? for those with 2 under 2. Would you do it again?

[new_mommy25]

I've been struggling a lot lately with the decision of timing between children. Part of me longs to be pregnant and wants to start TTC right now. The other part of me is enjoying this new phase of DS's life and wants to wait another year.

A few questions if you don't mind me asking.

Was it planned or a surprise?
Would you do it again?
What was the hardest part of transitioning from one to two?

Any words of advice?

TIA!

[bnme]

>
>Was it planned or a surprise?

It was planned. Our 2 are 19 months apart and I got preggo w/in 2 months of trying.

>Would you do it again?
Yes! Although there are days I wish I would have waited longer. But I keep reminding myself there would be challenges to deal with at any stage. I can't imagine if the older one were in preschool and having to drag a newborn out every morning, for example.

>What was the hardest part of transitioning from one to two?

The hardest part for me is dealing with being home more often with my active toddler. We are used to being more out and about and we both get cabin fever. I am just now starting to get out a little bit. The logistics are so much harder just adding one baby! I struggle with feeling guilty that I am not providing as much for #1 (meaning he watches alot more TV and plays with the same old toys much more often (instead of going to Gymboree, playground, etc)). But all in all, this is really what I wanted, especially looking toward the future.

It was also difficult at the very begining since I was recovering from a c-s and could not lift the toddler for a while. I had help all day (mom or DH) for about 2 weeks but could have used it a bit longer.

I should also add that my newborn is a DREAM and only wakes once per night since the day we got home.....the lack of total sleep deprivation (which I had with my every 2/3 hr round the clock baby the 1st time) has really been a godsend.

Go with your gut on this one. I am sure every one has a different experience. There is no right or wrong answer. I really wanted my kids to be close in age- me and my sister were 2.5 yrs apart and my DH has 1 brother ll months older than him, and I really like the aspect that the kids will have more of a chance of having some similar interests.

Good luck with your decision!
ETA link to another recent thread
http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=37&topic_id=123143&mesg_id=123143&listing_type=search

[houseof3boys]

My little one isn't here yet and I wonder how it will be too! She and Ryan will be 20 months apart and I think it has pros and cons from what I have told myself. It will be fabulous for them since they will always have a playmate but stressful for me for a few years I would imagine.

Good question and I look forward to reading the answers. :)

[sbjf]

Mine will be 11 months apart.


Was it planned or a surprise? It was planned in that we weren't using birth control because if we could get pg we wanted to; but it was a surprise because we didn't really think it would be so easy this time around. I got pg with this one while my son was only about 2 months old, and I was breastfeeding full time.

Would you do it again? Absolutely.

What was the hardest part of transitioning from one to two? Don't know yet, so far I think it's going to be a really easy transition since I'm already in baby mode.

Any words of advice? I'm really super happy with the way this has worked out for us. Dh and I decided that this will be it for us so we are happy to be done ttc, we'll be happy to be able to get the baby stuff finished with relatively early and then be able to move on to traveling and other family stuff.

I say go for it if you feel ready (and your dh)!

[Jeanne]

Mine are just two years apart and we did plan it that way. I would do it again but I guess it really depends on how high maintenance your kids are. Mine were both extremely low maintenance so it was a breeze for us. My experience has been wonderful. However, my friend timed hers two years apart and had a really hard time as both of her boys were very clingy, had colic and reflux, didn't sleep, didn't eat well, didn't play on their own very well, had normal jealousy issues, etc..

And since every child is different, I guess it's impossible to know what you're going to get. Having a toddler around, no matter how easy they are, is definitely hard to handle with a newborn. One of them is always going to need something so you're going to be running constantly regardless. You'll just sit down to feed and have to get up right away to get something for the toddler or yourself, etc...

I also think the question really goes to how energetic and positive the parents are. I'm a high energy person and I didn't mind being tired. I loved the newborn stage so much that I didn't care if I was tired all the time. My DH helps out with every aspect of child care so that is also a major factor. Having a positive attitude is key. If you get one good night's sleep per week, you will catch up on what has been lost. Eventually you'll carve out a schedule to get house stuff done. Organization is one of best tools to making life easier.

[chrissyhowie]

Hi, Donna! I responded to your post in that thread that you linked! I'm glad to hear you are getting out a bit more. It does take a little while to get the logistics down, and it will get a bit easier everyday. It is kind of amazing how much more energy it takes to mobilize, isn't it? Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it before we actually get out of the house. But once I do manage to get out the door alone with the two kiddos, I have yet to really regret the effort.

When I go to the playground alone with them both, I tend to sling DD#2 so that I can follow DD#1 around and even step up onto some of the apparatus. While it's not easy to lift DD#1 while slinging DD#2, it's possible for a short lift (ie: getting her into the stroller or shopping cart). Can you bring your DS to a Gymboree open gym time with the baby in the carrier? While you can't enroll in a class and bring another little one with you, I am pretty sure you can for the open gym times. Then you can let your DS run wild in a closed area!

Like you, I let DD#1 watch more videos/tv than I ever had before. But on the flip side, I find that she is absorbing the educational stuff (mimicking words, dances, etc.) so much more now that she's a bit older. I think being a happy mom is one of the best ways to provide well for our kids. So I let that guilt feeling go recently :) -- I figured it was either have my very distracted attention during those times when I need it elsewhere or allow her to watch something she enjoys.

Just when I think I'm going to lose my mind, one of them does something so cute that it reminds me why the world continues to be populated ;).

[chrissyhowie]

>Was it planned or a surprise?
Definitely it was planned for us. I actually made the decision to stop breastfeeding completely since for me even just one nursing session per day was keeping me from ovulating. That was probably the hardest part of the decision.

>Would you do it again?
Yes, in a heartbeat!

>What was the hardest part of transitioning from one to two?
It's a challenge having toddler no matter what, so of course adding another being who is completely dependent on you adds to the work. But then again, any type of transition period is challenging -- be it weaning or changing nap times or adding a sibling :)! But somehow you end up just getting through those times you want to pull your hair out.

>Any words of advice?
Like others have said above, follow your gut. Everyone's life plan is different, but those uncharted paths sometimes are the most interesting :).

[lizajane]

i kinda think of it in the same way as i think of having kids fit into the budget. if you wait until you can afford it, you won't ever have any. (admiting, though, that while we are by no means wealthy, we have what we need even while i stay home full time.)

if you want another baby, have another baby! don't wait until the "perfect" time because what time is perfect? everyone will have a different story about why their kids are the perfect distance apart. i think when you are ready, you will know.

i am thrilled to be having my second son when my first is 22 months old. it is just what i wanted for my family. what we wanted. dh, too. we planned it. so far, i would do it again, and so far, the pregnacy plus toddler has been rough sometimes. but i can't imagine that it would be so much easier in a year, or even two years.

[new_mommy25]

Thank you all for your words of advice. Liza, it is funny you should say what you did. DH has a decent job and I'm a SAHM. While we do have enough $$ to get by, I keep thinking maybe I should wait until we have more. But who knows how long that could take!

[sbjf]

and keep in mind that the sooner you have the 2nd one (if it's your last) the sooner you can get back to work if you want to/need to since they'll be in school full time before you know it!

[memedee]

11 months apart and yes I would do it again.
Only downside for me was when they left home for college practicaly at the same time.

[sbjf]

Aw, yeah I bet both going off to college so near in time would be a shock to the system and tough.

It's nice to 'meet' a mom of 2 11 months apart, hi! I'm so excited right now that I'm not nervous about this yet, but if I get scared or have questions later I may ring you up here!

I'm so glad to hear that you enjoyed that spacing, thank you. :-)

[sbirmantaz]

We planned to have 2 close together and they are 13.5 months apart. The hardest part for me was juggling the needs of a newborn with a 13 month old! I felt like someone was always crying longer than they should have been (baby mostly). My dh also was with the older dd more because she could play and was more interactive that the newborn, so I was caring for the baby most of the time. The other thing that didn't help was dd #2 was born in the winter, and we were stuck inside most of the time.
So, my advice would be to have a non-winter baby so it is easier to just get some fresh air, sometimes that can change your whole mood! Now my dd's are 24 months and almost 11 months and it is GREAT! It got easier for us when #2 was about 8 months. Life started to get back to some normal routine. Now the 2 girls laugh with each other and follow each other around. I'm sure there will be a lot of fighting, but also a lot of love and fun. They have a built in playmate, somthing I never had since my sisters are 4.5 and 7 years older than me....

[nathansmom]

Well I'm going to have 3 under 2 for awhile. No advice yet.

[memedee]

Call anytime!!I remember when I first found out.I was in shock too!!
Enjoy your pregnancy,You will be fine with both children Honest