Ready to make it official - breaking up with the BBB...

[firstbaby]

I just have to post this if for nothing else to maybe give someone pause before posting things...

I have decided to break up with this board. It has been a great resource for me in support of BFing and sleep issues and certainly building DS's wardrobe. But it just seems like these days you can't post anything without either starting some kind of feud or becoming so consumed with worry of being "flamed" that you water things down. Just yesterday I asked someone a clarification question and I got one of the nastiest, most defensive replies. This is someone that I have never asked anything of in the past so there is no "history" there. Um, I only have 100 posts on this board. I skip reading / posting to the hot topics and generally just try to come here to support myself through a difficult day/time or get answers I need in caring for DS and my posts are generally to reply to someone who has a question and can benefit from my personal experience (ie what are your thoughts on Hanna zippers? etc).

So, in realizing that people can so easily interpret things written in a certain way or write things that they would never say to someone in a million years if they were face to face / neighbors / friends with someone, I have to acknowledge that these boards just aren't for me.

I hope that all of you continue to benefit from this board in the ways that you need and wishing you the best...

Erica

[mamicka]

Erica,

I'm so sorry that you were not treated nicely here. I must have missed that thread. I know that you aren't the first person to feel this way. I do hope that you reconsider staying on. I think that the more "nice" people here, the better off we all are. If you do, in fact, leave the boards, I hope you find good support elsewhere. I wish you the best.

Again, I'm sorry you experienced the nastiness here. I wish you well!

Allison

[jubilee]

Please read my post under yours in the cookbook charities thread. I hope you will stay and enjoy this community. Hugs,

[bluej]

I'm sorry that you feel that these boards aren't for you. I hope you'll reconsider and at least stay around in the forums where you feel more at home.

[jd11365]

No! You have to understand you are dealing with a lot of people with a lot of different ideas. One person's idea may be offensive to you, but if you think of all the posts that were positive and supportive to you, you will see that outweighs one uncomfortable post. I've had a response or two that has rubbed me the wrong way, but I know that there have been thousands more that have rubbed me in such a wonderful way...so wonderful that I've travelled across the country to meet the people who posted them! I hope you reconsider and "go out" with us again...I hate breakups! :)


Jamie
Mommy to Kayla
May '03

[jec2]

I agree. Sometimes some of have an "off" day and either say or interpret something the wrong way. But, you have to do what is right for you. I hate break-ups too so please reconsider.

[Vajrastorm]

I think maybe you should give yourself a few days. You may be able to see the posts in a different light once you've had a chance to calm down.

[icunurse]

I PM'd Erica, but I will say it here also....
There is a difference between differing opinions and rudeness and, in a place where a smile or a tone cannot be given, people should choose their words wisely (which I hope I am doing). Good for Erica for speaking up about it.
Traci
~Connor's Mom~

[mary b]

Hi Erica,

i just wanted to give my 2 cents. i have been part of this community for 3 years even though I don't post daily. To me, there's a reason I keep coming back.. I really enjoy reading about everyone's lives and their experiences and their babies. I truly feel like it is a wonderful community.

But just like a friend that unintentionally hurts your feelings, it is easy to get your feelings hurt here.

I recently got my feelings hurt over a friend that I have met here posting a happy birthday to my girls and noone responded. I am, by no means, comparing my situation to yours, I am just saying that i do understand about being disapointed at this board.

However, I haven't let that stop me from posting and hanging around here. I do truly think that the community as a whole is an AWESOME one and I haven't found anywhere like it on the web. Honestly, I think with this board, when your feelings do get hurt, 9.5 times out of 10 it is TOTALLY unintentional which is VASTLY different from the net as a whole.

Please take care and I am truly sorry for the loss of your SIL.

have a good weekend!
mary

[redhookmom]

Erica,

I am sorry that you have decided to break up with the board! We have all been rubbed the wrong way once or twice or maybe more. The good far outweighs the bad! I even wonder sometimes if I have ever offended anyone... Since I know that few times that I felt unsupported it most likely was not meant tht way.

I hope you find somewhere to that supports you as a Mom and gives you the inspiration that you need.

[sbjf]

Mary, I'm so sorry to read that nobody responded to the Happy Birthday post to your girls! I actually don't participate in those threads just because there are so many of them so frequently that I don't think I'd have the time to make sure to respond to each one so therefore I choose not to respond to any. Had I seen yours with no responses though I definitely would have written a post wishing them a happy birthday! I hate to see ANY posts go without a response, nevermind a birthday wishing one!

I hope your girls day was WONDERFUL!!! Happy Belated birthday to them!

[llcoddington]

Erica,

I'm sorry that you feel that you need to leave! I hope that you do not. This has got to be an extra hard time of year for you and your family.

Believe me, I have gotten my feelings hurt on a number of ocassions. But, I have also learned a lot and I hope helped others.

Lana
mommy to Lauren 12/5/03

[lisams]

Please give us a second chance. I understand your feelings and there are many here who want to hear your opinions, thoughts and suggestions. I can't imagine the pain that is in you heart upon the anniversary of 9/11. We're here for you if you need a hug.

Lisa

[hellosmiletoday]

To "firstbaby" -- I'm so sorry about your SIL. My prayers go out to your family on what must be especially hard time.

Mommy to baby girl 5.8.04

[hellosmiletoday]

To Jubilee...I always enjoy reading your positive and uplifting comments. Your posts, your avater, and your screen name put a smile on my face!!!

Mommy to baby girl 5.8.04

[JMS]

Hi Erica.
I'm really sorry about your SIL and about your need to breakup. I wish you all the best and hope you know that you are always welcome here when and if you decide to return. I'm pretty new myself but I think it's a wonderful community that (by large) supports you, even if it's your decision to leave the BBB.

[murpheyblue2]

Erica:

I can understand how you feel about the boards. I too generally avoid topics in the Lounge with the exception of the lighthearted. Sometimes the things we write don't turn out the way we meant them and other times, just like with spoken words, we speak too quickly, take an inappropriate tone or feel defensive when the situation doesn't call it. It can and does happen to the best of us. I am sorry your feelings were hurt.

I do hope that your overall experience here has been positive and that you will reconsider your decision. There is much strength, information and goodness to be found in the comunity here.

I can't imagine how difficult today is for you. I hope that you, your family and all the families who lost loved ones on 9/11 can someday find peace and comfort.

Best regards,

[stella]

Don't break up with the rest of us...I read the posts you were referring to and I don't blame you for feeling hurt, but that's just one post and everyone has bad days sometimes...

Please don't go...I thought your requests for clarification were totally reasonable and I am sorry that you never got the clarification you were looking for - but don't let it drive you away...

I am so sorry about tomorrow's painful anniversary for you and your family. I cannot even imagine how hard it must be.

[jbowman]

Big, big hugs to you, Erica. I am so sorry for the heartbreaking loss of your SIL. My prayers are with your family.

[jubilee]

Awww.. thank you! That is VERY sweet of you to say, and one of nicest things anyone's said to me in a long time. You have really made my day :)

[tippy]

My thoughts excatly so I won't repeat them. I did pm you and hope you read my email. I am so sorry for your loss an my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time. I'm sorry you were hurt. Please, reconsider leaving. There are so many great and supportive people here. If you do go, all the best to you and yours. You will be missed.

[Emmas Mom]

Erica, I don't know what thread you're talking about but I certainly know how you feel. I find myself only coming here when I have questions now or am trying to find out some information. I post on another message board (nothing to do with babies) & there is so much more a sense of friendliness there...even when we disagree with each other. It's very disheartening how nasty some people can be, and granted it's hard to know their tone of voice or background but still, it makes me shiver to have read some of the posts on this board. In fact, there are at least three people I can think of that, if I saw them on the street I would never want to know them. I wonder if they are so rude to their friends, family & kids? It's sad. And that's probably a fault of my own. Still, there are people whose posts I enjoy reading too (Rashmi always makes me smile) & I don't know them either. Yet, I'm gun shy now to get involved or join in on the more personable/social threads. Still, this board can be a good resource, if you "weed" your way to the right places. Which can be a challenge too. Good luck to you, I can definitely relate.

[mary b]

Thanks Bonnie!!
You're so sweet. I was feeling pretty guilty for whining about that!! You made my day.

I hope you are feeling well and have a good weekend.
thanks again! (Again, you validate, why I stay!)
Mary

[MamaKath]

Erica I am sad to see you go. This must be a very difficult time for you and your family. I am very sorry that you lost a loved one in the 9-11 tragedy. It is a day I will never forget, and my heart breaks for you and all touched by it.

Kristine, I wanted to tell you that I find your posts honest, warm, and enlightening. I am always glad when you do weed through and post, though I mostly see you on the gear boards. The avatar of your little one brings a smile to my face (as do so many ;-)) as well.

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

If you think I would sit back and not respond you don't know me...I can assure you when I posted I most certainly wasn't having a bad day!!! There was NOTHING in my post that needed clarifying, and no I will not spend my time tip toeing around ESECIALLY when my words are misrepresented so someone can say what they wanted to say.

That is one thing I will NEVER tolerate is my words being misreprsented from their meaning-NEVER!!!!!! And anyone who knows me knows I'll fight for not having some one change my words around more than I'll fight for just about anything. If you think I will let this die I for one won't!!!!

There was NOTHING in my post that discussed this scenerio involved NOTHING...someone felt it a good time and place to address their sensitivies and hoped for me to go licking wounds that they wanted to create over my post, I do not cater to that kind of thing and will not. This was an issue AND I WAS USED TO MAKE A STATEMENT, and we all have sensitivities to an issue so I'm not addressing that but to make my words look bad so one can discuss them I will not tolerate...and I will make it known 100% of the time, as I hope others will make it known if I misrepresnt them (and they have).

I have had moments in my over two years where I have felt badly for hurting someone but I can assure you this time my words were turned around to TOTALLY misrepresent how I feel and act AND I WILL NOT SIT BACK AND LET THAT HAPPEN...OR LET IT CONTIUE TO HAPPEN!!!!!!
I doubt I have been madder in my time on these boards then now...trying to make my thoughts look bad to get out what you wanted to say...again you got the wrong person if you think I cater to folks looking for error in words that remotely might have only a word in common to their sensitivities.

Don't use me to share your sensitivies or to share your story...I am not a push over and will not allow that!!!!


Neve and Tristan born Feb 25, 2003
* EDD 3/19/05 IT'S A GIRL
* Adopting siblings in Ukraine 1/05

http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan

[Sarah1]

Erica--just wanted to say that i can certainly understand your sensitivity. I cannot even imagine the hurt that you and your family feel. That said, I'm sure Neve had only the best intentions and was only concerned about how some "charities" actually exploit 9/11 and the $$ doesn't end up going to the right people. At any rate, I can understand your hurt feelings but I can also understand Neve perhaps feeling upset by an implication that she thought 9/11 victims were undeserving.

I know I have certain hot button issues that I really get defensive about. I can certainly understand that this is a big one for you. I hope you can just put it behind you as not a big deal, just a misunderstanding, and go from there. I know I've been irritated by a few people here, but it doesn't keep me from coming back and reading about what's going on. I know I enjoy the connectedness that I feel from these boards, adn I think you would be missed! :) I hope you feel better.

[Rachels]

I am going to lock this thread now. It has gotten personal and hostile and disrespectful. This is September 11th. It's a painful anniversary for many here. Let's not make it worse today by fighting within this community.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02


"When you know better, you do better."
Maya Angelou

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_sapphire_24m.gif Two years and counting!