Does anyone else take things way too personally?

[candybomiller]

I know this is ridiculous, but I'm really hurt that someone would think that I would make "ugly" comments intentionally. I realize that I'm a sarcastic person who tries too hard to be funny, but I would NEVER intentionally hurt someone's feelings.

Maybe it's time for me to take a break from these boards again.

[starrynight]

No I don't, but on another board I post on I have been tempted to leave because every other week someone else posted a farewell post over something totally silly. I mean really these things were not even remotely offensive and people were getting upset. I look at it as this is the internet, just because someone doesn't agree with you (which will happen often) does not mean they are putting you down or disrespecting you. I think a lot of people take disagreement as an attack but really it's just someone stating a difference of opinion.

Also tone plays into things, when you can't hear tone of voice or see facial expression I suppose it's easy for someone more sensitive to take something personal.

I tend to type quickly and at times I'm sarcastic and I wonder if I come off as rude or know it all. I hope you don't leave {{hugs}}

[cinrein]

I'm sorry your feelings were hurt. I didn't read whatever it is you are referring too, but I also got really hurt recently over the way some people took one of my posts. I was hurt that they thought I would actually do the things they thought they read. After a good night's sleep I got over it and realized things don't "sound" the same in text. And given all the time I spend here, people don't really know me. I too was ready to quit the boards. Spend tonight with your family and do something nice for yourself. Hopefully you'll feel like rejoining us in the morning.

Cindy and Anna February 2003

[lisaE]

Please don't leave the boards. I think it's silly that you should have to apologize for something you thought in your mind.

I never thought it was rude or ugly when I read it.

[lisaE]

Candy.

I emailed you.

[brigmaman]

I emailed you as well.

[redhookmom]

Yes, yes I do!

[trumansmom]

Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't. What I've found therapeutic is to promptly write a LONG scathing response to whatever I've found offensive, and promptly delete it. (Except once. And I regretted it later.)

Usually I get offended when I'm overly tired, hormonal or hungry. So, I usually double check each of those things before I allow myself to get too upset. To give you an idea of how silly I can be, I was once (and it must have been over 2 years ago!) offended by something Beth (egoldber) said! And we all know how nice she is, so I KNEW it had to be me! And in retrospect, it clearly was me being hormonal...(Beth- I hope you don't mind me using you as an example! If I've offended you, it was seriously unintentional! :) )

The only other time I got truly upset by someone (other than the time I regret), I emailed them off the boards and calmly explained how hurt I was. They promptly apologized and edited their post. I still didn't like what they said, but I felt I had been heard and that an effort on their part had been made. No big deal at the end of the day.

Deep breaths. Try and let it go. The VAST majority of us know you would never intentionally hurt someone.

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/29/01 and Eleanor 4/14/04

[momathome]

Candy - I pm'd you. Hugs!

[calebsmama03]

Candy,
Please don't take it personally. I think *most* people who read that comment took it for what it was - a JOKE! I hope you don't decide to leave us - your wit and humor are appreciated and will be missed if you do!

PMing you too :)
Lynne
Mommy to Caleb 3/3/03
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif[/img][/url]
Oh my!! #2 5/05

[psophia17]

I know that I tend to take everything too personally - IRL, that is. On the boards, or online, or whatever, I think I am less likely to take offense to anything - no one knows me well enough for me to take them seriously.

When I type out messages, I just try to be me, and if whoever out there is reading it and doesn't like what I had to say, well, I just hope that they understand that none of it is personal about them, it's personal about me.

[Marisa6826]

Check your inbox!

-m

[rrosen]

I emailed you too!

[ddmarsh]

Yes I do. You can't own someone's response to something you say and that response is loaded with one's own issues of which you have no control over.

[jk3]

ITA! Please stick around.


Jenn
DS 6/03

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030603/2/5/1/-5/.png

[egoldber]

I am TOTALLY offended! ;)

Sorry I couldn't resist, LOL! But you have completely piqued my curiosity now.

I think I am kind of a good example though, because I think I often sound pretty pompous when I post. Its not intential, and I swear I am not like that IRL, but my writing carries that impression at times.

I also freely admit that I have become a humbler human being in the last couple years. I know that I used to say things about babies and parenting that I now cringe at having written. So even though it was not intential, I am still sorry.

A student of mine once wrote on an end of semester review that I should not make fun of students in class. That comment shocked me to the core. I would NEVER, EVER do something like that, but someone obviously took something I said that way. That comment has stayed with me for a long time, nearly 15 years now, that someone would think I would do something like that intentionally.

[aliceinwonderland]

ITA with Debbie.
Please do not worry too much...I once posted about finding a church in my area and was recomended the church of Satan by the poster who took such offence to your post.

You make your own conclusions, but please stay :)

[jesseandgrace]

You sound like me. I am very sarcastic, and I also think it is funny when someone is sarcastic with me. But, if someone thinks I've been mean or done something hurtful I am really sensitive about that.

Not everyone gets sarcasm. I actually laughed out loud when I read the post . I was not laughing at that person, just at you being funny and I really needed that. I am sorry that person got feelings hurt, but you know that was not your intention, so try not to beat yourself up over it.

[mamagoosie]

It comes with the territory sweetie--but you are an asset to this board--I hope you know that. The written word, flung around casually, is an imperfect tool. Sometimes we sting, sometimes we get stung--it happens. For what it's worth--I think you're great.

[barbarhow]

Most of us have been swiped by the axe at one time or another. I just searched through, found the post, read it and saw nothing wrong with what you posted. It was meant to make you feel bad. No you shouldn't take a break. We are here in support of you.
I personally like your sarcasm. I have a similar sense of humor. Keep it coming girl!
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03, a Red Sox fan
expecting #2, a Yankee fan, around 5/9/05!

[trumansmom]

I'm not going to give you the exact reference (and after 2 years I have NO desire to look for it!) but I was being a know-it-all, and you knew more than I did! :)

I have also become a much humbler human being as DS has grown.

And I ALSO had a student make a similar comment when I was a TA in grad school. Oh well...

Jeanne
Mom to Truman 11/29/01 and Eleanor 4/14/04

[Bethann31]

Candy,

I know how you feel. Very recently, people thought I actually wanted people DEAD because my guy lost the election. I still can't believe people would think I would think anything like that. I've learned my lesson, and will be VERY careful what I say in the future.

Beth

[Melanie]

Candy I think you'd better off just taking a break from a certain poster's threads. Really, it will do wonders for you. ;-)

[jasabo]

Candy,

I just wanted to say that I probably didn't make myself clear when I said (in the OP) that I can understand why that person may have been hurt by your comment. I didn't mean to say that I found what you said hurtful at all, b/c I didn't. I still don't even know who those guys are. Also, like you, I tend to be very sarcastic and I also try very hard to be funny. Because of those traits though, I've had many experiences in the past like yours where someone's feelings were hurt when all I was trying to do was be funny. This has happened more then once for me via email and bb's, which has made me try to tone down my comments. It's just so hard to know how people will take what you say when they can't see your face. I really did kind of think it would happen with those threads eventually - just wasn't sure who's comment would do it. It's the nature of the beast, so to speak.

At any rate, I'm really sorry for not making myself more clear. If that poster didn't find your comparison flattering, I can understand why his feelings were hurt and I'm sorry that he wanted to leave. But at the same time, I totally understand that you weren't trying to be mean. Let's see - can I BE any more wishy-washy here? :) Just trying to say I understand both of your sides. And please don't go.

Lisa - mom to 17 month old twin boys

[KGoes]

I take things too personally, and I'm a lawyer, for crying out loud! ;)
I think that there is sometimes an inherent contradiction in this board as a safe haven for those of us who genuinely enjoy the company of the folks here - even when we don't always agree - and discussing controversial or sensitive topics. I know that I often refrain from posting oro participating in some discussion because it's a rather impersonal medium for such personal discussions, and that can lead to misunderstandings - but that also means that I have relegated myself to the lonely existence of a semi-lurker. I thoroughly admire those folks who do wade into those discussions, particularly those who are thoughtful, creative, and humorous - so stay around.
Kelley
DD born 7/03
And the next one due 4/18/05

[peasprout]

Don't worry about it. Here's my take. When you know someone has a sarcastic and dry sense of humor, you feel more free to reply in the same manner. How you respond always differs depending on who you're talking to, and it doesn't mean you think any less of one over the other,...it's just like speaking two different languages. Usually people with a sharp wit can take it/appreciate it. I'm sorry it wasn't the case for you this time. Just shake it off and don't let one person have that much power over you to ruin your day and keep you from the boards.

[candybomiller]

That's pretty funny, because I had a student say the same thing to me after my student teaching. I had NO CLUE what she was talking about! And it was one of my favorite students!!

[tippy]

Don't go! Please! Not over that. I have found myself taking lots of things on these boards too personally. It's usually when I'm tired or irritable. On the rare occasion that I feel it is justified I try to take it with a grain of salt and not let a few "rotten apples" spoil the bunch. I also don't get involved in as many threads in the lounge these days. :)