Keep us in your thoughts...

[lmariana]

I've been away from the boards a bit recently, just busy with life in general. Hubby and I have been having a less-than-wonderful time lately. Nothing "big" really going on, just same old issues...communication, his paralyzing guilt complex, issues from his childhood...etc. It's gotten to the point where I realized that I was living my entire life to try to keep him from being upset or stressed, to no avail.

So after a nice long talk with my mother, who was endlessly reassuring and comforting, I stood my ground and let him now how serious I felt the situation was. I want to have a happy marriage, and I feel like a lot of emotional issues where preventing that.

Anyway, it's a long story, but the short version is that we're seeing a marriage counselor for the first time tonight, and I'm really excited about it. No matter what a butt-hole he can be, we are very much in love, and we both truly want a happy, healthy relationship.

So, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I want this to be a really productive and overall good experience for us both. :)

Thanks in advance,

Mariana
www.heinzandmariana.com
Mother of Gabriel, 08/14/2003

http://lilypie.com/baby1/040814/1/3/0/-5/.png[/img] (img)

[kfcboston]

Mariana -

Best wishes! Kudos to you both for trying to do what's best for your marriage and family. I wish you the very best!

[jbowman]

Good luck with everything, Mariana. I think it's great that you are going to counseling together--that says a lot about the strength of your love for one another and your commitment to marriage.

[cvharris]

Mariana,

Sounds like you are moving things in the right direction. We'll be thinking of you and your family!

Carolee and Ben (6/14/03)

[COElizabeth]

Mariana,

I think it's wonderful that your mom is so supportive, that you made your feelings known, and that you and your DH are both willing to go to counseling together. I hope that you like the counselor and that things improve from here. Keep us posted!

Elizabeth, Mom to James, 9-20-02
EDD #2, 10-30-04

[TaChapm]

(((HUGS)))I hope everything works out! It is good that you are taking that extra step to try to make things work.
BTW-Happy early Birthday to Gabriel. August 14 is our 5 year anniversary! What a great day!
Keep us posted on how things are going.
Tara
Mommy to Jackson 11-10-02

http://lilypie.com/baby2/021110/1/5/1/-6/.png

[jk3]

I hope everything works out. I commend both of you for addressing the issues. It seems like you have a common goal since you will be going to counseling together. Lots of luck! =)

Jenn
DS 6/03

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030603/2/5/1/-5/.png

[rrosen]

Good luck Mariana, you will certainly be in our thoughts tonight. Good for you and your husband for taking such a healthy and proactive step. I wish you all the best.

[kathsmom]

Mariana,

That's great that your mom was there and so supportive of you. I wish you and your DH the best. I think it's great that both of you are willing to go see the counselor together. Take care!

[houseof3boys]

I wish you guys the best of luck in therapy! Sometimes just taking that first big step is the start of wonderful things to come. :)

[babymama]

Best of luck to you! Someone once told me that marriage is only a tiny bit about love, and to deal with the real stuff of marriage you have to have the intestinal fortitude to put up with the really crappy times. I think about that alot when things come up for DH and me. HTH!
Lydia
Mama to Santiago, born 11/16/03
http://lilypie.com/baby1/041116/0/6/1/-6/.png

[almostamom]

Mariana,

Best of luck to you as you take this important step in your marital journey. Kudos to you for being so honest. A very dear friend of mine went through the same situation for the same reasons (at least it sounds that way from what you wrote) about 10 months ago. It took a lot of hard work and honest communication, but she just told me the other day that this is the BEST time in their 10+ year marriage.

Wishing you the best,
~Linda~
Baby #1 due Nov 17, 2004

[stella]

Good for you, Mariana!!

Marriage is a long, hard road, but that's great that you are set on getting you both on the same page and moving forward healthily.

Good Luck!

[marinkitty]

Good luck Mariana! I think it is such a positive step that you are doing this together.

Holly
Mom to Mia (3.17.03)
Another March baby EDD (3.23.05)

http://lilypie.com/days/050323/0/0/1/-6/.png

[jamierush]

Mariana, It was a please meeting you yesterday. I will send you lots of positive vibes for your session.

[lrucci]

Mariana,

Good luck with the counselor. I hope everything goes well and you and your dh will be in our thoughts.

Lisa
Mom to Kyleigh 7/19/03

[khakismom]

Hoping lots of good things come out of counseling. And good for you for recognizing the "signs" and for both of you for committing to keep your marriage strong. I wish you and DH the best!

[Dscvrlifewith3]

Mariana,

What a great step you and your husband are taking to make your marriage better. Jeff and I have been there and I have to say that marriage counseling was the best thing we ever did for ourselves and our marriage. Even though its been 9 years we still reflect on what a positive experience we had, even though at times it was really painful and rough.

I hope that this is a positive experience for you and resolves or helps you deal with some of these issues.

Take care,
Kim

[Jeanmick]

Hope things go well for you and your DH during this time. I'll think positive thoughts for you both.

[jec2]

Mariana, thinking of you too. I hope that you two can work together to build something very wonderful.

We got dragged into family counseling by DH's mom & step-dad two months before our wedding (LONG story). While the in-laws bailed, DH and I kept going for about 2 years just for the hey of it and found it so beneficial.

Also, DH has had big unresolved childhood issues and this book was suggested to us. I found it very helpful (DH is not big into reading such stuff so I don't know how helpful it was to him). Nonetheless, you might find it interesting.

http://www.powells.com/cgi-bin/biblio?inkey=2-068482406x-1

[lmintzer]

Mariana,
As a therapist myself, I can say how brave it is to make the decision to seek help. You should be commended for doing so! I hope couples' counseling helps you and your dh work out your issues. Don't be surprised if the therapist recommends individual counseling for him so that he can work on some of his longstanding, personal issues while (or even before) you work on some of the couples' issues. Let us know how it goes if it doesn't feel too personal.

[boys2enough]

Mariana, one of the best things you can do for the two of you is to admit there are difficulties and start seeing a marriage counselor, which you are already doing! Good for you! And kudos for DH for agreeing to go with you. Many men balk at the idea and won't go at all.

Best wishes, Lin
Mom to 2 wild boys
D 3/98
G 11/02

http://instagiber.net/smiliesdotcom/kao/otn/pnoodles.gif

[hez]

We'll be thinking about you! I'm very impressed with both of your choice to go see a counselor. Hope it goes well & meets your expectations.

[pixelprincess]

Mariana,
+ve thoughts to hubby and you! how great that he is willing to go for counselling.

[papal]

Hey Mariana... i am so impressed at your attitude.. all the best at the counselling mama... keep us updated on how everything is going... you are in my thoughts.

[tippy]

Hi Mariana,

Sorry to hear about your and dh's time of it but relieved to also hear you are taking steps to address those "issues". If you remember from a previous thread, I have had my own share of issues from my childhood, issues with alcohol etc..One thing I wanted to mention (which for some reason doesn't always come up in therapy) is the possibility of a 12 step program for your dh. I've personally had a lot of experience with them and they can be very helpful. (Also they don't cost anything and there are usually meetings at all times of the day and evening 7 days a week).
I know you had mentioned that dh's dad was an alcoholic in a previous post. They have meetings for adult children of alcoholics (ACOA), CA for co-dependents, Alanon (for people whose lives are affected by an alcoholic) etc..You can pm me if you want to discuss this further. In any event I wish you success in your counseling. It is a big step!

[mommd]

I hope everything works out for you and your counseling session is productive. I will keep your family in my thoughts.

[smomom]

good for you guys! I hope everything works out wonderfully (is that a word??) for you.

[zuzu]

It sounds like you're on the right track toward making things better. Hope the counselor is helpful. Best of luck to you.

Melissa, mom to Sarah (5.10.03)

[barbarhow]

Mariana-I hope things went well for you last night. It can be a difficult step but so rewarding when you find someone good who can help you sort things out. Am so glad that your DH agreed to do this with you. My thoughts are with you.

[jamsmu]

Congrats on making such a powerful and brave move, Mariana. I'll be wishing all the best for you all.

[lmariana]

First of all, thanks to everyone for all the awesome support and encouraging words. This community is amazing. If any of you are ever in a pinch, this place will come through for you!

We went to the counselor last night, and she was WONDERFUL!

Things are looking super. :)

Thanks again!

Mariana
www.heinzandmariana.com
Mother of Gabriel, 08/14/2003

http://lilypie.com/baby1/040814/1/3/0/-5/.png[/img] (img)

[mharling]

I'm so glad that you found a counselor you like! I hope it continues to go well for you.

Mary
Lane 4/03
#2 Due 3/2/05
http://lilypie.com/days/050302/0/0/1/-6/.png

[jbowman]

Great news! Good for you!

[stella]

Yay Mariana! So glad that you like your counselor. I hope she can straighten out that man of yours since we all know HE is the one with the big problems. Not you!

[murpheyblue2]

Glad things are looking up. I think you and your DH are very brave and are doing a wonderful thing for yourselves, each other, and your family.

Best wishes.

[jubilee]

I'm so happy that the counseling went well! The number one gift you can give to Gabriel is a secure marriage with your spouse. Good for you and your DH! :)

[jk3]

That's great ! So happy for you!

Jenn
DS 6/03

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030603/2/5/1/-5/.png

[lrucci]

That's wonderful to hear Mariana.


Lisa
Mom to Kyleigh 7/19/03

[Sarah1]

That is so great. Like a few other gals said, I'm so impressed with your attitude and outlook on the situation. A lot of people would just bitch and moan, as opposed to looking at the situation in a mature way and determining what role they can take in improving it. You go girl! I bet the counseling will continue to go well!