How do I prepare my 2 year old for the impending loss of his dog?

[mommyj_2]

I am just heartbroken to even have to write this. I'm pretty sure we are going to have to put my dog to sleep. He had a disc injury that he recovered from 5 months ago, but he has had a really had relapse. The medication hasn't helped, and his condition is getting a lot worse. We can't afford surgery (and his vet wasn't even very hopeful that surgery could help him), so I think we will probably have to put him down.
He and my 2 year old son are little buddies. He always cries when the vet takes him out of the room to weigh him, and he talks about how our house is his and the dog's house. Are there any books or online sites that have ideas on how to help my son prepare for my dog not being here any more. I know it will be hard for us anyway, but I'm hoping for advice on what to tell him to prepare him. Also, what are some things I can do if our dog does have to be put down (in terms of things I should do afterward for my son)?
TIA

[stella]

Oh wow! I have no idea how to prepare a little one for something like this. The closest sitaution we have had is a foster puppy that we kept for a week named "our new puppy". He found a new home and they kept asking "where is our new puppy?" I was able to say that his real family came and picked him up. It satisfied them even though they still (6 weeks) later still ask about "our new puppy."

So I guess you could tell him that his buddy has gone to heaven. When is he coming back? He's not going to come back, he's in heaven.
And just be prepared to repeat it a lot. I do think that 2 is too young to discuss sickness, old age, dying, etc. I would try to keep it fairly simple and vague.

I am so sorry for you and your fmaily. It is so hard to lose and old friend - especially when you have to make such a tough decision for his welfare.

I would find someone to keep my child while you take your dog to the vet. You definitely don't want your child to see you and the dog leaving or God forbid, be there to see the dog taken away or actually put down.

So sorry.

Claire

[Bethvet]

I'm so sorry. If he is put down one important thing to remember is your son won't understand euphamisms. DO NOT use "put to sleep", alot of kids will worry that if they go to sleep they will not wake up.

I don't know your circustances, or how bad the dog is, but have you considered using a cart. These carts support the dog's back end while he uses his front legs. Many daschunds can do well in the carts, running around the house and happy, and can live for years. The questions to ask your vet would include can he urinate/defecate on his own or would I have to express (help empty) his bladder. An important question to ask yourself is would I have the time to keep him clean (he won't be able to control where and when he eliminates) and watch him to keep sores from developing.

Something you could do with your son afterwards is have a goodbye ceremony (sort of like a funeral) with a picture of the dog and everyone saying good things about him.

A very good website is:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/default.htm
This site has very good information for children of all ages, even 2-3 year olds. I strongly recommend it.

Here is a website with a list of pet loss hotlines and websites you may be able to call with questions:
http://www.avma.org/careforanimals/animatedjourneys/goodbyefriend/plhotlines.asp

Some books that may be okay for you and your child:
Pet Loss: A Thoughtful Guide for Parents and Children. A book written by a psychologist and grief couselor to help adults and children cope with the loss of their pets. Herbert Neiburg - may be out of print- check with your library

When a Pet Dies. This is a book that teaches about new situations in life and to show children what may happen and what won't happen. This book encourages little ones to discuss their feelings. Fred Rogers. Ages 3-8

I hope all goes well with your family and my heart goes out to you.

Beth
Mother of Ethan 3/30/05

[Momof3Labs]

I'm sorry about your dog. It's never easy, and we've done this way too many times lately.

We went through this in early May, when Colin's Golden retriever died. She was 15.5 years old, and we think it was just old age, but we did have her euthanized, probably only days before she would have gone on her own.

Before I share our experience, I'd suggest that you think through YOUR beliefs as that is really what you should share (IMO), simplified down for a 2 year old brain. We believe in the Rainbow Bridge as a part of heaven, and that people and pets are reunited after their passing. And until that reunion, the people and pets who are already there are hanging out, having a grand ole' time. We have our pets cremated and keep their ashes.

A few days beforehand, I started telling Colin that Hollie's body wasn't working any more and she was going to leave us. She wouldn't be coming back, but we'd see her again some day. There were little girls and boys where she was going, and she was going to take good care of them. Meanwhile, we had to still take good care of Teddy (our surviving dog). The day that we had to take her in to the vet, we took Colin to play at our neighbor's house because I absolutely didn't want him to see her left at the vet's office - we have too many pets and he goes too often to the vet with us. When we picked up Hollie's ashes, Colin overheard me tell DH that Hollie was back home, and he wanted to see her. So I showed him the ashes and let him feel the plastic bag that they were in, and told him that was all that we get of Hollie, the other little boys and girls get the rest of her.

Colin did very well. He still talks about Hollie, but very matter-of-factly (not sadly). Sometimes he talks about how she is taking care of other boys and girls, and sometimes he just talks about what he remembers about her. We look at pictures of her, too, as part of our family album. Occasionally he'll say that Hollie is coming back soon, but I'll just tell him that she's not coming back here, but we'll see her again some day (he may not understand the subtlety in that statement, but again, it is our belief, and he accepts the explanation).

And try not to let him see you too upset about this. We kept pretty calm about it around him, and I'm sure that Colin picked up on that.

We did rescue another dog a few weeks after losing Hollie. Legend is very kid-oriented (unlike Teddy) and IMO has helped him miss Hollie a lot less. But I don't think that it is absolutely necessary to get another dog, just give him a place to channel his affection/energy that is currently directed at your dog.

HTH. E-mail me if you want to talk more privately!

[tigalig]

I am so sorry. I have heard (but never read) that The Tenth Good Thing About Barney is a good book, but I think the tenth good thing is that the cat rots (where he is buried) and helps the flowers grow so I'm not sure if you'll find that disturbing. There is also a book titled, "I'll Always Love You," which has good reviews, but again, I have not read it and only have it on my list of books to look into when it's our turn to deal with this.

A quick search on google yielded these results:

http://www.griefhealing.com/article18.htm
http://www.cvm.uiuc.edu/petcolumns/showarticle.cfm?id=112
http://www.hsus.org/pets/pet_care/coping_with_the_death_of_your_pet/
http://www.takingthelead.co.uk/2/Grieving/explaining_to_a_child.htm

I hope this helps some.

[dr mom]

I know Marisa posted about a similar situation a few months back when her dog was ill - there were some wonderful suggestions made in that thread. http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=37&topic_id=191462&mode=full

I'm so sorry your dog isn't doing well. :(

[mommyj_2]

Thank you so much for all the support and ideas. I am exploring every option I can to try to see if we can get my dog through this. I know sometimes acupuncture can help, and I am definitely going to look into the cart, if it's something that will work in his situation. I know before the vet said what options are available depends on how bad his situation is, and since this is a repeat injury, his prognosis isn't good.
I am really grateful for all the links to books and websites to help my DS prepare for the possibility of his little fur buddy dying.I am hoping our dog can recover, but am preparing for the worst, since he looks like he's getting worse instead of better.
Thanks again for your replies.

[Marisa6826]

Sadly, we just went through this about a month ago. Sophie is a little older than your DS, but it was still upsetting for the entire family.

I didn't take her with us to the vet the day we had to put Willy down. We did take pictures that day, and had her give him a hug and a kiss. We told Sophie that Willy was going away for a long time, but that she'd see him again one day. I told her that he was very old and that his body wasn't working well anymore, but that he loved her and he was going to feel better.

She did ask for him a few times, especially when it was time to give our other Frenchie cookies. She'd run around the house calling Willy, telling him that she had cookies for him.

Sophie still occasionally asks for him. I tell her that he died and that he doesn't live with us anymore. She says OK and then asks about him again.

I don't think that at this age, they have the ability to comprehend the finality of the situation. She sometimes tells me that she can't find him, but by and large she's surprised me at how well she's done with Willy's death.

Good luck and let me know if you have any other questions. I'm sorry that you're going through this. I know that it's much harder on US than anybody else.

hugs

-m

[TraciG]

That is so sad, I am so sorry, I am an animal lover, good luck, everyone gave u good advice I just wanted to say good luck & thinking of u !

[jasabo]

Oh, I'm so sorry. Both of our dogs are old and have health problems and I'm afraid we'll be facing this situation very soon. I'm dreading it, not only b/c of the effect on our boys but b/c my dogs are my first babies. I'm crying just thinking about it :(

Anyway, I think you got some good suggestions and I hope that it all works out. It's inevitable that we lose our pets, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

Lisa - mom to 2 yr old twin boys

[HannaAddict]

I don't have any good advice for you. But I did want to say how sorry I am that you are facing this and know how hard this is on you and your family. I hope your dog recovers, sending good thoughts your way.

Kimberly
DS 3/18/04

[toomanystrollers]

Hugs to you. We are a pet-loving family with two elderly dogs. Soon we'll be faced with the very same situation sadly.

What medication is he on? Several of the moms here recommended Metacam (a NSAID) for my old labbie when I was about two days from putting her to sleep. I cannot say enough about this drug!!!! The difference was overnight - and to us, a small miracle.

[chlobo]

No advice just wanted to send my condolences. It must be so hard what your family is going through right now. My thoughts are prayers are with you.

[loewymartin]

We just went through this in mid-May with our 13 year old Lab. We had been prepping Alia for a few months by saying that Ellie was having trouble and her body was really hurting and that she was very, very old and would die soon. Alia would tell us that she didn't want Ellie to die, and we agreed, but said that her body was going to stop working and that while we would still love her, we wouldn't be able to play with her any more.

So, Alia turned 3 on the 16th, Ellie had turned 13 on the 15th and I waited until the 18th to bring Ellie to the vet. I didn't tell Alia where I was going, but our nanny took Alia for a walk and I asked Alia to give Ellie a great big hug (it's a big deal for Alia to say goodbye to whomever is leaving or whomever is in the house when she leaves and I wanted her to have the chance to say goodbye). DH and I left shortly afterwards to take Ellie to the vet.

Alia didn't even realize Ellie wasn't around that evening (Ellie had taken to hiding in the finished basement whenever we'd open the door for her). The next morning Alia asked where Ellie was and DH told her Ellie died. Alia told us she could hear Ellie (Ellie snored and breathed heavily, so Alia thought she heard Ellie). DH and Alia went around the house, allowing her to look for Ellie. She then spent the day saying she missed Ellie and our nanny put on some home videos of the dogs we had taken a few years ago (Ellie was our last dog to die, we had 3 Labs at the same time). Since then, every once in a while she says she misses Ellie, but for the most part handled it much better than this preggo mama!

We did say Ellie's body stopped working and that she was very sick and very old (no "went to sleep" etc). Alia asked if she will see Ellie again and I told her Ellie is up in the stars, and that if she looks up to the stars she can send Ellie her thoughts and love. We're not religious, so I wanted to stay away from heaven references, but this seems to appease Alia.

I know my DD is older then your DS, but some of what we went through might help. I actually was very worried about DD's response and she handled it much better (quite well in fact) then I ever dreamed. I'd say get through your emotions first and then tell DS without being very emotional. DH was pretty matter of fact and DD was the same. Yes, we're sad and we can cry, but Ellie isn't hurting anymore...etc.

I'm so sorry for your impending loss - it's so hard to lose a pet, especially when you know they aren't just a part of your life, they are a part of your children's lives too.

Michelle
Michelle
Mom to Alia born 5/16/02 and the GIRL! peanut due 8/13/05

[zuzu]

I don't have any advice for you, but wanted to let you know how sorry I am that you're going through this. I fear we will soon have to say goodbye to one of our kitties and the support and advice you've received will surely help us too. Thanks.

Big, big hugs to you and your family.

Melissa, mom to Sarah (5/03)

[hjdong]

We are in the process of preparing our son for this eventuality as well, although we're hoping for 6 months-year. We got the book "I'll always love you." Each time we read it, he seems to understand a little more. At the very least, he gets that the dog goes away and the family is very sad.

Good luck. It's really hard to have to make this decision for an animal It's so much harder once a little one is involved.

Take care,

[amp]

Lori - I got choked up reading your post. I'm sorry about your dog, and FWIW, I think you handled her passing beautifully. Colin is a lucky boy to have had her in his life, and to have you guys to look out for him and make is easier.

[amp]

I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry you're going through this. We had to euthanize our cat when I was pg w/ Jacob and it was excruciating for me! I also know that the time is fast approaching when we will be saying goodbye to our 18.5 yr old cat, who Jacob knows and loves. I'm sure it will be difficult.

[murpheyblue]

No additionla advice to offer but I wanted to say how sorry I am for your having to go through this.

(((hugs)))