When did your children get "lovey" or "kissy" with you?

[alkagift]

I've been reading a couple of messages recently from posters with children about my DS's age about how the babes are kissing their parents or other children and I would love to survey everyone about when their children started kissing other people as a sign of affection or spontaneously. My sweet DS is funny, gentle, laughs a lot, loves other kids and flirts relentlessly with women he doesn't know, but he doesn't kiss me. When he falls and hurts himself he doesn't want me to comfort him, he wants to run and do it again! He's very independent. I kiss him all the time, so it's not like he doesn't know what it is!

DH thinks that he just doesn't know what kissing is FOR--that it's a boy thing. I say that other boys may not either but they do it and why doesn't my sweetie? It really upsets me, I spent a few minutes tonight in tears wondering why. Heck, I'm crying NOW over it. It just breaks my heart. I am wondering if I'm just hormonally overreacting. It's entirely possible, so please tell me I am.

Allison
Mommy to Matthew Clayton, 5/19/03

[redhookmom]

My ds who is 5 has never been lovey or kissy. NEVER! He was not cuddly as a baby and will no longer let me give him kisses, only high fives.:( I remember thinking maybe I didn't rock him enough. BUT, he now makes things up like "I love you more then there are frogs in the world" or "I love you a bamillion tamillion."

My dd who is 2 (today) is very lovey and kissy. So in my family I am chalking it up to a boy-girl thing.

[mharling]

> "I love you a bamillion tamillion."

That just gave me a good (very needed) smile. :)

Allison -
To answer your question, Lane has started giving hugs and kisses over the past 2-3 weeks (he's about 6 weeks older than Matthew). You have to ask for the kiss; sometimes you get it, sometimes you don't. The hugs are spontaneous and so far, I'm the only one who gets them. :)

Lane is not snuggly unless he's really tired or has woken up from teething. The last thing he wants to do after falling, etc is snuggle up. He's always ready to go back to what he was doing.

I think this is just another area where every kid is different. Do you say the word 'kiss' after you kiss him? Just a thought.

And no, I don't think you're being hormonal. ;) I'm sorry you're in tears over it. No doubt, he'll come up with some special sign of affection just for you. :)

Mary
Lane - April 2003
Little brother or sister on the way - EDD March 2

[jk3]

I'm sorry you are sad about this. My DS can be cuddly + he can be independent. He does give hugs but like to run away shortly thereafter to continue whatever he was doing. He can give a kiss (sort of!) when asked but this is not spontaneous behavior.

Just wanted to add that your DS sounds happy + well-adjusted. That's because you show him so much love! Please don't be too sad.

Jenn
DS 6/03

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030603/2/5/1/-5/.png

[lrucci]

Allison,

I'm sorry you are upset about this and I don't think you're overreacting. Some children, though very sweet and caring, are not the "lovey" type. Just like some adults are this way. Matthew is still young and he could change at anytime. Don't worry, it is nothing that you have or haven't done. He loves his mommy dearly but just hasn't figured out how to show you.

My dd is very affectionate, buy only towards me. She will come up to me a hug or kiss me in the middle of playing. She won't even give my dh a hug. I know it hurts him. I keep thinking that this could all change one day, and she'll be a true "daddy's girl".

Lisa
Mom to Kyleigh 7/19/03

[COElizabeth]

Allison,

Don't worry! I'm sure at some point he will kiss you. I can't remember when James first did, but I'm pretty sure it was only a few months ago, and it was at bedtime after I kissed him good night, not spontaneously. Then he got into a phase where he cried to kiss me good night again and again - a stalling tactic! And he has always been the same way about not wanting to be comforted after falling. He might let me hold him for a minute, but then he wants to go climb or whatever again. One thing he does really like is "family hugs," when either DH or I am holding him and we hug the other one in a big group hug.

Elizabeth, Mom to James, 9-20-02
EDD #2, 10-30-04

[jubilee]

My oldest was not a "cuddly" or "kissy" baby/toddler. He was always very independant. Now at 12 years old, he is very thoughtful and sweet, and shows his love all the time- but still is not a "cuddly" boy.

My youngest has always been more clingy, cuddly, affectionate. He has been kissing and blowing kisses for a while, since he was 10-12 months old. He still hasn't hugged anyone. It is definately a personality thing- it has nothing to do with you as a mommy!! You are a great mommy, I'm sure. He will flood you with love in his own way. Hugs to you!

[tippy]

DS is just starting to get mushy. He has been "skootching" into us for a while now (you know when they back up into you in a sitting position till they are right up against you and would crawl back up inside if they could), but has just recently started to give hugs, puts his head down to receive kisses, and strokes my head when nursing. He is going to be 20 months on 9/8 so it took a long time and he still doesn't really kiss me. I wouldn't worry about it, it will happen and you'll be that much happier for it!

[houseof3boys]

Ryan isn't like this either Allison. I see other kids in his playgroup that give kisses and hugs and they are younger than our boys. Ryan will wince and turn his face or push you away if you try to give him a kiss on the face. Needless to say, a hundred times a day I still try to kiss his fat cheeks! :)

One thing Ryan just started doing was putting his head on my tummy. I told him there was a baby in my tummy since he is pretty rough and likes to jump and bounce on my stomach if I am lying down. I know he has no understanding what that means, but now before naps and bed I always tell him that the baby in the belly loves him and he will sort of hug (put his face to my belly) me. That's as close as we get!

My MIL says that DH and I need to kiss in front of him a lot (no arguments here :P) so that he might want to do it then. We've been trying to do this for about 2 months and still nothing....

[Imperia]

I think this is a highly variable thing depending on the child. I don't think there is a wrong age for this per se. Some children (and adults!) are just naturally more "kissy" than others.

My DD started really early (at least I think so) at around 4-4 1/2 months she started putting her arms around my neck hugging me and pressing her (open!) mouth on my cheek. She does this quite often, but just for me, she doesn't really give my DH "kisses" much.

I wouldnt worry though, aty his age your DS is moreinterested in running around and doing things!

Imperia

[alkagift]

I can't tell you how much better I feel. "I love you more than there are frogs in the world" is the best little boy comment I have heard in a long while, I think that is the cutest!

Thank you guys so much, I knew you would be the voices of reason and sanity!

MWA! Kisses to all of you!

Allison
Mommy to Matthew 5/19/03

PS: I think I am hormonal--I teared up watching a commercial yesterday with a newborn in it during the Olympics.

[trumansmom]

I think it's just a temperament thing. DS was a born snuggler to the extreme. His entire life he has only been able to go to sleep if he is being held. However, DD is not a snuggler. She'll play with me and enjoys my company, but doesn't like to be held close EVER. And when it comes to nap and bedtime, leave her alone and let her sleep!

Kids are all so different. No wonder they don't come with a manual!

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/29/01 and Eleanor 4/14/04

[miki]

> "I love you a bamillion tamillion."

I don't even think I can count that high! That's a whole lotta love, baby.

I have no idea when DD might be lovey with ME but she just started hugging one of the dogs at least a couple times a day. Puts her arms around him and rests her head on him. It's very sweet.

[amp]

My DS, who is just a couple weeks younger than Matthew does give us hugs and has been for a few months. We sometimes think he is kissing us, with this open-mouthed, eat your face kind of kisses, acccompanied by some time of noise that might be an imitation of my "Mwaaa" kiss noises, but we aren't sure. He never kisses just because we ask for it, so I can't tell if he's making the connection or not.

I am sure little Matthew is just too curious and too busy to be sidlined by some lovey stuff. Give him a little time and I'm sure you'll get your fair share of hugs and kisses. Just keep giving them to him so he is always reminded of how nice it is to be loved up!

[deborah_r]

Allison,

Kai just started kissing me last week! We were in bed, I was laying down, he was sitting, and he just leaned over and smacked up against my lips. He had the funniest look on his face, it was so cute! He has to be just in the right mood to do it though.

Before this, he would open his mouth sometimes when we said "give a kiss" but he never really made any effort. I'll bet one day he'll surprise you with one! There were girl babies in my playgroup who started kissing much younger than Kai, so maybe boys are later on this one, in general?

[C99]

Nathaniel doesn't kiss me. He hugs me, but no kisses so far.