changing daycare provider question--help! long...

[sdbc]

DD is in home daycare. We decided to change providers because her current provider is planning to start a group home for troubled teenage boys. The group home will not be in her home (were the daycare is), but she will be the manager of the group home, so when problems arrise, she will be responsible. The provider feels that the group home will not affect her ability to provide quality daycare, but after talking to friends who have worked in residential care (for troubled teens), I know that she is being naive and that emergencies that her staff at the group home cannot handle will arise. We really like this person and feel that she has provided excellent care for our daughter, but do not feel she will be able to continue to do so. We also know that getting the group home up and running requires lots of communication with state agencies, and those phone calls can only be made during business hours. She has 4 babies that she is caring for between 6 months (our daughter) and 1 year. There have already been some conflicts between her 2 businesses.

So, we found another home daycare that we plan to move dd to after xmas. Another mom in our home daycare is also moving her son there at the same time. We are pretty sure that her feelings will be hurt because she really does believe that she can handle it. It will also hurt her financially, of course (until the group home opens, which will pay her quite well).

We are required to give current provider 2 weeks notice. We plan to give her two weeks notice, plus an extra week's pay for her winter vacation, plus between $100-$165 for a Xmas bonus.

Here is my question: we plan to keep dd in current daycare until the 17th. Should we give her notice this Friday and continue to bring dd next week, or should we wait until the 17th and tell her then and not bring dd back? Financially, it is easier on us to tell her earlier. Financially for provider, it is better if we announce later and just pay out the extra weeks without bringing dd. Either way, the 17th would be the last day. Aside from financial considerations, telling her earlier would be awkward since we would continue to have to see her for the next week. I don't think she would do anything out of spite to our daughter in that week, but I might be neurotic about it. However, I would feel badly telling her the last day, because then she would not have time to really "say goodbye" to Rory. What do you guys think?

Also, do you think it would be better for both families to make the "announcement" the same day, or different days?

Sorry this is so long. Making the decision for the change was grueling, and I haven't slept in over a week.... I don't have much left to make the decision about when to tell the daycare provider... I really hope this is more traumatic for me and dh than it will be for dd.

Thanks in advance for your input.

Sue

[steph2003]

I kinda feel like you need to tell her earlier. But that might just be my "guitly conscience" talking - ulimately you are doing what is best for your family & DD so she can hardly blame you for that! But me - I'd want to let her know a ahead of time & not just on the last day like "oh this is our last day - bye!" Especially since you do like her & she has given great care for you DD, I'd let her have as much notice as possible. As for both families making the announcement - yikes, I really don't know on that. Personally I'd want to beat the other family to making the announcement - ok that is the mean/selfish side of me talking :)

good luck!!!

[Jen841]

I personally would give notice sooner rather than later, and trust that she will continue to provide the level of care you have received. Sounds like you like her, so the notice would be out of respect.

We left 2 daycares this year (moves) and I gave as much notice as I could so they could fill the space ASAP. I want them to be able to tell a needy parent on the phone "Yes I can care for your child" if they are looking for someone. You know the stress of finding daycares, so hopefully you giving earlier notice will help another parent find a situation that is good for them with your current provider.

Finding daycare and using it is stressful all around. We just moved Jude and he is thriving in his new environment! Good luck with the transition.

[sdbc]

I talked to DH and he does feel that we should tell her earlier. There are 2 things different in this situation than Judes, though, and those are that 1) we are not moving, so it isn't a neutral situation. Her feelings will be hurt because she will know that the reason is that we don't trust her ability to keep providing excellent care. She may not see it the same way we do. and 2) She actually does have one spot open, so if she got a call, even not knowing DD was leaving, she would be able to take that child.

Still, I guess we are leaning strongly in favor of telling her earlier. I guess it could be awkward for a week, but it is unlikely she would do anything out of spite to dd, and we do want to give her a chance to say goodbye.

[wreckgirl1]

Tell her now. She has no doubt formed a bond with your daughter, and it is most considerate to give her time to say goodbye properly. And be frank with her about why you are switching providers. No matter what she thinks about her ability to juggle both jobs, you are the parent and you have the right to be concerned about this new change and act on it. But I think it would ease the blow to her to know that you aren't unhappy with the care she has received, just concerned about the future. Yes, it may be a bit awkward, but your primary concern is for your child's care, not keeping your provider happy. She should understand that, and if she doesn't or tries to dissuade you, remind her of that (though you sound much too nice to do that!)

You are being generous in giving her an extra week plus a bonus, so I wouldn't be concerned about paying her more than that for time she isn't actively watching your daughter.

I wouldn't orchestrate a group announcement or plan it for the same day. I wouldn't coordinate it with the other parent at all. If she is really sensitive about it, I suspect it would feel like the parents are plotting behind her back. No one likes that. The decision to change providers was an individual one, and you should tell her individually.

HTH

Cynthia

[sdbc]

Thanks ladies.

I started putting the letter together. I want to give her a letter at the same time I talk to her in case she is upset and doesn't really hear everything. That way she can go back and read it later. Tell me what you think:

December 10, 2004

Dear --,

First of all, we want to thank you for the quality care you have provided Aurora with for the past 4.5 months. We cannot imagine a more capable, kind, and caring person to take care of our daughter. Rory loves you and is very happy, in great part because of you.

We do have serious concerns about the opening of the group home for teenage boys. We have a good friend who works in this area, and he said that managing a group home is one of the most difficult and time-consuming jobs he could imagine. He said that even with an excellent full-time staff, emergencies will come up frequently and without notice, that only the manager can handle. We just don’t feel that the two businesses are compatible. As you know, we have been concerned for some time about the group home. We decided that we would like to move Rory to new daycare before the home was opened. Even though it will likely be a few months before the boys move to the group home, we decided that for Rory’s sake, it would be best to move her over the holidays since there will already be a disruption to her regular schedule. We plan for Rory’s last day to be December 17, 2004.

In keeping with the contract, we plan to pay you for her last week (Dec 13-17), plus the following week. We also plan to pay an additional week for your Christmas vacation, which you have certainly earned, as well as a Christmas bonus. We will give you the check for the full amount on Dec 13. We will need to get the tax information from you in the beginning of January.

We debated about whether to wait until Rory’s last day to give notice, rather than giving it today, but we wanted to give you and her time to say goodbye to one another. We know she will miss you.

We sincerely hope that you will understand our position and will not feel hurt by it. We struggled terribly with this decision. Our decision has nothing to do with how we feel about you. We think you are a wonderful person and that you are an extraordinary caregiver for Rory and all of the children. We also know that your warmth will have a tremendous impact on the boys in the group home and that you can do so much good there. We also think that you may find in the long run that it is not ideal to run both the group home and the daycare simultaneously, and may need to give up one for your own well-being and the well-being of your own children.

Sincerely,

Sue and Dwayne

[Jen841]

You are going above and beyond, and she should appreciate it. You are generous with your letter and your bonus.

I realize your situation is not the same as ours.

Good luck with the transition. I am sure it will go well. Maybe she will eventually find her nitche is one or the other, and can dedicate all of her talents to one or the other.

[Lauraford]

Wow...letter is great and well stated. Well done!

That being said, I think you possibly *might* want to consider deleting that last sentence and instead just leave things on a very positive note (2nd last sentence.) She might interpret that last sentence as "You don't know what you're getting yourself into and you're not going to be able to handle both...you'll eventually realize I'm right." kinda thing...KWIM? I know that's not your intention, but I wouldn't want it to leave a bad taste in her mouth...especially since you (& DC) will be seeing her for another week. Does that make sense?

I know this decision had to be incredibly difficult! I always have a problem telling someone to their face something they're not going to like to hear...good luck! I'm sure it will all work out!

[sdbc]

Thank you so much for the support and input, everybody. It's been so stressful that it's hard for me to get perspective to see what is the "right" thing.

Laura--funny: I emailed the draft to dh and he said the exact same thing: delete the last sentence. I think you guys are right.

Writing the letter was kind of therapeutic. I think we will be prepared to tell her this Friday when we pick Rory up. That way she will have time to reflect over the weekend, and hopefully be in a good state of mind for Rory's last week.

Sue

[nwaddellr]

I wouldn't tell you that you were planning on springing the leaving at the last moment - there's no need to fuss about "what might have been," especially if there's the potential that it would hurt her feelings. Just let her know that this wasn't an easy decision and go from there.