Going back to work - so, so hard.

[Sillygirl]

I knew this was going to be hard but now that it's here I am struggling so much. The nanny started coming this week to give us a full week and a half to get Jonathan used to her while I'm still here. He generally is pretty good with strangers and at family parties he gets passed around without any complaint or anxiety. I think he must be picking up on my stress because he wails and reaches out to me if I leave the room or even if the nanny picks him up while I'm there.

We're also struggling with naptime. I just got in the habit of holding him while he naps and so last month, when I started to try to get him to nap in his crib, he starts to cry the instant I lay him down, even if he was in a sound sleep in my arms. I tried letting him cry but he always outlasted me. We've been trying again this week - the nanny will have another child to watch along with Jonathan so she can't hold him every day. Jonathan WON'T go to sleep and cries for up to ninety minutes.

The more upset and stressed I get about this, the more he's going to pick up and that. I don't have the option of going back less than full time starting next week. I'm so sad that my happy little guy is looking so unhappy most of the time and I don't know what to do. Now I'm upstairs hiding out in the office and crying because I wanted to give him some time to settle down and start playing with the nanny.

Thanks if you've read all this. I feel so lost and sad.

[octmom]

Oh, Katie. I have been in your shoes and it is very hard. When I was on maternity leave, Sean always napped in my arms or in the Baby Bjorn. He did have a tough time when I first went back to work, but it passed. The teachers in his first classroom at daycare swaddled him and put him in a swing for naps, as it was the only thing that worked for a while. Sean was younger than Jonathan is now, and I have seen in person how adorably healthy and chubby (meant in the BEST possible way-- I LOVE chubby babies!) he is, so I am not sure if a swing would work or is he might be too big for the nanny to be comfortable trying in a Bjorn or a carrier/ sling of some sort.

FWIW, I do think children pick up on their parents' anxiety. In my limited experience with my own child and observing his peers at daycare, the kids often do better than expected once the parents are not right there. I see lots of kids have a rough time with daycare dropoff and then witness them having a ball a few minutes after their parents leave the room.

This transition will not be easy, but it will get easier once you are all in a routine. Good luck with your return to work next week! Be sure to keep a couple of pics of Jonathan in your bag (and one in your pump bag!) so you can sneak a peek at your adorable little boy during the day.

Jerilyn
DS, Sean 10/03

"Baby makes days shorter, nights longer, home happier, and love stronger."

[ribbit1019]

I know how hard it is to leave your little one. I still struggle with it everyday and I have been back to work for 9 months! Though I know that isn't encouraging, I want to commiserate.
I hate leaving and saying bye because I know she is going to cry. So though all the books say not to, I try to slip out the door while she is preoccupied. MIL/My Mom (daytime care givers for us) always say that she is fine after I leave no matter what the circumstances. i.e. watches me leave and cries or is preoccupied/sleeping when I go.
I miss my baby all the time and most would think I am crazy for having 20 pictures of her at my desk, but it helps. I call often too, it is hard not to be there. But we have to do what we have to do....
Hang in there, and big hugs to you!

Christy
Maddy aka "Diggle"

Maddy says "Uh-oh and OOOoooOOO!"

http://lilypie.com/baby2/040609/3/4/0/-5/.png

http://www.gynosaur.com/assets/ribbons/ribbon_gold_12m.gif

[kensjen]

I haven't been in your situation yet, but I wanted to send you some ((((HUGS)))). This has to be such a hard time for you. I understand why you are so sad and upset, but you are right....your DS is most likely picking up on that stress. It will be a hard transition for him as well, but he will get used to it, too. Keep going upstairs to cry if you need to, I know I would! Allow yourself some time to get used to this...and the same for Jonathan. This is totally new to him, and will disrupt his schedule for a bit. But he will be fine.

You both will really enjoy your evenings together and weekends...and he will still be that happy little guy. Change is hard, but you guys will make it.

Hang in there mama, we are here for you. :)

[Emmas Mom]

I went back to work when my DD was 3 months & it was so hard. :( I was tired & irritable from being up with her during the night, I didn't want to work...I just wanted to sleep & be with my DD. Even though I LOVE our daycare provider & knew she was in a great environment, it was awful for me. But it DOES get better! Your DS will still love you & still know you're his Mommy. I think I was (and still am) very possessive of my time with my DD because I work. Once you make the transition & he gets into his routine with your nanny, you'll see. You CAN do it. Hang in there!!! Big hugs to you.

[kath68]

As PP's said, it will get better. I just checked the age of your DS (8 months-ish?) -- you are probably right in the middle of the worst of separation anxiety, which would happen if you went to work or not. Going to work just makes it more excruciating for both parties. Most definitely a stage he will pass through, though. He will bond with the nanny, and figure out that you come back when you leave. He will also figure out how to get the nap he needs while you are away. I promise!

I am sorry you have to go through this. Working away from your child is hard enough. But, keep in mind you are doing what you have to do to take care of your family.

[Sillygirl]

Thanks, Jerilyn. And of course I know you are complimenting Jonathan by calling him chubby. I get so many comments about my chunkamuffin's round cheeks and chunky thighs that I have made it a policy to consider all such comments as compliments.

I stayed out of sight most of the morning and Jonathan did better. He was laughing with the nanny and when I peeked around the corner I saw him give her a big drooly kiss on the cheek. Afternoon naptime was still a disaster, though. He cried for ninety minutes and then finally fell asleep for twenty. We had some nice playtime this evening, though.

Maybe I'll take off for Short Pump tomorrow and do a little retail therapy.

[JLiebCamm]

I know how tough it is. I've been through it twice now and it was even worse the second time. The good news is that I think the anticipation of going back to work is much worse than actually being there. I was much more depressed my last week of maternity leave than my first weeks back at work. It really does get easier! Surround yourself with support from other working mothers. It helps to know that you are not alone!