Babysitting....need honest opinions

[Judegirl]

I didn't want to hijack Usha's thread, but I've been worrying about this also for awhile now.

Dd is almost 14 months old, and has been left in the care of MIL twice (for a few hours each time) and with friends (there are two) four times (once when she was 4 months old while we took a CPR class, but other than that never more than a couple of hours, and usually after she was in bed.)

I joined sitter.com months ago but haven't found the time - or maybe the guts -to go through with interviewing. We know no one in our area except the two aforementioned friends, both of whom are young, childless, extremely busy, and inexperienced with children.

Dh and I could probably use some time together (but that's a whole different thread...) but is this too long to have gone without child care for other reasons? Are we setting her up for adjustment or social problems because one of us is almost always with her? She sees a lot of other people and goes to a lot of other places...but she's very, very rarely without both of us.

So do we need to make it a priority? Or can we just keep drifting along like this? Neither of us feels ready to leave her with a stranger in NYC.

Thanks in advance for any opinions,
Jude

[papal]

>>Are we setting her up for adjustment or social problems because one of us is almost always with her?

My answer, from my gut, is NO.
For us, unless Leela is able to express her feelings, or what happened when the sitter was there, we won't leave her with a sitter. If she is sleeping, then we will, but not when she is awake.. we have no guts. My mom always tells me, it is just 4-5 years of your life.. after that, you will get more free time! I think she does not want me to leave Leela with a sitter either.

[muskiesusan]

No. Just a few weeks ago I started using a girl from sittercity once a week during the day, and it is the first time that Alex has been left with anyone. I never felt like I needed to leave Nick at this age, but with two and a travelling DH, I felt I needed a break, lol. But even with her, I am still in and out throughout the day and combine that with naps, Alex probably only gets a few hours with the sitter.

Before this, Nick has only been left with someone other than us a handful of times, and he has had no problems with him being with the sitter we use now. Any social problems he may have are personality related, not b/c of a lack of a sitter.

I think you are doing fine. We also would just go out after he went to bed, and since our kids go to bed early, we didn't have a choice really, since we wouldn't go out before 7 anyway.

Susan
Mom to Nick 10/01
& Alex 04/04

[lizamann]

No way no how do I believe that you are setting her up for social problems by staying with her 24-7! That said, there are plenty of great babysitters out there, so if you ever feel like you and dh do need the time for yourselves, then it's worth interviewing a couple of sitters. Just check those references and go with your gut. But do it for yourself, and not for dd's "socialization."

[kensjen]

No, you are fine. I do not think that you are setting up for any adjustment problems at all, in fact, I am sure your DD is a very well adjusted little girl for having such attentive parents.

I also will not leave DS with a babysitter yet, not until I feel like he can tell me what happens when I am away. That is just me, I am not saying that is the right thing to do. I think since I don't have any family around, that it is even harder for me to leave DS. He has only stayed with my parents on a few occasions, when they were here or we were there. That always goes well, but of course I trust them and know that they love him as much as I do. :) It is hard for me to find someone else that I would feel the same way about.

I think every parent has a time when they feel comfortable leaving their child. For some of us, it is a bit longer than others. I just know that right now I would not have fun even if I did go out, because I would worry about Jonah.

DH has been trying to get me to interview some sitters. He would like for me to have a few hours to myself a couple of times a week, to do errands, get a haircut, whatever. And I appreciate that, but not sure I am ready. It sounds wonderful in theory, but to actually do it...I don't know. But I think it will come sooner now that we are expecting #2.

[Moneypenny]

Well, if your DD is going to have social problems then mine is, too. She was with my mom for an hour when I went to my 2-week post partum checkup, with my mom for an hour when DH (a SAHD) went to the dentist, and asleep in her crib with my mom in the living room while DH and I went to dinner. So, at 10 months she's spent 2 waking hours not with DH or I, and there's no time soon we're going to change that. My mom and dad never left my brother and I until we were 4 or 5 and we're both pretty well adjusted (if I do say so myself ;)).
Susan
DD - Avery, born 8/5/04

[amp]

We've rarely left DS, who is now 2. I could count on one hand the number of times we've left him w/ my parents or our friends/neighbors. He's only ever been left with those 2 sets of people. Then again, maybe I shouldn't be answering this....I'm a bit neurotic and now Jake is reluctant to stay with anyone else! But I figure the older he gets, the better chance he has of telling someone what he wants, rather than tantruming and having that person freak out at him, or of him telling me if something went wrong.

[amp]

Rashmi - You little sneak! I imagine there's a thread outing you on here, but I haven't seen it yet, so Congratulations! I'm thrilled for you!