Do you keep secrets about your past from your DH/DW?

[psophia17]

Do you keep secrets about your past from your DH/DW?

DH was telling me that he ran into a friend at a restaurant they both used to work at, and this guy ran into his ex-girlfriend. The current girlfriend (of 5 years) went ballistic when she found out he said hello - apparently she wants to know nothing about her boyfriend's past.

My best friend's husband does the same thing, he would like to pretend that she never had another boyfriend or experience before him. My friend goes to extreme lengths to keep the charade up, it's comical sometimes.

DH knows everything about my history, emotional, physical, what have you, and I know all about his. When we were dating, it was important to both of us to have nothing to hide. People who find out that I know about some of his more risky/stupid escapades can't believe that he told me about them, or that I don't give him grief about things he did before meeting me.

What has worked for your relationship, and if you could change it, would you?

[mharling]

Fun question!! Dh knows most things about me and even some he wishes he didn't. Actually, I can only think of one thing off the top of my head that he doesn't know (an extremely fun, but in retrospect, very stupid night out in college).

Mary
Lane - April 2003
Little sister on the way!!! March 2!

[redhookmom]

I have nothing to hide but my dh doesn't know everything. It is just not that interesting. Had it been,perhaps I would not be with dh!

I don't really want to hear stories about his old girlfriends but I know about them all. I have been to 2 of their weddings!

[amp]

Like Mary, I've probably told my DH waaay more than he wanted to know about my high school and college escapades, many of which I am not proud of, but he loves me for who I am, even with my flaws!

[bostonsmama]

My DH is the quiet type, but still, in the near 5 years we've been together, there isn't much I don't know. Still, with DH's 10-Year High School Reunion this weekend, he'd been kind of antzy...like he wanted to tell me something. You would not believe what that man told me....I was in utter shock! :o But that's another post. I'm okay with it now. I just like to know the details...the juicy details...so nothing is a surprise. I'm SOOOOOOOOOOO not the jealous type, and I don't know what I would do if he was either. Now, I get to see all these hussies face to face. It's amazing what 10 years can do!

[psophia17]

Based on what I know about DH, there's only one hussy I don't want to meet, and she wants to meet me! The details of what this hussy (a name that is too nice for her) did should make it obvious to her that his wife wouldn't want to meet her, but she's persistent...granted, DH wasn't any smarter at the time and I'll talk to him, but I just don't want to go there with her...

[Rachels]

Nah, we're pretty open. We even joke about our past relationships to each other. The thing is, we learned a lot from those relationships, and they led us to each other and taught us more about how we want to be with each other. And we were adults when we met, so it's silly to think we wouldn't have pasts. Plus we love each other very much, so there's no risk of falling back on old flames, kwim?

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02


"When you know better, you do better."
Maya Angelou

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_sapphire_24m.gif Two years and counting!

[pixelprincess]

Here's a twist. Dh does't know a little secret about his ex..something I have held back from telling him. She was invited to our wedding... oh well, got drunk and tried to flirt with all the men there (including dh). I got to hear wild stories from dh's college friends (also her friends). She continued to call...wanted to come stay with us... yuk!! At that point, I told dh she couldn't as she didn't seem lke someone I'd want to hang with, you know? She ended up calling again to say she was getting married and I never told dh she called. I know...bad, bad!!

Not sure why? I didn't really dislike her until I heard about her behavior at our wedding. He is a pretty loyal guy and still felt sorry for her (long story...divorced with child).

He knows all there is to know about me:-)

[Saartje]

I don't think I could have a long-term intimate relationship in which I felt I had to keep something secret, so I'm glad DH and I aren't that way. I just don't think I could maintain that over the long haul. DH and I are very open with each other (to the point that the poor man has great difficulty surprising me with holiday gifts -- he's managed it only once, the first Christmas we were dating).

[jubilee]

Before we got married, we went to pre-martial counseling and it helped us talk about stuff we'd rather not talk about. I totally feel that when a man and woman get married they become ONE, so given that, I'd not hide important past-relationship stuff because that stuff molded who I am as a person. I had a turbulant first marriage for nine YEARS... so I had a lot to disclose. Now I never have to "worry" about the past coming up to bite me.

[kijip]

My husband and I don't have secrets from each other but I know that there are details of our lives that we don't know about the other simply becuase it is not important. I do know that my husband was never in a serious relationship prior to me but I am assuming that there are other things he has not shared. He knows about me but I have never felt a need to go into nitty gritty detail about each friend or intimate relationship. For example, a former male old friend of mine who my husband dislikes (I can't say that I blame him- we are no longer friends) once tried to come on to me in a major way. I rejected his overtures but never told my future husband because frankly I did not want to embarrass my old friend or enrage my husband, who already had reason enough to dislike this fellow. There are other things he does not know. However, these are not huge secrets- I do not try to hide them nor would I lie about them.

[bluej]

I started dating my DH when I was 17. Not much of a past to hide! Plus our friends took great delight in embarrassing each of us and telling the other who all we had dated.

[MartiesMom2B]

DH basically knows everything about my life - he just doesn't know the details. I'm not going to go into the nitty gritty and give him the details of the drunken escapades I had in college. DH was much more responsible than I was in college, but I don't want to know about his ex-girlfriends or anything like that.

-Sonia

[crayonblue]

There are a few things I don't think DH needs to know. Mostly details of things that happened in my childhood. But, I think I have told him most anything about anything I did in the past.

I have met several of his former girlfriends. But, he did cheat on me one summer when we were dating. After he admitted what he had done, I asked him to never tell me her name. For some reason, I needed to know every nitty gritty detail of the whole mess, but I did not want to know her name!

[egoldber]

Well, DH and I have been together for nearly 16 years. We met in college, so there is very little for us to hide from each other. He'd had a few relationships before me, but nothing really serious )or so he says ;) ). I had dated before him, but never been in a serious relationship. So we were sort of fresh ground for each other. :)

[californiagirl]

On Sunday one of my exes called -- to ask if my husband would come over and help him move a safe. Which he did, and later we went to dinner. My ex-husband and his family sent two quilts as baby presents for DD. My husband is a little bemused by my family (I think it was the present from my father's first girlfriend that really puzzled him, rather than the one from my ex-MIL) but thinks it's nice we accumulate friends.

[candybomiller]

Not anymore. I used to keep secrets about stuff I was buying and hide the credit card bills, but I learned my lesson.

I don't think there's anything in my past that dh would want to know about but doesn't. He's not really a curious/jealous person. I know a lot about his past because I definitely am curious. :)

[bostonsmama]

Yeah, that sounds kind of weird for that lady to want to meet you (especially if she knows you know). I would never let these girls know that I knew their secrets...I really just used the word "hussy" teasingly. I can't tell you all the dumb decisions I've made, so it's beyond me to hold something like that against them. I think it just gives me something to internally chuckle about when I walk into the room. (In actuality, I like to hear that my DH did risky things in his youth because he's such a square today! It gives me hope to think that if I can push the right buttons, I might tap into his inner wild child.)

[dr mom]

What a sweet little monkey!

[pixelprincess]

thanks Cindy!

[calebsmama03]

what is the second pic on your avatar? I can't figure it out....
Lynne
Mommy to Caleb 3/3/03
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif[/img][/url]
Oh my!! #2 5/05

[dr mom]

There's a little monkey headshot...then a little monkey running away...see the tail? I love it!!!

We call DS little monkey too. :)