SAHMs- What Do You Do During The Week?

[Kieransmom]

As a SAHM I'm curious to how what everyone else does during the week. Do you pack your social calendar or do you take it day by day?

I'm pretty bummed out here and asking this question because I have a "friend" (so I thought) who criticized me for skipping a few social gatherings last week. My car was in the shop 2 days last week so we missed a few things(and it's back in the shop today so we're stuck in again). We did carpool to Playgroup and made it to Gymboree once the car was fixed but the rest of the week I ran the holiday errands that I couldn't do those days I was without the car. My "friend" feels I should be doing something every second of the day and she hasn't called me back because she said I was "copping out". Who's life is it?

So I'm curious to how you all plan your week. Do you have something social to do every second of the day? Do you stay at home most of the time? Do you mix it up? I'm just curious because she sure made me feel bad about myself just because I missed a few events. It's not like we do this every week. I just don't get it.

[amp]

We totally wing it, and in fact, do less than it seems you do. I think your friend needs to mind her own business. You have a life and responsibilities and YOU get to choose what you what on what days. Hang in there mama....you didn't do anything wrong.

[kensjen]

Your "friend" doesn't sound much like a friend. Why is it really her business what you do?? I don't get that!

We usually are out a few days a week. We have gymboree one day and then usually a playgroup or two...or sometimes a few of us just meet at the mall to walk around and let the kids play. I like to get out, especially during the winter, I would go crazy being home all the time. But, I do enjoy my days when we just chill at home. Today is one of those days, and boy did we need it. We have been busy with holiday stuff, and it was nice to stay in our PJs and just play. Jonah likes to be at home and play with his toys, and we just don't do it enough. Really, we just take it week by week. I don't like to have every minute planned out, and I like room for spontaneity.

I guess I am lucky, my friends realize that we all have our own lives, responsibilities, and priorities. When we can get together, great...but when we need to take care of other things, that is fine, too. I would just tell your "friend" that you have to do what is best for your family, and running around all the time is not best. So sorry you have to deal with that. Don't feel bad about any of it, just enjoy your little one and don't worry about anyone else! :)

[C99]

I do a mix of things. In the past, I've tried to schedule an out-of-the-house activity for most days of the week -- playgroup, classes, etc., but I also left days free for running errands or playdates or museum outings, etc. I felt (feel) that 1 activity per day was social w/o being overwhelming. In this next session coming up, we signed up for 2 park district classes that could give us an activity to do every day of the week if we want to. I imagine that some weeks, we will do it every day except Wednesdays, which is our weekly playgroup. But on other weeks, we'll skip class and see friends or go to the museums or something.

My best friend and I have an understanding that we can cancel outings or playdates and neither one of us will feel bad about it, because kids are kids and things come up. I often take classes with other people in our playgroup and there's never been disapproval when we couldn't show up or whatever. I think I am lucky that I share a parenting/life philosophy with my mommy-friends. If a friend of mine gave me crap about having a life outside of toddler class schedules (or anything else that she'd do differently, for that matter), she wouldn't be counted among my friends any more.

[AngelaS]

We stay home a lot. Especially this winter with a new baby. But even without her we stay home a lot. What can I say--I like it here! LOL Between homeschooling, keeping the house in order and just doing things I want to around the house I don't really NEED to go out. Often we go to church on Sunday and I don't go out again until Thursday when we go to buy groceries. Truly, if I schedule more than about 2 things during the week, I start to feel too busy!!

[mamahill]

We have playgroup and preschool for 2 mornings, and usually a third morning is spent running errands or doing something else. A fourth morning is usually occupied with either an appointment or playdate or whatever, but sometimes it isn't. I try to have at least one full day at home. This allows me to do a thorough cleaning, and Ainsleigh to have her own time. If I take her out every day, she will become overstimulated and the tantrums increase. Fine by me - I like being home. It's my castle.

Oh, and we rarely go out in the afternoon because a) traffic is a nightmare, b) everything is crowded, and c) I need to start making dinner.

I think your "friend" needs to realize that everyone has different needs. I have a friend whose son HAS to be taken out every day - that he needs the change of place to stay sane. Pretty much the opposite of Ainsleigh. Obviously we have different parenting needs, but we recognize the differences. Do what feels right to you.

[redhookmom]

That's wierd. I tend to only hang out with Moms that make me feel good about my parenting.:-) I have friends that go to everything and friends who are hang out and home kind of Moms.

I like to get out! Monday and Thursday we have playgroup, Tuesday gymnastics and Wednesday Kindermusik. Even so, we are only out of the house for a couple of hours. IMO kids need a lot of down time to busy themselves.

[jk3]

I like to do one activity out of the house each day. I take DS to a Gymboree class on Monday + sometimes to open gym times during the week in addition to class. Tuesday + Wednesday I take DS to a playgroup. Tuesday's playgroup is a large one with lots of kids. Wednesday's group is a smaller group with my close friends and their children. On some Fridays I take DS to a more structured playgroup at a nursery school. I also go to the gym about 2x each week + DS plays at the daycare at the gym. I don't like to overschedule because I think it's important for my DS to have time to play at home - with me + on his own.

I'm not sure why your so-called friend criticized your choices. All of my friends operate at different paces + have different activity levels - as do their children. Some work full-time, part time + some stay at home + schedule their days in similar ways. Maybe she feels insecure about her own choices?!

Jenn
DS 6/03

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030603/2/5/1/-5/.png

[papal]

>Do you have something social to do every second of the day?
umm. no. That would drive me batty.

>Do you stay at home most of the time?
Yes. We love to be at home where it is warm and cozy and naps can be had and food and milk are available at a moments notice. We have familiar things like our books and baths and we are free to roam around and free to destroy anything.

>Do you mix it up?
Maybe once or twice a week we will go out to the park, meet friends or run errands. But nothing is set in stone.

Tell your friend to mind her own beeswax. What a rotter for making you question your choices. Who does that? If it works for you.. carry on regardless of what she says!

[psophia17]

I try to run errands on Monday, and until last week we had Waterbabies on Wednesday and Friday. Pretty much any morning that we did something DS would be zonked out for the rest of the day, so it's nice to have the Tuesday and Thursday wakeful days.

Of course, DH and I have only one car, so on days he takes it to work (not M/W/F) I'm pretty much stuck at home anyhow. But we have fun while we're there...no copping out at all.

I had a friend who was forever scheduling stuff to do with her baby(her mother is like that, too), and I can't for the life of me imagine living like that. She had it all fit in there -wake baby, have breakfast, go to class, eat lunch, take nap, wake up, go to class 2, eat dinner, go to sleep. I'm all for scheduling, but she took it to the extreme...when did she grocery shop, I wonder?

[redhookmom]

>we are free to roam around and free to destroy anything.
http://www.sonlight-forums.com/images/smilies/rotflol.gif http://www.sonlight-forums.com/images/smilies/rotflol.gif http://www.sonlight-forums.com/images/smilies/rotflol.gif http://www.sonlight-forums.com/images/smilies/rotflol.gif

[Karenn]

I have a "friend" like yours! She's great in a lot of ways, but in just a couple of areas she can be so critical!

We've had different seasons of busy-ness. When Colin was still napping twice a day, we went out *maybe* a couple of times a week. Playgroup, groceries and MOPS every other week. During that phase it seemed really important to be home.

Once he was walking well and not taking a morning nap, our schedule filled up and we went out 3 to 4 times a week. PLaygroup, errands, gym & swimmping classes, etc. He seemed to need the extra activity.

Now that DD is here too, we're homebodies again. We occassionally race out during that 2 hour window between naps, but mostly we're staying home. We go to MOPS every other week, but we've given up most of our other activities.

Once DD stops sleeping so often, we'll probably get ourselves a bit more scheduled, but cautiously. I'm one who HATES to be over scheduled. I would have done the same thing as you under the circumstances. It's the busiest time of the year! You deserve some down time!

[tiapam]

I am pretty new at this, but so far we do whatever the heck we want! We sometimes have company come over here and sometimes go visiting or shopping. We have no classes and I am not sure if and when I would start something like that. I have never been much of a joiner. Sometimes we are limited by the weather, though we did walk to the grocery store today in spite of the cold. We are lucky to have it close by. After the new year, I think I will try to go to the Library once a week and make a regular day to visit my Mom. And maybe on a monthly basis I will try to get together with friends who are SAHMs (or not). Caroline, I saw your post on BBB Chicago about a monthly group at Independence Park. I would be interested in that!

[Sarah1]

Your friend sounds a little high-strung and controlling. I'm sure she cares about you, but I wouldn't let her comments get to you.

When Audrey was taking two naps a day, we didn't do too much. We had one class we went to, and the rest of the time we would just kind of wing it. Also, those were the days when she would happily sit in her stroller and we could take long strolls anywhere and everywhere...I miss those days. Audrey pretty much hates her stroller now, wants to walk everywhere.

When she dropped her morning nap (around 14 mos), we started becoming somewhat more scheduled. Now, we go to Little Gym one morning a week, have a parent/tot class 2X a week, I have a sitter one day a week, and then we have a playgroup (which often doesn't meet--we're all really lax) one morning a week. So, every morning there is something going on. Afternoons are always open. Sometimes we stay home, sometimes we go out and do something, meet up w/friends, etc.

In short, I have to get out of the house with Audrey once a day. She would drive me insane if I didn't.

[lisams]

I wouldn't be able to stand having something planned every day! I'd feel rushed. I love being able to go with the flow of the day.

We go to Gymboree class once a week and playgroup every other week. Sometimes we head to the park or meet up with a friend but it's all very laid back, just the way I like it! I kind of see how DD is doing. Some mornings she is so wrapped up in something that we just stay at home. Other mornings she is driving me bonkers and we have to get out!

Lisa

[pixelprincess]

DS is in daycare two days a week. The only planned activity we have is a a playgroup every tuesday. The rest of the days (including weekend as dh works some of those), we try to get out of the house at least once a day. Lately, I have taken to dragging him along for errrands or whatever, or meeting friend's with kids. We also do storytime at our local library whenever possible. I have tons of friends with babies in the same age range, and like to socialize. Though, nothing is set in stone and we stay in when DS is sick or if I feel lazy. Sometimes going out is hanging out in the backyard!

Doesn't sound like much of a friend to be critcal of the choices your are making about your own time.

[suribear]

Now that DD is older and I also have a toddler, we do a lot but I treasure the down time!! In fact, I was so happy to quit dance class, or at least move it to a less busy day. It was nice to have some more time to play games and read stories rather than rushing from here to there.

You know, you're doing all this for you and your kids, noone else. My friend joined a playgroup that has a three strikes and you're out policy, meaning you get booted out if you miss three meetings without informing the leader! I always found that really weird as playgroups are supposed to *reduce* your stress by creating a support system.

Kris

[parkersmama]

Well, I honestly feel like we get out almost *too* much. :( I'm really enjoying the holidays so far because I don't have to go out as much. During a normal week, we are out first thing in the morning taking the boys to school, then out at noon to pick up Wesley, and out again at 3 to pick up Parker. It gets really old. I generally try to run errands in the mornings or I have a Bible study I do one morning a week at church. We sometimes meet friends for lunch and in the summer we do lots of park & playdates. Amy Grace naps right after lunchtime so I'm almost always home at that time of day. I certainly do *not* feel the need to be social all day and really wish we could be home a bit more during the week. I do go crazy if I'm cooped up all day long but with our nutty schedules there's not much chance of that! LOL!

I think your friend is being pretty pushy trying to tell you how to spend your own time. If you and your child do better spending a bit more time at home, why does she care? Maybe she thinks you're "seeing someone else" behind her back! LOL! ;)

[KrisM]

I specifically try to just be home at least 2 days a week. Otherwise, DS doesn't nap as well and is cranky. He doesn't want to be out doing things all the time, either. We do errands probably twice a week. We have lunch with DH once or twice a week (sometimes coupled with errands). Probably in February, we'll start doing a playgroup every other week or so. We don't do any classes yet, as I don't see the need for them. I can't imagine being super scheduled all the time. It would drive me nuts.