My baby wants to co-sleep!

[buddyleebaby]

She is breaking my heart!
She was nothing to do with her bassinet, nothing to do with her crib.
She is only happy in the bed between dh and I.
I would LOVE to co-sleep but my husband is a VERY deep sleeper and I just don't think it would be safe.
So I bring her to the bed for her night time feedings and snuggle with her for as long as I can stay awake, but then it's back in the bassinet. She wakes up and looks so betrayed. Then she cries. Then I cry.
I've tried swaddling her, and using a sleep positioner, and sleeping with my hand in her bassinet. She cries until I bring her back into the bed.
This is upsetting me so much that my dh has actually offered to sleep on the floor so I can sleep in the bed with dd, but I don't want him to do that.
As of now we just stay awake most of the night then sleep together in the bed when dh is at work, but that has to stop because we obviously can't stay nocturnal.
If you got this far, thanks for listening. Maybe this belonged in the bitching post but it didn't feel like a bitch. It just makes me so SAD.

[daisymommy]

Most people who cosleep (and Dr. Sears who is a huge cosleeping advocate)--will tell you that cosleeping is safest when the baby is NOT between mom and dad anyway, but on the opposite side of mom. You need to get a bed rail or cosleeper attachment to go on you open bedside so she can't roll out onto the floor.

We coslept with Joshua till he was nearly a year old, and it was one of the best things we could have done for our family. He and I slept better, feedings were easier, and anytime he cried out in his sleep I could pat and soothe him without trudging down the hall in the cold of night. I was so comfy cozy to snuggle up with my babe all night long! :)

We started out with the Graco Triad cosleeper/bassinet attached to my side of the bed, and loved it. When Joshua outgrew that we bought the Arms Reach Cosleeper, and loved it too. If we had known we would have loved cosleeping so much, we would have bought the Arms Reach fromn the very beginning. It is more $$ though, but well worth it. If you think you only want something short term, go for the Graco one, since it's under $100, or just use a bed rail that's tight and secure. There are bed roll pillow too for this very purpose that are under $50, but I cannot think of the name right now. I'll Rachel knows what I'm talking about :) There's the Snug Tuck, and one other one.

Good Luck, and enjoy this close time with your baby. They are only little for so long, and then one day in the blink of an eye, they don't want to snuggle you close anymore, they are off having adventures, and feeling very independent and grown up. Then you are the one chasing after them for hugs and snuggles!

[marchmommy]

Don't be sad! My take on it is to go ahead and co-sleep for now. Especially if DH isn't against it.

My DS, now 27 months, wanted to co-sleep when he was a little baby, and for about the first 9 months. Eventually he outgrew the need to do it the whole night--the downside is that right now he usually needs me to lie with him for him to fall asleep. But then he sleeps by himself for the whole night. Then sometimes when he wakes up in the morning, he likes to snuggle. He's just a big snuggler. My DD, now almost 8 months, needed to sleep with me for the first three months--that's just how she slept best. And I just loved cuddling like that! But once she hit about 3-4 months, I put her in the crib to sleep and she immediately adapted to that and now she will not sleep next to me, even when I have tried it a couple of times--she needs her space!! She is now a really good sleeper. What I did for safety was when I co-slept, I put my arm around the baby to protect her/him, so the baby either slept right on top of my chest when real little, or in the crook of my arm right next to me, while I slept on my back. My DH slept in the bed most of the time, but just stayed on his side ( we have a king). Also, like the pp, I kept the baby on the side away from DH.

To me, it sounds like your baby was like both of mine and it felt like I was going against a force of nature to force them to sleep alone in those first few months--so just enjoy the snuggling. Maybe put a rail on your side of the bed so baby won't fall out- on your side. I actually didn't do this, just held the baby tight with my arm, but it's a good idea to do this! Good luck! Keep me posted!

[Marisa6826]

A few thoughts.

First, how hard is the mattress in the bassinette? Mia slept fine in her Moses basket, but when I moved her into a cradle on loan from a friend, she hated it. I put the little Moses pad on top and she's fine now.

Second, try putting one of your worn t-shirts under the baby. She will smell you and it will comfort her.

Third, try putting a warm heating pad in her bassinette for a little bit before you're ready to put her in. It will be warm and toasty and less likely wake her. Just remember to take the heating pad out ;).

Good luck

-m

[Vajrastorm]

We were accidental cosleepers. :) Dd refused to sleep unless she was touching one of us. We had an Arm's Reach cosleeper. Not good enough. WE had planned on moving her to our carefully selected crib at 3 months old. Ha!

She knew exactly where she wanted to be, and I couldn't blame her.

You can push your bed up against a wall, put a towel or blanket in the crack, and have her sleep between you and the wall.

My advice is to take your cues from the baby. Obviously, colseeping is very important to her. She'll only be little for so long.

[DebbieJ]

What about using a Snuggle Nest? http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00005BYE5/002-6931022-5068863?v=glance

My ds is still a cosleeper and I love it.

~ deb
DS 12/03
And a niece or nephew arriving in early August!

http://www.windsorpeak.com/dc/user_files/10029.gif

[brigmaman]

You know, I could have written this post when my ds was very young. I stressed so much trying to get him to sleep anywhere but our bed. He just needed to be with us. (Actually he still comes into our bed and we love it.) Life got so much easier when I realized (only with #2, my dd) that it was OK to have baby in bed with us and accepted that that is what worked for us. With ds, I fought it and was so unhappy trying to keep up with the expectations of others. Ironically, it is my ds who still loves to be in bed with us (he's 2) and my dd (7 months) now prefers to sleep in her crib and even falls asleep on her own. I think you just have to follow your babe's cues. You'll be a lot happier once you do so!
As for the logistics, I have never tried the snugglenest, but it looks like it might be a good idea. We had a king bed and before dd and ds could roll over, they slept on the outside of me.
Let us know how things work out!

[JLiebCamm]

We coslept during the first year with both of my kids. The second time around we bought the Arm's Reach co-sleeper and it has made things MUCH easier on both me and DH. Even if DD is not in the co-sleeper I don't have to worry about her falling on the floor (which did happen to DS once) because it protects that side of the bed. They're somewhat expensive but have great resale if you look on Ebay.

[dr mom]

Sometimes, babies know what they need better than the "experts" do.

If your DD wants to co-sleep, then adapt your bed so that you can do it safely. Most attachment parenting advocates (including Dr. Sears) recommend keeping infants between Mom and a wall or bedrail, not between Mom and Dad. Our bed is in the middle of the bedroom and it wasn't practical to move it, so we got a bedrail for $20 at TRU and DS slept there, either in the crook of my arm or nestled in a warm little bundle on my chest.

I totally understand your dilemma - we were accidental co-sleepers too. I had a newborn who would NOT sleep at all unless he was in my arms; we tried the heating pad, Mom's t-shirt, white noise, and the softest warm flannel sheets, all to no avail. In the end, I needed the sleep more than I "needed" him to sleep in his crib!

Don't feel guilty about allowing your baby to get her needs met, even if it means doing things a little differently than your friends. You can co-sleep safely, and you'll ALL feel better when you're getting a decent night's sleep. :)

[hez]

We were accidental co-sleepers, too. Payton spent a long time sleeping nestled in the crook of my arm or on my chest. I learned to sleep very well that way. I had a bassinet next to the bed early on, but we learned quickly that he slept better (aka longer) with us than just near us.

Next baby we'll probably invest in an arm's reach cosleeper or something similar to make it a little easier on us, but otherwise, neither of us really regrets the decision to let the accident stay permanent. In fact, DH still gets up and gets Payton when he wakes up (between 2 & 4) so we can all have cuddle time :)

[bcky2]

i co-sleep with my older ds (younger one wants nothing to do with it) and i love it :) with a little baby i would push the bed up against the wall and sleep with the baby between me and the wall and have dh on the other side. that is great that your dh is willing to do this. if you like i know of a great group of mamas that co-sleep and i can give you the link if you like, just pm me :)

i also think they make something that goes on the side of your bed for a little one, im not sure of all the info as i never used one.

[Melanie]

Can you put your bed against a wall, get a bed rail or snug tuck so the baby is next to you and you are in the middle?

[pritchettzoo]

We were unintentional cosleepers too. We actually put the mattress straight on the floor to make it safer if DD rolled out. You can get a Snug Tuck http://www.snugtuckpillow.com/ (there was a 10% off coupon) or just use a pool noodle under your fitted sheet (especially if your mattress is on the floor). If she's between you and the Snug Tuck or pool noodle, your DH can do whatever he wants on his side and not worry about the baby.

Anna
Mama to Gracie (Sept '03)
and a BOY! (coming July '05)

[barbarhow]

Anna is another accidental cosleeper. I have the same problem with a very sound sleeping DH and a very lightsleeping me. I spent most of the night worried about her and wasn't sleeping. Also worrying everytime she peeped that DH would wake up and I really needed him rested to cope with Jack. I moved into Anna's room with her. She has a full size bed in her room and it has been working great for us. I have found that in the last few nights she is content to sleep further and further from me allowing me to sleep better. I think that I have started to swaddle her is helping. I am now in the market for a miracle blanket and then I will try and get her into her crib. I miss DH. :-(
Do you swaddle?
Barbara-mom to Jack 3/27/03, a Red Sox fan
and Anna 5/12/05, my little Yankee fan!