Shower etiquette - out of town guests?

[KBecks]

I have a few friends that live pretty far from where I do -- one is 3 hours away, the other is 5. Both are very close friends.

Should I include them on the shower invite list, although it is probably unlikely that they will make the drive and attend?

Also, baby's great grandma lives about 4 hours away, but I think she should be invited because she is the great grandma, after all. I asked my MIL (her daugter) what she thinks.

Thanks,
KBecks

[Marisa6826]

Yes. Send them an invite. It's common courtesy, even if you know they don't plan on attending.

-m

[Momof3Labs]

Baby's great grandma definitely needs to be invited!! I would also invite the close friends but perhaps follow up with a phone call that you know they live so far away and understand if they can't make the trip, blah, blah. Or offer to have a "sleepover" at your house, and hang out with your friends for the weekend - maybe with some extra girly time, the trip will be worthwhile for them! And then they can spread the trip over a couple of days without paying for a hotel room.

[crl]

We invited the one friend who lives far away who I thought might actually come--she visits the area a lot. And then I invited her to stay with us for the weekend. We did not invite our other friends who live far away as I didn't think they would be able to join us for the shower and didn't want to feel like I was just asking for a present. That's just what we did though.

[jbowman]

I would include them and the great grandmother on the list. One of my showers was held in Indiana and friends were invited from California, Georgia, Pennsylvania, Florida, etc (and I live in Texas!).

ETA: I agree with Lori's suggestion of offering a place for your friends to stay. That's what we did with some of the out-of-town guests.

[lizajane]

i think it is terrible to not invite someone because you assume they don't want to come. that has happened to me a few times in my life, and i am still mad about it! i DID want to come!

definitely invite them! i flew from north carolina to ohio for a wedding shower once. i drove 3.5 hours to VA and 3.5 hours back in one day to attend a shower once. you never know. if they are close friends, they might be waiting and waiting for a good chance to come see your cute tummy.

i like the idea of calling them to say that you sent them the invitation because you care about them and wanted them to be invited. but if it is not convienient to travel that far, you totally understand and look forward to seeing them another time.

[KrisM]

Definately invite them. I always think you should invite the people you want and let them make the decision as to whether they'll come or not. I had 2 friends drive 8 hours, each way, for my baby shower. I wasn't at all sure they would want to do that, but it was their decision to make, not mine. After the shower, they came to our house for the rest of the day and the night. We all had a great time!

Kris

[crl]

Okay, I'm clearly in the minority--but "terrible?" Ouch. I just did what I thought was best knowing our friends and their circumstances. (Oh, and no cute tummy here--we're adopting.)

[boys2enough]

LOL. When I saw the heading of your post, I was thinking, "What? There is etiquette involved when taking a shower? With whom? Is it a public shower? At the gym?" ;-) I need a nap.

This is tricky the way I look at it: you want to send the invitation so you don't offend anybody (think: Sleeping Beauty! lol); you also don't want out of town friends to think that this is just one way to ask for presents.

IMHO, you definitely need to send the great grandma an invitation. I can just see how upset she'd get if she didn't get an invitation to her precious great grandchild's shower. With her you don't have to worry about her thinking that you are just "fishing" for presents. Btw, you are so fortunate to have such a multi-generation family! :) I think it really depends on the relationship between you and your friends.

With friends though, I really think it depends on how close you are. Since you say you are very close, then you needn't worry about them thinking the invitation is a way of asking for presents.

I sent a very close single girlfriend invitation to my baby shower, knowing that she will not make it. I followed up with a call saying, "I know you won't be able to make it, but I want to let you know that I wish you could be there with me." On the phone she asked what I'd like for the baby shower, that gave me an opportunity to tell her that she could only give the baby the present when she came and visited me and the baby. :)

Ms. Manners' standard reply to questions like this is that it is up to the invitee to decide whether s/he wants to send a present or not; if you are the invitee, you can just send a card. Personally though, I always feel obligated to send a present if I get invited to any shower even when I cannot attend.

Cheers, Lin
Mom to 2 wild boys
D 3/98
G 11/02

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