Am I setting myself up for disaster?

[Marisa6826]

Sorry for the post marathon. I'm finally able to get ahold of the laptop and don't have a baby sucking off me like a small leech ;).

Anyway.

I am guilty of constantly having Amelia on and/or next to me. I definitely don't want to get into a situation where she will only settle when being held by me. She willingly sleeps in her swing at night (what the doula specifically wants - she said it will remind her of the motion of my womb, allowing her to sleep longer) for usually 4 hours at a clip.

During the day, however, I've had her in bed with me nursing and sleeping.

I have Alexis' KKAFP on loan, but haven't used it at length. I tried it out and Mia loved it though. Her little head it kind of too floppy and I'm too inexperienced to use it for now.

My question is - when do they "wise up" and start demanding to be held? Should I start leaving her in her Moses basket all the time unless I'm feeding her?

After being separated for her for so long, I think emotionally/mentally I'm afraid to just put her down. I simply can't remember how we did it with Sophie. I KNOW we had her in the bouncy seat a lot, but being that we don't live in a one level condo anymore, that doesn't seem rational to me at this time. Maybe I'm just thrown off by still spending so much time in bed? I'm under strict instruction to lay low for now till I recover some more. I tried weaning off the Percocets, and have cut the dose to half, but I'm still in too much pain to completely stop. Consequently, naps always are enticing to me (hence having Mia in bed on my chest).

Somebody kick me in the ass and tell me to put the kid down already!

-m

[DebbieJ]

Marisa,

You've been through so much--I think you have to just keep doing what works for you! If that means her sleeping and cuddling on you or next to you, so be it!

Once you are back to "normal", then you can work on her taking naps in her basket or crib or wherever. I wouldn't worry about it for now.

Just concentrate on getting healthy and loving your babies!

~ deb
Mommy to my sweet boy
B born 12/03
http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/10023.jpg http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/10029.gif

[Rachels]

NO. It is not disastrous to hold your newborn baby. You've been holding her for nine months already. This is what she needs from you. It's entirely developmentally normal and appropriate to have her with you, and it's good for her to nurse quite often in these early days. This part will pass so quickly. Don't rush yourself, and don't let anyone tell you that being close with your baby is any kind of problem at all.

-Rachel
Mom to Abigail Rose
5/18/02


"When you know better, you do better."
Maya Angelou

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_sapphire_24m.gif Two years and counting!

[toomanystrollers]

Hey mama,
You cannot oversnuggle a kid :) so lay low and have a big 'ol snuggle fest. I honestly thought I created a babywearing monster b/c Neve wanted to be held and slept on me 24/7 for at least 4 months!!! but she eventually wanted to get around on her own :)

As for the KKAFP (lifesaver!!) - try rolling a receiving blanket(s) up and use it to prop Amelia up with (either under her feet or up against her sides).

HTH

[new_mommy25]

Marisa, please hold her as often as possible. The time that you two will have to spend all day in the bed nursing and sleeping together will pass much too quickly. In time you will miss these days!! Remember, you can never spoil a newborn. She needs your touch.

A tip with your KKAFP is to place one or two rolled up recieving blankets in there to help with her floppy head or to bring her up higher.

[ktdid74]

I say don't put her down :) I remember making one of my first posts about this same thing and everyone said you can't spoil her, etc. I held her so much, carried her in the bjorn (then my Zolo!) and she's still a very snuggly kid. I miss carrying her around (she's just too heavy for me now!) and if I ever have a 3rd baby, that poor kid will never get put down! I think they're so tiny for such a short period of time that you have to enjoy it while you can. So- go cuddle with your tiny babe :)

[psophia17]

I'm with the others - HOLD HOLD HOLD!!!

DS wouldn't go to sleep unless being held/BF until he was about 6 months old. Now, he will not sleep or cuddle while being held AT ALL. If I had known then what I know now, I would've tried to hold him even more than I did, which was a lot.

I didn't make a push to hold DS less until I was feeling up to doing other stuff while not holding him. If I wanted to nap, I napped with him, when I didn't need a nap, I had to "teach" him to nap alone...

CUDDLE CUDDLE CUDDLE!! :)

[MamaKath]

(((((M)))))) Hang on and snuggle away!!! It is so important for both of you to still be connected. I had a very wise older mom tell me once that baby's are in you 9 months so it was only natural to expect them to be on you for 9 months before they are accustomed to the world to want to make some wants indicated. Mia only has needs right now, you are meeting those needs in a way that works for both of you. I am glad it is going so well with her, "small leech" is a term of endearment for a nursing newborn. ;-)

PS- I will call you when I get up there and feel a bit better. I am delayed even leaving because I feel so lousy! I am not sure what day or night you'll get a meal, but it'll come. :-)

[JLiebCamm]

I say indulge yourself and Amelia as much as you want. No newborn is going to be spoiled from too much love.

[lisams]

This time will pass so quickly and soon you'll be wishing you could hold her while she toddles around!! Don't worry about holding her too much, it's good for both you and her. As long as you are comfortable with it, I say keep holding her!!

Lisa

[Saartje]

I'm with the others -- I'm for kicking you in the ass and telling you to hold the baby all you want, already! ;p

You are NOT setting yourself up for disaster. You're parenting a newborn in the way she needs to be parented, and you're taking care of yourself, too (those Mama hormones are telling you to keep your baby close while you recover!). When she gets older, sometimes she'll want to be held, and sometimes she'll want to be put down to play. Don't overthink it; just take it as it comes.

[Karenn]

I worried about that too! This time around, I made a little rule for myself: Until six weeks, anything goes. Once she hit six weeks, I started *thinking* about starting "good habits" but I still didn't worry about it that much. I vote for giving yourself a break and just enjoying being home!

BTW, I never got the chance to post, but I'm so glad that you're recovered! That was a scary time- you and your family were included in our prayers each night!

[mamahill]

Just hold her! Let her snuggle with you while you recover. If you have to put her down occasionally to take care of Sophie, fine. But don't feel like you have to ration hold-time. Holding is good for the both of you. Hugs!

[deenass]

Oh, hold her as much and as close as you can. Think about it, Sophie is 2, how long will she settle in your arms or lap untils she's ready to run away? They grow up so fast ... hold her as long as she'll let you!

[dowlinal]

Girlie,

You cannot spoil an infant. I held Madeline almost all of the time and when I wasn't holding her she was in that KKAFP. When you need to get her settled away from you - swaddle her. It will mimic the feeling of being close and cuddly.

I can help you with the KKAFP when I come see you. During the first 2 months when Madeline was tiny I used the receiving blanket trick. I had one under her little butt to make her higher and one under her head for stability.

I will try and call you later. I am supposed to be at X-mas with my icky BILs but we have a crisis with the dishwasher and are waiting for the plumber. I have never enjoyed a home crisis quite so much.

A

[MartiesMom2B]

Hey you! Will you hold that baby for goodness sake? She's way too young to be spoiled or put into any bad habits. Hold her and snuggle away. I would say that Martie slept with us until 3 months. I miss taking my naps with her on the couch and snuggling.

-Sonia

[egoldber]

You absolutely cannot hold an infant too much. You just can't. They are biologically programmed to be held and cuddled. After they are several months old, you may want to start thinking about habits, but not before then.

And remember that all babies have different personalities. Pretty much all newborns want to be held 24/7, but older infants, maybe not. Some are snugglers, but some are independent go getters that want nothing to do with being held. And much of that is just innate personality style.

So hold that little one as much as you want!!!

[jbowman]

Marisa,

I haven't read the other responses, but here is my advice: go with your instinct. Hold her as much as you'd like. Don't put her down at all if you don't want! I would relax and rest--it sounds as if having Mia near you is what you want and need right now. And newborns cannot be held too much!

Ellie is a year old and I still hold her in my lap as she naps most of the time. Does this bother me at all? Not one bit...uh, except when my foot falls asleep, LOL!

[jk3]

Enjoy every minute. I don't think you can spoil a newborn. Hold her tight! Later on you might want to reconsider but for the next few months she will benefit from all of the cuddling.

Jenn
DS 6/03

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030603/2/5/1/-5/.png

[deborah_r]

>
>Somebody kick me in the ass and tell me to put the kid down
>already!
>

Sorry, I can't be the one to tell you that! Hold and snuggle. Rinse and repeat. There is no spoiling at this stage.

[hwin708]

Completely agree with the others.

This is just like the ridiculous advice that morons give about how if you go to the infant every time she cries, you'll spoil her. We all know better - you can't spoil an infant! You've got a couple of months to go before you should ever worry - and it's still probably not worry worthy.
Hold away!

As for memories of bouncers, it depends upon the babe. I put DS in the bouncer when he got fussy, when even mom's arms weren't cutting it. If your DD isn't fussy, then no need to go in the bouncer.

As for any concern about your holding making her only want you, I assure you, I passed my DS around like a party favor during the first 9 or so months. He would let anyone hold him. Suddenly, he has developed the "mommy rules" mentality, and now is ONLY into me. If that's how the babe's gonna be, that's how it's gonna be. No amount of holding or not holding is going to change that. Do what feels right for you!

[papal]

Snuggle away girlie!! Oh how I miss the leech days sometimes. Nothing like a warm snuggly baby to keep you warm on a cold winter's day. Kisses to my little Mia.

[jamsmu]

no no no no no no no! Marisa, hold your precious little one as much as you can!! You truly need "bonding time" and she needs it too. I have a great book to recommend for you: The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp. It will probably answer a lot of these questions. It is a fun and easy read--I learned so much.

That being said, I know you're exhausted, but when Mia sleeps, make sure you hold Sophie. ;)

PS I've been meaning to tell you that I love that you're calling her "Mia."

[Marisa6826]

Julie-

I already know all about that book. We read it back when Sophie was born.

Unfortunately, she really doesn't sleep at long lengths during the day. And when she does, I'm sleeping too!

Sophie is too heavy for me to hold, and she's not remotely interested in snuggling with Mommy. :( :(

Thanks for the input on Amelia's nickname. There seems to be a lot of confusion here about that being her nickname. I think a lot of people here thought we changed her name ;). I really didn't want her nickname to be Amy, and Mia works well with our last name. Besides, it's pretty easy for Sophie to learn it.

-m

[calebsmama03]

Snuggle away mama! If you read Dr. Karp (Happiest Baby on the block), he theorizes that a NB neurological system isn't mature enough to process being outisde of that coccoon-like environment until they are nearly 4 months old!! Mia will feel best hearing your heartbeat and voice! The sling is a lifesaver, too! With a bit of bractice you'll be a pro. Check out the MnM site for a few good NB pics - chest to chest with the top rail supporting her head and bottom rail under her bottom - you'll need to put the pouch on pretty snugly, though, which is tough to get used to at first. She'll only be little for such a short time, so take advantage of it while you can and don't worry about "spoiling" her. She may prefer to be held more often than some babies (C did this) but once she's rolling/scooting she'll want her independence and you'll wish she'd let you snuggle her for a nap :) Plus, they say babies who are held MORE earlier on are actually MORE independent as toddlers because they feel secure that you'll be ther for them.
Lynne
Mommy to Caleb 3/3/03
http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_emerald_18m.gif[/img][/url]
Oh my!! #2 5/05

[chrissyhowie]

Sometimes I think that we make up all these "rules" about newborns in an attempt to have control over things where we have none. In other words, these new little humans are going to do what they are going to do, regardless of if we like it or not :P!

As everyone has posted already, do what feels right to YOU. Hey, don't forget you are only two weeks post-op at this point -- not to mention that you had to be emergently rehospitalized! Please don't be so hard on yourself about taking pain meds. You can't function if you are in pain and they are helping you. You've already gotten down to half the dose and will come completely off them when your body is ready. I think you are doing remarkably. Make sure you let yourself accept that :). Nothing wrong with sleeping and hanging out in bed. You will kick yourself later if you don't enjoy it now ;)!

[starrynight]

Hold her! In my case it actually led to more independance as Eliza got older. I didn't hold and snuggle the older two as much, I mean I held them and slept with them but didn't sling them and hold them as much as I did her. They were more clingy and whiney as they got older vs. Eliza is very easy going and often will now play alone for quite awhile with some toys. I think she got all the snuggles she needed/wanted for awhile and she knew I would hold or snuggle her if she really needed it so now she plays by herself and does her own thing a lot of the time.

Especially since you need the rest, stay in bed and have a cuddlefest!

[jamsmu]

IKWYM with Sophie not wanting to snuggle, Carson is not much of a snuggler--a quick hug and he's off!! Just thinking about your previous post about how Sophie wasn't quite herself with everything going on. I was trying to think of something to make her a part of it all--though I'm sure you are handling that. My gosh, having 2 is sounding tough.

Of course you REALLY need that nap time!! So take a break from here and rest up :) Wish I was closer to help.

[lmladuke]

I have to agree with evryone else - enjoy holding and cuddling her as much as you can. Pretty much everything I read said you cannot "spoil" a baby in the early weeks. Its later on that it becomes a problem, Plus, from my own recent experiences, once she becomes a bit more "awake" and you are dealing with 2 kids, and the novelty of the new baby has worn off of the older sibling, you will long for the sweet day when you could just hold your new baby.

Enjoy!
Lori

Mommy to Jonathan Matthew 7/27/01
and Katherine Olivia 7/28/04

http://lilypie.com/baby1/050728/2/13/3/-5/.png

[steph2003]

M-
With my second one if I'm so lucky I'm going to retreat to bed & sleep, snuggle, rest....

I didn't with Griffin. Was too afraid of spoiling him :( Looking back brings me to tears - I missed out on a lot of bonding with him!

So snuggle away!