and see that" really got me. If I'm ever at that restaurant I will ask that everyone eating around me go somewhere else or cover up, since seeing someone else eating seems to be so disgusting.

[egoldber]

LOL! I like how they quote a 15 year old waitress. Thats what we need, is more 15 year olds setting the standard for acceptable public behavior!

[brigmaman]

Yes, I was thinking the same thing. She's just ignorant about the whole situation- her opinion may change a few years down the road. My family isn't super supportive when it comes to bf and I'm pretty sure I would have shared her attitude (though kept it to myself) when I was 15.
The changing the diaper on the table comment got me, too. Where's the parallel there??!!

[amp]

Appalling! And I agree with Beth...since when should 15 yr olds be setting any standards. Heck, if that were true, most of us would have our boobs and our as$es hanging out, and it obviously wouldn't be to benefit a child!

[jd11365]

I can't even comment...the comments by the owner/employees have just put my jaw on the floor...


Jamie
Mommy to Kayla
May '03

[slknight]

My sister lives nearby and told me about it last week. She's going to see if she can get more info from her friend who lives in that town and knows a lot of people there. (Her friend was out-of-town when it happened). We are both appalled at the whole thing. My sister's comment was "Don't even get me started..." and I agree.

[lisams]

>The part of the article that says "no one wants to eat and
>see that" really got me. If I'm ever at that restaurant I will
>ask that everyone eating around me go somewhere else or cover
>up, since seeing someone else eating seems to be so
>disgusting.

ITA! I have seen people who are such loud, disgusting eaters, maybe I should ask them to take their meal to the bathroom ;-)

To be totally honest, when my DD was hungry I really didn't give a rat's hiney what they thought. Why should I? If you don't like the look of a mother feeding her child don't look. I see more flesh shown on magazine racks and walking through the mall, so that excuse doesn't cut it for me! And what do these people do when they go to the petting zoo and see little baby animals being nursed, throw a towel over them? And I thought we were more civilized than farm animals, I guess not some people. Stinky pig (sorry for insulting the pigs)!

Ughhhhhhhhhhhh!
Lisa

[parkersmama]

How people can still feel this way is beyond me! The comments made by the restaurant owner and employees just truly gall me. ITA about the 15-year-old's comments...like she knows anything about the world and raising a child!?!

But, like those in the article, I'm truly offended that the restaurant had wet t-shirt contests there but won't allow a mother to breastfeed an infant at the table! What is the world coming to?

[muszy]

Ok, I'll probably regret saying anything, but here's my 2 cents...

While I completely agree that the owners/employees are way out of line and show a tremendous ignorance when it comes to BF, the mother in the second half of the article needs to take some responsibility for her behavior.

Yes it is legal to BF in public, yes it is totally natural. Still, when in public, at least make an effort to be somewhat discreet. She didn't even bother to cover up. While this is perfectly fine in your own home and probably in your friend's homes, when you are in a public place, common courtesy suggests that you should try to be as discreet as is practical.

I liken it to sitting near a smoker in a restaurant (bad analogy...I realize no one dies from seeing a breast) The smoker has a right to smoke (assuming it is legal) in the designated areas. A smoker who goes out of his way to blow his smoke towards the non-smokers should be removed from the situation. It's called common courtesy and it's sorely lacking these days.

[californiagirl]

It all depends on what you mean by "cover up". I certainly make every effort not to let it all hang out there, but there's no way I'd meet his standards -- if I put a blanket over us DD gets all sweaty, screeches like a banshee and thrashes around. A dignified experience it is not. I do pick positions that are non-obvious and cover things with my shirt, but there's occasional nipple showing while I latch her on. So even though I really try not to offend anybody, if he asked me to cover up, I'd have no choice but to leave -- the baby won't eat with a blanket over her head! She won't nurse in the sling anymore either, unless we're outside and it's cold.

It's not clear from the article whether she was brazenly flaunting a naked breast, or whether she just refused to put a blanket over top as I would have done. I don't think common courtesy requires that she make it absolutely impossible for anybody ever to see any nipple, just that she keep it to a minimum.

[lisams]

IMO covering up by throwing a blanket over your child draws much more attention than nursing discretely. The child's mouth covers the nipple, and the mother's clothing covers the rest. It basically looks like the child is sleeping in your arms. It's very discrete - try it in front of a mirror, you might be surprised!

Lisa

[Rachels]

Hmm. I don't cover my head with a blanket when I eat, and I assume you don't either. Odd that we expect babies to be okay with that.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

http://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/character/2/character39.gif

"We have a secret in our culture...it's not that birth is painful, it's that women are strong!!" - Laura Stavoe Harm

[JElaineB]

I live about 10 mintues from this restaurant and have been following the story for the past week or so (I did post a link in related thread in the feeding forum last week). You'll all be happy to know the restaurant is sucky anyway and I'm surprised they are even in business. What has really angered me is the barrage of anti-NIP letters to the editor in the newspaper (http://www.press-citizen.com). The town, West Branch, is about 10 minutes from the "big city" of Iowa City where the newspaper is published. It is supposed to be the most liberal city in Iowa, but that apparently doesn't mean much. There was even a letter on Saturday from a professor at the College of Nursing at the University of Iowa supporting the restaurant. I was livid. I went online to write a letter to her boss protesting, but she's a tenured faculty member so I figured it wouldn't make any difference. I should write a letter to the editor myself, but I haven't yet. If anyone wants any more info, let me know and I'll see what I can come up with.

ETA: Here's the link from yesterday's Iowa City paper about the nurse-in: http://www.press-citizen.com/news/071804breast.htm

Jennifer
mom to Jacob 9/27/02

[JElaineB]

I don't know about the woman in the Des Moines newspaper article above, but an article on the the original woman who sparked the nurse-in protest in West Branch was nursing discreetly enough that her brother-in-law across the table from her didn't even know she was breastfeeding until the waitress then owner confronted her about it.

Jennifer
mom to Jacob 9/27/02

[pritchettzoo]

Nice. The restaurant holds wet t-shirt contests but nursing a baby is inappropriate. WTH?

Anna

[dowlinal]

I just don't understand why its ok to wear belly shirts or low sling pants that pretty much show EVERYTHING but nursing your child is a problem. I never nursed dd in public but I respect and admire women who do and I much rather see that then someone with a thong hanging out of a pair of jeans that leave nothing to the imagination. Hopefully some day those waitresses will see the error in their ways - I know that years ago I would have thought you were crazy if you told me that I would have no qualms about nursing in front of my dad and my brother-in-laws.

[new_mommy25]

Thanks for posting the link Jennifer.

"Mixed reaction from passersby ranged from shouts and honks of support to name calling and lewd comments, demonstrators said. Some women were told, "Go back to Iowa City" and "Show me your breasts."

That just makes me so sad. What is the world coming to?

[memedee]

I was in a baby store in Wellesley, Mass and asked if they would mind if I fed the baby in the store,
They assumed I meant nursing and asked me to go into the bathroom.
I am the grandmother so of course I was flattered that she thought I was nursing but annoyed that in a baby store they would not want me to nurse the baby.
The babies are their customers!!!!Shame on them.

[Rachels]

Dori, which store? You can PM me if you want to.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

http://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/character/2/character39.gif

"We have a secret in our culture...it's not that birth is painful, it's that women are strong!!" - Laura Stavoe Harm

[bcafe]

Hmmm, I also don't eat in the bathroom. I assume the staff has the bathroom spic and span enough for the general public to eat in there also? If my baby needs to eat in the bathroom, so should everyone else!
Betsy

[sntm]

I think that's part of the problem, though -- why is breastfeeding discourteous? Why is a breast offensive? Why should breastfeeding need to be done discreetly?

I think the more important issue is one of acceptance of the function of the breast. The whole notion of the breast as a part that needs to be covered up is artifice -- as much if not more so than 100 years ago when the sight of my bare knees would have been considered "discourteous." If I feel more comfortable with my knees covered, or wearing a burka, or wearing a nursing shirt or using a blanket, then that's my perrogative. But I diagree that not doing any of these things is discourteous.

And I say all this as someone with a dogeared copy of Amy Vanderbilt's Guide to Etiquette!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
shannon
not-even-pregnant-yet-overachiever
trying-to-conceive :)
PREGNANT! EDD 6/9/03
mama to Jack 6/6/03

[memedee]

Periwinkles in the center.
I actually work next door at Coldwell Banker Real Estate and told her she could send the nursing mothers into my office as we would certainly be very welcoming to a mother feeding her baby.
So if you have a problem in Wellesley,just go into my office and tell them Dori sent you!!

[Rachels]

Dori, good for you!!! There's a store to scratch off the list, huh?

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02

http://www.planetsmilies.com/smilies/character/2/character39.gif

"We have a secret in our culture...it's not that birth is painful, it's that women are strong!!" - Laura Stavoe Harm

[american_mama]

Just wanted to describe a similar situation that was resolved better. About two months ago, I read that a nursing mom in Charlottesville, VA was asked to leave a burrito shop after a customer complained. The mom staged a protest, the two owners (two men in their mid-twenties, I think) convened and profusely apologized, posted a sign affirming the right to breastfeed in their store and anywhere, and the mom accepted the apology. A nice example of two guys who got it wrong, and later made it right as best they could.

I will also add that that situation made me think a bit about public breastfeeding, and I decided that if you support breastfeeding, you have to support it in public and you have to support it any way a mom is doing it. I've seen moms breastfeed a little too barely for my tastes, but who am I to say? Maybe that's the only way she and her baby can do it. Maybe it's a one-time thing. Or maybe she is being insensitive. But I can't really know. Many people get hung up about why showing the breast during breatfeeding is OK but not OK in other contexts, and I just feel that the answer is "Because it is different."

If anyone asked me to stop nursing in public, I've decided that I will say something to the effect of "Think very carefully about what you are about to do. Are you going to favor someone's uninformed bias or discomfort over a baby's need to eat and the proven medical benefits of breastfeeding? I assure you, if you ask me to leave, I will not let this matter drop."

[lisams]

Thank you for sharing your wonderful thoughts and a story with a positive outcome, it's so good to hear.

Lisa

[memedee]

Actually have not bought anything there since that day!!

[jakobsmommie]

This story just infuriates me.
I have never been directly told not to NIP, but I have had looks and overheard comments.
I am discreet, in the fact that I have my baby cradled with my shirt covering my body. I am so sorry but when it's 95 degrees outside I am NOT going to throw a blanket over my shoulder to cover the both of us. HOW UNCOMFORTABLE IS THAT???

I have to say, before I had kids, I had a woman NIP while I fit her older child with glasses, and I was uncomfortable. I will ALSO say that the REASON I was uncomfortable, is because our American society is not educated enough in the benefits of breastfeeding. We associate bottles with babies, not breasts. I think things would change if a concerted effort was made to educate the general public about the benefits of breastfeeding.

How many NEW Moms are going to want to take up breastfeeding if it is not supported by her family, not supported by the public, and she has to go through the first few weeks of nursing pain and toe curl!
These Moms NEED our support so they can sustain their determination to breastfeed!

UGH!!! Okay now I'm ranting....
Basically The OWNERS are IGNORANT - The 15 year old waitresses are OBVIOUSLY IGNORANT - and I'm PROUD of the Mom for standing up for her beliefs and saying something to someone about it.

FWIW - Someone made a comparison to smoking in designated areas of a restaurant. I personally can smell the stench of cigarettes even in MY designated NON smoking area. The chemicals are still in the restaurant. A lot of states are now considering banning smoking indoors completely. California already has. But that's another topic for another thread.

Okay - someone smack my hand - I'm going to stop ranting. REALLY!!!

Sandy
Exclusively Nursing
DS - until 2 years
DD - in progress - she is only 3 months old.

[blnony]

This is kind of off topic of the OP; but I have to say...if I'm ever uncomfortable with bfing i.e. too much boob exposed etc. its my problem b/c that child has every right to be fed and if it means that someone has to be a little uncomfortable, then so be it.
I did bf in public but I was discreet; and to be honest, my child ate better when a lot of commotion wasn't going on around her and I was more relaxed. But I never used a blanket...it was hard enough getting her on; I wasn't going to mess it up! :)
But back to the topic; I agree with the poster that more bfing awareness needs to happen in this country.