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View Full Version : Many families in my area will be trick-or-treating on Sat- WWYD?



cdlamis
10-15-2004, 07:44 PM
I hope I don't offend anyone with this post but I am really unsure of what to do. I am a very open and accepting person when it comes to religion, race, etc. DH even calls me Mrs. Social Worker because I try so hard to accept/love all groups. But this one has me baffled.

The city where we live is predominantly (or seems to be) one major religion that has chosen to trick-or-treat this year on Saturday. The rest of the families will go on Sunday like scheduled. A majority of my specific neighborhood/street is of this faith and will be trick-or-treating on Saturday.

My questions are : Do we offer candy on Saturday AND Sunday? Do we still let Julia TOT on Sunday- how will we know who isn't passing out candy? I don't want to offend my neighbors but I also don't want them to decide for us when we will TOT or celebrate Halloween.

To be completely honest (and I almost erased this part because I DO NOT want to offend), but I am a little frustrated that a single group can change the way a entire community celebrates. If you choose not to TOT on Sunday or do something with your church on Saturday, that's great! I totally accpet that. BUT I don't want to feel pressure to change my own views. I just don't see anything wrong with trick-or-treating on a Sunday.

Any suggestions? TIA~

Daniella
Mom to Julia 6-13-02
And another little girl EDD 12-30-04!!

american_mama
10-15-2004, 07:57 PM
I would pass out candy on both nights. In theory, your total outlay will be the same just divided into two nights. Also, many years ago I had a friend in Columbus, Ohio who said the city or neighborhood had somehow decided trick or treating would be on a certain night for some kind of safety reason. Although your situation might be different, it isn't unheard of for a community to change Halloween (shocked me too) for a variety of reasons.

calebsmama03
10-15-2004, 07:57 PM
That's a tough one! Was there a specific reason behind the Saturday choice? For me, I'd have the treats available and if I was planning to be home that day I'd pass them out, but I wouldn't change my plans to be around that day. If there isn't going to be anyone TOTing on Sunday, then it might just be best to go with the flow on it. A few years back the town I lived in did a similar thing as to which day TOTing was "allowed" (trying to keep it off a school night), it didn't fly so it went back to the 31st but there are specific times.

Sorry, no real help there.
Lynne
Mommy to Caleb 3/3/03
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif[/img][/url]
Oh my!! #2 5/05

lisams
10-15-2004, 08:14 PM
I know exactly what you're talking about and we will not be handing out candy on Sat - we will be celebrating Halloween on Sun. It would be one thing if it was a town decision, but this is not (this same group changed fireworks at a major venue to be on a Sat. the 3rd when the Fourth was on Sunday and caused a huge uproar a few years back- angered a lot of Veterans) . I would TOT on Sunday - do you have family that lives somewhat near, you could TOT in their neighborhood instead? That's what we're doing.

My opinion is that this religious group should do a church thing on Sat. We live in a very diverse state where all religions are represented, it's just a few towns that are heavily one particular religion. I grew up feeling like an outcast in high school because I wasn't one of them so my feelings probably stem from this.

I'm sorry this is upsetting, but I also totally understand your feelings.

Lisa

Marisa6826
10-15-2004, 08:16 PM
When I lived in Hoboken, the holidays were NEVER on the actual calendar date. Go figure. That town was always in its own time warp anyway ;) .

If a child is a Conservative Jew, they wouldn't be allowed to TOT if a Halloween fell on a Saturday (until after dark). Then again, I don't know that they'd be allowed to eat candy unless it was Kosher ( I have NO clue as to whether or not your run of the mill candy meets Kosher requirements).

Have you talked to your neighbours to see what they plan to do?

On one hand, you can practice tolerance and put candy out both days. On the other, you can stand by your convictions and only distribute on Sunday. The third option is to go to the mall both days and just say screw it ;).

Let us know what you decide.

hugs

-m

ellies mom
10-15-2004, 08:22 PM
I was raised Mormon in a very non-mormon area. I remember feeling so bummed when Halloween fell on Sunday because we couldn't go out trick-or-treating. It's the whole keep the Sabbath holy thing. Although I think my parents did pass out candy. The church would always have a costume party on Friday or Saturday, but as a kid it simply wasn't the same. So, speaking as a formally disapointed child, it would be nice if you gave out candy on Saturday.

That said take your child out on Sunday. I'm sure the same rules apply, no porch light-no candy. I think your daughter is young enough to not really notice and it won't happen on Sunday for several more years. If she was older and therefore really into candy she could go when she'd get more bang for her buck.

I'm not by any stretch of the imagination offended, but I'm not sure the single group is changing how the community celebrates the holiday, they are just celebrating it in a way that fits their belief. You and the rest of the community can still celebrate it how you want. If you don't want to give out candy on Saturday, don't. I'm sure they'll understand.

brubeck
10-15-2004, 08:28 PM
Actually it is my understanding that conservative Jews don't even celebrate Halloween.

murpheyblue
10-15-2004, 08:34 PM
I would probably give out candy both days but I do think it is rude for people to TOT on Saturday. The whole idea of TOTing is a little weird - going from door to door and asking for treats BUT it is socially acceptable and indeed encouraged one day a year. Not one day unless that day is inconveneient for you so then you can do it another day. I think it's an imposition on the neighborhood for a group to TOT on a seperate day. That's like I get invited to a BBQ on a Friday during Lent. My personal beliefs involve not eating meat on Fridays so I show up on Satuday instead.

If a group doesn't want to TOT on Sunday they should set up an activity for the kids to have fun on Saturday that does not compel (but could invite) involvement from the rest of the town, e.g. a festival. I understand some kids may feel disappointed but that's one of the burdens of faith, sometimes it's not conveneient.

Kieransmom
10-15-2004, 08:37 PM
Wow...what a situation. I would be as confused as you and I am no help with offering advice here. I'm just sorry that the fun has been taken out of the day and it becomes more of a stress to you. I hope that whatever you decide that you and your kids have a great time. :-)

Momof3Labs
10-15-2004, 09:57 PM
Our community always sets TOT on a weekend afternoon - this year it is Oct 31 from 1-4pm, but some years it is a few days before Halloween! I thought it was weird at first, but it is a safety thing - have the kids out during daylight hours.

Momof3Labs
10-15-2004, 09:59 PM
I'd probably hand out candy both days, or if it is too much time out of your weekend to sit around answering the door (which is completely understandable!!), set out a bowl of candy on Saturday and pass out the rest on Sunday.

Raidra
10-15-2004, 10:33 PM
I'm a bit biased (I have some issues with religions trying to make me do something - like pass out candy on a day other than Halloween), but I would only pass out candy on Sunday, and only take my child out on Sunday.

This reminds me of a story in David Sedaris' newest book.. when he was a child, a kind of wacky family moved into his neighborhood. They happened to be on vacation during Halloween, so a few days after Halloween, this family dressed up and went around trick or treating. David wrote about how he and his sisters were mad that they had to share the candy that they had "earned" because their parents didn't happen to have any other candy lying around. He was actually talking about how selfish he was.. but to me, it seems like it's selfish to expect people to have candy for you when it's not actually Halloween.

If I wasn't friends with any of the people who will go out trick or treating on Saturday, I'd probably do something mean like say, "Wait, is today Sunday? OMG, I was supposed to (...pick something horrible, like go to someone's funeral...)! I thought today was Saturday! I can't believe I missed X!" :)

jk3
10-15-2004, 11:17 PM
Lots of conservative Jews celebrate Halloween but Orthodox Jews definitely do not.


Jenn
DS 6/03

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030603/2/5/1/-5/.png

jasabo
10-16-2004, 01:36 AM
I would only do Sunday. If I were you and happened to be home on Sat night, I'd turn off the porch light and even put a sign up on my door saying Do Not Ring Bell! Yes, I know this sounds harsh, but when I've got two kids sleeping and dogs barking at a doorbell ringing and waking the kids up, I am going to be LIVID if someone rings that bell trying to get free candy from me on a night that's not even the holiday!!! I know - Bah humbug, right? LOL!! Sorry. But it just ticks me off. Like someone else said - if you don't want to celebrate on the "real" date, then create your own celebration somewhere else. It's not fair to expect people to change their schedule for you. And likewise, I'd be very curious to see how many of those who TOT'd on Sat night actually hand out candy on Sun night. I'm willing to be that many will do what I suggested doing on Sat night (turn out porch light, etc.) And for the record, I'm looking at this from a convenience standpoint - not thinking religion at all.

Lisa - mom to 16 month old twin boys

jubilee
10-16-2004, 03:22 AM
Although, I am probably the LAST person anyone would ask what to do for Halloween... :)(see other Halloween thread)... I say as long as you are home and it's not too inconvienent, pass out candy on both days. Why not? I've never heard of trick or treating on a night other than the 31st though- so I'm surprised by that. Hope it is fun for you and Julia,

deborah_r
10-16-2004, 03:33 AM
I was just sitting here thinking, when we lived in Pittsburgh for a little over a year I remembered there being something strange about what night the TOTers came. And I just looked on the calender in my computer and it says that year Halloween did indeed fall on a Sunday. That must have been why the confusion - I think they came Saturday night and we thought it was so weird! We were prepared because the neighbors had told us. I don't remember what I thought the reason was, but I never considered that it might have to do with some religion or another. I think I just thought it was because people don't want to be bothered on a Sunday night. DH and I never schedule anything for a Sunday night, we like to be home, alone, just vegging out. My current building doesn't really get TOTers so not an issue for us right now.

Joshuasmommy
10-16-2004, 10:05 AM
I hate when people celebrate holidays on days other than the actual holiday. I refuse to go see fireworks on July 3, luckily I live in an area where we have tons of choices of where to go see fireworks.
If it were me I would not hand out candy on Saturday because it is not Halloween. I wonder if the people who are tot-ing on Saturday will hand out candy on Sunday as well or if they won't because it falls on Sunday?

mandye
10-16-2004, 06:33 PM
My, aren't we a tolerant bunch?!

As someone who thinks they are the religion of which you speak, let me say that I understand your neighbors' wishes to trick or treat on Saturday rather than Sunday, which is our Sabbath day and a Holy day for us. That being said, I also understand your wishes to trick or treat on Halloween night and not have someone else tell you when you can and can't do it (which I suspect no one has said you can't TOT on Sunday).

Personally, I think that since you are aware that the majority are going to be out on Saturday, you should pass out candy. Then on Sunday take Julia out. Hopefully (I'm crossing my fingers and toes on this) your neighbors will respect your right to TOT on Sunday, just as you have respected their desire to honor their religion and TOT on Saturday.

Mandy

mandye
10-16-2004, 06:33 PM
My, aren't we a tolerant bunch?!

As someone who thinks they are the religion of which you speak, let me say that I understand your neighbors' wishes to trick or treat on Saturday rather than Sunday, which is our Sabbath day and a Holy day for us. That being said, I also understand your wishes to trick or treat on Halloween night and not have someone else tell you when you can and can't do it (which I suspect no one has said you can't TOT on Sunday).

Personally, I think that since you are aware that the majority are going to be out on Saturday, you should pass out candy. Then on Sunday take Julia out. Hopefully (I'm crossing my fingers and toes on this) your neighbors will respect your right to TOT on Sunday, just as you have respected their desire to honor their religion and TOT on Saturday.

Mandy

ginalc
10-16-2004, 08:04 PM
People in my neighborhood are older and few have small children. Many families leave the porch light on and set a basket of candy out on the porch for TOTers to help themselves. Many place a sign that reads "please help yourself to 2 candies."

HTH

gina, mom to 3

ginalc
10-16-2004, 08:04 PM
People in my neighborhood are older and few have small children. Many families leave the porch light on and set a basket of candy out on the porch for TOTers to help themselves. Many place a sign that reads "please help yourself to 2 candies."

HTH

gina, mom to 3

cdlamis
10-17-2004, 12:05 AM
"Many place a sign that reads "please help yourself to 2 candies."

Actually, if we are not home on Saturday night, this is what DH and I decided to do. We do want to support our neighbors and I hope all are welcoming to us on Sunday night as well.

Daniella
Mom to Julia 6-13-02
And another little girl EDD 12-30-04!!

flagger
10-17-2004, 12:22 AM
You hand out candy on the day you are out ToT'ing. Halloween is on Sunday October 31st, not on Saturday October 30th. You do not offer candy on Saturday as that is NOT Halloween. Would you not put up Christmas decorations because the majority in your neighborhood does not celebrate your holiday?

If they don't want to hand out candy on Sunday, they they should leave their light off. You should do the same on Saturday.

cdlamis
10-18-2004, 01:18 AM
>My, aren't we a tolerant bunch?!

I am honestly sorry if I came across as intolerant. I was afraid my post would appear as I were bashing a specific religion.

It's just that this issue has caused anguish in my nighborhood and it is dividing the families. Some newer families don't even know that there will be TOTing on Saturday and will feel left out. I really didn't want a debate but advice from all of you.

And I bummed out that Julia's first TOTing will not be as grand- meaning we won't be able to visit all our neighbors' houses.

Again, sorry if my thread was too political/religious.

Daniella

*Edited for spelling

ellies mom
10-18-2004, 02:12 AM
I posted earlier but I wanted to add a bit more. I talked to my Mom about this post. She plans on handing candy out to the kids from her church on Saturday (they only go to other member's houses in her area), and also hand out candy on Sunday to the rest of the kids. Her thoughts are that it isn't fair to the kids to be "punished" for the decisions of the parents. I would hope that the families in your neighborhood would also hand out candy to the kids that come around on Sunday night. I guess that is the point here. If everyone thought a little more about the kids and their enjoyment and a little less about "our way versus their way", things would be so much nicer.

Personally, if I was in your situation and was going to be home Saturday night, I'd give out candy both nights. If I wasn't going to be home, I wouldn't worry about it. I'm sure your neighbors will love to fawn over her on Sunday even if they aren't giving out candy. I mean how can you resist a baby in a costume.

Zansu
10-18-2004, 05:55 PM
Unfortunately, you *do* live in a area where one religion exerts a huge influence on everyone, not just its members.

I would leave a bowl of candy out on Saturday, but I would not answer the door. And I would take Julia out on Sunday, and hope that everyone in your community is as friendly and understanding as you are.

Down here, the religion-that-shall-not-be-named holds trunk-or-treats at its churches, and the kids don't go out trick-or-treating at all.

Could you go TOT with friends in a different, more diverse community on Sunday? Or attend Dia de los Muertos events, to round out the weekend?

KBecks
10-18-2004, 06:16 PM
Would you really say something mean like that to kids?
I mean, Halloween is mostly done by young elementary school kids.

I guess there's no rule saying that you HAVE to be kind to strangers and neighbors, but it generally makes life much nicer.

In terms of religions trying to "make you do something," all actions in life are your choice.... so have at it. But I think people are much happier and enjoy life when they choose to be good to one another.

KBecks

KBecks
10-18-2004, 06:28 PM
I don't think the original post was intolerant, but some of the replies felt slightly "my way or the highway" milataristic. Communities schedule activities on "not the real date" all the time, and it's not a big deal. Participate if you want to -- if you don't, you dont! But it's not anything to get too excited about.

Anyway, my 2 cents on the trick or treating is that (time allowing)you should pass out candy on both nights, and take out your daughter out for trick or treating on the night you prefer.

Halloween is once a year, it's supposed to be fun for kids, and I don't see that it's a huge inconvenience to do 2 days. In fact, your DD may have a great time with an extended celebration! She can help you pass out candy on Saturday and will probably enjoy seeing others costumes. You could even let her dress up on both nights.

Have fun, hope that you are able to enjoy it.

KBecks


P.S. The holiday is really for the kids. If adults make the decisions that other adults aren't happy with, so be it, but remember, the holiday is about kids having fun! Let them have fun and try not to rain on their little costumed parades!

Melanie
10-18-2004, 06:37 PM
How odd. It seems rather presumptuous to me, to assume that everyone in one's neighborhood/town would move a holiday for the benefit of their religion. Like many others have said, it's up to them if they want to leave their light off on Halloween and celebrate with their friends another day...totally understandable IMHO. However assuming all your neighbors will do the same, is odd.

Now you've got me wondering what will be up here. We have quite a Mormon population, assuming that is who you/others mean. I just can't see people going around on the wrong day. There are so many of them, they'll probably go amongst themselves.

Raidra
10-18-2004, 11:39 PM
Well, I was trying to make a joke.. but I guess it didn't come across that way. Ah well. :)

And no, I wouldn't say something like that to a kid, nor would I say that to anyone, really. I may think it, or joke about saying it on a bulletin board. But that's not the same, is it?

I know all actions in my life are my choice, and that's why I'm not a Christian. That doesn't stop certain people from trying to make me convert. I don't follow their advice, but I sure do get tired of having people try to "save" me when I'm clearly not interested.

I like to think of myself as a kind person - I help strangers and friends all the time. That doesn't mean I don't have the right to get aggravated at things some people do.

MartiesMom2B
10-19-2004, 01:57 AM
Well if you are really miffed, but still wanted to hand something out you could hand out the crappy candy on Saturday night and offer the good stuff on Sunday night. I've heard an uproar about it on the news but I wasn't paying attention.

They are lots of religious groups out there who do not participate in Halloween and offer alternative activities at their church instead. If that religious group, really doesn't want their children to TOT on Sunday, then they should have their own activities at their church.


-Sonia

Vajrastorm
10-19-2004, 02:11 AM
>Halloween is once a year, it's supposed to be fun for kids,
>and I don't see that it's a huge inconvenience to do 2 days.

Heehee, I guess that would make Halloween twice a year, wouldn't it? :P

mandye
10-19-2004, 02:42 PM
Daniella,

I didn't think your post was intolerant, just a few of the others. I'm sorry that MY post came across as kind of rude.
Mandy

cinrein
10-19-2004, 03:22 PM
LOL--I save the crappy candy for the kids who are too old to be trick or treating and don't even have the decency to put on a costume!

I would just hand out candy both nights. I understand your frustration, but IMO it's one of those things you just let go. Or look at the bright side: if most of the neighborhood comes through Saturday, then your DD can see all the TOTers and get her feet warm about TOT. Then if traffic is light on Sunday, you can leave a bowl out and both you and DH can enjoy DD's first TOTing.

Cindy and Anna February 2003

stillplayswithbarbies
10-19-2004, 04:11 PM
I've never lived in a town where trick-or-treat was on the actual October 31 holiday.

When I was growing up, all the small towns in the area set it on a different night so the kids could go to each town. We had three or four nights of trick or treat in a row.

Where I live now, and where I lived before this, trick-or-treat is set by the town to be the Saturday before October 31 from 1:00 PM to 4:00 PM. That is much safer for the kids so they are not out after dark. And everyone knows when to be there to hand out candy.

Doesn't your town dictate when trick-or-treat will be? How else would people know when to go around and when to hand out candy if the town doesn't specify the date and the hours?

...Karen
DS Jake Feb 91, DD Logan Mar 03
http://members.aol.com/khowe14494/superpower.gif http://members.aol.com/khowe14494/borntobebreastfed2.gif

Raidra
10-19-2004, 04:21 PM
Our town just sets hours for trick or treating. It's always on Halloween, regardless of what day of the week. The hours are usually 4pm-8pm - that way working parents are home, but kids aren't out too late.

In our part of town, very few kids are out without their parents. The kids that are out w/o parents are generally with a group of friends and over 10 years old.

deborah_r
10-19-2004, 05:11 PM
>
>Doesn't your town dictate when trick-or-treat will be? How
>else would people know when to go around and when to hand out
>candy if the town doesn't specify the date and the hours?
>

I've lived in 6 states now, and I've never lived anywhere where there were set times for TOTing. I generally try to be home and ready to hand out candy by 5 or 6 and turn off the light around 9ish. There was one place where the TOTing happened on a different night, but there were no structured hours.

I think when I was little, in a very small town in CT, we just went out as it got dark. Which is definitely not the safest, but that's how it was!

KBecks
10-19-2004, 05:18 PM
I'm sure you are a kind person :) .

And I know what you mean when people who evangelize get a little too excited about "helping you." Been there, and it is so uncomfortable. In my case, I did become a Christian, but it wasn't because of a human evangalization effort, it happened much later, and was because of my spiritual needs and path, not because of a recruitment drive. Those recruitment efforts are more of a turn-off!

There are many great people in the world, religious and non-religious. And most people want to be good to one another.

KBecks

KBecks
10-19-2004, 05:20 PM
Well yes, that is twice a year! Double the fun!

Seriously, I don't think having 2 nights of Halloween will ruin a kid's experience. It may not satisfy Mom's expectations of what Halloween "should be", but hopefully both kid and Mom will make the best of it.

KBecks

cdlamis
10-19-2004, 05:53 PM
Mandy-
No hard feelings here. :)

Daniella
Mom to Julia 6-13-02
And another little girl EDD 12-30-04!!

cdlamis
10-19-2004, 05:55 PM
Karen-

It is so interesting to see how other communities work. Our city has never dictated when/what time TOTing will be. Maybe it is because we live in a rather large suburb surrounded my many other suburbs?

Daniella
Mom to Julia 6-13-02
And another little girl EDD 12-30-04!!

Melanie
10-19-2004, 06:16 PM
>It is so interesting to see how other communities work. Our
>city has never dictated when/what time TOTing will be.

Ditto... Here it is done on Halloween...usually at dark, maybe a touch earlier. In most neighborhoods where I have lived, we actually got very few TOTers...like less than 5. However, we moved just before Halloween a couple of years ago adn were shocked to actually get tons of them here. It's a lot of fun! I think we are also the only freaks who do not hand out candy, so kids are always excited to see something different.

MartiesMom2B
10-19-2004, 06:25 PM
Cindy:

Time to get those raisins out! Hee hee.

-Sonia

C99
10-19-2004, 06:50 PM
>milataristic. Communities schedule activities on "not the real
>date" all the time, and it's not a big deal.

But I think the point here is that this wasn't a community decision, but a decision made by a select group within the community.

C99
10-19-2004, 06:55 PM
>Doesn't your town dictate when trick-or-treat will be? How
>else would people know when to go around and when to hand out
>candy if the town doesn't specify the date and the hours?

No -- not here and not in the town I grew up in and not in any other city I've lived in, actually. Honestly, I was very surprised my first year here because this neighborhood is full of kids and we didn't get any TOTers until after dinner (dark).

mom2kandj
10-19-2004, 07:16 PM
YAY! Someone else who won't be passing out candy! FWIW, we are passing out spider rings and small stretchy animals(toads, fish, lizards, and snakes). We do have some Dum Dum suckers on hand just in case, but those are so small that I don't feel as bad when I give out the candy, KWIM?


Rose
mom 2 Katie 12/02/00
& Jack 04/16/02

votre_ami03
10-19-2004, 07:38 PM
Daniella,

Since we live in the same general city, I assume you are speaking of the LDS/Mormon Church? LDS are very tolerant of other people & their beliefs (or so I have seen), I honestly don't think you would be doing any harm if you do not participate in the Sat TOT'ing. However, in the same breath, I wouldn't anticiapte that they would celebrate Halloween on Sunday for non-LDS.

There is always "Boo at the Zoo" at the Phoenix Zoo. :)


PS. I think you explained yourself very PC & didn't step on any toes. :)

Christy, mommy to Nolan 7/22/03