Warning: Perhaps-sensitive question for parents of girls....

[Judegirl]

We use nicknames for nearly all dd's body parts - tootsies, hiney/tushy, tummy, ninnies, etc...so to teach her "vagina" seems to me to send a message that somehow that part's different, which I don't want to teach her. But I don't *know* a nickname that isn't crude...does anyone use an appropriate euphemism?

I spent too much of last night trying to make one up...LOL. Didn't get very far...but it was an interesting exercise!

Thank you!!

Jude

[Jeanne]

Somehow, my first heard the term nipples while I was nursing the second and she translated that into "nickles" so that's one we use.

The other is just "front butt" and "back butt".

[stillplayswithbarbies]

We use the generic (and gender neutral!) word "privates" for that area of the body when we want to be polite.

...Karen
DS Jake Feb 91, DD Logan Mar 03
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[Kate888]

Well, DD calls it "Wah-wah", because she can't say vulva clearly. When we were teaching her body parts, I put a lot of thoughts into whether to use nicknames for her private parts or not. I even asked my OB/GYN. She said I should teach her the correct name, just in case if someone touches her inapporiately, she can tell an adult what happened. Using a nickname maybe confusing to others who are not familiar with the nickname she uses. When she is older, we'll teach her other terms just to be polite :)

HTH :)


Kate
Mama to Maya 2-17-02 and Polo (my big black dog)http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/dog.gif


http://instagiber.net/smiliesdotcom/kao/otn/ptrose.gif

[cdmamatutu]

Do you have any family members/friends who speak another language? My in-laws speak a couple of Filipino dialects, and we use those words for sensitive subjects. That way they can learn the correct term but most people won't understand right away. If I remember right, "pookie" is the term for female parts. I guess I should brush up on that, since DD will likely be talking soon!

We taught my son to say "coobmoo" (sp?) instead of booger, and that comes in handy in public as he is quite obsessed with a dirty nose. When we were out Monday, he became upset because his nose was running a little, and he said "Coobmoo, Mommy, I have COOOBMOOOO!!!" That one is going in his baby book. :)

[drsweetie]

My mother's Catholic school teachers taught her to use the word "area". Also, I have no plans to adopt either of these words, but I know of people who use "kitty-cat" and "pocketbook" to refer to the genitals in general.

Ellen

[sbjf]

Growing up we were taught to call it our 'private', same for my broter. The front area on both of us was our 'private'

[Saartje]

I've been wary of using nicknames for body parts -- especially privates -- with small children ever since I read a case report of a little girl who was being sexually abused by a family member. She kept telling her preschool teacher, "(Family member) ate my cookie!" The teacher didn't know her family used "cookie" to refer to a girl's privates, so she didn't think much of it, and it took quite a while before the child got help. :(

For your question, Jude, I'd just use "vagina." Even aside from the story I just told, for your daughter, that will just be its name, just like "tootsies" is the name for her feet. If you don't act like it's different, she probably won't notice a difference.

[lizamann]

LOL - we just taught dd to say vulva, and it comes out like "wah-wah" too! Too funny! Because it's a new word for her, every diaper change she touches it and proudly says it with a smile on her face!

[Rachels]

I agree. I think that to offer nicknames sends the message that there's something wrong with the actual names for her body parts, and far too many girls morph that into believing there's something wrong with their bodies themselves. Vagina is just a word, no more loaded than any other unless you suggest to her that it's shameful.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02


"When you know better, you do better."
Maya Angelou

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_sapphire_24m.gif Two years and counting!

[JacksMommy]

I agree with Saartje that there isn't any need to come up with a nickname - I'm of the opinion that a nickname makes it more likely that your DD will perceive that "vagina" is a no-no in some way, especially since it will become a more sensitive topic as she gets older. If a nickname isn't just coming to you, go ahead and use vagina - it's a hard one for little ones to say and a nickname is likely to be created by your DD anyways!

I recently read an article in Parenting about talking about sex with kids and how jjjn many more children (both boys and girls0 knew the word penis, but hardly any of either sex knew vagina. It seemed sad to me. Not that I'm opposed to nicknames per se, since there will be plenty of opportunity to educate later, but I don't think it's necessary either.

Just my two cents...

Laurel
Working Mama to Jack, 6/4/02
EDD #2 12/24/02

[Kate888]

The story just broke my heart :( That's why my OB/GYN asked me to use "vulva" instead of nicknames. Although we speak Mandarin at home, I still taught DD to say her private parts in English. This is a mom's worst nightmare.


Kate
Mama to Maya 2-17-02 and Polo (my big black dog)http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/dog.gif


http://instagiber.net/smiliesdotcom/kao/otn/ptrose.gif

[teddy]

WE also taught DD "vulva" and it comes out "wulwa." Too cute. But she knows what it is! "Breasts" comes out "bestsssssss." We call our bottom "bottom." FWIW, "vagina" is an internal part, so you can't technically see it, thus, we use "vulva" because that is the external part that you can see.

And FWIW to those Filipina mommies, I grew up calling it the "plower" (as is "flower" with the Filipino accent) and the penis was the "birdie!" ;)

[cdmamatutu]

LOL!!!! :)

[lisams]

We use vulva, but she usually just calls the entire area her bum-bum. I like just naming it like we do the other parts of her body (except her bottom which is bum bum!!). When she gets a little older we will talk about how these areas are private.

Lisa

[Marisa6826]

Jonathan refers to Sophie's area as "nether regions" ;)

-m

[lizajane]

ok, i don't have a girl, so i am answering illegally. but i had to share that a friend grew up calling it her "poo-duh-pah." (say it all together fast) i would probably spell it some french way, but i was trying to make it phoenetic because it sounds SO DARN FUNNY to me!

and we boy moms have the same trouble. i am terrifed of teaching him penis so young because i know he will run around yelling, "PENIS! PENIS! PENIS!" everywhere we go. but he started to point to it and say "diaper" so i couldn't let him think his penis was a diaper!

[calebsmama03]

Like Liza I too have only a boy but I agree - it's just a word and you're probably better off just teaching it to her that way.

If you've ever seen "The vagina monologues" (either live or on HBO) you'll appreciate why it's better to just start out with the "real" name! OTOH, if you do see TVM, by the end of it you'll be so desensitized to the word "vagina" that you won't give it a seond thought ;) Good luck with it. It is really hard getting to this stage where we need to start to deal in some small way with our little ones sexuality! I can only empathize.

Lynne
Mommy to Caleb 3/3/03
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif[/img][/url]

[Judegirl]

Thanks everyone, for all the great feedback.

I've seen the Vagina Monologues, live, and recommend the show to everyone I can...it's not a hang-up about the word vagina, but a reluctance to send the message that vaginas are too serious for nicknames. At some point she will learn that ninnies are also breasts, and tootsies are also feet, etc...but vagina (or vulva) stays vagina. I think that says something in and of itself (..but I am NOT going to talk to her about poopy all over her gluteus maximus..!)

Additionally, I worry that I'm setting her up to be exposed to the very kinds of issues I'm trying to avoid; that she'll say something like "My vulva itches" in front of people and be told that that's not nice or something...and I won't be there to correct it.

I appreciate the feedback, and I want something that other people will recognize, for the reasons some of you have mentioned...but I'm not sure I want to have this be the only time we use the correct names.

Still thinking on it, though..thanks again!

Jude
ETA: And of course parents of boys are welcome, too..I'm sorry about the subject heading! *grin*

[toomanystrollers]

LOL - since DS has given up diapers, I often hear his older sister telling him to put his penis away!!! We don't use nicknames around here.

[sarahfran]

OK, so after reading everyone's posts and the recurrent theme of trepidation about DS/DD loudly naming anatomical parts in public, I have to share this story...

While a soph in college, I negotiated with a Mazda dealer to buy my first car-- a used Volvo they had on the lot. They had a clerk issue temporary cardboard tags so that I'd have license plates until my permanent ones came in. The dingy clerk was apparently unfamiliar with these crazy Swedish vehicles, because on the tag next to "vehicle make" she boldly wrote "VULVA". Much to the amusement of my friends, I drove around campus for the next 30 days with the word emblazoned on the front and rear of my car until my perm tags arrived.

So, I'm a big advocate of proper term usage... we want our kids to be familiar with the meaning of these words early. Spare the Volvo buyers of tomorrow!

-Sarah
Mom to Dylan, 8/18/03

:) Motherhood is such a joy! :)

[nohomama]

I'm also a big advocate of using the correct verbage when it comes to genetalia but I will admit that we also use the word "bits" when referring to vaginas around here. "Bits and bum" are very British. I'm not sure where I picked it up.

[AvasMama]

We've been saying "girl parts." I think DH started it, but I'm kind of inclined to stick with it. Simple, explanatory, and not too embarrassing if yelled out in public!

Robyn & Ava

[alkagift]

I know I shouldn't speak for others, but I still remember the story Rachel told of her little girl announcing that she had a "GIANT" since she couldn't say vagina yet. That still cracks me up. So, all things considered, Jude, perhaps even if you taught her the real word it still might come out a nickname until she got old enough to pronounce it--and ostensibly by then you could teach her that it wasn't to be used in front of grandma!

Allison
Mommy to Matthew, 5/19/03

[eb1]

But I'm sure you actually name TONS of body parts without using nicknames: eyes, ears, nose, mouth, knees, fingers, hands, shoulders, neck, ankle... I doubt your daughter would be too jarred to discover that "tummy" is also "belly" or "stomach," yet "vagina" is only "vagina" and "knee" is only "knee."

[suribear]

I've been using the correct terminology. I also explained what my period was, since my 4.5 year old asked after seeing my maxi pad. It's not like I ever get to close the door when I use the bathroom :) My mom was horrified, but I didn't know what my period was until AFTER I got it, so I do feel strongly about this. I don't want her to think it's a dirty thing, nor do I want her to fear her body.

BTW, I believe in giving short and simple explanations. I just told her that a period helps mommies have babies, so it's a very special, natural thing (ok, not those words, but you get the point). And that was that! I believe that "teaching the birds and the bees" should be a gradual process, beginning in the toddler years!

Kris

[Judegirl]

LOL - Yes, that's a good point...why didn't I think of the knees?? :)

Vulva/vagina it is then...thank you all very much for putting my mind at ease, and for making points that hadn't even occurred to me!

I sometimes wonder how on earth I'd get by without these boards...

Jude

[egoldber]

My DD has also had questions about my cycles and the supplies associated with it. :) I also have to take progesterone suppositories (vaginally) three times a day and DD has witnessed that a few times and had questions. I have just told her that its something mommies do. She calls a pad/pantyliner a "mommy band-aid" LOL! She came up with that one on her own.

She did ask once when SHE would get to use those mommy things. I said "when you're older and a bigger girl". She thought about that and said "when I'm a mommy?" Sort of not true, but true enough for age 3, so I said yes.

I also believe in not making a big deal out of bodily function. So far DD seems to go with the flow.

[NEVE and TRISTAN]

I haven't read any responses, and have nothing to advise...
but I use to work in an ER and a DR's child came in, I am guessing she was 3-4 and they had taught her the "correct" term for Vagina. Poor little girl was screaming at the top of her lungs for all to hear in the halls "my vagina hurts...my vagina hurts"...

I remember wondering then if it was good to teach them that word or not at that age. Anyway I have no opinion on the subject but your question reminded me of that situation.
Neve and Tristan born Feb 25, 2003
* EDD 3/19/05 IT'S A GIRL
* Adopting siblings in Ukraine 1/05

http://home.nc.rr.com/ourbabytristan

[psophia17]

I haven't had to teach DS any words for anything yet, but I'm glad to have seen this string so I have some ideas...DH is pushing 30 and still refers to his penis as a "dink" and that's just not something my son is going to do. I did think of a funny story, though...

Having grown up on a farm, there was no real mystery about what parts were for us growing up, and since bathtime was my older sister, younger brother, and myself in the tub, again, no shocker about boy vs. girl parts (I think that's what we called them, boy parts and girl parts, but honestly don't remember). I do remember my mom telling us that no one got to touch those parts except Mama, Papa, and maybe the doctor and that was only if we asked because something was itchy, sore, etc.

Anyhow, my uncle's family came out to visit and a cow had a calf, and their youngest daughter, who was 9, asked my mom how the calf got into the cow, and my mom told her basically that at a certain time the cow has an egg inside her, and the bull can tell, etc., and my cousin couldn't believe that there was a hole JUST FOR THIS. So my mom tells her that women have a hole, too, that a father can put sperm in and that if the egg is ready, the two will mix and make a baby. My aunt was scandalized and blew a gasket at my mom for this, and my cousin proceeded to spend the rest of the day trying to see where the other hole was. We're talking she was doing acrobatics trying to see it - all afternoon. I think my mom took her aside with the mirror at some point, to show her what she was looking for, but that was kept quiet because my aunt was so scandalized...

I believe my uncle thought the whole episode was pretty funny, but I have to give kudos to my mom - there's no sense in not answering questions when they're asked, and giving false info is even worse. While little kids don't need all the details all at once, if they ask they should get the truth.

-Petra

DS - Nathan, 12/29/03

[Judegirl]

My only concern in that situation would be sheltering her from the reactions of people around her who might think that inappropriate, or whose discomfort might be apparent to her. (If she'd been yelling about her knee, it would be a non-issue, as, AFAIC, it should be.)

Jude

[KBecks]

Well, I didn't know I had a vagina until I was in 6th grade, and the concept was still unclear until I got my period and learned to use tampons.

I think that teaching a child that they have "private parts" and what is appropriate and inappropriate touching is sufficient. Any touching "between the legs" that is not a diaper change or doctor check-up (with a parent) is not OK.

I would teach my son the word penis -- because it's so obviously out in the open. I think that's why more kids know the word penis than vagina, I don't think its any form of bias against girls.

KBecks