My friend in So. NH needs your help

[aguinn]

ladies,

i turn to you in a time of crisis because i know you've risen to the challenge in the past.

my good friend and former college roomie is in the beginning stages of what may likely become a messy divorce. she is in a bog of misery and depression as she does not want to get divorced and wants to seek marital counseling, but her husband is only interested in not being married anymore. she is living in southern NH and has few friends and no family nearby (and no children). she doesn't want to leave her house for fear that he might come and take their belongings and dogs while she is away; she also won't leave for any length of time (besides to go to work) because she wants to be there in case he comes back.

if you have any local support group information or contact info for a divorce lawyer or financial support (she doesn't need money, just someone to help her sort out her finances and understand her rights) in the So. NH area please PM me.

tia,
;)amy
proud momma to DS

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030729/1/5/1/-5/.png[/img][/url]

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif Weaned @ 13 months

[babymama]

I don't know anyone in SO. NH, but wanted to let you know that I really feel for your friend. I am so sorry that she is in this tough situation. Best of luck to you finding help for her. You are a great friend for trying to get her some help.


Lydia
Mama to Santiago, born 11/16/03

[candybomiller]

Tell her to change her locks!! It's not that expensive and will help to ease her mind. It really sucks with the no fault divorce laws that a spouse can seek a divorce without the consent of the other person. (We just spent an hour debating this in class!). It seems the people the law is trying to protect (victims of domestic violence - generally women) and the people it actually hurts (women, not necessarily victims of domestic violence).

Sorry to get on my soapbox, but this really pisses me off. (Am I allowed to say that?) I don't know anyone in New Hampshire, sorry, but I could probably find someone in the Boston area if she wants to look that far away. LMK, and give your friend a big ((HUG)).

[aguinn]

lydia,
thanks for your support!

;)amy
proud momma to DS

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030729/1/5/1/-5/.png[/img][/url]

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif Weaned @ 13 months

[aguinn]

candy,
i'm actually in the boston area, but thanks for thinking of that. i think that might be too far for her to go - it would be a 2 hour drive from where she lives.

she's been told that she can't change her locks because NH is a 50/50 state (can't think of the legal terminology right now) and that her husband still owns half the house.

it totally sucks, but i just want to help her feel strong and in control of what she is able to control. she is an amazingly strong person otherwise, and this is just beating her down right now because she didn't see it coming at all.

thanks for your help!

;)amy
proud momma to DS

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030729/1/5/1/-5/.png[/img][/url]

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif Weaned @ 13 months

[Jacksonvol]

Amy,

Perhaps you could help your friend locate a good divorce attorney in her area. You can check the Martindale-Hubell website or ask an attorney in your neck of the woods if they know anyone in the area. They might not know a divorce attorney, but they may know a local attorney who can give a referral. Another option is to ask a clerk or court officer at the courthouse who they would recommend. (Technically, they might not be "able" to give referrals, but they see the attorneys everyday and they know who is sloppy and who is above average.) She may not want the divorce, but it sounds like she could benefit from a consultation. First, she would get good information about the NH law on property division. Second, she could learn about preemptive measures like a temporary order regarding who gets to live in the house, where the dogs stay and who is responsible for which bills.

After that I always recomend that my clients get a full blown physical. Divorce is stressful and her doctor may be able to make recomendations about nutrition, stress relief, etc. The doc may prescribe anti-anxiety and/or anti-depressants. And I recomend that she see a counselor of some sort. Either a therapist, social worker or pastor. Divorce is a loss and she will need someone to talk to who can help her sort through her feelings.

Finally, I think it is great she has a friend she can talk to. That is really helpful.

[aguinn]

thanks for those great suggestions. i'm going to email her today and gently encourage her to empower herself.

thanks,
;)amy
proud momma to DS

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030729/1/5/1/-5/.png[/img][/url]

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif Weaned @ 13 months

[miki]

You generally get the best leads through word of mouth but you can usually get referrals through the state bar association. Sometimes the state bar will have a section for family law/divorce attorneys. You can try to look for a lawyer who is active in that section. Also, sometimes a Google search can be helpful. I just did a quick one and pulled up this website: www.nhdivorce.com . You obviously can't really tell how good a lawyer is just from a website, but if you have no other leads, reading a website can at least provide some information about the lawyers credentials so you can see if you want to take the time to give them a call and perhaps meet them.

[HannaAddict]

There is an excellent attorney in Lebanon, NH who may be able to refer her to a family law attorney. His name is Daniel Smith (Dan Smith) I will look for his office number. He is ethical, a NH native and may be a starting point.

I don't agree that she can't change the locks. If he is not living there or she wants them changed, change them! Just don't dispose of all the property. I would change the locks pronto. Just call a locksmith and tell them she needs them changed. She doesn't need to go into details with the locksmith, tell them the housesitter kept the keys or something! The disposition of property has nothing to do with the locks on her physical residence.

Good luck to her.