Need Level-Headed Advice- SIL Broke My Le Creuset Dish...

[Kieransmom]

My friends at home have been no help...their advice is to let her fry. I need advice from someone who does not know either of us but can give me some non-bias advice on what I should/should not do etc.

For the past 4 years I make an extra Egg Strata dish for my in-laws for Christmas morning. The first 2 years I sent it over in a relatively inexpensive baking dish. Then DH broke it. So last year I sent it over in an aluminum foil tray because my 2 baking dishes are Le Creuset and my IL's aren't exactly neat nor careful. They do not own nor do they understand the concept of expensive bakeware.

The Monday before Christmas my car died and I never got a chance to get the aluminum pan. I ended up making the Strata in one of my Le Creuset pans and when I dropped it off I explained to her that it was not a cheap dish and begged her to please be careful with it.

SIL calls an hour ago to tell me she dropped it when she took it out of the dishwasher. She kind of giggled and said "Oops, sorry!" and that was that. I really didn't know what to say at the time because she happened to call when DS was having a tantrum and I really wasn't thinking.

Now what would YOU do? Would you just let it go or would you ask for her to replace it or neither? I really don't want to start anything over a stupid dish but it WAS one of my favorites.

Thanks ladies-any advice would be helpful! :-)

Michelle

Mommy to Kieran, born 5/9/03
Aunt to Alexandra Juliet, born 12/4/04

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030509/1/5/0/+10/.png[/img][/url]

[californiagirl]

I'd ask her to replace it. She knew it was important to you; it's not like you hadn't explained to her.

[JElaineB]

If she doesn't offer to replace it (which any normal person *would* do) then I personally would let it go. You knew what kind of people these were went you sent the dish over, and even with a warning they probably have no idea of the value of the pan or what it might mean to you. Not that you shouldn't be mad about the situation, I would be, but I guess I would just suck it up and never send over anything non-disposable in the future.

Jennifer
mom to Jacob 9/27/02

[kensjen]

Well, you might not like this...but in my experience with in laws I have learned one thing...let it go. Although I really think they should have offered to pay for it, or at least given you a SINCERE apology, you can't change people. If they don't have good manners or tact, they aren't going to start now.

But for you to ask them to pay for it will only cause more unneeded friction. Family members are "allowed" to make these kinds of mistakes without the same consequences they would face in the real world. KWIM? I know some families are different, but for the most part an in law would be totally offended (even though they did the breaking) and it would cause all kinds of family drama. What I am saying is, if they felt the desire to make up for it and pay you, that would have been offered. I am sure they would probably freak out at the cost of the pan, anyway...since you said they have no concept of expensive bakeware. (I love Le Creuset, BTW!) I guess you will use the foil pan next year. :)

I have had similar situations with my in laws (not broken bakewake, but the same idea) and I have realized that it isn't worth the money...they just don't "get it".

The only thing that MAY work is if you get DH to go over there sometime (not right away, but maybe for the next holiday, or just a month or so from now) and tell them how he wants to replace that wonderful pan that you loved so much (no need to mention WHO broke it) and see if anyone wants to chip in. Maybe, just maybe that will help them to see that to them it might only have been some ole pan, but to you it was really special.

But I don't know how much faith you would really have in that. I know MY in laws are a lost cause! ;) LOL I'm sorry about your pan, and I hope you can replace it sometime soon. (Was it one of the veggie shaped ones? Those are my favorites!) Good luck!

[Jeanmick]

Was this the same SIL that you posted about in the Bitching Post that accused your DS of supposedly getting their DD sick? x(

Unfortunately, I agree with the other PP about letting it go, especially since it's family. One plate is not worth a lifetime of uneasiness. That was really rude to not offer to replace it. Since it is your DH's family, maybe at some later point he can make a not-so-subtle comment to them, particularly your SIL about wanting to replace that favorite dish (gushing over how precious it was to you, yada, yada, yada) of yours that was BROKEN by her this past Christmas. I think a PP mentioned this suggestion as well.

What a bummer. Sorry about your dish. :(

[jec2]

I agree with everything Jen said. Yep, she "should" have offered to replace it or help replace it if $ is tight for her. And, since they are in-laws, better to just suck it up. I do like the suggestion that you DH initiates a group purchase after a bit of time passes. That's a good suggestion too because he sort of then is taking responsibility for his clumsy family.

[kristine_elen]

I also think you have to let it go. Anyone with any manners would have offered to replace it or at least acted as if they were truly sorry. But it would just cause family trouble to ask her to refund your money. I would be quiet about it but know that you are taking the high road. What does your husband think?

[crayonblue]

I think you should let it go. I know it is SO hard! But, is your sister-in-law or your baking dish more important to you? DH and I have made an agreement in our marriage that we only loan out things that we would be ok with not getting back. That way, we don't have to fight bitter feelings when people break or lose our belongings.

I don't really feel that I am one to give you advice though: I am still mad at my brother for cutting the noses off of my Strawberry Shortcake dolls 20 years ago!!! :)

[starrynight]

I personally would ask for at least half of the cost, especially because you mentioned how important it was and she just giggled about it and said "oops" like she could care less. If you go this way expect a bit of tension in the family though.

Those aren't just dishes, they are very expensive and nice! I know in my family we always replace things like that if we break something and I know my dh's family would outright ask for the full cost if you don't offer so maybe my experience cloud my judgement on this one!

BTW this past week at amazon I some some Le Creuset stuff marked down, maybe you can get a replacement cheaper. In the future I either would stop making the dish or have a few really cheap baking dishes from walmart on hand in the house for this.

[lisams]

As hard as it may be, I'd let it go. If she offers to replace it then you could tell her you'd really appreciate it, but I personally would not accept the offer unless she insisted.

Sorry you lost one of your favorite dishes, It's a bummer when people aren't as careful with things that you would be.

Lisa

[Tondi G]

OOhhh I would be pissed off! I can't believe she just giggled and said sorry ... didn't offer to replace it!!!!

I would send her an email with a link to that particular dish and price.... don't write anything in it. just the picture! Then don't say a word about it.

maybe you should tell SIL she is responsible for making the dish for your inlaws next year.

I am with everyone else... you will probably need to just suck it up. Your Hubby is responsible for dealing with his family!

Good luck.... hope you can get a replacement without breaking the bank!

~Tondi

[Kieransmom]

<Was this the same SIL that you posted about in the Bitching Post that accused your DS of supposedly getting their DD sick?>

LOL...believe it or not, NO! I'm just having a bad in-law week, huh? This is DH's sister. The germaphobe is my brother's wife.

[Kieransmom]

<(Was it one of the veggie shaped ones? Those are my favorites!)>

Waaah...no, it was the large lasagne pan. I have a big one and a smaller one that I got as wedding gifts. Since there are 6 of them and only 3 of us I used the bigger one for them.

It looked like the white rectangular pan on the WS link below only in the red like the dutch ovens to the left.

http://ww1.williams-sonoma.com/sch/kwd.cfm?words=Le%20Creuset&viewall=0&type=adv&srt=&src=hme&sortby=rd&sku=&showrefine=&searchtype=m&rg=&recipe=&price=&page=2&imgs=&fromheader=1&findkwd=&findcqs=&course=&cmc%5Fpyramid=&cm%5Fven=&cm%5Fcat=&category=&cat=&brnid=&brand=&baseprice=&basecat=&basebrand=

Michelle

Mommy to Kieran, born 5/9/03
Aunt to Alexandra Juliet, born 12/4/04

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030509/1/5/0/+10/.png[/img][/url]

[Kieransmom]

I called DH after it happened and he gasped. He's not surprised but apologized. I felt bad because he's ALWAYS apologizing for them and he shouldn't. They need to take responsibility for themselves.

Michelle

Mommy to Kieran, born 5/9/03
Aunt to Alexandra Juliet, born 12/4/04

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030509/1/5/0/+10/.png[/img][/url]

[Kieransmom]

they'll get me a replacement for my birthday which is on Jan 8th......LOL....WHO AM I KIDDING?!?! I haven't received a birthday gift from them in all the years DH and I have been together.

Thanks for the advice ladies. This was the way I wanted to go but a few of my friends know her and were pressuring me to call her and give her heck. I just can't do that. We'll see what happens I guess.

Thanks!
Michelle

Mommy to Kieran, born 5/9/03
Aunt to Alexandra Juliet, born 12/4/04

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030509/1/5/0/+10/.png[/img][/url]

[murpheyblue]

I would be sooo mad. She absolutely should have offered to replace it. Could you have DH intervene? Is it his sister or his SIL too? Perhaps he could talk to his sister or brother and explain how much the dish cost? Does she even know what Le Creuset is? Perhaps if she did she would offer to contribute to a replacement or at least express a proper degree of remorse over breaking it. If it's his sister, at a minimum, I would have DH talk to her.

[Momof3Labs]

I agree with the advice that others have given, but personally wouldn't be above asking for a replacement for next Christmas. Like, when the in-laws ask what you want for Christmas next year, say that you'd really just like another dish like the one that got broken (no need to mention who broke it) this year. You could even be ready with a link or catalog that has the pan in it. But it depends on your DH's family - this may cause too much friction, too!

[Buffys Mommy]

How Rude! I would have DH let them know how expensive the dish is - because I guarantee SIL has no idea.

And I personally wouldn't be making any more meals for the IL's. When asked about it, I would let them know that you are tired of your good stuff being broken.

Tammie
Momma to Sarah Michelle 10/13/03

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif[/img][/url]

[tippy]

You and my ds share the same birthday! Sorry for your lame SIL. I would mention to my husband that this might be a great gift for your in laws to chip in on and get you for your birthday!
Teva
Mom to AJ born 1-8-03

[Kieransmom]

It's a great day...we share our big day with Elvis and David Bowie. :-)
Michelle

Mommy to Kieran, born 5/9/03
Aunt to Alexandra Juliet, born 12/4/04

http://lilypie.com/baby2/030509/1/5/0/+10/.png[/img][/url]

[McQ]

>when the in-laws ask what you want for
>Christmas next year, say that you'd really just like another
>dish like the one that got broken (no need to mention who
>broke it) this year.

That was going to be what I suggested.

And you have every right to be mad. I'm still bugged at a coworker who is also a good friend of mine that broke the lid to my crockpot last year (which is nothing compared to a le creuset). She kept saying she was going to get me a new one for months but a year has gone by and nothing. And this year we didn't do pot luck in the office for me to have the chance to make a crack about it.

Allison
~ mama to Declan 3.24.03 and Meghan 8.26.04

[drsweetie]

Michelle, I'm going to deviate from some of the other (very good) advice you've received and say that you *should* say something to your SIL about it. Maybe it's just my family, but in my experience keeping quiet about things that really upset you just tends to make them fester until they explode out and then you have awkward moments like the one we had over Christmas where my MIL told my FIL in front of all of us that she resented his decision to uproot the two of them and move to a tiny town in the middle of nowhere...five years ago. Oops.

Anyway, if it were me, I would sit down with SIL and say something like, "If I've been a little grouchy with you lately, it's because I'm angry that you broke my casserole dish. I know you didn't do it on purpose, but I had asked you to be careful with it, because it's an expensive dish and one of my favorites. What bothered me most is not so much that you broke it but that you acted like it was no big deal, but it is a big deal to me. I think it would be appropriate for you to replace it, but I can't force you to. I'm just telling you this so you'll understand why I feel the way I do."

That's not completely right, but that's the general idea. Whatever you decide to do, good luck! And hopefully you won't have to put up with awful relatives for a while now that the holidays are over. :)

Ellen

[jgirl]

I gasped when I read this! I own a couple of pieces of Le Creuset and *love* them. I would have written down the model number/name/color and made a list of the 5 closets places she could buy it. I would hand it to her and say that I wanted to save her the trouble of trying to figure out which pan or where to buy it. Then tell how much you loved your old pan that she might like a piece or two herself.

This might be a bit harsh, but then again, I LOVE my Le C.

[steph01]

Considering that you mentioned that it was expensive and to be careful, I would definatly have her replace it!!! Now, to make sure you get the right thing/color, I would buy it and send he a copy of the receipt. Try to get it on sale or at an outlet, so she does not go into shock, but I bet she will be more careful with other people's stuff in the future. I love nice cookware and Le Creuset!