"No gifts please" on birthday party invite

[robmab719]

We're going to a birthday party tomorrow for the daughter of one of my husband's friends. It's her 1st birthday. The invitation states "no gifts please." I can understand how the parents wouldn't want guests to feel obligated to bring a gift, but they were nice enough to send a gift when our DD was born, so I would really like to take a gift for their daughter. Would that be wrong?

I don't know them well at all (have only met them once), but my husband and the little girl's father used to work together and were pretty good friends (though they hardly see each other anymore). I don't want make anyone feel uncomfortable, but I also don't want to seem ungrateful after they were nice enough to send us a baby gift.

I'm overanalyzing, aren't I? :)

[stella]

There are several reasons I have had "no gifts" parties. Number one, we have SO many toys that I cannot keep a clean house. I avoid buying toys and I really don't want any more. We don't have a lot by some people's standards, but we have more than I can pick up. Number two: there are people I don't know very well (like you and this family?) that I want to invite over, but do NOT want them to feel like they have to buy a gift. I just want the pleasure of their company without requiring a gift from them. Number three: I cannot keep up with my own thank-you notes - let alone my children's and I feel tacky when I don't acknowledge the gift. Number four: The gift-opening process is kind of painful to watch when they're little. You don't know what they're going to say ("I already have one of these") and they don't share and other children don't understand why everyone's not opening presents...I just find it brutal.

I think it makes a much nicer party when I indicate no gifts. And if you bring a gift, that is so sweet, but if my other friends abided by my wishes, they feel bad - like I really was expecting gifts, and a nice person would have brought "just a little something."

You could drop a gift by before the party or after the party, but I think it would be obnoxious to show up with a gift when she has asked you not to. Obnoxious is probably too strong a word since your motives are so good, but IMO, you should do as she asks!

[suz]

How about a gift certificate or money in a birthday card?

[August Mom]

I've never gone to a no gift party, but I remember reading on other threads that some people make a charitable contribution in the child's name if they want to do something.

[robmab719]

Wow, this is very helpful! I'm kind of new to the children's birthday party thing, so I had no idea that there were so many reasons a parent would not want gifts there. But it makes a lot of sense, and I completely understand.

I'll just go with a card. That's safe. :)

[sadie427]

We are actually having DS' 1st birthday in about a week, and I also said no gifts on the invite. I did it because DS doesn't need anything, and really just wanted to be able to invite whoever I wanted and have a nice simple party without feeling like it was a request for a gift. I really did mean no gifts or gift certificates, even if I had given the person a baby gift in the past (which is certainly the case with several of the people who had been invited.) If someone brings a gift I will thank them and then take it into another room and not open it during the party.

So I would say it's probably better not to bring a gift. If you really really want to bring a gift, do it discreetly, preferably not at the party, but the hostess having given you a baby gift in the past does not mean she expects one from you now.

[KGoes]

I have two approaches to no-gift parties for one year olds (apparently they are common as I have been a few lately). If I know the mother pretty well, I bring HER a gift, say a bottle of wine, in celebration of her "labor" day. If I don't know the mother well enough to bring alcohol or some other personal gift, or if that's not appropriate, and I still feel as though I should show up with something, I have made contributions to the child's college fund. I call ahead and ask about it, and then include a notation in a card that "DD" has done so. Nothing extravagant - really what I would have spent on a toy - but every child can use that and there is no clean up required!
Kelley
DD born 7/03

[DDowning]

One thing you possible could do is include a donation in the child's name to your local children's hospital. Include the information in the birthday card.

[drsweetie]

You could also do what I've done in these types of situations: Buy a gift and leave it in the car, and if it looks like you need it, slap your forehead and say "Dang it, I left Myrtle's gift in the car!" and run out and get it.

Or you could omit the "buy the gift" part and simply run away after announcing that it's in the car. :)

Ellen

[Tondi G]

you can always buy a bond for the child..... you pay half the ammount... so 25 bucks on a 50 dollar bond and the child gets the full ammt when it is mature! My DS has recieved quite a few bonds! I don't mind those kind of gifts at all... neither will DS when he is 18 and has $$$ coming to him!

~Tondi and Mason 7/8/01

[parkersmama]

When I say "no gifts, please" on an invitation, I mean it! Really, do *not* bring a gift. :) When people call to RSVP, they usually ask if I really mean it and I always say "yes". We have so many toys and young children really just do not need more...especially those of the b'day party variety (inexpensive and generally not well-made). Also, it makes me really uncomfortable when a guest shows up at a "no gifts" party with a gift because it makes the other, non-gift-bearing guests feel uncomfortable. If you must, then bring a card with a monetary gift or donation inside...much less conspicuous.

Our family does "no gift" parties for b'days 1-3. At age 4, kids really do begin to understand that b'day parties include gifts and it seems hard for both the b'day child and the guests because they want to do the whole gift thing. So, at that point, we begin having regular gift parties although I still try to shift the emphasis away from the gifts. I don't want my child to think that the only reason to have a pary is for the gifts you get! :)

[StaceyKim]

I did a "no gift" party for my DS and plenty of people brought presents. I was definitely NOT offended by the gifts. I just didn't want people to feel *obligated* to buy him a present. I invited friends that didn't have kids or people that didn't have big parties for their children etc and also invited friends that were out of town but didn't want them to think I wanted a gift because I sent the invite! The party was more for the adults and kind of a housewarming party of sorts too. Of course people that I went to their kids parties that I bought presents for bought a present for DS. If you don't bring a present for the child I would bring a nice hostess gift instead.

[kijip]

I am uncomfortable with the mention of gifts on invites period, even to say "no gifts". I suppose that you should follow their wishes but I would never presume to tell my guests to bring or not bring a gift.