Would you let your child to play at a house with a firearm inside?

[lmariana]

This is part 2 of my firearms question! The first part asks if you have a firearm in your own house.

Again, there is no intent behind either question, just plain curiosity!

[MartiesMom2B]

I wish I could've voted more than once. Because I would only feel comfortable with letting DD play at someone's house that I know and that the fire arm is locked up. My uncles are hunters and I wouldn't hesistate to let them watch Martie for a weekend. However I know that they have gun safes in their basement and that is where the guns are kept. One of our family friend's is a police officer. When we come over he dissasembles his firearm. I know where the guns are and that my child is safe playing there.

ETA: After reading everyone's response after mine I feel that I should add some comments. First of all, I'll always ask the parents of a child if they have a gun in the house if she's going to go there unsupervised. And if they do have guns, I'll see how they are housed and make my decision.

When Martie is old enough I'm going to enroll her in a gun safety lessons. She should know what to do when she sees a gun, and if she wants to learn how to target shoot when she's older she's welcome to learn. I think it's as important as swim lessons.

-Sonia

[Momof3Labs]

I so wish that I could answer "no" but realistically it won't work that way. DH is a fireman, and many of Colin's future friends are chlidren of policemen and firemen, all of whom seem to have a propensity for gun ownership. So I have to say that I would only allow it if I know that the guns are safely locked up at all times, or my kid might never leave the house. Ah, the gap between the ideal and reality...

ETA: Oops, I voted for #3, but #2 would have to apply, too. But #3 would be the deal-breaker.

[C99]

I used to think that my answer to this question would be categorically no. But I already have (unknowingly) let my child play in a house with a gun and it's made me re-think things. I think it would depend entirely on the parents, their attitude and the reason that the gun is in the house.

[miki]

I would like to say I would only if I knew the owners and that the gun was safely locked away. But I live in the south now where a whole lot more people have guns than in NY where I grew up, since NY has more restrictive gun laws. I don't know if, "Do you have a gun?" is a rude question to ask before letting DD go over to a friend's house to play.

[JLiebCamm]

There are alot of hunters in my area because it's somewhat rural. To think that Nate will never be in a house with a gun is completely unrealistic. However, I would not tolerate any home with guns that aren't equipped with safety mechanisms and locked away.

[lisams]

I voted only if it was safely locked away, but realisitically I wonder if that would even be true.

I can't imagine asking my girlfriends if they keep guns and then if they say "yes" never going over there - I think that would be very hurtfull, basically saying I don't trust them and think they are not safe. Of course right now the only friends DD goes to are children of my friends who I trust dearly, I'm sure that will change when DD is older and I'm not as close to the parents. I still don't know, I KNOW for sure that I will be teaching DD to never touch a gun, even toy guns (since these days some toy ones look so real) and how important it is to leave wherever she is if there is a gun around (call mom and dad and tell them you want to come home, use an excuse "I'm feeling sick" to avoid peer pressure/embarassment)

I guess I can't predict how I will be when DD is older and going to friend's homes without me around, I might be more relaxed or a might be that overprotective mom that I am now, I guess I just don't know!

Lisa

[smilequeen]

I don't think I can prevent it if we continue living where we live (funny thing how the Bible Belt and high rates of gun ownership go hand in hand, huh?)...So I have to answer that only if I know it, oh who am I kidding...THEY are safely locked away. And I know I'm going to have to teach him all about gun safety at a very young age just in case...Oh, I don't want to think about it!

[wagner36]

I answered no, but I suppose I will qualify it here. DH and I had this discussion after Flagger posted about the subject once - I hadn't even THOUGHT about this issue until I saw that post. We decided that if we were leaving Charlie in somone's care, or sending him to some kid's house to play, etc. that we would ask about firearms in the house. If we're at a playgroup or something at someone's house where we're supervising our child, we will probably not ask (unless we're just generally sketched out by the people, or if we see a gun, etc.) We have a friend who is a police officer (they don't have children yet), and we'll still go to his house, obviously, but we would not let Charlie play out of our sight there unless we see our friend lock the gun up and put it away. And, we will inquire about the gun's location every time we go there.

I know that asking will be awkward at times, but I feel a lot more comfortable asking instead of not knowing, especially now that the ban on semi-automatic assault weapons expired two days ago.

[redhookmom]

Well, we have. So I guess that means we would. My SIL is in the military and has a gun. I feel very safe leaving my children there.

[lizajane]

only my in-laws house because i know FIL to be extremly respectful of the danger of firearms (and they are locked in some mega safes) and the home of the child of a police officer/FBI agent. (one of my best friends from childhood's dad was a special agent in the FBI)

[Vajrastorm]

If I or my dh wasn't there, closely supervising?

No way. H*ll no

I don't really care if its rude to ask. I think a child's life is worth the possibility of seeming rude.

I am unashamedly anti-gun, however. :)

[Rachels]

Absolutely no chance. I had a classmate in elementary school who was shot at a friend's house when they located the key to the gun cabinet. I'd never risk my daughter's life for someone else's need to have a weapon around.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02


"When you know better, you do better."
Maya Angelou

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_sapphire_24m.gif Two years and counting!

[C99]

But what if Abby had a playmate whose father (or mother) was a police officer or in the FBI or Secret Service? All of those professions require that the officer/agent carry a gun for the protection of society as a whole. I think there's a huge difference between keeping a gun in your house because you think that you can protect yourself and keeping a gun in the house because it's *part of your job*.

[californiamom]

I also voted no. But, like a PP, I am also anti-guns big time.

Ana

[llcoddington]

DH's dad was a police officer and they always had guns in the house. In fact, they still do. I won't have a problem with Lauren spending time with her grandparents. I trust them.

Lana
mommy to Lauren 12/5/03

[jamsmu]

I can't vote... because I haven't wanted to think about this... though now DH and I will discuss it because it is on my mind. (and we need to discuss it!)

Question: How do you ask others if there is a firearm in the house? Do you ask when someone invites your DC over to play? Do you ask, someday, at Back to School Night? How can we determine the answer to this? Yikes! I never thought too much about this before.

I want to say "no"... I agree completely with what Rachel said above, but I just don't know how to approach it.

[pritchettzoo]

DH was (albeit briefly) an assistant district attorney, and they recommended he carry a gun. He has a permit to carry concealed, took a training course, and the gun is locked while in our home. I don't know what we'll do once our child(ren) are older, but for now, a locked box and the fact that it doesn't usually stay in our house is sufficient.

I think different geographical areas are going to have vastly different answers. If you were to say "No, never" here in the deep South, you'd be ruling out the majority of houses.

There are so many reasons to be concerned about your children in someone else's home--guns, alcohol, drugs, creepy parents/siblings/neighbors...I think that's where knowing the family comes in, and where talking to your child about what to do in a dangerous situation becomes of the utmost importance. You can never ask *all* of the questions.

Anna

[MamaKath]

A few people brought some of these up prior in their responses.

*Would you refuse to allow your child to play at the home of a law enforcement or military officer? Would you talk to them first? (I guess these families in my mind would be the easiest to approach since you already know that they probably have firearms.)

*Would you refuse to allow your child to play at a home where there has been a divorce and the non-custodial parent might arrive and have a firearm? (I hear often of non-resident spouse/parent incidents.)

*How do you go about asking?

*Would you answer honestly if you owned a gun, but the parent asking will not allow their child to play with yours if you have guns in your home?

*What area of the country do you live in? (I have a feeling some of these answers are fairly regionally based.)

[AngelaS]

Two of Adrienne's favorite homes to go to play at have guns in them. I know and trust the families and don't worry about her safety while she's there. Both of these families also have 7 kids of their own.

[himom]

This is a hard question!

I HATE guns but, silly me, I married a hunter. I make sure those things are well locked up and that the ammo is stored separately. We will also be teaching the kids about gun safety, then teaching them to absolutely not touch them or risk dire consequences.

However, I don't know if I can trust other people to do the same so I'd be much more wary of letting kids play at someone else's home with a child that didn't get the same type of training. Even if DS knows how to stay away, he could still be hurt by another child who doesn't know better.

So I guess my answer is I'll take each situation separately. I am very cautious and borderline paranoid, so I doubt DS will be going anywhere much until at least junior high. Even then I'll probably be strict. I also plan to be very involved with his friends etc, so if he's spending any time at someone's home it'll be because I know and like the parents enough to be comfortable with them.

(I know it sounds smothering, but my parents knew all my friends parents well and all my friends thought my parents were the "coolest" because they always spent time with us.)

Jodi
Mommy to Joshua, born February 2003

[mamagoosie]

I'm not sure I agree. Safety-wise, I'm not sure it's relevant *why* someone has a gun in the house. In fact--I'd almost be more afraid that a police officer/secret service person who carries a gun around every day might forget to lock the gun away after a hard day on the job and a curious child happens upon it... In contrast, someone who keeps it for personal protection might have it locked away and not touch it unless it's an emergency. Anyway--they point is you never know.

I know most if not all gun owners think of themselves as super-careful and never think they will get careless and be responsible for a child's death. And yet, accidents do happen-- I saw a statistic from the Police Foundation that one out of three handguns is kept loaded and unlocked--how do I KNOW that's not the house next door?

What people say when asked under pressure is often different that what they do when they aren't paying attention.

It's just now worth the risk--now with my kid's life.

Alex

[toomanystrollers]

Nope - not going to happen! And I always ask if there are firearms in the house.

[amp]

How will you know if there is a gun in the house? Will you ask each and every time your child goes to play with friends? I am not downplaying your decision. Just honestly asking a question!

I live in an area that guns are prevalent and although I am very uncomfortable with them, I know that if I said my child couldn't play where there are guns, period, my child would rarely get to play anywhere. I am more concerned about the guns being kept safely and trying to instill some serious gun safety info in my child. I think it's a terribly difficult and scary thing to raise kids these days!

[lisams]

>*What area of the country do you live in? (I have a feeling
>some of these answers are fairly regionally based.)

ITA, around here pools kill FAR more children than guns, I don't think guns are very common in households around here (no one I know has one when it's come up in conversation). So if DD's friend's house does not have a pool fence, I won't be letting her go until she is mature enough.

I think I will also make my decision based upon how well I know the parents.

Lisa

[MamaKath]

Water related deaths kill many more people in the area I live, yet many people I know own guns here. Where I grew up (Northern NJ) almost no one owns a gun (ETA- of people we knew, kids played with, etc)! Much more rare occurance. Most deaths/injuries of children there involving firearms were underaged teenagers who themselves were armed (often with illegal weapons) not with liscenced firearms.

I guess the whole topic has me quite upset, and I wish more people had answered some of the questions. Some of the statements are so across the board, but as someone pointed out to me today when I was verbally trying to resolve my own emotions over this hot topic, so are most prejudices/preconceived opinions. :-(

[beckyr88]

So, do you think that police officers, secret service, etc. should change jobs when they have kids? It is truly not an option to NOT bring a service gun home. That kind of thing can't be stored in your locker at work.

Since DH needs one for work everyday, I'm wondering if I should count on DD's playdates diminishing, or if people make exceptions for such situations. I'd hate to think that the kids of those protecting us every day will have fewer friends!!!

Don't get me wrong, though. I would NEVER have thought there would be a gun in my house. I am scared to death of guns and wish my situation could somehow be otherwise. However, it's a reality and it won't change any time soon.

[Rachels]

Certainly no offense is meant, but the reality is that guns are deadly and kids are unpredictable. I simply wouldn't chance it. If my child and yours were to strike up a friendship, I'd open my home anytime, or arrange playdates elsewhere, etc. But if there was a gun home, it's not a place I'd permit Abigail to be. The friend of mine who was shot in elementary school taught me a tragic lesson. He was incredibly bright, and his friend's family said and did all the right stuff with regard to gun safety. Children just don't have the judgement to keep themselves safe no matter what the temptation or curiosity. And I wouldn't chance my daughter's life.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02


"When you know better, you do better."
Maya Angelou

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_sapphire_24m.gif Two years and counting!

[sbjf]

Your childhood friends family (the ones who had the gun) did not do everything right. If they did it right, the accident would not have ocurred. My dh is in law enforcement and has guns, we lock them in a safe that has a combination lock, no risk of a key being found. That is the right way to be safe. His other guns are kept at work and stay there, but the one(s) he does have at home/bring home go right into the combination safe, and only he knows the combination to that. That combination is not written down to be found anywhere in our house.

[muskiesusan]

No, but I don't know how I would ask! We had a gun in the house growing up, as did everyone else in the town. Ours was in so many pieces my Dad finally got rid of it since my mom never let him put it together. Several of my friend's parents did not keep their guns locked up, and quite frankly, we are lucky we never had an accident. My BIL drove me crazy for years keeping his rifle proped up behind my niece's toy box. I was always movng the stupid thing, which he assured me was unloaded. When he passed away, the first thing we did was get rid of the guns.

Susan
Mom to Nick 10/01/01
& Alex 04/27/04

[momathome]

As a mommy, I would say no way, but in reality, I grew up wih a gun in my home. My father was a police officer for 30 years so a gun being in our house was a matter of fact. He was always extremely careful to unload it and lock it away in a place that was unknown to me and my younger brothers. I think because it was part of dad's job, it never occured to us to "check out" the gun ever and we had numerous kids over at the our house over the years. I think if someone admitted to having a gun in their home but was able to provide me with proof that it wazs unloaded and locked away, I would trust my dds' to be there. I have discussed gun saftey with my older dd and explained to her that if she EVER sees a gun, even if she thinks it is a toy, she needs to leave the room and tell an adult immediately, that under no circumstances are they ever safe or should she EVER touch one. Not a fun subject but we do live in a somewhat rural area in PA, which as a state has more guns per capita than any other state in the country (I was shocked when I heard this). Hunting season is a big deal around here. We do not have a gun in our home nor will we ever.

[Vajrastorm]

Since I answered pretty strongly, I will answer your questions. I will preface this by saying I think we have way too many guns in this country, and the gun violence to go with it.


>*Would you refuse to allow your child to play at the home of
>a law enforcement or military officer? Would you talk to them
>first? (I guess these families in my mind would be the easiest
>to approach since you already know that they probably have
>firearms.)

Yes, I would ask whether or not guns were in the home. If they were, my dd would be allowed to play unsupervised (by a parent) at their home.


>*Would you refuse to allow your child to play at a home where
>there has been a divorce and the non-custodial parent might
>arrive and have a firearm? (I hear often of non-resident
>spouse/parent incidents.)

I'm not sure what this question means. If I had good reason to suspect a regular visitor (or an uninvited parent) might show up with a gun, I would once again opt for supervised play.


>*How do you go about asking?

"I know this may seem like a strange question, do you keep any guns at your home?"

>*Would you answer honestly if you owned a gun, but the parent
>asking will not allow their child to play with yours if you
>have guns in your home?

If someone lied to me about this issue, I would have nothing to do with them. That kind of disrespect is not something I will fool around with. You can think I'm wrong, think I'm naive, think I'm a paranoid freak. :) I'm okay with disagreement. (We have a good friend who loves his guns). But if you lie to me about what I consider a life and death issue - bye bye.

>*What area of the country do you live in? (I have a feeling
>some of these answers are fairly regionally based.)

I live in California. I was born to hippie parents who believed (as I do) that guns are instruments of violence. (I understand the need of certain professionals to use and carry guns. I am not insulting them, or calling them violent people.)

I want to add that I wouldn't ostracize people for owning guns. We'd simply find alternate ways of doing things. Either I'd be there at their home, or the kids would play elsewhere. I have more than one friend who owns guns. They aren't evil people. They are people who I like who have made different decisions than I have.

[macassi]

Actually, I have a friend who is a police officer and he stores his gun in his locker at work (I assume). I know for a fact that he does not bring it home as he does not want a gun in his house, so there must be an option to store it at work.

[momathome]

Perhaps that varies from department to department because I know where my father worked, that was not an option. He did not want to have the gun in the house but he knew that he did not have a choice. He was just hyper-vigilant about keeping it unloaded, hidden, and under lock and key.

[mamagoosie]

No, I don't think they should change jobs-- I truly respect those in law enforcement who put their lives on the line every day--but it doesn't make their guns any more kid-friendly.

By reading this thread I can see there are lots of moms that are OK with it or at least open to the idea given the circumstances. Not everyone has a problem with it. Some people are comfortable with it, some people aren't. People with guns want people to respect their right to own them and keep them in their homes. They should also respect the feelings of those of us who aren't comfortable with having our kids near something we consider dangerous.

It's just a personal feeling, y'know? I'm just not comfortable with it. Had I grown up in a different area of the country, with different parents, maybe I'd feel differently. You yourself wish you didn't have a gun in your house--so you can understand how others might feel apprehensive as well.

As a pp said, I would make every effort to work around it--friendships need not end over something like this if everyone is respectful and considerate.

Alex.

[MamaKath]

It does vary department to department and recent changes in law due to 911 will change it again I am sure for many departments. Many federal police are required to carry off duty as well as on, in all 50 states. New laws allow departments to allow their officers to carry off duty in all 50 states, but leave it up to the department to create the guideline or not. It takes away the problem of crossing state lines, etc that used to come up occassionally.

ETA- I think it is sad that the kids of officers obviously will take the brunt of many families feelings regarding guns while their parent is out on the street protecting, serving, and risking their own life! It is a fact of life for the officers family that safety is highest importance, but also a fact of life that mom or dad may have to take a bullet to protect another person (anti-gun or not, they are not in a position to discriminate based on that opinion) unfortunately. Lauren it sounds like you were lucky enough to grow up before this was such a huge issue for many people that your friends parents would discourage a friendship by not allowing playdates. :-( It so saddens me!

[momathome]

Thanks, Kath. Truthfully, I am starting to feel a little defensive about this matter. My father is an amazing man who served our community for many years. The last 6 years of his career was spent teaching DARE to children in elementary schools in our town. He was eligible for retirement 5 years ago but stayed on because he loved working with children so much. He just retired this past July and was recently honored by the mayor of my hometown for his many years of dedicated service. Everyone in town knows my father and no matter where he goes, whether it be to the Jersey Shore or Disney World, he ALWAYS runs into a child that he taught or coached in little league who comes running up to him shouting "Officer Bob!". His being a police officer was such a positive thing for him and our family that I just can't even imagine a parent not letting a child come play in our home because of my father's job. Once he retired, he immediately turned in his gun, even though he could have kept it if he chose. He was never comfortable with that aspect of police work and was always grateful that in all of his decades of service, he never once had to fire his gun. I just hope that people realize that a gun can be in a home of a responsible adult who takes every possible precaution and that home can be safe. We were very much the house in our neighborhood that all of the kids flocked to - I would hate to think that if my home situation had been advanced by 20 years, parents would not have let children come play in our home.

Also, today is my dad's birthday - Happy Birthday, Dad!

[TonFirst]

You know, I'd be much more comfortable with my child playing at a house that had a gun that was disassembled and safely locked away, with the ammo locked away in a different location, than I would with my child playing at a house that had a backyard pool. Statistically (and I wish I could cite the exact source - I read this in a NYT Magazine article about two years ago), your child is more likely to drown at a house that has a pool than he is to be shot by an unsecured firearm at someone's house.

I would have to trust the family, and I would have to know that the gun was safely and responsibly locked away, and that the ammunition was ina seperate place.

I grew up in a home in the South with many hunting rifles and one handgun. My five siblings and I knew where the shotguns were, but we had no idea where the handgun was. The shotguns were disassembled and I have no idea where my dad kept his ammunition.

THe single most important thing my father did was to educate us about guns from an early age - he realized how important this was when he saw that my brother was extremely interested in hunting from an early age (and with five sisters, hunting was the one truly "male" thing that my brother and my father dod together). We were educated in firearm safety, in why guns were dangerous, and in why we were to leave immediately if a friend showed us a gun. Because my father so impressed upon us that guns are not a toy, that they are are dangerous if not used properly, and that they must be treated with the same respect you'd show a rabid pit bull, guns were never "exotic" to my brother and sisters and me, and it never occurred to any of us that they were something to play with and show off to our friends.

My husband has a .20 gauge shotgun that he uses for bird hunting (we live in Georgia) which is disassembled and stored seperately from the birdshot. With our first child on the way, we are purchasing a gun safe and a lockbox for the ammo; the keys for both will be stored at my husband's office. My husband grew up in a gun-free house, and I told him that it is important to me that from the very first moment our son expresses the slightest curiosity about guns that we educate him about gun safety, etc., so that he understand from a very early age that guns are serious business, and that he should never, ever stay anywhere where a gun is out and unprotected.

As for not letting my child go to a house where there's any kind of a gun at all, no matter what security measures the parent takes - well, I simply don't believe in zero-tolerance policies. They are unrealistic, IMO, and I would rather use my common sense when deciding where my child can and cannot play.

[KBecks]

This is an interesting set of questions, because we have guns, and I've wondered if my son's friends might not be allowed at our place. That's OK, as long as my son doesn't hear cr*p about our decision to have firearms. I don't want my decisions to be derided in front of my children.

*Would you answer honestly if you owned a gun, but the parent asking will not allow their child to play with yours if you have guns in your home?

I would answer honestly about the guns in our home, and how they are stored. At the same time, I might be tempted to ask the other parent ----- Do you have porn in your house? Where is it stored? Is it locked up? Do you allow your children unmonitored TV and Internet watching? Are you or your DH child molesters?

Now that's not what I'd really do, but there are many other concerns I have about my kids going to others' homes. I'm interested in protecting my kids' innocence, and to do that, I plan to know the parents of my kids friends pretty well. And teach my kids about right and wrong.


*What area of the country do you live in? (I have a feeling some of these answers are fairly regionally based.)
I live in the Midwest and all the men in my family hunt.

[C99]

It really saddens me to think that people would let their views on guns prevent them from allowing their children to play with the children of those protecting us. And I'm very against guns/violence.

[Vajrastorm]

Has anyone said they would not allow their child to play or be friends with someone because their parents owned firearms?

[ddmarsh]

"You know, I'd be much more comfortable with my child playing at a house that had a gun that was disassembled and safely locked away, with the ammo locked away in a different location, than I would with my child playing at a house that had a backyard pool."

These aren't either-or choices for me, I feel the exact same way about pools. I also feel the same way about porn, etc. These are all safety issues upon which I make choices about environments for my child.

The comments that this means children w/ guns in their homes will not have friends is quite a stretch. It simply means, as someone previously stated, that alternate means of playing will be found.

[Rachels]

Right. We have a pool, and I wouldn't feel outraged if someone didn't feel safe having their child playing in our yard. Neither would I suggest that such a person was trying to deprive my daughter of friendships. We all do what makes us feel safest. The suggestion that those of us who would avoid homes with guns would be opposed to friendship is inaccurate and silly. And the stuff about "those who protect us everyday" which keeps being cited bothers me a bit, too, as though you're suggesting that we're opposed to police officers instead of being opposed to letting our kids play where there are guns. FWIW, we had two close family friends, both police officers, who were murdered with their own weapons in the line of duty (same incident). It was devastating and horrible. The fact that someone is an officer doesn't make the gun less dangerous. I'm grateful for the protection of law enforcement, but that doesn't change my feelings about having my kid around guns.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02


"When you know better, you do better."
Maya Angelou

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_sapphire_24m.gif Two years and counting!

[beckyr88]

No one said that the kids couldn't be friends, but realistically, how could it happen? If,after explaining the situation of the firearm and how it's kept, your child still couldn't come to DD's birthday party, I don't think I'd be all that enthusiastic to get our kids together. If they played at school or whatever-that's fine. But since we couldn't extend your DC an invitation to our "unsafe" home, I will not be carting DD to your house instead. And I don't think that's silly.

ETA (since Rachel and I posted at the same time)
"FWIW, we had two close family friends, both police officers, who were murdered with their own weapons in the line of duty (same incident). It was devastating and horrible. " No offense, but that is totally irrelevant to what we're discussing. As sad and horrible and unimaginable as that incident was, it was in the line of duty, not at home.

[C99]

>ETA (since Rachel and I posted at the same time)
> "FWIW, we had two close family friends, both police
>officers, who were murdered with their own weapons in the line
>of duty (same incident). It was devastating and horrible. "
>No offense, but that is totally irrelevant to what we're
>discussing. As sad and horrible and unimaginable as that
>incident was, it was in the line of duty, not at home.

Yeah -- talk about "inaccurate and silly."

[Rachels]

Good grief. If you're comfortable having your child play in a house with guns, be my guest. I'm not. The several close incidences of gun violence I've encountered have convinced me to steer clear and to behave in the way that I believe keeps my daughter safest, no matter what the reason or location or explanation or justification for having the gun in the first place, and no matter what ideas anyone offers for why guns are different depending on who owns them and where they are. I never said anyone else should make my same choice. So Caroline, no need to be rude.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02


"When you know better, you do better."
Maya Angelou

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_sapphire_24m.gif Two years and counting!

[ddmarsh]

Goodness it still amazes me how discussions of people's *individual choices* on a whole host of issues somehow invariably becomes personalized. You are certainly free to send your children wherever you like, just as others are free to refrain from doing so. I challenge you to highlight any phrase directed at your personal choices.

As for Rachel's comment on the slain friends I think she was merely giving an example of how firearms can be used even against the most vigilant and experienced professional. To somehow turn that into a personal attack against her is unfortunately misguided and inappropriate.

[mamahill]

Yes and yes. Thank you, Rachel and Debbie, for saying so articulately what has been rolling around in my head the past couple of days. Be it guns, pools, porn, etc., we all have boundaries. Can we discuss without trying to convert or criticize?

[Judegirl]

Hi, Debbie...I'm compelled to ask; forgive me if it sounds rude, for that's not my intention, but I was hoping to understand... do you feel that pornography in a playmate's house poses a comparable risk to your child's safety (well-being?) as a gun?

If you don't mind answering, thanks!
Jude

[Calmegja2]

I always ask. My eldest is 9, and I will continue to ask.

I've never had anyone be uncomfortable, and I've had parents ask me, as well.

[jamsmu]

I guess this changes everything. Turns out, we've all been at a friend's house who has a firearm and the fire arm has been in my house (even tonight!!) A friend is a federal agent... and Fed Agents have to carry them. I never even thought of that until they were over tonight and someone brought it up.

Now that I know that, I"m not even upset. I guess its cause the boys are all so young. BUT, when he's older, I am going to ask if they keep it locked up, etc.

Knowing the proximity for the first time really cleared the situation up for me.

[luvbeinmama]

You know, I wasn't going to post in this thread, but I just re-read your post, and I think your logic is wrong.

A law enforcment person is way more likely to be more careful and pay attention precisely because they do use it every day and have to be conscious of it everyday. They have to live with the fact that if they don't put their gun away safely every day, it's probably their own kids that will be harmed.

I'd be more afraid of the occasional user forgetting because he may not necessarily have a safety routine he does with they gun that is habitual.

Probably the most suspect reason would be to keep a gun specifically for "protection" from intruders. I would think these people would be more likely to be keeping a gun under pillow or in a nightstand (shudder). I think with most lawful gun owners this is not the primary consideration for gun ownership.

And if a handgun is kept loaded and unlocked you can pretty much bet it's NOT a LE officer. That is someone who doesn't realize that an unlocked weapon is just begging to be used by the intruder they are trying to defend themselves from.

So I think it is relevant *why* someone has a gun in the house, as relevant as who the person is, if they are trustworthy, or whatever. It's a judgement call. And if you want to know for sure it is locked up and how, ask them to show you. I certainly would not be offended by that question, and no reasonable person would be, IMO.

[pixelprincess]

My answer would have been no a few months back. I recently found out that dh's parent's have guns in the house since they live in the country...in the middle of nowhere. We have visited them for years and years. It never occured to me that there would be guns in the house, and it certainly wasn't made public knowledge. It just came up while talking to dh, and my first reaction was no way! But dh's dad is a super nice guy and since I have gotten over my initial reaction, it doesn't bother me to have DS play at their home that we visit twice a year. So, yes to a trusted person only!!

[mamagoosie]

It may be relevant--but not relevant *enough* to make me comfortable. I can see how those who are comfortable with guns in the home might find my views a little paranoid, but I would hope they would respect them anyway. It's nothing personal--I don't want to make anyone feel bad or excluded or anything, I just don't like the idea of guns around my child.

Alex

[momathome]

I agree with this post whole-heartedly and I am very disappointed to see that there are some of you who would not trust even the home of a LE oficer. If anything, I feel like we were more trusted as a family because of my father's profession - parents knew that my father would look out for the well-being of their children more than the average parent because of his position. I am just completely shocked that there are some of you who are making this such a black and white issue - there are some gray areas and this, most definitely, is one of them.

[C99]

Rachel -- Sorry, but what is the difference between your behavior -- bringing up examples that are completely irrelevent to the discussion at hand (guns *at home*) -- and mine -- pointing out that the behavior is, in your words, inaccurate and silly? Ironic, isn't it, that someone who talks so much about being well-informed and doing research on a subject before making a decision would be have such a knee-jerk reaction here. As Lauren (momathome) says below, this doesn't need to be a black-and-white issue.

[C99]

Lauren,

ITA with you and that was what I was trying to convey above.

[Rachels]

Your behavior was personal and hostile. Mine was explaining the reasons for MY OWN OPINION about MY OWN ACTIONS. Your conclusion that my experience with firearm-related deaths is irrelevant to my decisions about firearm-related quesions doesn't mean that they can't be part of this discussion. My decision is not at all knee-jerk, nor am I accountable to you for having made it. We all do what we feel safest with. I am one of a number of people here who do view guns as black and white. If you're not, no sweat. I never said you should share my views, nor did I attack you for yours. I'd appreciate the same courtesy.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02


"When you know better, you do better."
Maya Angelou

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_sapphire_24m.gif Two years and counting!

[Momof3Labs]

Okay, I think that this has become personal enough. Too bad, because it can be an interesting topic and something that all of us as parents should think about. But, as moderator, I've gotta say that it is time to change the subject.