Would you unsincerely compliment somebody on their baby?

[ralu]

Would you say that a baby is beautiful if you thought otherwise? I guess it's a natural follow up on the other poll about babies being found beautiful by their parents. I have to confess I occasionally said that a baby is "so cute" or something along that line, even if I did not think so. My "excuse" is that (esp. when DS was a newborn) I was so thrilled when somebody told us that DS is beautiful, that I wanted to make other people happy too (of course, it can be analyzed a little more and turned around into just a selfish desire to please).

I guess my post is also a question about how seriously you should take somebody else's comments on the looks of your child.

Raluca

[ktdid74]

I have to laugh about this one! My DD was so ugly when she was born- She had tons of stork bites, a wrinkly forehead, awful skin, etc. Of course I loved her instantly and thought she was still beautiful but looking back at her pics... boy, she wasn't one of those Gerber babies at all :) People would stay she's gorgeous but I know they were just being kind and that's totally ok! I work in L&D and I see tons of stunning babies and some very, well, unstunning babies ;) I always point out a feature like eyes or dimples, cute feet, etc.

[miki]

I confess! I have never been the sort of person who thinks all babies are cute. Even though I now have a baby, I still don't think they are all cute. And I have never been the sort of person to say nice things just to save feelings. I don't go around telling people that I don't think their babies are gorgeous. To skirt the issue, I usually say something like, "Hey, she has your eyes," or "Wow, he's got so much hair already," and those comments are received as compliments anyway.

Now you all know my secret!

[redhookmom]

I quite honestly think all babies and toddlers are gorgeous. About kindergarten is when my Mama goggles seem to come off.

[dr mom]

I've seen my share of babies, and I definitely think some are cuter than others - but why on earth would you ever say anything negative to a sleep-deprived, stressed-out new mom?

When I see kids in the office, I always tell parents that their children are beautiful, but I also personalize the compliment by finding something to praise about every child. "He's so alert" "She's really strong" etc. (I try to find something about Mom to compliment too if I can - geez, I felt so unattractive and exhausted after birth, one good compliment could make my whole day!)

In my experience c-section babies are generally prettier than those who are fresh from the birth canal (no coneheads or bruising) but only for the first couple of days. (No flames please - of course I don't mean to imply that YOUR baby wasn't perfectly lovely at birth, I meant all those OTHER babies out there, LOL!) ;)

[amp]

More often than not, I would try to find something else to compliment, like others said, but sometimes there's nothing else to say other than that their kid is adorable!

[Judegirl]

No, I would not. I might call her darling, or I might say something like "Well, look at YOU! Hi, sweetie!" But I would never say that a baby was cute that wasn't. And I've seen plenty of homely babies!

Jude

[Wife_and_mommy]

This is exactly what I was talking about! It'd be rude to say anything derogatory so I find something nice to say. Everyone has a nice feature to compliment.

On a related note: I took dd to see my grandmother 3 WEEKS POSTPARTUM and her live-in boyfriend says to me: "Man, are you FAT!". I chalk it up to a cultural thing since my family is Cuban. They always comment fat/skinny...you're never just right. I wonder what goes through their minds as they comment on others with no regard for their feelings. All I can do is chalk it up to not having learned manners as children. These are 50/60 year old people here. Even my 90-something year old grandparents!

Sorry this turned into a bitch but it's something that bugs the heck out of me. I expect people(the normal ones, anyway ;) ) to say we all look fabulous within five minutes of childbirth. It's called common courtesy.


Elizabeth

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif[/img][/url]

Our second morsel due early February 2006!

[Mommy_Again]

I tried posting this on the other thread but could never make it sound right.

ALL babies are cute; it is just the nature of being a baby. Little tiny cuddling things are cute, no matter what their features are. But not all babies are beautiful; in fact, I have seen some pretty ugly ones out there (sorry, but it's the truth).

So I feel like I could tell someone their baby was cute and be telling the truth, even though I didn't necessarily feel the baby was beautiful (i.e. Gerber baby).

[ribbit1019]

ITA. Not all babies are beautiful. DD was not a beautiful newborn. She looked like a little old man! And I am mom! lol But boy was she cute! Small and cuddly....

To this day I wonder if people are just being nice when they say that DD is cute/beautiful. What matters is what I think. And to me and DH at least, she is the most beautiful angel to ever grace the earth with her presence.

Christy
Maddy aka "Diggle"

Maddy says "Uh-oh and OOOoooOOO!"

http://lilypie.com/baby2/040609/3/4/0/-5/.png

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif

[drsweetie]

I wouldn't say anything I didn't believe to be true, but I agree with previous posters who've said that they try to find something nice to say about the baby regardless: "Look at those kissable cheeks!" "Aren't you a sweetie pie!" etc.

Ellen

[lizamann]

I'm a horriffic liar, so no. But I do in fact think that most babies are adorable, if not beautiful, and I usually say something specific if I can't in all honestly say it's beautiful.

[June Mommy]

I agree with the others. If I don't think a baby is beautiful, I don't gush on about their looks. I do find something to say, though, like "he is so precious" or "look at all that hair!" That way, I don't feel like I am lying! And I definitely wouldn't go out of my way to make a comment, only if placed in the situation, if that makes sense.

[aliceinwonderland]

I'd find something nice to say about the baby, but I would not say "beautiful" if they were not so.

e.

[psophia17]

I con't usually comment on a baby's appearance - my goal is always to get to hold the baby, and begging to do so generally makes the Mama of said baby know how great I think said baby is...

Seriously, my Mom does the same thing - no talking, just holding :)

[Emmas Mom]

I'm totally with you on this one Elizabeth. I think you can always find SOMETHING to compliment someone on. My husbands 91 year old grandmother lives with us & she has always told her grandkids (she has 2 that have children) that she really dislikes her great-grandchildren's names. I'm always hearing how much we'll regret naming our DD Emma because it's such an "old fashioned" name. Now, I KNOW she loves Emma but it always bugs me when she says that. Although I'm better about it now. I know this has nothing to do with her looks but I figured it's sort of similar. I just roll my eyes & keep thinking she's 91 I guess she's entitled to say whatever she wants to at her age. My husband also has a cousin, who is a little boy by now, & he really isn't a handsome boy. However, when he was a baby my DH would always try to find something nice to say....pretty blue eyes or cherubic cheeks. ITA....common courtesy. :)

[kath68]

I haven't read the other responses on purpose, but it is a little more complicated than yes or no for me (I voted nope).

I am in the camp of "all babies are beautiful" -- sort of. All babies have something wonderful you can say about them. There are some funny looking (IMO) babies at day care, but they all have good some feature that stands out. So I usually say something like "Wow, what an intelligent face!" or "Those cheeks are really wonderful!"

I always liked it when Charlie got a specific compliment, so I try to do that for babies I see. I wouldn't just say "what a beautiful baby!" if I didn't mean it. I am a horrible liar, and I am afraid it would ring untrue. But there are plenty of other nice things to say.

This thread reminds me of Seinfeld "That's *some* baby...."

[McQ]

Wen - I do the exact same thing!

Allison
~ mama to Declan and Meghan

[MelissaTC]

I love that episode of Seinfeld. "Your baby is breathtaking"...LOL...they just showed it a couple of weeks ago via reruns and DH & I couldn't stop laughing!

[mudder17]

Well, I voted yes, but it's not entirely true. I always find something positive to say about a baby so I can be sincere in my compliments. Somehow I feel like if I was lying, they would see right through it and feel worse. So like some of you, I'd say something like, "Oh look at the cute little baby feet and fingers, or cute baby cheeks or wow, those eyes look just like Daddy's, etc."


Eileen

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/candle.gif

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif , 15 months & counting
Kaya's cousin, due October 9th!!!

[ilovetivo]

Great reminder ladies about finding something to compliment. My problem is after people comment about dd, I say thanks and don't know what to say back. I don't want to sound like I'm only saying something b/c they did...like "you're baby is so cute too!" :)
Half the time, I'm so brain dead I forget to comment at all about someone else's child. I feel so terrible when I realize it. It's almost 6 months and I'm still such a mush-head.

[C99]

Wen,

I usually say, "Wow! Look at all that hair!" when I can't think of anything nice to say. So all those comments that I got about Rose's hair made me wonder...

[deborah_r]

OK, now I'm getting a complex! We heard lots about hair when Kai was an infant. :(

[deborah_r]

I am so with you on this point. If people ask a question about Kai forst, then I feel like if I ask about their child they will think I am just doing it because they did!

[C99]

But Kai really IS cute, Deborah!

[Melanie]

No, but I would probably find something nice to say. I.e. "Look at those adorable little feet! I love baby feet!" or "what gorgeous eyes he has."

[Vajrastorm]

No, I don't lie about babies.

I don't find all babies cute. I didn't find that dd was always cute. LOL. She went through a short ugly phase, in fact. I have the pictures to prove it. :D

On the other hand, I would NEVER say something rude about a baby. How awful!

I don't see why we need to focus on looks so much. I usually focus on congratulationg the parents and sharing in the joy and excitement of a new little person. Even with the cute babies. Cute is cute, but what *really* matters is how amazing new life is.

[Melanie]

Whatever you do, just don't call the baby "breathtaking." LOL. (Seinfeld reference, you know)

[JLiebCamm]

Kai is gorgeous. And I DON'T call a baby cute if it's not. I can't bring myself to do it!