I'm a bad mom - help!!

[rachels1976]

My son is 10 weeks old. He is a great night sleeper, and I also thought that he was a great napper. We went away for the Thanksgiving holiday, and my SIL made me feel like such a horrible mother. See, my son likes to take naps in his swing. When we traveled, we didn't bring his swing with us becasue we didn't realize that it was a nessesity. For the 4 days that we were away, he cried because he was so tired, but didn't want to be layed down. I ended up holding him most of the time, but he never got a great nap. My SIL told me that I fostered a dependence on motion for my son to sleep. I tried to explain that I can lay him in his crib at night awake, and he falls asleep on his own and sleeps for 12 hours. Apparently, that didn't matter!

So, I rushed out and got "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." I was not able to find what to do if you have already developed a need for motion when falling asleep. Yesterday, our son was home with Dad, and he tried stopping the swing when our son fell asleep. Almost immediately, he woke up. Throughout the whole day, he only slept 2.5 hours. I'm looking for sugggestions about how to break this habit. Since we have been back, I have at least attempted to lay him in his crib for a nap every time. After 15 minutes of crying, I gave up. I'm afraid that he is too young to cry it out. Please help. My SIL made me feel like I am ruining my son!

Rachel
Mom to Nolan
09-20-04

[Marisa6826]

You're not ruining your son. First off, he's still a newborn and all rules are out the window. Do whatever you need to get him to sleep. It's also very common to have sleep disturbances when you're away from your regular environment.

Sophie slept in her swing for the first three or four months of her life.

She now happily sleeps 12 hours a night.

Tell your SIL to mind her own business. I'm sure you're doing fine.

-m

[steph2003]

Seriously - what Marisa said!

I got so worked up in getting my newborn son to take naps in his crib because I read way too much :) looking back I realize now newborns need to sleep when they want & where they want whether it be in a swing, bouncy seat, your arms, etc.

I got all hyped up thinking he would never sleep in his cribs for naps or at night. Guess what? he happily sleeps in his cribs for naptime (morning & afternoon) & a solid 11-12 hours at night. The kid doesn't even like cuddling with me now, he starts squirming until I put him in his crib & then he looks up at me & grins!

[bchafin]

I agree with the previous posters. My son was the same when he was that young. He would fall asleep in the swing during the day and sleep in his crib at night. When we travelled we took the portable travel swing with us. He is now 7 months and doesn't use the swing very much at all, and never for napping. I believe in doing what works for your family and keeps your baby happy.

Barb

[Momof3Labs]

Yep, all rules are out the window until he's at least 3-4 months old. Until then, you do what you need to do to survive (you aren't creating any life habits at this point).

Put the Weissbluth far, far away and pull it out again in 5-6 months if you need it. A much better book for a baby 3 months old or younger is Dr. Harvey Karp's Happiest Baby on the Block.

[Moneypenny]

Yep, what everyone else said. My DD sounds just like yours - great night sleeper from 8 weeks old but only naps during the day when held. I, too, read Weissbluth and panicked that she would never sleep in her crib, but upon asking my ped he said that if we start messing with her day sleep too early it will goof up her night sleep, and honestly, night sleep is very important for the adults in her life so we should just do what works for daytime. Now that DD is almost 4 months, we'll start to gently work on naps in her crib but I'm not going to obsess about it. I know plenty of people who held their babes, or put them in the swing or bouncy, for many, many months and all these kids eventually learned to sleep in their cribs for naps before they got old enough to outgrow naps. You're doing fine! One other thing my ped always says is the most important thing he can help new parents with the first year is to convince us that it's okay to ignore all the unsolicited "advice" people will give us because it's usually wrong and rarely helpful. Just keep doing what you're doing!

Susan
DD - Avery, born 8/5/04

[Marisa6826]

Susan-

A trick I did with Sophie was to put her in her bouncy seat IN her crib for naps (and sometimes even at night!). At first with the vibrator going fast, then slower, then finally off.

Once she was sleeping regularly in the bouncy without the vibrator, I transitioned her to the crib itself.

Give it a shot!

Good luck with Avery (great name btw!).

-m

[candybomiller]

YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOTHER!!

And throw all your books out the window.

Do whatever it takes to get your son to sleep now. Do not even begin to think about problems that could occur "in the future." Concentrate on survival NOW and everything else will fall into place.

Tell you SIL that if she needs to pick on someone to feel superior then she can call me. ;P

[Karenn]

I am a big Weissbluth fan, but as I type this, my 10 week old daughter is in her swing because I'm hoping she'll fall asleep! She's not, but I'd be thrilled if she would! She takes at least 2 naps a day in my arms or in a sling.

I'm a firm believer that with babies this age the main goal is to keep them well rested and that we moms should do whatever we need to do to help them get their sleep. A secondary goal is helping them learn to fall asleep on their own, but at this age, I really think that is secondary. I know this is rather arrogant of me ;) but I think Weissbluth would agree with me. He spends a lot of time talking about babies needing to learn to fall asleep on their own, but he talks even more about babies needing to be well rested.

I think you're doing all you can do to help your son learn to be a good sleeper. You've tried laying him in his crib awake and he cried for 15 minutes. Weissbluth says babies this age shouldn't cry for more than 20, and that it may not work for all babies at this age. In my opinion, your next best option is to make sure that DS gets his naps anyway he can. Then, you can worry about helping him fall asleep on his own for naps when he's older. It will be much easier to help him learn to sleep on his own if he is well rested. (I know from experience that helping an overtired baby learn to sleep is no fun at all!)

One of my good friends is just like your SIL- she constantly has me second guessing my parenting, especially in the sleep department. I've had to work to tune her out, and sometimes she still gets to me!

Hang in there! You are a good mom!

[Moneypenny]

Oh, good idea, Marisa. I'll give it a try (or rather, have DH try it since he's home with her). Gotta love that vibrating bouncy seat! Calms her right down when she's fussy.

And, here's wishing you a good day on Friday! May the pre-op shave be nick-free, the c-section fast and painless, the recovery quick and easy, and the babe healthy and happy!
Susan

[brigmaman]

Great idea, Marisa! I wouldn't have thought of that. So far Cadie loves her vibrating seat. Once I turn on the vibrate, she gets that glazed "I'm in heaven look."

[jbowman]

Hugs, Rachel!

The first few months are all about survival, so don't sweat it...and don't listen to anyone tell you what's best for your son. Trust your instincts, let him sleep in the swing--he needs the rest (and so do you).

[psophia17]

DS only napped in arms until he was more than 4 mos old - after that I made an effort to get him to nap in his crib, and it took weeks for it to work. I only did it because I was starting to feel up to doing stuff while he napped, and I couldn't do anything if I was holding him the whole time. Eventually, he got good at napping in the crib, and although now he'll sleep elsewhere if he's really, really tired, for the most part he only sleeps in his crib.

If you're happy with how your son is doing as far as sleep goes, that's what's important. The day will come when being held is the last thing that your DS will want to do, so get lots of it in now :)

[mama2galpals]

All I can say is puhlease!!! I *hate* it when people give you their opinions/advice like your sil. BTW when I read your post I scanned down to see your baby's bdate! I agree with the PP who said that all bets are off with getting a newborn to sleep! you are not getting your baby dependent on motion!

my advice: keep on swinging at home and get a little FP portable swing to bring with you!




rita
mommy to
olivia 2/7/97
stella 9/24/00
emma 1/23/03