How would you react?

[pritchettzoo]

Hypothetical: DH surprises you with a weekend away at a spa with a friend. Your child is 6 mos old and you're still breastfeeding. You've never left your baby overnight before, and you've never indicated that you want to leave the baby overnight.

Explanation: One of my single friends told me that she's going with her friend to a spa next weekend. I asked if they were taking her husband and the baby (thinking maybe he would hang out in the room with the baby and let them do the spa thing). She told me it was just them and the mom wasn't going to know about it until they left that morning. She thinks they're going shopping while DH babysits for the morning. Her husband wanted to just stick her suitcase in my friend's trunk and not have her know until they were on the way, but they've decided to tell her before she leaves so she can say good-bye to the baby.

I raised concern that she might not want to go, and my friend said, "I'm sure it's fine. She'd better want to go. It's non-refundable!" I would freak out NOW (DD is 13 mos) if DH did that, much less when Gracie was 6 months old. Pumping at a spa is not my idea of relaxation. ;) My friend thinks I'm crazy for even thinking her friend will have a problem with it. Maybe I am! I was just wondering how everyone else would react?

Anna

[jbowman]

DH and I left DD for a long weekend when she was almost 4 months old (I was giving a paper at a conference in NYC). Although I missed Ellie, we had an amazing time!

That said, I knew well in advance (almost a year, in fact) that we were going so I could prepare. For instance, I took a handheld pump and my PIS with me and pumped every three hours until we returned (and that wasn't, um, terribly relaxing, LOL!). My parents watched Ellie while we were gone.

I love spur of the moment things, but I don't think that I'd want that situation thrown on me. I couldn't just pick up and leave Ellie! I think you are raising valid concerns, Anna.

[ErinMC]

Hmm, tough one. DS is almost 8 months now, and I think I'd still have a hard time leaving him. And if I did leave him, I'd definitely want more than a few minutes' notice! If anything they should tell her the night before, so she can get prepared mentally, make a list of "to-do's" for her DH about the baby (or maybe that's just me!), and feel truly ready for a spa weekend.

That being said, I think it's a really sweet, well-intentioned idea. And I'm sure she'll enjoy it, but she should be prepared. My two cents. :-)

[slknight]

Hmm... Well, I am really bad at spontaneity in general, so I'm probably not the best person to ask. LOL. But I think I would freak if someone did that to me. I really might want to go if I had a little advanced warning and could plan on pumping. But to have it kind of thrown on me like that would probably not make me too happy. Is she even going to have her pump and enough bottles with her (although she could pump and dump) if her DH is packing her bags? Has her baby ever taken a bottle? I could see that being a really bad situation for the DH if the Mom is away and the baby won't take a bottle! Does she have enough EBM at home, or is she willing to give formula? Maybe the friend and the DH have already thought of this stuff? I sure hope so!!

[Judegirl]

I love surprises, and am as seat-of-my-pants-flying as they come, but... NO WAY.

In fact, there's a weekend event I'd really wanted to attend in November (dd will be 6 months old), and dh & dd were originally going to come and stay in the hotel with me while I flit about the event. But the host hotel is sold out, so they'd have to be about 10-15 minutes away...and so I'm not going.

And I'm already exclusively pumping! I just can't do it. A whole weekend? Egads. I've been back to work for almost 3 months and I still get depressed when I walk out the door.

Jude, who someday will have to be better at this kind of thing, but right now, she's just too cute! I'll miss something! :)

ETA: LOL!! I was just reading the new responses and saw my own..the above means that I'M too cute!! I meant dd, honest! *blush*

[mysweetboy]

I'd have a hard time with it. Then again, I suffered separation anxiety moving Charlie to the crib after co-sleeping. ;) My DH knows me well enough to know that I'm not ready to leave Charlie yet. When I am ready though, I'd want to go away with my DH.....we haven't had a lot of time for just the two of us in the last 5 months. I'm sure that her friend's husband wouldn't have planned this (which was very sweet of him) w/out knowing if she was ready to leave her baby. At least, I hope!

Lori
mommy to Charlie, 5 months old!

[kristenk]

I would totally freak out! Maybe it's my planning side coming out, but I wouldn't be able to enjoy a night away when I didn't know for certain that every single eventuality baby-wise was handled. I'd be worried about the baby the whole time. Plus, I can't imagine leaving my breastfed 6-month-old! Let's hope the friend's husband packed her breastpump for her. Yikes!

I think I could deal with a surprise spa overnight trip if DD wasn't breastfeeding and was over a year. (Of course, I might increase her age requirement when she's actually 1 year old!) But a breastfeeding 6-month-old, never. I'd be way uncomfortable.

[flagger]

You go. At six months, many children are partially eating some solid foods. It does wonders for the mommy to have total relaxtion and it builds confidence in the DH for the ability to handle the child on his own. I mean after six months many moms have made mistakes because there is no manual, but they learned from their mistakes and their confidence in their abilities began to grow with each day.

If the DH has planned this, he obviously knows his DW better than anyone. He most likely has planned for every eventuality. The child will be fine and it will be the mom who has the harder time. I still believe a happy mommy makes for one happy baby.

[dowlinal]

There is no way I would go AND I would be really angry at DH for not thinking the whole idea through. Until I had to go back to work, the longest I ever left Medeline was one time for 5 hours to go see Tom Jones in concert and I probably wouln't have gone if DH hadn't bought the tickets as a birthday gift for me. I LOVE spas and as heavanly as going to one sounds there is no way on this earth that I could leave her overnight at 6 months, now at 8 months, or at any time in the near future. I don't think there's anything wrong with doing it, but for me I don't have fun because all I think about is how I'd rather be with my baby.

[californiamom]

I love surprises, but in this case I think I would freak out. I think I would feel more like they're "kidnapping" me than anything. I would feel terrible.

If DH and DD were going together instead of my friend I honestly think I would relax more. BF is fun at 6 months, and if DH could watch DD in between feedings while I have a massage that would be terrific! :-)

I don't think I could leave DD like this even now that she's 9 1/2 months old. Although I'd better get ready because my boss keeps telling me I am going to have to go to Mexico for work for a week... :-(

Ana

[deborah_r]

I would not know what to do if this happened to me now, and my DS is almost 17 months! He relies on his nursins'! And I haven't pumped in ages, have no freezer stash.

I would bet she will at least be somewhat freaked out by this, but it depends on her personality.

Does she have milk pumped already for the baby? I don't know, I would think any BFing mom of a 6 month old would want the opportunity to at least plan this and get OK with leaving her baby.

[lisams]

I would be upset and think it is rather insensitive. While a 6 month old *may* be eating solids, if the mother is nursing she may not want to go for several very, very VALID reasons, one I'm thinking is MAJOR engorgement, how will she know she needs to pack her pump since this is a surprise.

We all have different comfort levels and for a friend to disregard that is hurtful.

I wish the best for your friend, maybe her and her hubby can plan a nice trip together that is planned so they can actually relax.

Lisa

[flagger]

In the original post

"Her husband wanted to just stick her suitcase in my friend's trunk and not have her know until they were on the way,"

Give the husband some credit here. It is highly possible he will anticipate all of his DW's needs and will pack accordingly. It sounds like the DH is fully in on the planning.

[HannaAddict]

No Way!! I would be very, very, very upset to say the least and would not go!!! It is a terrible idea. Surprises are fine but this involves a breast feeding mother (has husband ever been engorged or faced losing his milk supply on the other hand?) and baby. I would not go no matter how much it cost and it would really make me question my husband's judgment.

It is one thing for a mom to make the decision to leave her baby overnight and that is totally fine, but for her friend and husband to think this an okay decison to make for her is unreal. I don't care how well the husband knows his wife, he's not the baby's mother and food source. I can't imagine people thinking this is a good idea. I would talk to the husband and even consider "accidently" telling the mom if I knew her. I feel very badly for that poor mom being put in that situation. I would literally freak out if my husband tried to "surprise" me like this one morning. Please talk some sense into your single friend. Your idea of the husband staying at the spa (or nearby hotel) and watching babykins is a good one.

[ALLEYCAT]

Are you kidding? No way. I work full time away from home and tonight is my first midnight shift I have had to work since having Wiley. There is no way I would be away from him tonight if there had not been a scheduling glitch. I would love to go to a spa for a few days but only if DS could go with me along with a DH as the sitter. My friends and husband would have to find someone else to go.

[HannaAddict]

In order to anticipate DW's needs . . . my husband would need to pack this wife's little babyman. :)

Planning for all contingencies and packing a pump doesn't just take care of the milk issue and other logistical problems. My baby depends on the comfort of nursing to go to sleep. And I am more relaxed and happy looking at my little baby before I go to sleep. Before leaving overnight, I would have been practicing having husband put baby to sleep with a bottle. Our friend's baby who is about 8 mos now, who is eating some solids but not as a pre-bedtime snack, has only gone to sleep once via bottle with dad once, and not for lack of trying.

On a slightly different note, my husband, who is not breast feeding, just had to leave for 2 nights this week for work and said he missed our little guy terribly. He wanted us to come too, but we had problems arranging dog sitting on short notice. He said he would never want to be surprised with staying away from our almost 7 mos. old.

[sirensrise]

None of us know that couple (besides OP of course). We cant assume anything. OP asked about our reaction, so i can only speak from my own experience. It is not about the father, he wanted her to have a good time, which is very sweet, but if it was me, no way would i have gone. it has nothing to do with if i have confidence in dh or not. i am sure they would survive if i die, but i just would not have a good time what so ever.

[alkagift]

I would not go. Period. Tough noogies. I know it is hard to be that absolute about it seeing as no-one offered me a spa night, but I remember how it was then and no way in the world would I have done that. Having said that, my DH would have known better and wouldn't have "hijacked" me either, so perhaps this DH knows what he's doing?

I will say that my DH, as sweet as he is, had NO CLUE why I had no interest going out at night "sans baby." I wasn't the least bit enthralled with finding a reliable teenager (who we would not have known)to watch our infant, so perhaps I was a bit rigid.

Allison
Mommy to Matthew Clayton, 5/19/03

[Vajrastorm]

How would *I* react? Not well. I have a one year old who I would still not want to be away from over night, so six months would have been out of the question!

My husband, however, knows this. :) (Btw, he would not want to be away from her over night, either.)

[psophia17]

If I thought I was going shopping with a friend and it ended up being a weekend away from home, I don't think I'd ever talk to that friend again.

I spent a surprise day away from DS when he was 6 months - it was awesome, but I worried about DH and DS all day long. Not worry that DH knew what to do, but worry that they missed me and needed me.

Surprises are well and good, but I think that a surprise weekend for a BF new mom is a little misguided, even if it was planned with the best of intentions...

Let us know how she liked it, after she gets back!

-Petra

DS - Nathan, 12/29/03

[jec2]

Yes, I would freak out now! But at 6 months, I would have totally freaked out. I didn't even go to a conference WITH Finn when he was 6 months old let alone leave him behind. My head would be spinning if this was sprung on me. It would feel to me like being kidnapped.

[lisams]

Just my thoughts...it's not about the father's ability to pack really, it's about the mother's feelings and readiness to leave her child (and the fact that she's nursing kind of changes things a little). I don't think you can pack that into a bag, unfortunately. :-)

I'm sure he's a super husband and father, just as mine is, but if DH did this I would be hurt. I would want to plan things out, have milk pumped ahead of time and ready, and know that all is well on the homefront. And to be honest, sometimes DH does forget things that I just think "how could you forget that?"

I'll admit I'm a control freak and I like things planned out, and I especially like to take part in the planning (can we say Monica?!!). I also know that my friends and DH know this so I can gaurantee they would never pull this for me. Maybe this friend likes big surprises like this, to each their own. This is just what my reaction would be. Now if DH and I planned this together and got everything ready together, I think I would relax and have a darn good time.

Lisa

[jubilee]

I think most of us on this board are the "planner-researcher type", this board just lends itself to that mindset... so that may skew the results of this poll. But, like most everyone else- I would LOVE the idea of getting away from it all... but in actuality I wouldn't be comfortable with a surprise like that. I breastfed for over a year and I didn't get far from my son because of the engorgement-supply-demand issues. But breastfeeding issues aside, I would want to pack my own suitcase and prep in other ways... like shave my legs :) LOL Her friend and hubby sound wonderful, and hopefully they will get the happy reaction that they are going for. She is lucky!!

[bluej]

My first reaction would be fear of what my DH packed for me (and what all he forgot to pack)! *I* wouldn't do it, but also this is something my DH would never do. The fact that her DH has done this tells me that she is someone who would possibly like such a thing. I have several IRL friends who would do this, have a great time and no regrets. However, these same friends are/were pumping several times a day and throwing in a couple of extra sessions probably wouldn't be as big a deal as it would be for someone who just occassionally pumps (I don't know your friends pumping situation). I don't think I would have been able to all of a sudden pump 6-8 times a day for a few days.

If your friend goes, I hope she has a fabulous time and good for her DH for doing this for her. If she doesn't go, I hope her friend and DH are understanding and pamper her in her own home.

[jk3]

I think the best presents are presents people actually want. Surprise presents, much like surprise parties, are not always well-received. I would freak out despite the good intentions. At this point, I would probably enjoy some time away but when DS was 6 months old I would have had a hard time with this scenario. It sounds like the friend wants a weekend at the spa + since she's excited about this assumes that your other friend will be thrilled. Yikes!

ETA: At this point, I wouldn't mind a weekend away with my DH. We spend virtually all of our time with our DS (by choice I might add) but I think a night away at spa with my DH would be a treat!


Jenn
DS 6/03

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030603/2/5/1/-5/.png

[rrosen]

I am an obsessive planner so this is my worst nightmare to be honest. I would HATE this gift! My DH (and anyone else who *knows* me) know that things like this would go against my grain.

So,like you I would freak!

[barbarhow]

When Jack was 16 months and I had recently weaned him I spent a weekend away from home. It was planned for months so I was "ready" for it. It was so difficult for me. He and DH did really well. I cried much of the weekend. I had fun in between my bouts but it was definately hard.
I would not react well to the "surprise". It is hard enough to be away from a baby when it is planned. I can't imagine having the surprise thrown at me. I am sure that her DH has the best of intentions and since we don't know her it may be that she'll jump at the chance. I personally wouldn't.
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03, a Red Sox fan
expecting #2, a Yankee fan, around 5/9/05!

[KrisM]

We're coming up on 6 months and I'm breastfeeding. I would not be happy with that surprise. But, I asked my husband if it would occur to him to do that for me, and he said no, because he figures I wouldn't be ready for a night gone. So, maybe this woman's husband knows her well enough to believe she'll be okay with it.

Before we all started having kids, some of my friends and I would do a weekend spa trip every year, so my husband does know that interets me. Now, we do "spa day" at someone's house. We hire a massage therapist to come to the house even. I'm still debating whether I want to go for 6 hours next month! It seems like such a long time, and do I really want to pump at spa day? On the other hand, the host has a 2 month old who's breastfed, so we're in the same shoes.

[dr mom]

I'm more of a control freak, not a big fan of surprises, and I would hate this situation. I did attend a three-day conference when DS was 6 months old, but DH and DS came along, and I nursed in between sessions. Because I knew they were right upstairs in the same hotel, I was able to relax and enjoy myself, knowing that I was immediately available if my baby needed me.

Do you know the mother? I know that telling her beforehand would spoil the surprise - but frankly, if I were put in that situation, I would be furious with DH and the friend, and probably wouldn't act very gracious about what was intended to be a thoughtful gift. I have a tendancy to over-react at anything that I percieve as potentially harmful to my child, and a forced separation at that age would have really upset me. At least if she has some advance warning, she can prepare for the "surprise." And, if it is something she wants to do, she can start preparing her baby now for the change in routine.

Maybe you could bring it up with her they same way you did here..."hypothetically, how would you feel if...." without giving away too much information?

[JElaineB]

Well, this scenario is not something that would ever happen to me, but I would completely freak out and not go. At 6 months old I was NOT ready to leave my baby overnight, never mind for a whole weekend! (Of course he's now 2 and I have never spent the night away from him yet, so I might not be the best person to ask!)

Jennifer
mom to Jacob 9/27/02

[flagger]

>OP asked about our reaction, so i can only speak from my own experience.

I asked DW about this since you are right the OP asked "How you would react?" Her immediate response, "I would have been thrilled. It would have been hard, but baby and I would have survived, and I would have come back completely refreshed. I, unlike you (meaning me Flagger), LOVE surprises."

[Sarah1]

Well, this is a personal thing. I would hope that her DH had the sense that she was ready for a little getaway--otherwise I think he wouldn't have helped her friend plan it. The primary concern is with her nursing, no doubt. I wouldn't want to have to spend my weekend getaway pumping or feeling engorged.

As for how I would react...well, I'd probably go for it.

[Kieransmom]

Yeah, I wouldn't be too thrilled if they did this to me and my son is 17 months old. I think they are trying to do a good thing but I suppose neither of them nursed...even a few hours without nursing is painful. That's a shame. It was a nice thought but not well thought out.

Michelle
Mommy to Kieran, born 5/9/03

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030509/1/5/0/+10/.png[/img][/url]

[Kieransmom]

How long did DW nurse DD?

Michelle
Mommy to Kieran, born 5/9/03

[flagger]

>How long did DW nurse DD?

Nine months.

[Dscvrlifewith3]

Well, if one of my single friends had done that to me it would have put a deep wedge in our friendship. Even with all the right intentions, I would want to know something like that advanced. A few hours away from baby, but not all day or overnight at that age and nursing.

And you are right, the idea of pumping every few hours at a spa would not be relaxing. :(

[Dscvrlifewith3]

Neither one of my fully breastfed children were eating solids, nor ready for them. Our pediatrician doesnt even suggest introducing foods until 6 months old and our allergist encouraged us to wait until nine months old.
I also would not be totally relaxed if I had to pump every three hours or away from my baby for all that time. My heart would be flip flopping in my belly. If the mom is not experienced pumping, she could get engorged -- not fun. I would be not happy with my friend for doing this kind of thing at all! (and be mad at my husband for not saying anything)

[calebsmama03]

I would have freaked out! And probably would have until just VERY recently!

A spa DAY - absolutely! A spa WEEKEND - NO WAY! Not at that age.
Lynne
Mommy to Caleb 3/3/03
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif[/img][/url]
Oh my!! #2 5/05

[Melanie]

That is crazy. I would be so angry and feel like I was taken hostage. I understand that her clueless hubby and single friend THINK they are doing something good, but they so aren't!

[deborah_r]

Anna,

You have *got* to let us know how this turns out! I am now so anxious to know, and I don't even know the woman! Please make sure you update us next week!!! :)

[Mommy_Again]

I think the single friend, while having very good intention, is totally out of touch (which is understandable). But by saying "I'm sure it's fine", she doesn't sound very considerate or thoughtful about what it's like to be a mother. It's not like calling in sick to work one day so you can go to the beach!

For a control freak like me (I'd like to plan my own surprise party), I would be a basketcase. Maybe excited at first, but after I got to the spa I would be pretty resentful when I realized I wouldn't see DS for two days.

Let us know what happens.

[flagger]

>I understand that her clueless hubby and single
>friend THINK they are doing something good, but they so
>aren't!

Now wait just a minute, it is a little harsh to include a statement like that. "Clueless"? Surely her DH knows his DW much better than anyone else. You maybe angry and felt like you were being taken hostage, but it sure is harsh and uncalled for to call someone else's husband clueless.

[jillc]

Hi Anna,

Wow!! I think you're absolutely right. That's a VERY valid concern. DD is 7 mos old and breastfed, and if anyone planned to "surprise" me with that, they would have to be ON CRACK to think that I would leave Abby for an entire weekend with only a moment's notice!!! I don't know if I could leave her for that long with months of notice, actually. It would take lots of planning as far as EBM, preping Daddy, and emotionally preparing for the separation.

Sounds like the friend is just clueless about this since she doesn't have kids, and so hasn't been there. I would hope that her DH knows her very well, and knows that she will be happy about this, and not totally "p.o.'ed"!

Let us know what happens. I hope that everyone involved is happy with the outcome.

J

[HannaAddict]

I agree.

[toomanystrollers]

The surprisee is an adult - if she's miserable, I'm sure she can find a way home. Or maybe, she'll have a wonderful, refreshing time :)

[lizajane]

haven't read responses, but i would FREAK OUT. i do not like surprises a whole lot and i would NOT have wanted to pump for a WHOLE weekend. AND what if i didn't have enough EMB for a whole weekend?????

i would be mad. i would hate it.

BUT right after weaning at 14 months, i would have been all over a surprise spa weekend.

[flagger]

Maybe it is just us, but the way we read the original post was it was talking about an overnight not a WHOLE weekend.

[dogmom]

When my DS was 6 months old? I would freak.

After I've got over a year of motherhood under my belt, for example with child number two? I'm sure I would take time to say goodbye before jumping into the car and asking my friend to floor it. ;)


Jeanne
Mom to Harvey
1/16/03

[C99]

I would think that my husband's heart was in the right place, but it wouldn't be feasible. And I would KILL if I was "kidnapped" to have a "restful weekend" against my will.

[C99]

all day Saturday + overnight + all day Sunday = a whole weekend in my book!

[shamrock]

I'd be mad. I sure hope the friend has quite the stash of frozen breastmilk if she's been only breastfeeding.

I'd love a day at the spa as much as anyone, but to be surprised like that is not my idea of a good thing.

[lizamann]

No way would I go! I am not a planner, either, and I love spontaneity, but this would indicate a total misunderstanding of the way I parent. I know my DH would never do something like that to me. So hopefully this woman's dh knows her and thinks it would be fine for their situation.

Now if it were me, I would be thrilled to pieces if we all went, and DH or a girlfriend watched the baby for three hours while I went off for a treatment, then met me for lunch with baby, then let me have another 3 hours, then we spent the evening together. Repeat same thing the next day. Now that sounds like a little piece of heaven right there!

[starrynight]

I would be pissed!!! I couldn't even enjoy it I would be so mad. Call me crazy but it would upset me that someone else thought they knew what I wanted and didn't tell me ahead of time. But yeah I would be ticked, I would be mad at the single friend also for thinking it's "no big deal" to leave a 6 month old that is breastfeeding and has never been away from mama.

But I know some moms that would think like the single friend at a much younger age so maybe I'm just more attatched them some people.

I would be a bit less mad if I was leaving the baby with dh than if my dh planned a get away for me and him and wanted to leave the kids overnight with someone, then again I have sitter issues and I still co sleep. Granted my dh would never ever do this because he wouldn't want to be alone with the kids for a few days so I don't have to worry about it.

[Rachels]

No way! A man who would think it's a good idea to whisk his breastfeeding wife away from her baby without consulting her is seriously lacking in understanding of nursing and the nursing relationship. I wouldn't go. Yikes.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02


"When you know better, you do better."
Maya Angelou

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_sapphire_24m.gif Two years and counting!

[mudder17]

Well, this would never happen to me because DH would never do something like that! I was still exclusively breastfeeding at 6 months, and we still have something like 3 pounds of breastmilk in the freezer (DD never took a bottle). And DD had started taking a sippy cup around that time, as well as milk via a syringe. So in our case, it's not a matter of supply, and DH would certainly have enough milk to give her. HOWEVER, he has never put her to bed by himself because I always nurse her before she goes to bed. It calms her down so that DH can read to her and put her to sleep. This week I had a temporary (I think) dip in supply because of my period, so a couple nights ago, I actually had to give her some of my EBM in a sippy. It worked just fine, but it was ME who gave it to her. Although I could put her to bed, go out for the night, and DH could even possibly give her milk during her night feeding, and then he could get her up in the morning and give her more and she would be fine, I still don't think I could leave her for a weekend! Not now, even though she's started solids. If DH did by some chance spring a surprise on me like that, I wouldn't get mad at him, exactly, but I would be worrying the whole time and wouldn't really enjoy the weekend. But again, DH would never do something like that.

Eileen

Mother of Beautiful Kaya
http://www.babysfirstsite.org/newtickers/ticker/16994.birthday.png

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_garnet_6m.gif Breastfed 7 months and counting

[MartiesMom2B]

Personally, I would be super pissed off b/c my child would never take a bottle, I couldn't pump, and wouldn't have taken enough solids to get through this.

But as Flagger posted, if the DH has helped planned this he knows his wife (one would hope he does). My husband would've never planned a trip like this. However if I didn't mind pumping and my baby supplimented with formula, I would probably be more receptive to this idea.

-Sonia

[pixelprincess]

My dh wouldn't do anything like that too! LOL.Though I did enjoy a night at a girl friend's house while we were visiting dh's family in the mid-west. DS was 5 months old and bf-ing though weaning. He was also on formula so it wasn't as bad. I did worry about him most of the night, but it has been one of the only night's I have had to myself so far. It is quite sweet of your friend's dh although he hasn't thought the whole thing through!

[sirensrise]

i really think that it is at least a toss up in votes on that one. i actually asked most of friends who nursed db, i had none said that they would have been comfortable leaving the baby for so long, work or not. for the sahms, they said that they are simply not used ot leave db for that long. for wohms, they said that the weekend is the only time they get to spend all day with dc, they would never want to give up on that . i guess it really depends on what stresses you. for me, no amount of spa is going to make me missing db less. it has nothing to do with being a good parent or bad, people are simply different that way. it seems that it is more likely than not that the mom would not have been comfortable leaving. but nothing is black and white or 100%. i am glad that you find something works for your family, but please keep in mind that there are a lot of family do not work the same way as yours, that does not mean that our dh are less capable or willing, but we just have found what worked for us.

[hez]

"How would you react?"

Poorly. I've weaseled my way out of every business trip that's come up this year and recently changed jobs to take the need for business travel out of the picture completely, all in an effort to avoid leaving DS overnight. I'll admit I'm way too attached, especially since DS still nurses once around 2am lately... It just wouldn't work for me.

[pritchettzoo]

Her DH wound up telling her she was going somewhere on Wednesday night, so she had time to prepare. The location was a surprise (a Ritz Resort!). Anyway, she told him she wouldn't have gone had he waited until Saturday morning to spring it on her.

She called an hour into the trip to remind him about something and he wasn't there--he'd gone in to work and his mom was with the baby. :P Reminds me of a Cosby Show episode...

Anna

[Judegirl]

Anna,

I'm so glad you posted the update...I've been wondering. I'm also glad he told her. Hope she has fun!

Jude

[Melanie]

I'm glad it all worked out!

[Imperia]

In my opinion that is VERY rude of the friend (especially the non refundable comment). I don't think it is appropriate for people to make surprise travel plans for ANYONE, let alone a breastfeeding mama (or any mama of a young baby for that matter!) The problem is the woman mighth feel pressured to accept even if she does not feel comfortable going becaus eit's a "gift" and then leave her baby which she may not want to do.

I personally would turn it down flat. There is NO way I would leave my DD overnight, at all, period. It would not be relaxing for me at all because all I would do is worry.

GRRRRRR this just makes me mad.

Imperia

[Imperia]

I totally disagree here that this would be the case for every mother and every baby.

It would not have been (3 months ago in our case). My DD was barely starting solids at 6 months and even now ta 9 months doesnt eat them regularly. My DD won't take a bottle, period. She will drink from a cup (if you hold it) or a sippy (on her own) but I do not pump milk so I have no stash and I would do not want DD having formula.

Also, I would not find it relaxing to be away from my child, especially if it was far away. Perhaps, I am strange, but I don't find mothering to be frazzling or awful or even tiring. And I do not want to "get away" (even for a day) from my infant (and I seriously doubt she wants me to leave her either).

I realize that not all (or probably even most) people's situation is the same (or even similar to ours, but it does exist. I have friends who believe similarly to myself. And I will say that if the DH planned it (heopfully) he knows what his DW would like. I am certain my DH would NEVER in a million years plan something like that without consulting me.

Imperia

[barbarhow]

I've been waiting for it. Thank goodness her DH had the sense to give her a warning. Seems like she would have reacted right on par with most of the rest of us. Glad that she was able to plan and I hope she had a wonderful time-which was the point of the whole thing.
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03, a Red Sox fan
expecting #2, a Yankee fan, around 5/9/05!

[vpalmer]

Anna,

Glad to hear your friend had a good time. My girlfriends and I went on an overnight spa trip when DD was about 9 months old. I probably would have never initiated the trip but I went and had a great time. I pumped (I nursed 13 months) and all was well. I hope your friend had a similar experience. :-)

Veronica
Mom to Eva
Born 6-03