Introducing kids to those with disabilities

[psophia17]

Reading about the woman in TX got me thinking...

A woman in my waterbabies class last week was commenting about how the various disabled people who come use the pool while we are there take up too much space and shouldn't they all be in an institution somewhere. An older woman heard her, and pretty soon a whole lot of the older women were agreeing with the younger one that institutions were the way to go. Now, I know that back in the olden days that was pretty much how things went, but times have changed and don't people even care about being PC? What if someone in the locker room had a child/sibling/parent who had a disability? What is WRONG with these people who can't be compassionate in the first place, and can't be PC in a public place in the second?

When I was a kid, my mother did everything she could to make sure that her kids did not make fun of or embarass in any way people with disabilities or differences. Other kids would stare, and we would be marched over to meet someone with a wheelchair or Down's or anything like that, so that we knew they were people, just like us. She did the same thing with people of other races and religions. I don't remember being rebuffed ever - her opening line of "I wanted my children to meet you so that they know they are not better than people different from them, do you mind talking to them for a minute?" did the trick and I plan to do something similar with my kids when they are older if I can't think of something better.

What worked for you, or what do you plan on doing, when it comes time to teach your children that while people are different, they are equal?

[Marisa6826]

I think your Mom did an EXCELLENT job of setting it straight. In fact, I may steal her approach as my girls get older :P.

I have every intention of showing Sophie that the world isn't about homogenous white families with a Mommy and Daddy. It was one of the biggest criteria when looking for a place to live. Unfortunately, the town we ended up in isn't quite as "multi-culti" as we would have liked. The upside is that we plan on taking the girls to NYC on a regular basis so they can see all walks of life - good and bad, beautiful and ugly, glorious and unfortunate.

We WANT to expose her to different races, ethnicities, religions, sexual preferences and levels of abilities. Nothing bothers me more than when I see somebody with a kid pointing and staring at somebody a little different.

As far as the women in your class last week, did you say anything to them? I've lately been in one of those moods where I would have totally let loose on them (must be the hormones ;) ).

-m

[rrosen]

My husband runs a school for children with special needs. And in my former working life I was a teacher of children with multiple disabilities.
My daughter has been around the children at DH's school since she was born. I introduce her to the children there just like I would to any other child anywhere. We are teaching her sign language (the school is for children who are deaf or have other communication disorders) and she has a name sign. I use her name sign with the children and they show us theirs. She will be taught that everyone has things about them that make them special and unique. She will be taught to respect and honor differences. I think it needs to start early and that children learn best by example. I like to think that in this regard my DH and I are setting a good example by our own behavior.

[psophia17]

I didn't say anything - both because DS was asleep in my arms and because I didn't think the babies that were there would've benefited from me letting loose.

If it hadn't been for that, I probably would've read the bunch of them the riot act.

My mom drives me crazy, but there are so many things she did when we were little that I'm grateful for now. This is one of them where I have to commend her, especially considering that she came from a very close-minded group of people...

As a sidenote, when I was pg, I would flip out on DH if we were driving and I saw a man driving a car and a woman in the back seat, as if she wasn't good enough to sit in the front with him. It still bothers me, but doesn't get me going quite like it did...

[Marisa6826]

I used to live near a Hasidic community where the women always rode in the backseat. Drove me crazy too.

-m

[MelissaTC]

I will try to do what your Mom did because that is what my Mom did too! We were always introduced to children who were different than us, especially the children who were disabled.

We have had some limited experience with this. We were in line at Whole Foods and a Mom was in front of us with her little guy who looked around Matthew's age. He had a patch on and Matthew was looking at him puzzled. I said "Look Matthew, he has a patch on, just like your Cousin Jerry!". I said it in a happy way and Matthew said "Yes Mommy like my cousin." The Mom looked relieved. Not that it is a big deal, wearing the patch. But I wanted him to relate it to his cousin, to someone he knows.

I have a friend who was a Special Ed HS teacher. She goes out of her way wherever we go to speak to the kids with disabilities and to introduce them to her daughter and the othter kids. I think it is awesome.

Sometimes though there are situations that are a bit out of the ordinary. When we were at Disney MGM, there was a family behind us that had a young adult who is mentally challenged. We were in the holding area at the Muppets Show and he grabbed me and started pulling on my arm and actually hit me on the arm. Trust me, it hurt. He had a kung fu grip. His parents peeled him off of me and Matthew was very frightened through the whole thing. At 2 years old, I don't think he would quite understand what and why that happened. I just told him that Mommy was ok and that the boy didn't mean to hurt me, he wanted to play.

[muskiesusan]

I was just thinking the other day about this very topic! Unfortunately, we live in a very caucasian area of town and at the store a few days ago was an African American woman. Nick was so afraid of her, he just stared at her while trying to climb up me. I had him say hello to the lady, which he did, but he was still very uneasy. It made me realise I need to make a point of exposing him to other ethnic groups, something I didn't experience myself until college.

We have good friends who have two children with disabilities, and Nick plays with them constantly, so I am not so worried about him in that regard. It actually is refreshing to watch him play with them, whereas others are hesitant to play with them, he accepts them for who they are and plays accordingly.

Susan
Mom to Nick 10/01/01
& Alex 04/27/04

[ehmom]

just to add a different perspective...
ds was born with a cleft lip and palate so we got a lot of looks when he was a baby. some people were sweet, some were curious, children were usually inquisitive and honest. we were so used to him the way that he was that we really didn't think about the way he looked. we forgot about it. so when people come up to us and ask us about it (even friends), it makes me want to tell them, " you know this is just our normal life. what seems different to you , is really not that big of a deal to us anymore. we can talk about regular things just like everyone else."
another example...
my mom in paralyzed and on a ventilator. people are always quick to ask questions about her health, etc. but, we have normal life experiences too. we can talk about other things. so, i guess my point is that people with disabilities are regular people and sometimes want to be treated as such. in other words, just leave them alone unless you have some normal reason to approach them. just my 2 cents :)
em

[murpheyblue]

I was thinking about this the other day. You know how on the last page of a lot of magazines they do an essay type piece? Well, a few months ago there was one of those in a parenting magazine. I can't recall which one and I don't recall the details exactly but the story was written by a mom with daughter around 6 or so years old. The mom had a colleague who had a daughter of a similar age but the friend's daughter was born without a hand. The two women were goibg to be in the same place with their daughters and the authored struggled with what to tell her daughter about the other girl's absence of a hand. Ultimately when the two girls met, she wasn't nearby by her husband was. Their daughter looked at the little girl and then turned to her father and asked why she didn't have a hand. The dad's response was, "Some people don't." The moral of the story was that the mom was surprised/impressed that such a simple explanation satisfied her daughter when she had struggled to work through in her mind what she would say.

That's a really long introduction to my point, which is that sometimes, not making a big deal about how people are different is the best way to convey that they're not. For example, when I was a kid we had a beach house and there was guy who lived across the street. He didn't have any kids so I never paid much attention to him. One summer when I was about 12 or 13 my mom said, "Kevin (the guy across the street) got married, his husband's name is Tim. If you see him, introduce yourself." When I read the article I mentioned above, it reminded me a lot of my mom. No explanation of homosexuality, gay marriage, etc. Her simple, non-explanation was her tacit approval to me. I truly believe that intolerance is taught. (I know this (gay marriage) is a hot button issue and I'm not meaning to get into a debate about it just using it as an example from my life.) For me, my parents essentially 'blessed' the idea of gay marriage in my mind by treating my neighbors' marriage just like anyone else's on the block. It was not until many years later that it occurred to me that others saw it as anything different.

Obviously, that doesn't work in every case. In those cases, I love the way your mom handled things. Kids have inquiring minds and may want more information and letting them talk to someone and see that they're a real person can go a long way.

Phew, that got long.

[aliceinwonderland]

Ah, you word it so well. These are our full intentions too. :):)

[psophia17]

That's the effect I'm hoping to get from my kids by introducing them...if we don't know anyone with a disabilitiy or difference, which I'll be honest and say we mostly don't, I want to make sure that if my kids ever run across someone who is "different" they don't stare and make a big deal of it...